Welcome to Gaia! ::

A little background beforehand will make more sense about my decision when I get to it.

I'll be 21 in August, I'm engaged to my fiance and eventually we want to start a family. My health? Not the best. I've always had a super high metabolism. NOTHING will help me gain weight. I've tried so many different options and it will only stablize my current weight or make me lose weight. Currently, I'm 110lbs, and 5'9" and my bmi is 16. I'm 40lbs underweight at least for my age, weight, and height. At the least I've wanted to get to 125-130lbs, but I haven't reached that far. I weighed 90lbs up until 10th grade. I was 5'9" then. I gained weight through drinking boiled custard going through half a carton to a carton and a half every day for a few weeks. Custard season doesn't last long. I got up to 127lbs and after I stablized 119lbs for several years. Then it fluctuated between 113-119lbs up until last year when I got chronically sick for a while which now it fluctuates between 108-112lbs. I can't build muscles or I lose weight. I can't exercise or I lose weight. If I don't exercise I lose a pound of weight a day. It doesn't matter what I do. I'm trying to relieve my stress because I stay stressed 24/7 on average no matter what so I always have anxiety pretty much. But from weight drinks to pasta to bread to exercising, to vegetables, to fruit, to meat, to nuts, to whatever you can think of, exercising to not exercising, adding whey protein in, EVERYTHING and more we've tried and I can't take in weight. I'm even drinking more water as well to help. Still, I only stablize or lose the weight. I don't gain. I've talked to doctors as well about my eating habits, talked to people with my same problem and tried their ways, and nothing so far still. Another thing, I'm HIGHLY sensitive to pain. No kidding. No matter what I always feel more pain and it's harder on me. My feminine monthly issues will make me so dizzy like I want to black out. The cramps get so bad, and more. I get so nauseas I can't go out anywhere at all so I'm stuck in bed for at least 3 days recooperating but it takes a full week before I can go out and do things. I do take meds for it and it eases the cramping, but not the nausea or dizziness. It just hits me extremely bad. I also am irregular but I will NOT take birthcontrol. My mom never had to take it and she was like me, but she was stronger than I am. I'm the most sickly in the family or have the weakest constitution of the family. I don't believe in putting chemicals in my body to forcibly regulate me. I will say in the past year I've noticed that I'm starting to become more regular than I was in the past several years. I have more of a pattern. So, i'm sure by mid twenties I will be even more regular than I am now. I don't mind waiting for that.


So, back to the topic of abortion. I come from a family of breeders hips. Yet, I believe I can't carry a child. I'm not infertile. I believe my body won't let me carry one with my metabolism/weight issues as well as my health issues. Another reason, my sister has been trying for the past 3 years to have a child and had 3 miscarriages and went to a gene doctor at a cancer center and found out she has a rare blood disorder which is causing her miscarriages that can be reversed with meds she took. Still, she is stronger than me, has more weight than me, and you can just tell she is a breeder. When people look at me at how delicate/frail I am (I have ribs and spine showing so bad it sticks out horribly), I mean, even my fiance's mother told my fiance, who told me that I would have a lot of complications or wouldn't be able to handle the physical stress of pregnancy on my body.

Yet, I still believe I want to try and have kids. Thing is, I'm afraid once I'm pregnant and do go through the serious issues my life may be in danger as well as the child's life. I'm strongly against bringing a child into this world without it having it's birth mother in it. So, if my life was in danger, I'd abort the child. Not to be cruel, just because a child should have a family, it's birth family. I also know as much of a good father my fiance would make, he wouldn't be able to take the stress as a single parent easily, and he's the type who 95% or higher wouldn't remarry at all.

So, does that make me a murderer? Trying to concieve against the odds, finding out my life is in danger as well as the child's, and getting an abortion?

Another circumstance. Rape. As worse as society is getting, there is an uprise in this crime. I believe if the victim has horrible mental trauma to the point they need hospitalization over it and therapy has not helped them, they are entitled to abortion. Being traumatized to the fear that you have the predator's child, in that case it should be fine. The father obviously believes in "hit-and-run" and wants no part of the child's life. The child if growing up would go through the trauma and self-harm more than likely knowing that they weren't made out of love in this particular situation even if the mother still chose to had the child. The mother would have to hide the fact, and try to get over the child looks somewhat like the predator, but I've seen so many people just hurt because they were the product of a crime and the therapy they need.

Yes, I'm aware the child could always be adopted, but that's only for those who can handle it and aren't afraid to. What I'm talking about is the select few who can't handle it mentally to where it changes them mentally and physically where they need to be hospitalized, those victims should be allowed to have the abortion. NOT the ones who are mentally stable who can have the child.

What I'm trying to say, is that those are my beliefs. If a mother and child's life are both endangered in the pregnancy, they should have the right to abortion and it shouldn't be considered murder. If a victim of rape is mentally unstable and traumatized to the point of basically hospitalization and can't mentally handle the pregnancy, they should have the right to abortion and it shouldn't be considered murder.

Those are the only 2 reasons I'm for abortion.

I'm against abortion if the child was carelessly made and the mother is healthy no matter the age. I believe the child shouldn't be aborted in that case. That, would be murder. I also believe in that situation that the mothers should go through adoption if they don't want to care for the child once they have it if they are healthy.

So, all in all, for the reasons I'm for abortion, I've been told that it is murder. I disagree, those are logical situations where it should be okay and it makes sense. It's only murder if you are careless and know the high stakes but go through it anyways.

So, am I a murderer? Am I in the wrong for my reasons for abortion? What are your viewpoints?

I can understand and I respect that completely. Speaking in general broad terms, it's hard that society itself can be negative/judgmental with feedback on any subject. I can understand people are entitled to their opinions on the pages, but opinion can only go so far before you cross the line to attack someone. Just by posting my comment how I'm against abortion for all but 2 understandable even though rare circumstances, that I'm judged as acknowledging an act of murder and supporting it. It hurts that some people out there can be cruel.