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Micah should have called. Or at least written. Once or twice at the very minimum. Well, what she really should have done was tell Millie where she was going. She shouldn't have gone off the map for that long. Granted, it wasn't really her fault but... but...

But nothing.

Micah's chest constricted painfully as she trudged through the slosh of melting snow and rain. She was the worst padawan. Worse than Anikan. Worse than Jason (she'd done a little reading while she was away; her own little way of privately staying close to Millie). Worse than any padawan before her. She'd threatened Millie with crossing over to the darkside and then said that if Micah didn't destroy herself, Millie would have to put her padawan down. And then she vanished. Micah was just gone for over half a year. For all Millie knew, Micah had turned dark side. She was lost forever in a sea of mirrors because she was such a damn ******** child that she could not keep a lid on her own temper.

Not just the worst padawan. Micah was the worst person ever. She was muck. She was slime. She was the lowest of the low.

More nights than not, the memory of Millie's face woke Micah out of her sleep. Turning away from her like Micah had asked, leaving her to her own devices because Millie was smart and kind and knew that the biggest torture she could do to Micah in that moment was to hang on and cling. And when she wasn't waking up to that, Micah was waking up to the screams of her fallen comrades from that far off meeting; it felt so much like a dream now.

She turned a corner and there loomed Millie's home, safe and secure in it's little plot. It seemed to unassuming. And Micah was about to drop a bomb shell on it. Surprise Millie. I'm not dead. Or dark. Just in Scotland. Sorry about that. It wasn't like she popped off for a week. Almost a year. A whole ******** year, and maybe Millie was finally over it, and coming back would open up all those old wounds...

But seeing Micah by chance in town would be worse for Millie. If Micah didn't tell her that she was back... there would be hell to pay. It was only that thought that made her knock when she reached the door.

Micah knew indifference was worse pain than rage, but did Millie? If she didn't than she had done a damn good job guessing. The red-head flinched at the lack of any sort of feeling in the younger girl -- woman, Micah reminded herself. Millie was as much an adult as Micah was. For a moment, Micah nursed her wound, taking a small step back and staring intently at the door jam. But just a second. She recovered after that and offered her master a small smile, tucking a wild curl behind her ear.

"That's all your wayward padawan gets," she finally creaked, her new, Scottish accent adding music to her words. "What's up? I wasn’t really expected tears of joy but… something might be nice.”

A few frantic shrugs and Micah went back to staring at the door jam.

“I want to take you out, Master. Maybe get some ice cream or cake. My treat. I can explain myself then, you know?” It’s not what you think. I haven’t gone dark. Did Millie know that corrupted senshi lost their identities? God, the worst things Millie could do, she was doing to Micah now. And Micah wasn’t even angry at her. Millie had a right to be like this. Micah had betrayed her and then left and…

“I’m sorry,” she finally whispered, ducking her head.

The exchange of dialogue made Micah a little braver, allowing her to smile just a little bit.

“Ah, no, but that is an adorable little do. My folks shipped me off to Scotland with my grandparents. Something about my horrible attitude and constant fighting. I guess I came home with one too many black eyes that I could not explain away.” She shrugged lightly as she finished.

And then Millie talked about her recent abandonment. Micah’s smile slipped from her lips and had to fight herself from scooping Millie into a giant hug. Maybe if she hadn’t left, she would still have that privilege but now… Now Micah only huffed and mussed her already hopelessly tangled hair.

“That wasn’t… I’m not trying to buy you off, Millie. I only wanted to talk to you on neutral ground.” The red head cast her gaze around, not settling on any one thing, but not wanting to look at Millie for fear of losing what little composure she had. “I never expected earning your trust back would be easy. In fact I expect it to be like starting from square one. Well, before that, actually.” Micah’s voice wavered a little, “I fully expect to start out as strangers again.”

As Millie took Micah’s hand, the older girl really did drop to her knees, letting the air go out of her. It wasn’t exactly comforting – there was still something melancholy in Millie’s voice – but it was something. On her knees, Micah had to look up at Millie; had she always been that tall? She grinned lightly and curled her hand around Millie’s returning the squeeze. She had just enough self control not to lean her head against her master’s chest and beg forgiveness. Did it make any difference to Millie that she hadn’t vanished of her own accord? That she had been shipped away with no warning? Probably not. The damage was done that night; leaving had only been aftermath.

“Ah, master. You always were more mature than me.” She would not cry. Micah was a big girl now, she’d worked out all of her problems. She was no longer a big ball of emotions and volatile conflict. “You didn’t abandon me. Staying with me would have been far worse torment than leaving me to my own devices.” She sighed and studied the hand in hers, not as small as it used to be but still smaller than her own by fractions.

“If you want, we can just go for a walk. I don’t have to buy you anything if you don’t want. I can tell you about Scotland and how I worked myself out. I can tell you about how I’m not going to be a senshi again for a good long time… if I ever take up that mantle again.” Another deep sigh because this was way more painful than Micah had imagined it would be.

“Do you need help brushing out your hair?”

Millie was looking a little more like herself and Micah’s expression brightened. She rose to her feet as the young woman spoke, grinning like a giant idiot. “Whatever you want Millie, just like before,” she relented as Millie listed the things Micah was generously allowed to buy for her. Pig, ice cream, the world, whatever Millie wanted, Micah would give her, because somehow, Millie had become Micah’s big sister, ages be damned. Do you want the still beating heart of a virgin bathed in the moonlight of a harvest night? Done. Turn myself inside out and dance for you until my bones rattle away from me? You got it.

“Ah, yeah, about that senshi thing. That’s going to take some convincing,” she muttered, rubbing the back of her head self consciously. “But feel free to take a whack at it. Mean time how about you lead the way to a brush. You seem to forget my summer job is babysitting. I’ve worked out worse knots from far younger.” Sure Micah sounded cocky, but if Millie was sounding more like herself, than she figured it was wafe to start going back to normal by degrees, right? Worst case scenario Millie knocked her back down a few pegs, right?

And then Micah's face lit up. She had fully expected to have to grovel and weep and beg for Millie's forgiveness (Micah had been cruel, after all). But then... Millie was still her master. And as such was probably prepared to deal with whatever turbulent, impulsive Micah could throw at her.

"I love you too, Millie," Micah sighed, squeezing Millie's hand right back. "If the jedi council was as understanding as you, I'll bet Anakin wouldn't have gone darkside." She mussed Millie's hair a little with her free hand and laughed brightly.

When it came to being a senshi, Micah didn't even know what she wanted. She'd failed in so many ways before, she didn't know if she could handle the stress of it now. And she didn't know what she would do if she met another Dark Mirror Senshi, or, heaven forbid, a White Moon Senshi from the ambush where she was outed as a sympathizer. The only thing she knew was that she'd firmly resolved not to power up for a good long time unless it was an emergency. And if one arose... she'd deal with that when the time came.

For now her primary concerns were braiding Millie's hair and getting her some ice cream. When they got settled she'd explain her feelings to Millie and hope she understood. She would understand. Not everyone was cut out to be a jedi after all, and even those that were meant to follow that life... they certainly needed some time off, right?