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[Q] Svartalfheim Page - Nicole Walter

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Appeal

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PostPosted: Tue Jan 15, 2013 7:53 pm


User Image - Blocked by "Display Image" Settings. Click to show.Name: Nicole Walter

Nickname: Nick (Derived from its predecessor: Nicky), Walter

Age: 33

Birthday: January 1

Sign: Capricorn

Gemstone: Garnet

Blood Type: O+

Fav. Food: Baked Goods (especially pie)

Hated Food: Haggis, Head Cheese, Kale

Job: Law Enforcement

Hobbies:

Interior Decorating -- This hobby embarrasses her because more often than not the response she got when she mentioned it was laughter. It simply didn't fall in line with the rest of her hobbies and life, but she has always made time for it. It is kind of hard not to, look at that crown molding! How could she not decorate her house to highlight their beauty? And those hardwood floors—absolutely breathtaking! Did you see this area rug? It's made of real sheepskin!

Motorcycles -- Every girl needs a way to get from point A to point B and this one has chosen two wheels over four. She can't just drive one without taking care of and knowing about it, oh no no no. She studies them, and invests her time into reading about new developments in models and designs. How fast can the engine on this typically take? Are these new brakes really better? How are the aerodynamics? Upright position and visibly? It's all good here in motorcycle land.

Organization -- This isn't anything torturous to her, she actually really loves it. Everything has its place and sometimes that place changes over time and she will do a clean sweep of her environment and assign everything a new place to suit her needs. This doesn't only include her own spaces. She can be found in the library reorganizing books on occasion, changing the layout of the furniture in restaurants (or just how they arranged the salt and pepper shakers) and even gardening. That's right, no lawn gnome is safe!

Volunteering -- Give her a cause and she'll be there. No, really: She's more than happy to give some of her time to helping needy animals at an animal shelter, putting on a bake sale to raise money for a local grade school, helping hand out food and cleaning up at a soup kitchen, building homes for low income families, picking up trash around the city (even on her own), baking anything but pies for convicts, and even organizing books at the library. She's not really picky about it, simply eager to help out anywhere necessary (and sometimes not).

Work -- She's addicted to her job. End of story.

Virtues:

Altruistic -- She didn't go into law enforcement for her own gain, or simply to have a career, but instead to help the people who couldn't help themselves. Every year crime rates soar, and every year more and more people become unable to even support themselves in such a world. In tune to the feelings of those around her, she is unable to simply stand by and watch. Despite warnings from those who care about her, she goes above and beyond what is expected. She is the kind of woman who would take the clothes off her back for someone in need, or lay down on a wire to allow others safe passage across.

Ambitious -- She doesn't simply wait for things to come to her. If good things are going to happen, it is going to happen because she worked hard to get them to. She doesn't believe in simply getting through life by being lucky, nor does she believe in a life that isn't lived. There are so many things that she can do, and she's going to do as many of them as she can. And why yes, yes she does have a list.

Analytical -- A lot of care is placed in every thought and decision before it ever even gets close to being an action. Details are the foundation, building blocks and structure of her life, giving her an incredible attention to the detail of things around her. If things are not in the place she left them, she will notice and automatically begin formulating a theory based on the information she knows to figure out where they went. Facts are not facts without having the proper sources to back them up, and if you plan to bring up any points or ideas to her then you better be able to prove it.

Righteous -- There is a thin line between right and wrong but with proper care you can ensure you do not cross it. Temptation is great in the world, and it is easy to cross the line when the consequences are minimum but that's not how she rolls. Strict rules are what keeps order in the world, and once you cross them then what? She will watch your house, and although she might clean it up, she definitely will not look through your personal belongings. Harmless peek? No such thing! Confidential information is kept under wraps and secrets are kept zipped behind her lips. Despite the great temptation for furthering her own career alone, she won't take credit for work she didn't do even if she was given permission to do so. It just isn't how she swings, and on the same hand she also won't allow someone to take credit for work they didn't do even if she ends up the bad guy.

Flaws:

Overbearing -- Everything needs to be a certain way: Her way. It doesn't matter if it is the state of your apartment or how you're addressing your child but if it is not how she'd handle it then clearly you're doing it wrong. She will explain (in quite a bit of detail) the errors of your way to you... if she doesn't go out of her way to correct it first. She won't accept no as an answer, even if you say it ten times in a row. With the persistence of a cockroach, she will keep coming at you until you give in to her demands. Don't mistake her actions as something that can only happen while you're around, simply ignoring her will not work either. If she is left alone, she will even clean and organize a person's personal space in good faith.

Overconfident -- With her head held high, there is nothing she can't do. She may stand at a striking 5'2" but she acts like she's 6'2". Does she tower over you? No, but her attitude certainly does. She doesn't stop to consider if she can do something or not, and instead she just steps up to the plate. That plate may have more than she can handle on it, but she'd never admit to it. She can do it, leave it to her!

Overcritical -- Everyone may be human but she does not believe everyone should make mistakes. Mistakes can cost someone their life! With that in mind, she judges even small mistakes much more severely than they typically would be judged. Mistakes aren't the only thing she's judging though. Everything you've ever laid out on the table and then some is being judged and speculated upon. She's a little insensitive because of it, sometimes forgetting her original intention was to help them—not point out all their flaws.

Overzealous -- Enthusiasm isn't even a contender here. Is happy to do it? Definitely but she is constantly going overboard in the process. With a diligence of 510%, she will try and run the entire show. She invests herself fully into everything she does and everything those around her do, making sure everything goes exactly how it needs to go. She can't fully rely on everyone else so she watches everyone like a hawk to make sure things go smoothly, and even when things go smoothly often she still ends up stepping in to do it herself. More than a little pushy, she'll step on a few toes if need be.

=======================================

User Image - Blocked by "Display Image" Settings. Click to show.Knight Title: Svartalfheim, Page of Saturn

Challenge: This is your final warning: Drop your weapon!

Weapon --

Page -- Ribbon: Oh hey, it's just a ribbon. How pretty!

Squire -- Rope: In another time, a view of the gallows would be what awaited those unfortunate enough to fall into this circumstance. For 30 seconds, Svartalfheim's opponent will find just their hands bound behind them by magic, and an unnerving sensation of something around their neck.

Knight -- Noose: Hands bound and ready for the gallows, the noose—infused by the death of worlds—brings forth the emotion that lingered immediately after those who have died. Svartalfheim's opponent will find just their hands bound behind them by magic for 30 seconds, and for that time they will mentally and emotionally experience what it were to feel like if they inches from death. As an illusion, this magic does not inflict any actual physical damage and what is experienced each time varies upon the person.
PostPosted: Sun Feb 10, 2013 5:17 pm


Appeal


Hey, Appeal! Congratulations on winning Svartalfheim!

Since you already have her art, I'm going to try and be as quick as possible!

Her civilian side looks mostly good to me! I think law enforcement could be a really interesting occupation to have, and I'm eager to see how that conflicts with her powered self!

For her hobbies: The motorcycle hobby looks good, though I've got a few questions for her other hobbies. Organization and Work don't immediately seem like hobbies, and I'm a bit curious about Volunteering.

For Organization, I can understand that she likes organizing things, and while organizing books in the library might be appreciated [provided she isn't TOTALLY revamping things and is just fixing books that are in the wrong place], I can't see that changing the layouts of tables in restaurants is something a lot of people are going to appreciate, nor am I really sure I understand how gardening fits in with organization.

For Volunteering, there really isn't any description here, and while it's not required to provide a surplus of information for this field, it is particularly barren and that sticks out as a bit odd to me. Will she really volunteer for any cause? Will she volunteer at an animal shelter or to pick up trash, or to bake pies for convicts—or help organize books at the library?

For Work, I really don't think that this is a hobby so much as a lifestyle she's chosen. Hobbies could include studying crime extensively [beyond what her work would require]—maybe she likes to read up on cases, or likes crime dramas, but a hobby is supposed to be something one does in their leisure time, and while she can enjoy her job, I just don't think that alone constitutes as a hobby.

For her traits: I think most of her traits work well together! Her virtues all look awesome to me, but in looking at the flaws, a few things stick out to me. Overbearing looks pretty good to me, but starting with the overconfident flaw, I really don't see much of overconfidence in the description.

Overconfidence is definitely a flaw, but right now it just isn't reading as such to me. The example about needing to be taller doesn't really read as being overconfident [overconfident to me would be that she doesn’t care if she's short/has a height disability when compared to others but still thinks she can keep up with them regardless of not being able to in the past]. With how you've written it, I don't read it as being something people can frown upon her for, so for this reason, I think it would be really awesome if you could focus on how her overconfidence is negative? Does she put herself in harm's way while on the job because she thinks too highly of herself/thinks she is above the risk of danger? Or does she take on a bigger workload than she could possibly manage because she had too much faith in herself/was too ambitious?

Overcritical gives me the impression that she would be judging people (similar to what you mention in overbearing) and thinking very harshly of mistakes. In reading the description you provide, I get the impression that she is arrogant [thinks that everyone is helpless/has something to improve on because "it is still not good enough and you need her help" OR that she is blunt/can be harsh and make things awkward when she calls you out on things. I think for the description to really encompass overcritical, you would need to talk more about how she judges others and why people would look down on her for it. Perhaps she is quick to jump to conclusions based on how critical she is, or she isn't understanding over other's situations because she is too critical of flaws or actions, so even though she has intention to help people/altruistic, she can come across as harsh or unsympathetic when pointing out their mistakes/flaws.

Overzealous seems like a very reasonable flaw for her, however in the description you provide, I'm just not seeing how it is a flaw. The end partially reads as manipulative ("Where she does, she expects others to do the same and in the end she tries so hard she ends up getting in her own way."), but the rest of it just comes across is that she puts her all into things and either gives you too many cookies or works so hard that she forgets/loses time to give them to you. When I think of overzealous, I think of someone who invests themselves too much into something—someone who is easily excitable or angry about situations, or is too eager to take things into their own hands [which could be a flaw if she is getting too emotional about situations or is too keen on running things—which I could see tying into her overbearing and maybe even overconfident flaws].

Other than that, her civilian looks fabulous to me, and there's only a bit to say on her knight side!

I love Svartalheim as a wonder, and the weapons all look good to me, so the only thing to comment on is the magic! As it is written, the duration of her magic is a bit iffy. Because of the way it is written, I'm not sure if that's supposed to say she can use her magic for sixty second/twenty second intervals or if she can use her magic for sixty/twenty seconds in whatever intervals she chooses. Because knights have a pool of magic they can access, they can use their magic however often and for however long during a battle provided they do not exceed the total pool of energy they have.

Additionally, I think sixty seconds is too long for her to be able to bind an opponent's hands, no matter the duration. While this would still allow the opponent to run or kick, if they fall, it would be very difficult for them to get up and a lot of damage can be done in sixty seconds. For squire stage, I would be more comfortable with something closer to thirty seconds.

Regarding her knight magic, I'm a bit iffy on this. In the Knight information provided in the application thread, it states "Knight weapons get ONE EXTRA EFFECT PER STAGE. At the third stage you can choose to give a big boost in power to the magic the weapon possesses at Squire stage, OR you can add an entirely new one. You also have a bigger energy pool as you level up, so your magic will become slightly more powerful in general with each stage," and yet her knight stage has less magic and a completely different effect, so it shares nothing in common with the squire stage.

To remedy this, I think it would be easiest to start with an idea of her squire attack and think about how it could upgrade. For knight stage, a few suggestions/alternatives I could think of was:

1) Increase the strength of the bindings or have them bind an additional part of the body [possibly neck, to go along with the idea of a noose? It could give the added affect of a heavy weight to make them feel like they were about to be hung, however wouldn't contribute to asphyxiating them, just give the illusion of a rope around their neck to cause discomfort and distress? I wouldn't suggest adding binding to feet, however; I think having someone's hands and feet bound for 30+ seconds is too much and would leave them helpless]
2) Keep the squire stage and add the effect you have written for her knight stage.

You could increase the total magic pool a bit if you wanted, just as long as you keep in mind how much damage could be done in that amount of time should Svartalheim use all of her magic on one person with no breaks? [especially if she has someone else with her to do damage while she incapacitates her target].

That said though, I am really excited for this character and cannot wait to see her in play! If you have questions, comments, or make any changes, please quote me and I'll be back as soon as possible!


Kyuseisha no Hikari

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Appeal

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PostPosted: Sun Feb 10, 2013 10:04 pm


Kyuseisha no Hikari


I fixed everything, taking all your suggestions into account. I also made another knight attack to try and work with what you said. I am not sure which is better, the upgrade or the original. I hope one of these is correct.
PostPosted: Mon Feb 11, 2013 3:00 pm


Appeal


Thank you so much for clearing those things up and making tweaks, Appeal! I really like the idea of her knight attack making the target go through the emotions just prior to death, so I can't wait to see it in use! The profile looks fabulous to me now, so I'm going to drop off a trial stamp and a GM will be in for the final verdict as soon as possible!

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Kyuseisha no Hikari

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Iris_virus

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PostPosted: Tue Feb 12, 2013 9:29 am


Very neat character and powers! ACCEPTED
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