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 Posted: Sun Feb 03, 2013 4:26 pm
well, since we're all sharing stories for feedback, we might as well give this a try, eh? i don't want my stories to go unread and what not, so here we go.
neither does yummy, soooooo~
please vote and give us feedback; i want to know if my stories pique your interests. or his stories make you want to s**t your pants.
critique me. emulate him.
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Posted: Sun Feb 03, 2013 6:36 pm
A slight change in temperature as he stepped in the room: a smirk upon his lips, his hair the color of white wheat, his skin, his face angled to show off his good facial structure, and his eyes… His gorgeous eyes, a glacial blue, a brilliant blue. His eyes glanced at a woman, as beautiful as he, across the room. No other man could have looked at her, like he did. There was something about this woman that made his heart all aflutter. She was unlike any other, not just because of her unusual bold, exotic look, but maybe it was the erotic curves of her body, or the way she pursed her lips when he--
“Larke?” A familiar voice rang in his ears, a voice like the quiet murmurs of a babbling brook. He felt a soft pinch at his un-gloved right hand.
“Ow, what in the world…” Larke found himself driven out from his erotic fantasy, only to look down at a long mass of red hair and green eyes like the newly grown leaves in Spring which bore into his being with its stare “…Elizabeth,” He whispered, eyes on her, and quickly found it’s way back to the woman who captivated him at his entrance. The deep plunge of her neckline, he found it alluring, complementing the way she carried herself regally. As he looked upon her with delicacy, he saw his younger cousin grab hold of the beautiful woman, and kiss her cheek softly. Larke wished to be in his cousin’s position. He so badly wished to be in his cousin’s position.
“Larke… Please, it is a matter of urgency…” The Ice Prince remembered the day so well, it was as if it happened just a few minutes ago.
Nothing out of the ordinary in the rose garden where he met with his lover, as Larke walked in to greet his pulchritudinous mistress. She was watering flowers as beautiful as she; he bore witness to the fact that her physical appearance enamored many men, including him.
No one dared to enter the garden as it was the late Queen’s, the King prohibited the entrance to the garden by those unauthorized to help preserve it in some way. The Royal family, and the keeper of the roses were the only ones allowed to enter. It was pure coincidence that his lover held the title of Keeper.
“Aria,” He hugged her from behind, which startled her and caused her to drop the glass watering pot on the ground.
“Oh my lord! ” Aria looked down at the mess she made and shook her head. “Please don’t do that anymore.”
“But, my love, I’d like to surprise you once in a while.” Larke kissed her bare shoulders, elated she followed the latest trends of the kingdom. “I’ve missed you,” He whispered and trailed kisses from her shoulders to the nape of her neck. “may I have you now?” He started to tug at the sleeves of her dress.
“I need to clean up, please exercise chastity, your highness.” She warned, but the slight wavering of her voice, made her even less threatening.
“Chastity? That’s new. What in the world makes you say that?”
“I-I-I’m…” The young woman stuttered, and she involuntarily pushed back the hair from her face behind her left ear. Her nervous twitch.
Larke saw a glint of gold from his peripheral vision. He examined the reflection of light and found that the sparkle was from a ring. The sparkle of the large diamond center, and the shiny white gold band, it was not just any ring, it was his grandmother’s. What is she doing with it? He asked himself. Not until a few moments later did he realize that the ring was on her left ring finger.
“I’m engaged,” the words spilled out of her mouth. Aria could not face him. not like this. their current situation was on thin ice; Larke was too erratic to analyze, there was no telling what he could do to her.
His face stayed the same, though his eyes told a different story. His reaction was different than what she had imagined. Very different. “I’ll help you clean it up.” Larke offered calmly.
“No need to, I’ll clean it up.” Aria kneeled down slowly, and picked up the shattered glass one by one. He watched as she threw away the pieces into an unused pot. After all, that was all he could do, she was now untouchable.
“Who is it?” Larke hissed the question, as if it was poison leaving his lips. But before she could answer, he left. He decided he didn’t want to hear it. He didn’t want to learn of the namesake of the man she was going to, twice in one day. His gut told him, he would find out the name very soon. His mind betrayed him, he knew the answer; who it was. The man was right in front of him. The prince could only weep to himself.
There was nothing he could do to stop it. When he asked for her hand in matrimony, how could she have refused?
Suddenly, he was brought back to his reality.
“Congratulations, to my son, Thomas. He will be married next Spring. A celebration before the grand wedding of my nephew, the Prince, and his fiancée!” The Duke cheered happily, along with the rest of the aristocrats of the Kingdom. The Kingdom laughed, the Kingdom smiled, all but Larke. He watched with yearning for his Mistress.
For years, their secret love affair flourished, uninterrupted by the masses. They loved only each other, but things changed when he left to fight a war befitting a King. Though, against his volition, he did so. Just to protect his crown, and his people. But, now, he regretted his decision. It pained him to be away from her for so long, and only to find her stolen on his return. He was jealous. His cousin took her away; she the only person who kept him sane through all the lies, deceit and mental torture he endured and now, she was gone.
He watched Thomas’s every move, as he danced around the floor with his fiancée. Aria’s and Larke’s met eyes only once, but she quickly looked away, her smiling face changed. It was enough to make her guilty: his longing expression. It was enough.
“They make a lovely couple don’t they?” Elizabeth complimented Aria and Thomas’s relationship.
“Of course, Thomas could make any marriage lovely.” Larke lied through gritted teeth. Enough to make him mad. That’s how their relationship was, the current king aggressive towards his own blood.
“They’ve been married for five years, but no children produced,” she whispered. “I heard there was one, but he died soon after the birth.”
“Don’t be so nosy, dear,” Larke smiled placidly. “we have two, almost three heirs to the throne. Do not meddle in their relationship.” He finished, while watching Thomas give Aria a small peck on the cheek. Something he never did while she was this: show affection.
He told her of his love, of his feelings, and how beautiful she was, but never did anything to prove it, nor did he mean it. He never held her hand, never kissed her, never really appreciated the fact that she was still beside him: always loyal. Though, the thought didn’t enter his mind until it was years too late. He was married, and so was she. That fact wasn’t going to change anytime soon.
Thomas loved Aria genuinely, even though she gave him no sons, no daughters, no heirs at all. He loved her. That was it. His feelings overflowed when he would hold her or whenever they talked. He was just so open, while she received, everything she deserved from her past relationship… She returned those feelings ten fold, it was clear.
Larke would bear with the guilt and displeasure for the years to come. Anything for the sake of her happiness.
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Posted: Sun Feb 03, 2013 8:13 pm
come on, guys. don't be shy~
i won't bite.
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Posted: Sun Feb 03, 2013 8:20 pm
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Posted: Sun Feb 03, 2013 8:32 pm
do you have anything you don't like about it?
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Posted: Sun Feb 03, 2013 8:32 pm
tanqela do you have anything you don't like about it? nope
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Posted: Sun Feb 03, 2013 8:33 pm
Gacktoliscious tanqela do you have anything you don't like about it? nope well thanks, lady c:
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Posted: Sun Feb 03, 2013 8:33 pm
From what I've seen from you're RPing, you have a great way with words and formating. Reading this story was no different. It's very good.
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Posted: Sun Feb 03, 2013 8:35 pm
Shade_Angel17 From what I've seen from you're RPing, you have a great way with words and formating. Reading this story was no different. It's very good. dawh, thanks for being so sweet c:
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Posted: Sun Feb 03, 2013 8:39 pm
i entered this one in the guild's story contest, yo They say love comes in all shapes and sizes; they say love comes from within, from the heart, but really, I didn’t believe that love is worth all the s**t people give it credit for, rather, I find it disgusting. Disgusting. It always left a bitter after taste in my mouth. Oh god, the feeling makes me want to vomit, even now as I’m recalling the story.
But, when I was at the young, tender age of sixteen, I met the most wonderful man on the planet, the most wonderful man who took interest in me, ME, of all the people, he liked me. I am nothing special, actually, I am quite mundane. There is nothing special, no, I am not trying to be humble. I look quite simple really: short brown hair, brown eyes, fair skinned with freckles everywhere around my body, and a non-exciting female body. Really, like, not lascivious at all. I was like a ruler, no boobs, no butt, no shape to my body. I was ambiguous, no one really knew my gender until they looked at my genitals. Yeah, it was that bad. Yet, he was so perfect! He was the embodiment of perfection; with his golden blonde hair, the color of wheat in the sun; his sparkling eyes, which made the rainbows frown in envy; a gorgeous build, with just enough muscle to his boy-next-door charm; however, it was his smile that made all of the other girls swoon out of their panties.
The day he confessed, to loving me ever since he first laid eyes on my person, was a day like any other. I always have to stay after school because I had to tutor the retards in my class, to think I actually volunteered myself to do the job as a freshman. God, I’m stupid. Seriously, who volunteers their time to help other people? I have a life, you know. Just kidding, I have no semblance of a social life in me. It was probably like, four or maybe five in the afternoon and already getting dark, everyone already evacuated the personal hell for the living named school. It was overcast, it was drizzling little pieces of rain water. <********,” I whispered to myself as I held the my goddamn math book about my head, because who cares about math, right? I was ready to run out and brave the drizzle, when it started pouring. Rain everywhere. Just my luck. I was stuck at the entrance until the rain subsided a bit.
“Stuck here, too?” a voice chimed beside me, I was taken aback. I didn’t think there was anyone else in this area of the school, but me. I turned to look to my side, and there he was, in all of his perfection, not even the statue of Adonis could compare to his beauty. Oh god, there goes my ovaries. His blonde hair was wet, and sticking in weird places on his head, but I would still make out with his face. He looked like he braved the weather too, except, he actually got caught in it, while I stood idly, and awkwardly trying to see why His Royal Hotness was even acknowledging my existence. He was talking to me! ‘Don’t be awk, don’t be awk, don’t be--’ I thought to myself, but suddenly, the words were meant for me alone escaped my lips.
“No, I’m just waiting for Jesus to show up and clear the weather for me,” I said with biting sarcasm. I wanted to slap my face so hard, I could have just said ‘yeah, I am,’ and introduced myself and then the rain would stop, and we would ride off into the sunset on my bicycle. But, I botched it up, and now I have destroyed my only chances of speaking with this amazing man. I snuck a glance in his direction and there he was, laughing silently to himself.
“You’re funny,” he pointed out, giving me a pat on the back. “You don’t really hear those replies everyday,” Mr. Perfect guffawed out loud.
“Ah, thanks?” I tried to look for the proper answer in my head, but I couldn’t. The sound of his laugh fried my brainwaves. In a few moments, the rain subsided back down to its drizzle form, and I waited for him to leave. He did eventually, after fishing his car keys out of his pocket.
“You want a ride, Peters?” He turned to me, blue eyes sparkling even without sun. I wanted to melt right there and then. He knew my surname. HE KNEW IT. My knees felt like jelly. I nodded because words would not leave my mouth for once. This memory happened over half a year ago. It was the beginning of the end.
On Valentine’s Day would be our first month together. I was excited. You see, we were casually hooking up before he popped the question, and popped my cherry along with it too. I was officially his girlfriend now, he wanted to show me off to his friends, but being the person I am, I refused. I already get enough contumely behind my back, I didn’t need it to my face as well.
I came home one day and was greeted by my house adorned with Valentine’s magic. It was all over the front door, ya know? The flowers and s**t. My mom was going to have a conniption when she saw this. The doorway leading to the inside of the house was covered in rose petals. I was getting so damn excited when I entered, I was greeted by the heavily perfumed scent of my hallway, so many scents of flowers intermingled and assaulted my nose. It almost made me want to puke. I followed it anyway, and there it was in my living room. It was now decorated lavishly, a heart in the middle made up of rose petals and surrounded by vanilla scented candles. I was so giddy, I could hardly contain a giggle.
In the middle of the heart, there were a bouquet of roses, white wine and chocolates, the wine I could do without, but everything was so beautifully made! I felt so lucky to have such a wonderful boyfriend. I could feel a smile spreading across my face. It felt so good having someone who cared enough to be so sweet.
Then, I noticed the faint glow from within the roses, so obviously, I ransacked the bouquet’s contents until I found the source of the light. It was a box. A very small one. I proceeded to open it and inside the box were little pink lights, which reflected off a small, silver, hard drive. Almost immediately, I jumped up, ran and fetched my laptop from my bedroom. I caught my breath after a moment and inserted the drive onto the USB port. It took a minute for the computer to process the contents and soon enough it was ready. I clicked the only file present, a video file. Probably something sweet from Mr. Perfect, I thought to myself as the movie started. It showed a zoomed in picture of his face on my screen, I couldn’t help but let out a giggle. He looked so weird so close to the camera like that, then he moved back and gave it a wink. Well, that was cute. I giggled again. Then, a few minutes of it playing, I realized that something was horribly wrong. It was the day that we copulated for the first time, and all caught on tape too! What?! A sex tape? I fast forwarded to the end, and his face was on the camera again.
“Hey, Peters, just so you know, I love you a lot,” He gave me his signature smile, and that mollified my frustration a little bit.
“You do know he’s just ******** with you right?” a voice piped, and here comes another gorgeous blonde on the screen. She was gorgeous too. Holy crap, and the way she wrapped her arms around his neck suggested there was some intimacy behind her grasp. “Like, literally. The school would love this,” the peppy blonde added, and the video ended.
I was shocked. So this was what the murmurs in the hallway were about? They were talking about how I’m a slut? Those good for nothing retards! I helped them move on to the next ******** grade and this is how they repay me? With a ******** prank that cost me my reputation? All those times I thought the stares were for my uber hot boyfriend--or pseudo boyfriend, and they were really because of my behavior. ********. ********. ********! They should all die.
So, yeah. That was the day when I snapped. I was deemed insane. Whatever. Because love is s**t, I took the liberty of ruining all of those kids’ lives too, except, they didn’t stay alive long enough to know what effect it would have on their reputations. Of course, I saved the best for last. His Royal Hotness, oh, you should have seen how he groveled, how he begged for me to forgive him. He knew I was coming. He knew that he was going to die. He knew it, I knew it, the world knew it. But, he didn’t know when. It was today, actually, a few moments ago. It took a week for me to obtain my vengeance, and I finally finished it. The bitches were all dead, obviously, I wouldn’t care if they found evidence to prove that it was my doing-- my own Saint Valentine’s Day Massacre. I really don’t care. I’m happy now anyway. Happier than I have ever been, actually. It seems all I needed was to get all of the anger off my chest by means of killing people right?
Well, I told you before, Love is s**t. You don’t need it. Happy Valentine’s day to you, then. Whatever.
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Posted: Sun Feb 03, 2013 9:54 pm
Shade_Angel17 From what I've seen from you're RPing, you have a great way with words and formating. Reading this story was no different. It's very good. I second everything Shade said above. mrgreen Edit: Don't forget to post the above story into the contest thread, we're not gonna look for contest entries over here.
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Posted: Sun Feb 03, 2013 10:11 pm
Viper 9000 Shade_Angel17 From what I've seen from you're RPing, you have a great way with words and formating. Reading this story was no different. It's very good. I second everything Shade said above. mrgreen Edit: Don't forget to post the above story into the contest thread, we're not gonna look for contest entries over here. lol i already did, actually. just copied and pasted. i was the first person to submit a story for the second round
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Posted: Mon Feb 04, 2013 9:17 am
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Posted: Mon Feb 04, 2013 3:55 pm
I didn't catch any grammatical errors. You got the junk down pat, woman.
But story wise, I felt the history portion was somewhat misplaced. Not to say it wasn't well done overall, but that single portion should have been further up, I believe. Around the part where she admitted her engagement.
Having it there left the reader hanging on a thread of logic when it simply cut to the ballroom portion. It also cut Larke's emotional turmoil into halves, which makes it lose it's overall efficacy. Furthermore, having it further up would have made his initial turmoil that much more emotionally cutting, if you catch my drift.
Besides that, I also felt that some of the vocabulary could have been put to better use. I won't go into specifics, but it's a problem you have grown out of since writing this specific story.
I'd give it a 4/5, bby.
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Posted: Mon Feb 04, 2013 3:58 pm
So of my stories will be posted here as well. Tangla and I talked it over, and all of that.
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