|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 Posted: Sat Apr 20, 2013 12:45 pm
(For the lulz. Happy 4/20.)
While the fans were wandering up and down the aisles, chattering and carrying the beverages and concessions provided in the outside lobby, the arena lights would suddenly cut out with the heavy click of dying floodlights. A moment after, the stage was painted in faint lights of blue and purple, the enriching hues catching hold and clinging to the air via the faint mist that now extended down the ramp. The audience was mystified, entranced by the charming allure of the lights and what they might foretell. Before they could grow too restless, a steady guitar riff would catch their attention, the infamously recognizable intro to "Eye of the Tiger".
As the cymbals crashed like cracks of thunder throughout the arena, white spotlights fired off from each side of the stage, showing the silhouette of Salem Croft on the center stage amidst the lights and smoke. However, Salem wasn't sporting the signature black cargos or wrist wraps that he was used to - instead, Salem stood before the audience in a pair of black leather pants with matching biker's jacket, the polished hide giving Salem a slick, carapace look to him. Each time the electric guitar punched the speakers, Salem made dramatic gestures on the stage, posing outlandishly for the amusement of the audience.
Finally, as the rhythm steadied into its march-like foundation, Salem strutted down the ramp as the lights rose back to normal. Finally, Salem could be fully seen, but the sight was one that brought a variety of cheers and laughter from the crowd. His black hair slicked back, save for a greasy lock that curled across his forehead, Salem had quite obviously glued a shaggy black piece of carpet to his chest to imitate real hair. Propped atop the pectoral rug was a gold medallion that glinted gaudily and blinded people along the first row as Salem swaggered into the ring, microphone in hand.
"Ey, yo! Salem said, trying on his most convincing Brooklyn guido accent. "Say 'ello to Da Bad Guy. Now I hea' deas a kitty cat prowlin' around, lookin' ta start a fight. Well, Cat in Da Hat, I ain't afraid a'no Tiger Lily. So come on out!"
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Apr 20, 2013 1:13 pm
The arena stood silent for a brief moment. Had Salem gone insane? Was he hallucinating? Perhaps he had taken one too many blows to the he- やった ~!
(Yatta!) A screeching shout bursts through the silence, a joyous Japanese cry. " Boy Be A Tiger" begins to play, and a man dressed in orange garb walks out onto the ramp. He has two very noticeable features... An orange striped tail, and a hat shaped like a tiger... the Tora No Boushi... the TIGER HAT! Tora-san slowly makes his way down to the ring, raising one arm as he looked over to his left, smiling warmly at the audience. He increases his pace to a quick jog, slapping the hands of the fans over the barricade. When he reaches the ring, he rolls under the bottom rope, pouncing to stand in the centre of the ring, raising his muscular arm once again. He begins to circle Salem, dancing around with a low spin. He bounces on his toes as he motions for a microphone...
"YATA!!"
He throws his arm up, jumping at the ropes, hyping himself up with the crowd's energy. They clap politely for the strange man before them.
"You - funny man - looking for trouble? Tiger Lily, kitty cat, HA! I am a true TIGER! If you looking for trouble, it found you! Beware my roar! TIGAH!"
Tora's English is stunted and broken, from years of being out of practice, but the rage in his eyes showed a ferocity that was beyond the barrier of words. He aggressively tosses the microphone over the top rope, it's thud as it lands below creating a sharp burst of static from the audio systems. Continuing to circle wildly, he retreats to a corner, in a low stance, waiting to pounce.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Apr 20, 2013 2:01 pm
Da Bad Guy watched drolly as Tiger pranced down the ramp and into the ring, his words failing to draw any sense of dread out from the leather-clad stud. Instead, he simply popped his collar cockily, flashing a cheesy smile to the hatted goofball as Tiger entered the ring...
...until Tiger started to dance.
The feline grace and nimbleness to Tiger's well-choreographed routine brought a pause to Da Bad Guy, his Indian complexion beading lightly with sweat as he tried to maintain his composure. Taking off his jacket and tossing it away, Bad Guy thought about the street battles for turf that he'd often had to take part in when defending the mean streets of Brooklyn. As Tiger backed into the corner, Da Bad Guy narrowed his brow and glared over toward Tiger while walking to the center of the ring. Standing there, Bad Guy knew he'd require all his experience from the streets to defeat the limber opponent presented to him.
Suddenly grasping his crotch, Bad Guy would turn his head down while kicking one leg into a point, reaching up to veil his face with his spare hand. Tapping his foot, Bad Guy would begin a rhythmic swing of his forearm from his face, down - snapping as he strutted forward in the manner of Michael Jackson.
Once to the ropes, Bad Guy would pace in place, drifting backward to the middle of the squared circle once again with a well-executed Moonwalk before pivoting into a spin, finishing the ensemble of dance moves with a dramatic kick towards Tiger's corner, gyrating his hand over his pelvis while thrusting a finger towards the orange warrior.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Apr 20, 2013 6:06 pm
Tiger bounced and he bounced as he waited in the corner. He gleefully watched Bad Guy dance, clapping along with his stellar routine. He laughed playfully as he finished his moonwalk. As he was watching the entire routine rather closely, he was startled when the kick was thrown his way. Deciding to continue this trend of epic dance debauchery, he quickly lunged toward the opponent, attempting to hook his right leg. From here, he would initiate two dances; he would spin Guy around, before trying to sweep his leg and push him to the floor in a violent tango.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Apr 20, 2013 11:59 pm
Da Bad Guy was putting on the dance of his life before Tiger so rudely charged forward, taking the greasy-haired guido off his feet with a takedown timed to perfection, executed in flamboyant fashion.
"Oof!" Bad Guy groaned as his side struck the canvas, quickly rolling over to the bottom rope to start getting back up to his feet. The referee stepping between them as Bad Guy grabbed the rope, the man in leather looked incredulously at Tiger as he staggered back to his feet.
"Ey, yo! Whatsadealwitat?!" He said angrily, pointing down to the mat where Tiger had taken him down. It appeared that Bad Guy was offended that Tiger had interrupted his dance, and wanted an apology as he stood propped up against the ropes.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Apr 21, 2013 8:43 am
Tiger raised his left arm in triumph after his successful move, to a delicate cheer from the audience who were watching everything unfold. He kept his arm high for a brief moment as Bad Guy let off a string of garbled words. Lowering his hand to his head, he looked perplexed, scratching behind an ear (on his hat, bizarrely enough). His initial response was a shrug.
"You dance, funny man. I dance hard!"
With a swing of his arms, Tiger Hat began to charge towards his enemy, hoping to gain enough momentum for a fierce dropkick to his chest, with the intent of pushing him out of the ring.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Apr 21, 2013 9:05 am
Da Bad Guy was defiant in his desire for recompense, but it appeared that Tiger had other plans in mind as the growling prowler bolted forward for a wild-armed Dropkick. Thinking quickly, Da Bad Guy would side-step the surging Tiger, lifting the top rope to try and create a hole for his opponent to fall to the outside through.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Apr 21, 2013 9:19 am
Tiger's dropkick launched him forwards... straight through the gap that had been made! Sliding through the ropes, he went down with a thud, landing outside the ring on his a**. He winced in pain, momentarily stunned, holding his jolted lower back with one arm, and ensuring his hat was secure with the other as he sat there.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Apr 21, 2013 9:26 am
Da Bad Guy laughed on with amusement as he watched Tiger dive hard from the ring, straight down onto the padded concrete of the arena floor. Taking a moment to spin slowly and mock the crowd, visibly pleased with himself, Bad Guy would turn back to the rousing Tiger, grasping the top rope to lean over it and jeer.
"An' here I thought cats landed on they feet!" he teased, hoping to get Tiger's attention as he pulled himself over the rope for a cross body splash to the outside.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Apr 21, 2013 9:34 am
Tiger cautiously began to stand, still holding his tender areas; the impact had truly hurt him, the floor's padding doing little to prevent damage from the fall. As he got to his feet, he heard Da Big Guy's further ramblings. Once again befuddled, Tiger turned to answer, only to be completely flattened by the man flying towards him. Back down to the ground he went, crashing hard against the thinly-veiled concrete, taking the full impact.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Apr 21, 2013 9:42 am
Getting up to his feet following the sensational splash, Da Bad Guy found himself standing between the ring and the announcers' table. Climbing atop it, Bad Guy would spread his arms and shake his hips, laughing as he watched Tiger writhe with pain below.
Turning back to look down at the commentators, Bad Guy would drop his silliness and point to himself, looking sternly at the two broadcasters.
"Ey, yo. You're gonna wanna write dis down." he said, seemingly completely oblivious to how their jobs as announcers worked before springing from the table, spinning an arm a few times in mid-air to build momentum for an elbow drop to Tiger's chest.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Apr 21, 2013 9:48 am
Tiger tried to pull himself up, but fell back down, unable to sustain the effort after taking the previous assault. Lying on the ground, staring holes into the ceiling, he took some deep breaths to try and speed his recovery.
However, this was all for nothing, as a brutal elbow drop from above took the breath out of him once more. Tiger sat up, the pain becoming unbearable, clutching one arm to his chest. He rolled onto his stomach, furiously punching the floor, trying to power through the pain and prevail. Tiger's heart was bruised, but not broken!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Apr 21, 2013 9:58 am
Though it was a stiff landing from the announcers' table to the floor, Tiger was kind enough to stay still just long enough to break Da Bad Guy's fall, causing the crowd to collectively gasp at the pain streaking through Tiger's face from the blow. Feeling confident as he got up to his feet, Bad Guy lifted the medallion and spun it around his neck, giving the crowd a cheesy smile before walking over to the gasping Tiger.
"Whassamadda, Kitty Cat? You don' look so good." Bad Guy taunted, crouching to speak to the man at eye-level. "Coffin' uppa hair ball? Here, lemme help ya wit dat."
Standing upright again, Bad Guy would bring the toe of one boot up hard, trying to kick Tiger in the gut while he was doubled over in pain, much to the fright of the crowd.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Apr 21, 2013 10:30 am
Tiger was kicked harshly in the gut, his now tense muscles doing little to dampen the ferocity of the blow. He was knocked harshly to the side, grimacing as the pain registered. Knowing he could not keep on taking these hits, he tried to lift himself to one knee, in an attempt to gain a slightly better, yet not advantageous, position.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Apr 21, 2013 10:39 am
Da Bad Guy was feeling it, but in a good way - not in the way that Tiger was feeling it as he lay clutching his chest in a heap at his feet. Shuffling his legs back and forth, Da Bad Guy backed up a couple steps while Tiger rose to a knee, provoking Da Bad Guy to run forward and go for The Mean Street Hustle - a Scissor Kick to the back of Tiger's head!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
