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 Posted: Wed Jan 09, 2013 7:27 am
The Wolf,
I walk in Silence through winters night.
Under shadow of Bertramus flight.
I sing of sorrow and friends past
This unspeakable pain, to be the last
Am I alone here and forever more?
I wander here over forests floor
Where are the howls under the moon?
Is this the end? has it come so soon?
I am the Wolf and I shall Find home
Paw steps beside me, I am not alone.
Thank you for reading.
Please let me know what you think and what you believe it was about.
Any grammar or punctuation mistakes I apologize for.
If you have any questions then please ask them.
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Posted: Thu Jan 10, 2013 7:35 am
What is "shadow of Bertramus?" sweatdrop
I tried looking it up to see if it was some sort of mythological being, but didn't find anything!
You know, as I'm reading your poem, I notice that the 'ands' in certain sentences are a little extraneous. When I read poetry, and when I try to write it, I like for there to be pauses, spaces for breathing and thinking. Sometimes those spaces make for a more poignant feel, and what the and is doing is adding an extra beat that doesn't necessarily need to be there, you know?
Just try taking one out and replacing it with a comma and see how it feels to you. smile
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Posted: Thu Jan 10, 2013 8:23 am
ValkaEmirin What is "shadow of Bertramus?" sweatdrop I tried looking it up to see if it was some sort of mythological being, but didn't find anything! You know, as I'm reading your poem, I notice that the 'ands' in certain sentences are a little extraneous. When I read poetry, and when I try to write it, I like for there to be pauses, spaces for breathing and thinking. Sometimes those spaces make for a more poignant feel, and what the and is doing is adding an extra beat that doesn't necessarily need to be there, you know? Just try taking one out and replacing it with a comma and see how it feels to you. smile Thank you for your views. Bertramus is from Greek Mythology, it means "Shining Raven". I see your point with the "and" and adding a comma but I added the and's because I believe that it should be rather fast paced. It is a poem that has no pauses in it because it is about Wolves fleeing there home. Thank you for your advice smile I am glad you read it.
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Posted: Thu Jan 10, 2013 5:42 pm
That was amazing, and since I love wolves that just made it all the more awesome!
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Posted: Thu Jan 10, 2013 6:53 pm
Solarknight7 ValkaEmirin What is "shadow of Bertramus?" sweatdrop I tried looking it up to see if it was some sort of mythological being, but didn't find anything! You know, as I'm reading your poem, I notice that the 'ands' in certain sentences are a little extraneous. When I read poetry, and when I try to write it, I like for there to be pauses, spaces for breathing and thinking. Sometimes those spaces make for a more poignant feel, and what the and is doing is adding an extra beat that doesn't necessarily need to be there, you know? Just try taking one out and replacing it with a comma and see how it feels to you. smile Thank you for your views. Bertramus is from Greek Mythology, it means "Shining Raven". I see your point with the "and" and adding a comma but I added the and's because I believe that it should be rather fast paced. It is a poem that has no pauses in it because it is about Wolves fleeing there home. Thank you for your advice smile I am glad you read it. Cool. I'm glad you got a chance to defend your work. I sometimes felt bad tearing into writers like Emily Dickinson during my classes (I don't like her poems too much) because we can never know their intentions for writing the way they did, you know? Your writing style has a purpose that goes along with your theme, and I can appreciate that. Wow! I sound all cool and adult like! razz
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Posted: Thu Jan 10, 2013 8:05 pm
ValkaEmirin Solarknight7 ValkaEmirin What is "shadow of Bertramus?" sweatdrop I tried looking it up to see if it was some sort of mythological being, but didn't find anything! You know, as I'm reading your poem, I notice that the 'ands' in certain sentences are a little extraneous. When I read poetry, and when I try to write it, I like for there to be pauses, spaces for breathing and thinking. Sometimes those spaces make for a more poignant feel, and what the and is doing is adding an extra beat that doesn't necessarily need to be there, you know? Just try taking one out and replacing it with a comma and see how it feels to you. smile Thank you for your views. Bertramus is from Greek Mythology, it means "Shining Raven". I see your point with the "and" and adding a comma but I added the and's because I believe that it should be rather fast paced. It is a poem that has no pauses in it because it is about Wolves fleeing there home. Thank you for your advice smile I am glad you read it. Cool. I'm glad you got a chance to defend your work. I sometimes felt bad tearing into writers like Emily Dickinson during my classes (I don't like her poems too much) because we can never know their intentions for writing the way they did, you know? Your writing style has a purpose that goes along with your theme, and I can appreciate that. Wow! I sound all cool and adult like! razz Thank you. I hope you liked it. I look forward to reading some of your work.
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Posted: Thu Jan 10, 2013 8:23 pm
Soon... I hope! This cloud is cute.
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Posted: Thu Jan 10, 2013 8:43 pm
Your writing is truly inspiring to me i really loved how you petrayed yourself as being alone at first and then eventually finding your way to your inner happiness which was finding friends to stand by you And i really mean this when i say this i will stand by you as well in your journey smile
Btw i love wolves heart
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