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Fiyah's Amazing Skyrim Adventure Diary OF MANLINESS!

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omgIisonfiyah

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PostPosted: Thu Apr 11, 2013 6:55 pm


You should have acted. They're already here.
The Elder scrolls told of their return.
Their defeat was merely a delay.
From the time after Oblivion opened.
When the sons of Skyrim would spill their own blood.
But no one wanted to believe. Believe they even existed.
And when the truth finally dawns, it dawns in fire.
But there is one they fear.
In their tongue, he is Dovahkiin - Dragonborn!


((Fair warning, this will probably contain spoilers for anyone who hasn't played this game at all. Also note that while I'm telling this story, I'll be referring to my Game Character in the third person, like it's not me telling this story.))

The carriage rode through the cold day to the keep of Helgen. It was this little shithole stain on the map of Skyrim, a map Fiyah did not have on him as he was carted away in chains. His attempts at conversation met with failure, whether he tried to convince the guards he was an all powerful genie, tried telling jokes, singing off-key versions of Ke$ha songs or just plain bothering (the last attempt got him a Knuckle Sandwich) no one felt like talking. Which sucked, because there wasn't a whole lot to do as a prisoner. Damn Mexicans have all the luck. Fiyah thought bitterly. One time! Just one f@#king time he tried to illegally cross the border! But no~o, neither the Gods or Daedra would have it. And then there was this douche in front of him who did nothing but speak muffle! Then again, the dude was gagged, but Fiyah figured he'd been caught doing something naughty illegally or whatever, he didn't know the laws, he could make several educated guesses, after all, he was sure Skyrim wouldn't be able to function if everyone was going around murdering, raping and stealing. "That would be so cool." Fiyah said and noticed they were getting close to the fort. Minutes later they were getting loaded off the cart. "Sooooo, when's lunch?" Fiyah asked, stretching a little before getting punched again. "Douche-fountain." Fiyah grumbled as the guard grunted for him to state his name. Fiyah did as he was told and was shuffled out with the rest of the degenerates in the Party Cart with him. He figured he'd spend a few days in jail or something then go free, but then, some asshat said to just kill him with the rest. "Oh come on! I don't even know these guys!" He protested, but they wouldn't hear it, or couldn't, it always felt like his opinions were ignored most of the time. Then the head honcho went on about how Gag-man started a war that f@#ked everything up and how he'd pay for blowing the King up with his voice and-wait, WHAT? His voice?! Seriously, I didn't know that was a thing. Wow, oh yeah, the chopping block. Well, time to get decapitated by some sweaty fat dude with no shirt and-IS THAT A DRAGON?! A MOTHERF@#KING DRAGON?!!?!?!
PostPosted: Sat Apr 13, 2013 11:34 am


Fiyah continued screaming in terror as the dragon began attacking. It wasn't until it was in front of him before he took off running, taking a shelter in a nearby tower as Gag-man was freed by some homeboys of his. "Yo, a little help here?" Fiyah asked as the dudes cut him loose too. "And now I'm getting the hell out of here." He said as the dragon continued its rampage.

After a few minutes of sneaking around and following one of those Imperial Dudes into the keep, Fiyah was able to breathe easy for a few minutes before the guy said something about escaping the town through the keep. He told Fiyah to look around for some armor and weapons to protect himself with before the twosome proceeded down into the dungeons. Then the guide dude said something about Stormcloaks and how they were bad and immediately started fighting them. Fiyah had nothing else to do so he started fighting too. Soon after, the guys were dead, stripped of valuables and left to rot. The rest of the trek was fairly simple, check chests and bodies for loot, fight stuff and proceed, it was so simple, it felt like a five-year-old could do it.

omgIisonfiyah

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