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 Posted: Thu Aug 19, 2004 11:23 am
The Dressing Room
By Lisa M. Paquette
Foundation, base, eyeliner, blush;
Slowly, now, no need to rush.
Shadow, earrings, jewels, lipstick.
Running out of time. Quick, quick!
Show’s about to start; put it all on.
Once, twice with the tissue, like you haven’t begun.
A glance at that wire, remember the shock.
No time, now, just put on the frock.
Again and again, what, four years without luck?
No time to remember; eyebrows to pluck.
They seem to grow back by the every hour.
Sip o’ water for the voice, e’en though it’s gone sour.
Look at the plug, oh, no, not again.
Off with the frock, down tweezers and then—
Foundation, base, eyeliner, blush.
With the time that death brings, there is no need to rush.
*****
A/N: If this is incredibly vague, I apologize. It's not even a rough draft, really, more of an outline/character study on a girl from a dream that I had. I think that, in order for the flow to work, it also has to be read at an extremely fast pace. I have a tendancy to do that.
This was posted in the Poetry subforum a few days ago, so, if you have read it already, that was where.
Feel free to tear it apart.
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Posted: Thu Aug 19, 2004 11:29 am
This isn't bad at all. I agree that it should be read at a fast pace to make it sound better. I've been in theater before and know what this rush is like. I like your ending also! Good job!! 3nodding
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Posted: Thu Aug 19, 2004 12:54 pm
Seishin-chan This isn't bad at all. I agree that it should be read at a fast pace to make it sound better. I've been in theater before and know what this rush is like. I like your ending also! Good job!! 3nodding Thanks!
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Posted: Thu Aug 19, 2004 2:33 pm
Hmm, some of the lines don't really flow, but otherwise, I think it's pretty good.
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Posted: Thu Aug 19, 2004 2:43 pm
I really enjoyed this! It captures the feelings totally, since I too have done much theatre and know what the rush is like. That reminds me...
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Posted: Thu Aug 19, 2004 8:08 pm
I just don't think that I got enough of the repeating aspect down. Part of the dream was that this ghost had been getting ready over and over again for four years.
I know. Most ghosts aren't that young, but... that's part of it that's not changing.
I'll read it over a few times and work on the flow. That's one of the parts that I need help with. Though I do want to ask you, toast, how quickly you read it? I think that that affects the flow of a piece, and I'm curious.
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