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 Posted: Mon Jan 28, 2013 5:39 pm
Day six.
"So, Miss Dinkley, how have you been?"
"It's Eckert now."
" . . . Changing your surname won't hide your past, Lennyka. We have everything on file."
"I don't care. Call me Eckert."
"All right . . . Well, Miss Eckert, are you better?"
"No."
The Team Rocket councilor quirked a brow, pressed his fingers together into a steeple, and rested back in his chair, minding the scrunch of the leather from his movement. His lips pursed as he slanted his eyes up to the trainee. He couldn't see her directly, for she was laying upon a lounge chair that faced towards an open window, but her long braid trailing off the side was enough to prove her existence. Truth, she wasn't a new recruit, but she had a plethora of more problems than the average ones. This was her sixteenth time seeing him, her sixth in the week, but she'd nothing new to say come every visit. She did give him something to do, which was an added plus on his clipboard.
"Those nightmares," the male began, tracing his eyes along the congregation of notes along the pad secured onto the clipboard. "Anything new?"
"The same," Lennyka responded carelessly. "Nothing has changed. It's the same moment . . . again and again."
"You still don't remember the ending?"
"Oh, I do now." she mumbled.
"Ah?" The man croaked, caught off guard by her reply. "Yet, you said there wasn't any changes . . . "
"There isn't. It's still the same moment. Again. Again. Again. I've always knew the ending, I just never dreamed it."
"Care to elaborate?" The councilor began to scrawl a few footnotes onto a clean slice of lined paper. "Anything you wish to tell me is fine, Lennyka. Anything. It'll be one step closer to a peace of mind." There was only the slightest hint of mirth in his tone, something he concealed with perfected ease. Despite his duty to remain patient, he was quite enthralled to finally obtain some development on the case of Lennyka Eckert. She was a mystery concealed within an uncrackable nutshell. Once, he was persuaded the younger woman was simply entertaining herself or substituting her time with him as an excuse to escape loneliness. Yet, the tinge her in pallid face proved otherwise. I've held it in far too long. Help. I need help. She fell under her hopelessness and realized, yes, she cannot fight her psychological torment alone brandishing only a dagger engraved, "strong." He understood far too well. Once, he was in the same position.
"It won't bring me any piece of mind," Lennyka grumbled. Despite not seeing her face, he could sense the disgust encrusted on her features.
"My apologies, I didn't mean to offend."
"You didn't."
His slipping grasp on the situation provoked a bitter sigh. "Why the apprehension, Lennyka? Everything you tell me is confidential, up until an admitted act of treason or otherwise. Than I must contact our superiors."
". . . I'm afraid you might think of me as a criminal." she mumbled again.
The councilor couldn't help his guffaw. "Ah, haha, oh goodness, I'm sorry, Miss Eckert." he apologized, wiping away a sudden tear and clawing the center of his chest to calm his chortles. "You and I are not exactly choice people to be judging each other, especially as criminals. We're both part of Team Rocket for a reason, like it or not.
The glasses girl suddenly slipped herself up to a sitting position to the side of the stretched out chair. Her hands gripped tightly onto its tanned hide, absorbing the crescent fold of her nails. "Where should I begin, than?" she inquired, avoiding eye contact. "You've heard it so many times you've likely committed every detail to memory . . . "
"Once more, from the beginning, won't hurt," he lied.
Taking a deep breath, Lennyka began. "S-Sorano had returned from a mission, five days ago. He hadn't left his room since. I got terribly worried and tried to get his attention through any means, even pretending to be exceptionally hurt to have him open the door. He wouldn't. I turned to another method and picked the lock after a week's time had gone by. Seven days of no cleaning left his room in a pigsty. It smelled worse than burning hair. H-He was passed out on the floor amidst a pile of microwaveable sandwich wrap papers and countless beer cans. Shaking him awake came to no avail, but he was still breathing, so I pushed him to bed. His stubble was incredible. It felt disgusting on my arm."
"I cleaned up and trashed what I could, which was more than I could describe. After a day, his room looked presentable, but nothing to really brag about. He woke up that Tuesday with a raging headache. He asked how I got in. I admitted what I did and he said he was terribly proud. I really earned the skills of a Rocket. I really didn't know what to say, so I asked instead. I asked and . . . I couldn't believe what I heard. "I had to kill Never," he said. His trusted Flareon . . . The one he loved so. "He was hurt . . . Bleeding so much. Getting back to the base wouldn't save him. His eyes pleaded for me to save him. I-I tried to show him mercy, but I made his death more painful. I'm sick of myself. I can't believe what I did.""
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Posted: Wed Jan 30, 2013 5:31 am
Silence tickled the underside of her mouth as her bottom lip quivered. Grumbling with her sudden quieting, the councilor sat up from the plushness of his seating and lowered his head to try and snag her gaze. As if catching his insistent gesture, Lennyka turned her head fully towards the window blared white by the desert sun. The still atmosphere was thin enough where even the persistent stream of air conditioning, a low, inaudible hum, could be heard from the above ventilation. Eventually, when a minute wore on and she had not continued, the Team Rocket councilor retracted from her presence and reclined back in his leather chair.
"Does the tale end there?" he inquired with a slight sweep of his hand. "Or does it end there, just for today?"
" . . . I'm not done." Lennyka returned, dipping her chin back towards her bosom. "I was just realigning my thoughts."
"You've never had to do it before," the councilor responded.
"That's because you never told me to tell the entire tale, start to finish. It's always been fragments. Again. Again. Again. You seemed satisfied with that, right?"
"I shouldn't complain. I am here for you, after all, to help you through your turmoil. No matter how long it takes."
"That's the first sincere thing I've heard you say," Lennyka mused, finally flashing her fallow gaze to him. He pursed his lips at her beaming face. "Maybe you do care."
"I do," the councilor lied. "Now, could you continue?"
With jittery fingers, the glasses girl folded her hands on her lap and sighed miserably. "He kicked me out than and for the next few days, he didn't open the door again. I tried to unlock it, but it wouldn't budge. He caught on to what I did. When it had turned into a week and some handful of days, I complained to a hire-up, and they beat their way into his room. He was dead."
The councilar gave a small, "Ah," and nodded his head in affirmation, as it is what he had expected. "That is what I expected. He committed-"
"Yes, he offed himself," Lennyka facetiously chuckled. "He was always so weak. I never would really think he would."
"And you find that amusing? That's quite cynical."
"Black comedy, something like that, right?" Lennyka chirped. Her voice darkened next. "No, I never found it amusing. He was my older sibling, someone I loved. I could never accept myself if I found it titillating. I have come to terms with it though. It's the thoughts that moment spurred that brings me torment. It's a walking daymare for me. I constantly dream I am the one pulling the trigger. I feel as if it is my fault. It isn't! . . . But I feel it is."
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Posted: Sun Feb 03, 2013 7:34 pm
"Now, why do you feel it is your fault?"
"Damn it, I don't know," Lennyka cried as she shot her councilor a sharp glare. "If I knew, I wouldn't be here, throwing away precious time because I need mental help! I'm a loon, going crazy over nothing, aah!" The trainee buried her face into the palms of her hands, withholding the desire to shed tears over, to her, presumably nothing. "I am so confused. I shouldn't feel this way, but it's my fault . . . It's my fault . . . It's my fault . . ."
The councilor waited patiently for her to calm, tapping the nib of his pen impatiently onto his notepad, birthing a random congregation of dots onto the paper. When her silent sobs simmered to a low boil, he stopped, and leaned forward. "Self-blame," he muttered towards her.
"W-What?" she stammered in return, puzzled over the single phrase. "I don't understand . . . "
Retracting himself from her personal bubble, the councilor explained. "It's quite self-explanatory. You blame yourself for your brother's ultimate suicide, possibility due to your persistence to check in on him out of concern. Lennyka, please understand, your choice to see how your brother is doing did not drive him to take his life. That was his choice -- not mines, not Arceus's, not even yours. Turning your feelings of guilt inward on yourself won't relieve yourself of your mental pain. It won't. You have to let go."
"I- I just, it isn't that easy . . . "
"I know," he sighed. "I know very well it's hard to let those feelings go after keeping them pent up all these years. Change takes time for some, almost immediate for others. We'll take as long as you wish, Lennyka. I am patient."
"Thank you," Lennyka returned sincerely. Her eyes fluttered up to the clock behind her. "Oh, our session is done."
"It is," the councilor said a tad bit dully. "You normally leave earlier than this."
"I do," Without another word, she raised to her feet, and departed from the room. "I, um, I'll come the same time tomorrow," she added before she made her goodbyes. Upon receiving a nod of affirmation, she left to her trainee dorm.
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Posted: Mon Feb 04, 2013 2:38 pm
Sun filtered across the wide expanse of sea, drowning the dusty, abandoned beach in a mixture of tangerine and blood. A low gale cast particles of grain across the meeting of the sea and sand, billowing the collection onto an outstretched, seemingly unconscious Lennyka. She huffed herself awake as a handful was forced onto her face, drawing her fallow gaze up to the dawning heavens of red swelling to a bloated, dark blue. Little pinpricks of white dotted the sky here or there, faint, but existing diamonds for the night to come. Rolling herself up to a sitting position, she bent at the waist, her head tucked into the cave of her inferior palm.
"Again," she muttered, experiencing the lucidity of the dream with exceptional realism. "I'm here again. Where am I?"
The unbelievable strength of her knee muscles cranked her to her feet and she cast her murky gaze out to the murky sea, unable to describe the beauty of the paracosm. It was quite unnaturally natural, like a vision from a god's mental consciousness, ethereal and pure with their head on the ground and their feet amongst the stars. Suddenly, the sun flickered out like a candle flame, darkening the unusual world, but leaving the sea a bright, burning crimson. A huff of wind flailed her braid tails aloft as she stared, her bosom climbing in fear.
"Where am I? Where am I?
Not a single soul answered her. She was alone. Lennyka knew fairly well she was dreaming, as she did through her countless other nightmares, and this one was not any different. This was her constant, fantastical thoughts during the night. She existed through several others, but only this one -- herself, alone on some unknown beach -- did she remember upon waking every morning.
"Hello?" she cried, her voice echoing into the distance. Once again, no reply. The fine, powdery sand beneath her crunched as she took a step back, darting her gaze about all before her. "Please someone . . . " she pleaded. No reply. "Someone, anyone, answer me!" The realization of her loneliness brought a pain in her bosom. Her heart trembled, quaking her with a cough. Lennyka toppled upon herself, shivering. "Someone, please . . . " she croaked. "Anyone!"
Suddenly, a voice rose from behind her. "Lennyka!" it said, neither masculine or female. Her eyes snapped open than and the trainee awoke pin-straight on her dorm bed, sweat streaming like the crash and swell of a wafting tide. The trainee took a moment to recollect her shattered psyche, coming to terms with the fact she wasn't alone on some topsy-turvey bank. She wanted to move, but her form denied her the liberty, insisting a few more moments soaking in her own perspiration would do her some good.
"Again . . ." she sighed, referring to her nocturnal panic attacks. It was something she hadn't brought up to the Team Rocket councilor, neither the truth of her real nightmares. Lying was just easy for her. When her brain released its shackles on her tightened arms and legs, she rose again, and extended a hand into her bedside drawer. She tugged it open, withdrew a small notebook, and slid off the bed trapped within its bindings.
Lennyka flipped through a few pages, each dated, until she came to a the last two entries. "Again" and "Again" she wrote for the for the last double days. She scribbled her following entry. Her third, again, was written as, "again." Again. Again. Again. Slapping the notebook shut, she flipped it and her writing utensil back where they belonged and shoved the drawer shut. She rolled about in her bed, chagrining in dismay, and slapped her lids close, hoping not to dream again.
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Posted: Mon Feb 04, 2013 3:03 pm
Day seven.
"You came early today," the councilor mentioned as he stared at his doodle of an upside-down Psyduck, tapping his pen, once again, patiently near the top of his notepad, forming a large accumulation of dabs in the corner. "I didn't think you'd come barging in while I had another session."
"I didn't know others come to see you," Lennyka admitted, circling her thumbs as she remained laid out on the lounge chair.
"I do see a few, yes."
She turned her head and peaked from the side of the chair, concealing a tightened glare. "Who?" she asked.
"I'm sorry, Lennyka. That's confidential." the councilor replied, oblivious to her.
"How many, than?"
"About five or six, counting you."
"That's so little," she gawked.
"Oh?" the councilor huffed. "You were expecting more?"
Lennyka shrugged. "Well, yes, I did. People here don't have the prettiest backstories, y'know. I am sure they'd also have problems like I do and want to seek out help."
The councilor shrugged too. "I am sure they want help," he replied. "Yet, I do believe it's a matter of pride. They keep their problems to themselves, maybe not wanting to burden others, or simply because they wish not to look weak. They have different reasons, but they're genuine ones. Who likes to show their real selves?"
"That's a good point," Lennyka agreed. "So, am I considered weak?"
"Some people might think that, yes. I, personally, don't think so though. You've had the balls to reach out, that's admirable enough."
"You're awfully nice today," Lennyka sighed, squirming with displeasure. "It's awkward."
"I feel . . . homely," he shrugged again. "Now, why don't you tell me more about your nightmares? We made some progress yesterday, let's make some today."
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Posted: Mon Feb 04, 2013 4:38 pm
"Did you know, when you die, you smell like fruit?" Lennyka mentioned, peering at her fingernails. "Your body breaks down your fats into molecules called ketones, which are found in fruits and stuff."
"Okay?"
"Isn't that something? You smell delicious while you're dying." she chuckled, before quieting. "His room had a lovely smell like raspberries."
"So, he starved himself?"
"I don't think so. They thought that at first when they found his body, but the gigantic hole in his head spoke otherwise. I think he was using a freshener or something to cover the smell of all of his garbage. Just to avoid complaints."
"And, why exactly is this significant to you?" the councilor inquired further.
"I haven't been able to eat fruit since. I've been taking supplements. I, um, I digress. My nightmares . . . "
"Your nightmares, yes."
"Right," Lennyka's eyes trailed left. "I don't know where to begin this time."
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Posted: Mon Dec 30, 2013 12:28 am
"From the beginning?" she asked.
"From the beginning," the man confirmed.
"All right." Lennyka shifted herself up higher on the chair, knocking the tips of her boots together as she searched her mind for words to begin. She closed her mind, trying to envision the fake nightmare she had constructed just to carry her session along.
"I'm . . . "
After some time, Lennyka heard a clatter, and opened her eyes with a start. Lifting her head up, she looked to the councilor, and noticed the man had gone stiff; the pen he used to take notes rolling away on the floor.
"Sir?" she muttered. "Are you okay?"
"I am, but- You surprised me," he replied, bending down to retrieve his writing utensil again. "That's certainly a different nightmare."
"H-Huh?" Lennyka stuttered. "What . . . What did I say?"
"That you were on a beach," he replied. "With a sunset . . . And it goes dark. Don't you remember?"
"I-" Lennyka shook her head. "You weren't supposed to find out . . . about that. No, you weren't. That's . . . "
"The real nightmare?" The councilor raised his eyebrows knowingly.
"How did you-" Lennyka shivered. "How do you know?"
"You never look anyone in the eye when you lie," he replied. "When you do, you trust the person. I must say, for being so guarded, you're quite expressive."
"What that suppose to mean?"
"Not really sure."
"Then . . ." Lennyka frowned. "How are you so such about . . . what I do?"
The councilor leaned back in his chair. "I used to be an interrogator back in Hoenn," he replied. "I lost the position when I drove a traitor to take his own life. I didn't mean to, but the higher-ups blamed me even though the kid hung his own damn self. He was sort of important too . . . Knew some stuff that could really put TR on the map. Anyway, long story short, now I'm a councilor trying to help people rather than scare them shitless. The pay sucks, but I can deal with it."
"Oh, I see . . . " Lennyka replied. "So does this mean I trust you now?"
The councilor shrugged. "That doesn't depend on me," he said. "It's for you to decide."
"Hmmph," she harrumphed. Looking to the clock, Lennyka realized she had overstayed her welcome by ten minutes. "Whoops," she muttered. "Do you have-"
The man shook his head. "You were the last one for today. Ready to go?"
Lennyka nodded her head.
"All right, I guess I'll see you tomorrow," he said to her.
"Yea . . . " she replied.
Yet, she never showed.
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