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Boiled_Squash

PostPosted: Fri Feb 22, 2013 8:02 pm


Public Records - Background Information


Atiero Valcuron, King of the Arrancar


Basic::

Full Name: Atiero Valcuron
Alias/Title: Espada Lord
Nickname: Judgement
Gender: Male
Date of Birth: Roughly 1245 BCE
Age: 9800 years old, or so


Appearance:

Height: 6' 9"
Weight: 250 lbs, 6% body fat
Eye Color: Unseen
Hair Color: Purple, with the white bands in the front
Body Type: Very muscular
Nationality: Originally Persian
Appearance Description: Atiero is a very large man, towering over most normally sized people. He has broad shoulders, with what would be considered a very Olympian body shape, with a narrow waist, thick, muscled arms, and equally powerful legs and chest. Atiero scorns the hakama, considering it to be too billowy for his taste, and so, merely wears a loose pair of pants, for maximum comfort and freedom of movement, topped by shin-high, plated boots. Normally, he just wears a white shirt, over which he almost always wears some sort of large coat, usually something naval in appearance, though he always keeps a closet full of power-inhibiting clothing, so that he doesn't kill everything and everyone around him. The cloak is made to force him to power down, only letting him fight at 30% under normal conditions, though he can occasionally push up to 35%. Atiero's tattoo before his ascension to Espada Lord was a zero on his left shoulder, but has since worn off. His hollow hole is located slightly above where his heart would be, with strange cracks branching out from it, almost as if it were a hole in stone, not flesh. Finally, Atiero's mask is unique in that it is two pieces: one taking the form of a visor, the other an exquisite collar.




Classified Records - Psychology and History


Basic:

Occupation: Espada Lord
Affiliation: All arrancar
Former Occupation: Cero Espada
Former Affiliation: Himself and a few, very close companions with which he used to hunt

Hobbies: In the very few spare moments that Atiero does have, he enjoys playing the lute, as well as the enormous, white organ he keeps in his palace.
Likes: Music, watercolor painting, training, watching after his kind
Dislikes: Just about everything else.


Advanced:

Character Strengths:
• Atiero is a masterful duelist, a true expert in close combat battle
• Atiero also possesses extremely powerful Hollow abilities, having mastered Cero, Hierro, and Sonido to a degree that surpasses most arrancars, even most Espada
Character Weaknesses:
• While he focuses primarily on combat, Atiero’s healing abilities are rather poor, as he has yet to practice too much. This being said, he can heal himself at a decent rate, but under no means can he use any power to heal his own comrades other than normal medicine, first-aid, etc.
• Atiero isn’t too terribly good at stealth, as his reiatsu is so incredibly high that even with all of his limiters, any perceptive soul could sense him from half a mile away
• A repressed memory from his living days has caused Atiero to have an intense fear of frogs, and other such slimy animals
• One of his greatest fears is the downfall of his race, or the regression back to being a hungry, mindless Hollow.


Motto/Quotes:
"Those with power ought to keep it only if they are aware that it can be taken just as easily away from them."

"What are we, to them? Monsters? Savages? Animals? No! We are just as important as they are, and we will not be trampled upon!"

"I will ensure the survival of my race, through whatever means necessary. Thought it pains me to harm your race as well, don't for a moment, think that I won't, should you threaten my people."

"I grant you eternal peace."

Personality: Atiero is generally a very calm, but relatively happy person. He is deeply charismatic, and can earn the trust of many easily. A natural born leader, Atiero holds much disdain for those of his race who kill their enemies needlessly, or maim their enemies.
Atiero is a very polite man, treating all strangers with respect. However, he hates those who torture their enemies, or those who play with their prey, and will cut them down without mercy. Atiero wishes nothing more than the preservation of the Arrancars, and wishes to convert many more hollows to break their masks, granting many some level of intelligence. While he doesn’t directly hate the Soul Society, he realizes that it will stand in his way, and that the Soul Reapers will only harm his race, so he fights them. However, Atiero, if possible, would be willing to create a deal with the Soul Society, ending conflicts between Arrancars and Soul Reapers with the least amount of bloodshed.

Sexual Preference: Straight, though he really doesn't have too much time for any interactions beyond business or battle.

Relatives: He considers all Arrancar to be his family.
Spouse: None
Friends: Any that wish to be.
Rivals: Currently none
Enemies: Vanguard, any who threaten the Arrancar.

Background: Atiero Valcuron, born Pavias Pelhatel in the year 645 BCE, died in the year 1245 BCE. He was a cleric of Ahura Mazda, rising to become a trusted adviser to King Darius himself. Sadly, a rival killed him in spite, poisoning his wine one evening.
When Pavias was reborn, he was surprised to find himself a Hollow, and wandered the desert for days, hungry, delirious, and most of all, confused. When he couldn't stand his hunger anymore, he went off into the deepest parts of the desert, killing other hollow, simply to survive. Over many years of reflection, he began to realize that his actions in life had killed many, and that through some of his doctrines, entire villages were put to the sword, all in the name of a God who he wasn't even sure he believed in anymore.
Resolute in his thoughts, Pavias decided that day, nearly 9600 years ago, that he would become strong, so that those he allied with, wouldn't die needlessly, and even more importantly, become wise, so that he wouldn't endanger his comrades, or himself.
Determined to see his plan come to fruition, Pavias set out, and for six hundred long years, killed hollows, devouring their souls as quickly and painlessly as possible. After each kill, he would apologize, and pray that the soul eventually find peace. After the six hundred years of ruthless hunting ended, Pavias was a powerful adjuchas-level hollow, almost to Vasto Lordes, with a small pack of his own. They too were adjuchas, albeit weaker than him. They would hunt down hollows, working to absolutely exterminate the mindless, weaker hollows, or the ones that were too bloodthirsty and wanted only to kill, not feed.
One day, about 8800 years ago, Pavias and his pack were hunting down one particularly powerful hollow, a Vasto Lordes who called himself Vanguard. He was a massive, lumbering, naga-like Hollow that practically ruled a massive part of Hueco Mundo. With his pack of six other Adjuchas behind him, Pavias was confident in his ability to take down the hollow menace.
He was never so wrong in his life. Vanguard absolutely decimated his pack, killing all of them, but Pavias and one other, a tiny, almost child-like Adjuchas named Atiero.
Vanguard, intent on making his attackers suffer, pinned Pavias down, and forced him to watch as Atiero was brutally torn to shreds, and thrown to a pack of hungry Menos. Horrified, Pavias managed to barely flee, within inches of his life, eventually wandering back into the area he had first been re-born in. Realizing the folly in assuming he could match that kind of sheer power, Pavias changed his name, donning the name of his fallen comrade. Pavias, now Atiero, began to train again, this time killing anything in his path. Saddened by the needless violence, but desperate for power, he began to resent the world and it's seeming hatred of him.
For nearly a millennium and a half, Atiero brutally killed each and every single hollow he could lay his hands on, leaving entire sections of Hueco Mundo desolate, and free of all sentient life. Atiero, the first to develop the technique of Gonzui, used it frequently, growing into one of the most powerful of Vasto Lordes, before finally realizing that his restraints as a Hollow were too great, and proceeded to tear off his own mask, ascending the level of Arrancar.
Fifty years later, he was the second strongest of all arrancars, ranked only behind his hated enemy Vanguard, who had ascended to arrancar level even earlier than Atiero had. Finally, the two decided to battle, to finish their feud. Picking the very same location that the original Atiero had died, the two fought for three days straight, leaving a massive crater in the ground twenty miles across and quarter of a mile deep, where absolutely nothing can live or grow. The victor was Atiero, though at a great cost. In the midst of battle, for a brief moment, Atiero had ascended even beyond his Segunda Etapa, into a bloodthirsty form he hadn't seen in nearly 750 years, a form physically very similar to that of his Vasto Lordes days. Possessed by an inhuman strength and durability, he had literally obliterated Vanguard, disintegrating his body and scattering the minuscule particles thousands of miles apart.
Unbelievably weary, and quite sick of fighting, Atiero left the shattered area, that Hollows all throughout Hueco Mundo would forever know as Valle de Muerte, the Valley of Death. Finding his way to a rich environment, full of powerful hollows, Atiero began to build an empire, converting Hollows into Arrancar wherever he went, determined to help his kind ascend beyond their base, petty needs.
By present day, he was in command of all of Hueco Mundo, governing it the way he didn't in death, atoning for his transgressions by ensuring that his race would prosper. Though he realizes that Arrancar and Soul Reapers will most likely never peacefully coexist, as a just ruler, Atiero is determined to protect his people, through whatever means necessary.


Classified Records - Combative Information


Basic:

Carried Weapons: Katana, arm tattoos.
Fighting Styles:

Strength: Atiero, being a very large man, as well as his enormous reiatsu that continuously augments his attacks, is capable of very powerful hand-to-hand combat. However, Atiero detests using brute strength, and so, doesn't use it too often. This leads to him being probably not the strongest of all hollows, when it comes to brute physical strength.
Speed: Atiero's speed is absolutely superb, his Sonido capable of keeping up with any Arrancar, if not outrun them. Another thing that helps Atiero is the fact that he wastes no effort, moving his body in the most efficient method to get the desired action done.
Intelligence: Atiero's intelligence is probably his most powerful asset. He possesses an extremely keen mind, hardened and perceptive after thousands of years of fighting, that can pick up on even the most faint or expertly hidden patterns in combat. Even outside of combat, Atiero's successful governing of a warlike race bent on death and destruction is an enormous tribute to his powerful mind.
Stamina: Atiero trains every spare moment he has, allowing him to fight for very long periods of time. However, actual combat for him has not taken very long in the past 500 or so years, and even Atiero doesn't know the current extent of his body's capability to keep on fighting for long periods of time, but he knows that it is diminished compared to his earlier days, when he would have to fight everyday.
Durability: Atiero's durability and ability to fight through wounds is legendary throughout Hueco Mundo. When almost utterly destroyed by Vanguard, he somehow pulled himself together, literally holding his innards in with one hand, while fending off the fearsome Vasto Lordes with the other. Atiero has put himself through almost every peril the hellish desert of Hueco Mundo has, making not only his Hierro ungodly strong, but his pain tolerance to be extremely high.


Advanced:

Spiritual Pressure: Atiero's ability to seal his spiritual pressure is probably his weakest asset. It is literally so enormous that only through many limiters can he bring it down to manageable levels. Even with them, his reiatsu is so thick and suffocating that any kind of stealth/cloaking is absolutely impossible with him. When released, his reiatsu comes out in a very dark red, similar to dried blood.
Swordsmanship/Accuracy/Other: Atiero's swordsmanship is almost unanimously considered to be the best in all of Hueco Mundo. The Espada Lord trains almost every spare moment he has, never satisfied with his current level of strength, as he knows that he can always be more precise, more powerful, or faster. More than 2 and a half thousand years of training has hardened all his senses, to the point where it would take several captain-class Shinigami to bring him down when he is at his absolute highest form, as befitting his rank as Espada Lord.

Special Training: Atiero had, in his younger days, wandered through Hueco Mundo, seeing the entire desert from end to end, and willingly put himself through all of the perils it threw at him, to make himself stronger.
Personal Abilities: Atiero has created a custom ability, what he refers to as Anemona. To execute this technique, first Atiero pricks his finger, mixing his own blood with his reiatsu, similar to a Gran Rey Cero. Next, he quickly smears the blood onto both sides of his sword, and starts to spin it in a circle in front of him, speeding up until it is a massive blur. Finally, he molds his own reiatsu around the blood, creating a large, dark red, slightly transparent flower-shaped shield in front him. This shield follows him as he goes, acting as a guard against attacks. This technique, once executed, stays until Atiero wills it away. Anemona has two main abilities.
The first, known as Anemona Espinosa, is a purely defensive technique. The shield remains as just that, a shield, this time, diminishing in size until it roughly three feet in length, and two feet wide, made of Atiero's purest, hardened reiatsu. This shield can repel most attacks, and is Atiero's most powerful defensive technique, capable of pushing away or at least holding off almost any attack. This shield can only be used to ward off 3 Gran Rey Cero-level attacks per battle before shattering.
The second, known as Anemona Del Punto, is a purely offensive technique. The flower becomes very small, covering only his left palm in a small glowing tattoo. This tattoo allows Atiero to fire of multiple Gran Rey Ceros without having to draw blood. However, as it constantly drains him of reiatsu, as well as almost completely numbing his arm, he can only use it for 10 Ceros before it fades away. After either technique is used, it cannot be used again for that battle.


Spiritual Techniques/Releases:

Kidou: N/A
Specialty: None

Hado: N/A

Bakudo: N/A

Other:

Bala (虚弾 (バラ), Bara; Spanish for "Bullet," Japanese for "Hollow Bullet") a technique of firing his hardened spiritual pressure against his enemies. Less powerful than a Cero, but it can be successively fired at 20 times the rate.

Cero (虚閃 (セロ), Sero; Spanish for "Zero," Japanese for "Hollow Flash," "Doom Blast" in the Viz translation) a powerful spiritual light fired by Menos Grandes and Arrancars.

Descorrer (解空(デスコレール), Desukorēru; Japanese for "Loosed Void", Spanish for "Drawing Back/Opening"): A technique used by Espada-level Arrancar and sometimes others, to open a Garganta between the living world and Hueco Mundo.

Gran Rey Cero (王虚の閃光 (グラン・レイ・セロ), Guran Rei Sero; Spanish for "Grand King Zero", Japanese for "Royal Hollow Flash") The ultimate Cero that can only be used by Espadas. It is so powerful, it distorts the surrounding space.

Hierro (鋼皮 (イエロ), Iero; Spanish for "Iron," Japanese for "Steel Skin") An Arrancar's outer skin with high spiritual hardness that serves as armor.

Pesquisa (探査回路 (ペスキサ), Pesukisa; Spanish for "Inquiry," Japanese for "Probe Circuit") An Arrancar ability to measure and locate spiritual pressure.

Sonído (響転 (ソニード), Sonīdo; Spanish for "Sound," Japanese for "Sound Ceremony") The Arrancar equivalent to a Shinigami's Shunpo.

Gonzui (Soul Inhalation) - A technique used to suck out souls of humans, to feed upon.

High-Speed Regeneration (超速再生, Chōsoku Saisei; lit. "Ultra-Fast Regeneration") is a supplementary ability possessed by many Hollows, as well as some Arrancar and even Shinigami that have undergone Hollowfication. High-Speed Regeneration allows Hollows to recover from any damage that they sustain by causing them to heal at a drastically increased rate, closing the wounds on their body and causing any limbs that they have lost to grow back within extremely short periods of time. Atiero's abilities with this technique are average. He can grow back one limb per battle, or heal up relatively minor cuts and such, but not much more than that.

Zanpakuto Name: Triste Demonio
Zanpakuto Type: Elemental/Close Combat
Animal Mimicry: Not really an animal, but a demon.
Zanpakuto Sealed Description: Triste is the very same sword shown in the profile picture above. A rather ordinary katana, a bit shorter than usual but not short enough to be a wakizashi.

Resureccion Triste Demonio (Sad Demon)
Incantation: Death, Triste Demonio!
Appearance: Triste Demonio takes the form of an armored warrior, with a full breastplate, shoulder-spikes, gauntlets, and armored boots. His hair turns black, growing very long, and two, sharpened horns extend from his head, looking like crooked blades. Atiero's sword becomes a massive scythe, with a huge, blood-red blade.
Release Appearance: Appearance

Abilities:
Triste Demonio creates an “aura” of darkness in a circle of roughly a quarter of a mile in diameter, in which he can exert the sheer force of his will over weaker opponents, similar to the way someone with enormous reiatsu can basically suffocate those with weak reiatsu around them. This works more effectively the closer you are to Atiero, and being within fighting range is like being thrown around by a whirlwind. This will work on those below lieutenant seat for shinigami, or any arrancar below the rank of 15.

Techniques:

Generic Attack: Flor de Llanto –This is a massive sweep with his scythe that sends out a semi-circular wave of black flames, similar to the Getsuga Tensho in design, but much smaller, and more densely packed with reiatsu.
Attack #1: Huerto doloroso – This is essentially a massive version of Flor de Llanto. Atiero brings down his scythe, and between fifteen and thirty waves erupt from the ruby blade of the scythe, all converging into one enormous beam of energy. Reversely, they can also act as separate beams, but will be substantially weaker, each beam roughly a fifth as strong as a normal Flor de Llanto.
Attack #2: Desolada Orquidea– Atiero’s scythe burns away, the ashes sweeping around Atiero in a whirlwind. Now, he can control small tendrils of reiatsu, composed of these tiny bits of ash that will burn away all in his path. These tendrils can extend up to twenty five meters in length, and are very similar to gigantic thorns, and will burn anything they touch with an agonizing, slow-burning fire, that only powerful bakudo/a very high spiritual energy can put out.
Attack #3: Jardin Gris – Atiero begins to spin his scythe slowly, the spinning quickening until it reaches its peak speed, where it will abruptly break apart, into a small shower of tiny seeds of reishi. Each tiny seed embeds deeply into the ground, cracking the environment. Thousands of swords, of countless varieties, spring from the cracks, covering the ground in a massive field of swords. A shell of reishi appears around the area, a circle of roughly 100 meters in radius. Within this field, all elemental zanpakutou, including beam-type attacks or special abilities, kido, and cero abilities are nullified, including Atiero’s own, except for this one. That is to say, when this ability is in effect, all Zanpakuto abilities and spiritual techniques are temporarily suspended inside the shell. While inside the range, no one can use any spiritual techniques, and all suspended techniques are returned to normal when the user's technique ends. This leaves the opponents with only their sonido/shunpo, and their skills with weapons. This completely evens the field with any opponent, forcing both combatants to use only their brute skill at sword. These swords can be broken, in which case, Atiero or his opponent will simply grab yet another. The shield will completely dispel, as will the swords, only with the death of a combatant, or the surrender of an opponent. A captain class opponent with very high spiritual pressure can, given enough willpower, shatter out of the shell, but it will take at least two posts within it to break it. A maximum of five people can be inside the area at any one time.



Segunda Etapa Vengativo Demonio
Incantation: Let loose all inhibitions, Vengativo Demonio!
Appearance:
Release Appearance: Body

Weapon


Abilities: Fuego Del Infierno – Every strike from Atiero, including Cero’s, will be wreathed in fire that only powerful kido/immense spiritual energy can snuff.

Techniques: Powered Generic Attack: Tulipan Enojada – Basically a more powerful version of Flor De Llanto, with a few small changes. Firstly, he can now control the waves, almost like a second pair of limbs. Secondly, he can bring out up to four waves at once, and they will remain for roughly ten seconds. Finally, the waves are very thin, but long, reaching out to a maximum of twenty meters in length.
Attack #1: Crisantiemo Ardiente – Atiero’s sword disappears, instead eight lances of black fire appearing behind him, encircling him like a pair of wings, four on the left and four on the right. Each wing is connected by the three smaller wings on each side of Atiero. These wings, in addition to giving him the power to fly, each flap of his wings can create massive blasts of black fire, measuring up to fifteen meters in length. Finally, he can pull them out, one at a time, and hurl them, their impact creating a massive explosion as the densely packed reiatsu suddenly expands, impacts that can be up to ten meters in diameter.
Attack #2: Hortensa Furioso – Atiero’s sword becomes wreathed in an almost entirely black fire, extending the blade until it is massive, almost seven feet long and a foot and a half in width. With this new sword, each swing sends out enormous waves of reiatsu, capable of laying waste on a mass scale, the waves measuring up to fifteen meters in length. The impact of such a blast can level entire buildings, absolutely demolishing, or burning through most materials. A direct hit from such an attack would not only blast the opponent with the sheer power of Atiero's unrestrained reiatsu, but would burn them horribly, his flames even more potent than ever. This is Atiero’s penultimate attack, and as such, he expends about ten times more reiatsu than usual, making him even faster and more powerful than ever.
Attack #3: Narciso Catastroficos – This is Atiero’s absolute final attack. He reverses hands on his sword, holding it in his left hand, blade down, rising into the sky until he is roughly 500 meters up. Abruptly, he plummets to the ground, landing serenely, but creating a shallow crater in the ground. Spinning the sword in lazy circles, he eventually picks up the pace, until the blade is moving too fast to see. Suddenly, he takes to a knee, plunging the sword hilt-deep into his own hollow hole. Almost immediately, the sword dissipates entirely, the shreds of reiatsu swirling around him. A dark green mist of reiatsu covers him, and in a few moments, it too dissipates, showing a very different Atiero.
Absolute Final Form
Upon taking this form, Atiero has completely committed to absolutely obliterating his opponent, leaving absolutely nothing behind. He condenses literally all of his ridiculously massive reiatsu into his own body. This form will slowly kill him though, as using it will cause his body to basically break apart over time. He is almost forty times faster and stronger than before, all restraint thrown away. This form is closest to his hollow’s original personality, as he will only wish to kill. After powering down from this form, Atiero's body is severely weakened, leaving him vulnerable, simply because no vessel can hold that much power for so long. Additionally, throughout usage of this form, Atiero constantly leaks excess reiatsu, making stealth practically impossible. While in this form, Atiero can only take on up to two opponents at once, simply because his final ability causes his mind to only be able to focus on a few things at once, to keep up with his body's innate desire to kill. To bring him down from this state, Atiero must be brought down to roughly 30% health, or restrained with the absolute highest of sealing kido and struck by 3-5 captain-level opponents, until his body is simply too tired and weak to fight.

"To use the final ability, permission from the Guild Captain and two other moderators must be given to be used."

-The Hopeless Optimist
PostPosted: Fri Feb 22, 2013 9:27 pm


It looks good so far, though I'm not a big fan of a cero espada having a segunda resurrecion. It personally makes things a bit op, but that's my personal opinion. Overall it's a pretty good rpc to be honest man.

The Hopeless Optimist
Captain

Enduring Citizen


Boiled_Squash

PostPosted: Fri Feb 22, 2013 9:40 pm


Would it be more acceptable if I tailored him to become the "Espada Lord", as I believe you guys called it?
PostPosted: Sat Feb 23, 2013 8:10 am


If you want to then by all means. Again, I'm not a big fan of segunda etapas but I'll leave that one to the vice-captains.

The Hopeless Optimist
Captain

Enduring Citizen


Boiled_Squash

PostPosted: Sat Feb 23, 2013 7:10 pm


Okay, I'll just continue fleshing it out and transferring info from my other version, you guys judge as you see fit smile
PostPosted: Sun Feb 24, 2013 6:28 pm


The Hopeless Optimist


I'm done now, could you take a look?

Boiled_Squash


Mochii Iced Tea

Malevolent Phantom

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PostPosted: Sun Feb 24, 2013 7:57 pm


➟ Mochii Iced Tea has had permission from The Hopeless Optimist to review this profile.

  • Appearance Description - Please do enlighten us on how much power his clothing actually inhibits. This will give us a better understanding of how balanced he is, in comparison to other characters during battle.

  • Character Weaknesses - You claim that 'Atiero’s healing abilities are rather poor', yet I see High Speed Regeneration in his slew of abilities. Care to elaborate?

  • Personality - Just a heads up, but if you're going to stay true to Atiero's personality, just know that both of the top dogs of the Arrancar and the Soul Society will both be pacifists. While this isn't a problem by itself, if may pose for a slower progression of character development and storyline plot, as not much will be going on if some said truce is made.

  • Background - The end of your bio confuses me a bit. Once a hollow tears off their mask, they are an Arrancar forever, no ifs, ands, or buts. I don't see how he could change back to his "original Vasto Lorde" form, even through Resurrecion ability.

  • Spiritual Pressure - Your description of Atiero's Spiritual Pressure is a bit confusing. In my understanding, you are trying to say that his spiritual pressure is weak in the aspect of stealth, though the sheer amount of what he has is largely impressive than most Arrancar. Might want to edit that bit so it doesn't sound like you're contradicting yourself.

  • Personal Abilities (Anemona) - I would recommend adding the magnitude of attacks that it can withstand. For example, would five Balas shatter the shield the same as five Gran Rey Ceros? As for Anemona Del Punto, I would change the post count to a Cero count, just to make it less OP. There's nothing that says he can't launch a hundred Gran Rey Ceros in five posts, as opposed to only being able to launch it five times per ability. You might also want to put a cooldown time on this, so it cannot be used in rapid succession.

  • Spiritual Techniques/Releases (Other) - If you're going to have high speed regeneration (after addressing the previous complaint), we need to know the magnitude of your healing abilities, including how many times it can hypothetically be used, how much of a toll it takes on his reiatsu, what organs and limbs he can heal, etc.

  • Resurreccion Ability (Triste Demonio) - I would tone down the range of the aura. To make things plausible, I would also recommend putting in the fact that this ability works stronger as you get closer to Atiero, and vice versa. Additionally, a little tidbit about the stronger the Shinigami, the less effective it is, would help. Furthermore, by 'arrancar below the rank of 8', would you be referring to the Espada? Even suffocating up to the Octava Espada would be a bit overpowered for your character.

  • Resurreccion #2 - Downtone the fifty meters. As for the countermeasure against the attack, I would recommend changing the Bakudo to some other kind of limiter, as only the Shinigami race would know Bakudo, while other races have no countermeasure against this technique.

  • Resurreccion #3 - The ground of swords needs to have a specified parameter. The shell is extremely oversized at 500 meters, which I recommend you downtone. There must also be some way to countermeasure this ability by some way other than losing the fight, as your opponents are completely trapped with no way out until someone loses. This ability also contradicts itself. If it nullified the Zanpakuto of Atiero, wouldn't this Resurreccion technique therefore not exist in the first place, given that no Zanpakuto work in the area?

  • Segunda Etapa (Release Appearance) - Just a friendly neighborhood tip, but your weapon appearance picture is forbidden.

  • Segunda Etapa Ability (Fuego Del Infierno) - As stated three bullets above, not all races know Bakudo.

  • Segunda Etapa Technique (Powered Generic Attack) - 30 meters is a bit oversized. Downtone please.

  • Segunda Etapa #1 - Include the range of these 'massive blasts of black fire', as well as the 'impact creating a massive explosion'.

  • Segunda Etapa #2 - Need a range for these 'enormous waves of reiatsu' as well as the resulting damage of the impact blast.

  • Segunda Etapa #3 - Way, way, way OP. You claim that defeating Atiero would require several Captain class Shinigami. And several multiplied by a hundred? That's something even the entire Royal Guard probably can't even handle, as well as being able to obliterate the universe with a stab of his big toe. I'd suggest dramatically downtoning this, or creating a new technique entirely.

➟ Any complaints should be PMed to "Mochii Iced Tea" or "The Hopeless Optimist". Edited profiles should be re-reviewed by a crew member for ASAP approval.
PostPosted: Sun Feb 24, 2013 8:19 pm


That age is way too high bro. Way too high.

YummyBiscuits
Vice Captain

Powerhouse

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Boiled_Squash

PostPosted: Mon Feb 25, 2013 6:59 pm


I think I got everything Mochii mentioned, is that any better? Sorry if certain areas weren't clearly defined enough.
PostPosted: Mon Feb 25, 2013 8:48 pm


  • YummyBiscuits requested that you lower your age, so I guess it needs to be lowered.

  • Personal Abilities (Anemona Del Punto) - I still find this to be quite OP. Make it ten Gran Rey Ceros and i'll find it acceptable.

  • Resurreccion #3 - I still feel that 250 meters is a bit too much. Also, like I said, the ability doesn't make much sense if it nullifies Zanpakuto abilities, since this actually ability would cancel itself out. To put it in simpler terms, Jardin Gris is a Zanpakuto ability that negates Zanpakuto abilities, therefore negating itself.

  • Segunda Etapa #3 - Still feel like this is entirely OP, but if that's what Hopeless says, that's what i'm going by.

Mochii Iced Tea

Malevolent Phantom

11,750 Points
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Boiled_Squash

PostPosted: Mon Feb 25, 2013 8:55 pm


I believe Hopeless spoke to YummyBiscuits about age, he and I were discussing some long-term effects of my age. And absolutely, I'll change everything else you mentioned. Anything else?

Also, for my Res-3, how could I word it differently? It's basically making it so stuff like Getsuga Tensho or elemental attacks/beam stuff is negated, so they can basically only fight with sealed swords.
PostPosted: Mon Feb 25, 2013 9:13 pm


If Hopeless gives the go ahead, his word is law. Just throwing in my two cents.

As for Jardin Gris, i'd lower the range to maybe a radius of 50-100 meters. 100 meters might be stretching it a bit, but I think it's perfectly understandable to have such a size is the opponent wanted to just Shunpo out of the range of the ability. Keep in mind that the bigger the range, the more people are likely going to be in said range. And if there are more than five people in the ability, then the ability wouldn't work at all, which makes having such a large range to your disadvantage. Even 100 meters is quite a large area, and the chances that there are more than four people there will be very likely, unless you're fighting on some uninhabited godforsaken planet, or having some private whacking match. The rewording on the ability negations needs to be changed to something of the latter: When this ability is in effect, all Zanpakuto abilities and spiritual techniques are temporarily suspended inside the shell. While inside the range, no one can use any spiritual techniques, and all suspended techniques are returned to normal when the user's technique ends.

I'm heading off to bed now, or I won't be able to drag my lazy a** up tomorrow. I'll re-approve first thing tomorrow afternoon, if no one else has gotten to that yet. Your cooperation, patience, and innate ability to improve your profile is appreciated. You win extra points with me ;P

Mochii Iced Tea

Malevolent Phantom

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Boiled_Squash

PostPosted: Tue Feb 26, 2013 7:27 pm


Done!
PostPosted: Tue Feb 26, 2013 7:45 pm


Approved.

Mochii Iced Tea

Malevolent Phantom

11,750 Points
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  • 20 Wins 100
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Boiled_Squash

PostPosted: Tue Feb 26, 2013 8:28 pm


WHOOOOOOO
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