Okay, today was the day. She couldn't put this off anymore. While Junko had been doing better, smiling more, laughing more, feeling happy, her thoughts still strayed to Seiji. The break up had been her decision, her choice, her doing, but that didn't make it hurt any less; she had hoped that it wouldn't hurt as much as it did because she was the one doing it, and because she did realize she was unhappy, but it still felt like she had ripped her own heart out of her chest and stomped on it in stiletto heels. Mac was right, it was so painful it felt like you were killing yourself. Every now and then she did question it. Had she made a mistake? Should she have just waited a little bit longer? What if his decision to stop being a hermit really did do the trick? But then how could he not know she was unhappy...even when he had told her he was visiting his parents he had been worried she would be upset. Why? Had Junko ever showed signs before that she would not approve of him visiting his own parents? She liked his parents, they had liked her as well..

And now they probably also hated her for what she had just don to their son. He had probably told them he was going to propose, got them all excited that the next time they saw her she would soon be their daughter-in-law. That hurt too, the fact that now the first parents she could call 'mom' and 'dad' and actually get love and attention from would now just hate her for hurting their son.

But Nuk had told her not to stress out over it. Some things just don't work out, and some things just end suddenly and messily. Junko had hoped it would be clean, a civil conversation that would end with them remaining friends. That had not been it at all. Her and Lizzy had promised themselves and each other they would move on, live happy, healthy lives. She had promised she wouldn't let Lizzy hate herself..and yet here she was day after day being a hypocrite and hating herself.

Today she'd come to realize perhaps it was because she still had Seiji's stuff. It had all been packed into a large box, and whenever she saw said box she stopped and started to think. This was not moving on. She needed to let it go..

She had to let it go.

She still had the key to his room, she could probably just drop it off when he wasn't around. That would work.

Collecting the box up in her arms, Junko began what felt like the longest walk to the ghost dorms she had ever experienced. She had had to stop and hide at one point, watching with wide eyes as Seiji walked by her with a box. Seiji..

There he was. Right in front of her. Oh Jack...she hadn't seen him since that day. What if he saw her? He always seemed to know when she was around even when she was trying to sneak up on him. The only time he had not noticed her was..well..that one time.

And now this time. He continued walking, he didn't know she was there.

This...this was for the best.

Seiji didn't love her anymore. That was okay. That was what she deserved after what she'd done to him.

When Seiji returned that day he would find a large box in the old arm chair, a room key with a purple ribbon tied through the end of it and a piece of paper sitting on top of it.

Beejoux
Seiji,

I know nothing I say can make what I did to you better, no matter how many times I apologize or try to apologize it will never change the fact that I hurt you and myself. But I am sorry.

You asked how long I had been unhappy, and the truth is I don't know. At first I thought it was just annoyance over the fact that you wouldn't leave your room, or that every time I tried to get you to leave you would just distract me with sex. It probably started that way, I don't know. But I never stopped loving you despite my unhappiness.

I do blame myself. I know I'm not an innocent little martyr in any of this. Despite the fact that I knew pushing my feelings aside or distracting myself away with them wouldn't help I did it anyway, because I felt guilty. I felt bad. I was upset at myself. I put everything into the Student Council, into working, into doing other things to take everything off my mind. I thought that maybe if I didn't think about it I would forget it and find new reasons to be happy again. I made a mistake, and there is no way I can ever apologize enough to you. It was not a decision I had made lightly. I had weighed my options for weeks trying to think of what to do. I had thought of things to say, arguments to make, how I wished it could go. You know I don't articulate well when I'm upset, Seiji.

I do have questions about a few things you said to me that day, but I won't ask them. It's probably better I don't know.

If you hate me I would completely understand, and honestly I don't think I could fault you. I really did hope we could be friends...maybe someday when the hurt has lessened. You deserve a ghoul better than me, one who isn't weak and stupid, who handles problems better. I learned this that day, and I know you'll find that ghoul. I'm sorry I didn't end up being that ghoul...I wanted to be, I wanted to be that ghoul more than anything for a long time. Our entire relationship I felt like I was kidding myself thinking I was worthy of a boil as kind, gentle, sweet, tolerant, and understanding as you. You were too good to be true, and I think that's something that scared me. I was so scared something would happen to take you away from me that when you proposed to me I panicked, I gave in to weakness, and I threw everything away. Yes, I was going to do it had you not asked me to marry you anyway but...

I am so, so, so sorry.

I will always love you, Seiji, it's the truth even if you don't believe it. Should you ever need a friend, or just someone to talk to, I will be there for you should you call on me. I hope the best for you, and I hope maybe someday you can forgive me.

さようなら、私の最愛.


Inside the box was everything he had left in her room. But only the things he had left that belonged to him. No pictures, none of the trinkets he had given her, just..the clothes and his own possessions, and the key to his dorm room.