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 Posted: Sun Dec 30, 2012 3:14 pm
Hiana had never wanted to run away more than she wanted to right at that very moment. She denied running from the Kizingo, she had simply left, but the truth was she had fled her life there, her family and everything else that pride had stood for.
She never wanted to return.
But at this very moment, even the Kizingo was better than where she was right now.
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Posted: Sun Dec 30, 2012 3:16 pm
Sweet and calm, Ili'ella rarely - if ever - lost her temper but there was a few things that could spark her anger, and one of them was standing right in front of her. Neculai'oua was elder than her, and had always been the wayward son. Now he had returned, and was corrupting Hiana even!
"Mother did the best she could, Neculai! And you know it!" Ili'ella snapped, standing her ground even though she was significantly smaller than her brother.
Ili'ella rarely stood up for Ecaterina - or rather, Laf'lari as she was known now - but while Ili'ella hated some things about her mother, it was not the woman's fault that she was like that, it was simply her nature, and yet Neculai was standing there, blaming her as if it had all been a choice.
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Posted: Sun Dec 30, 2012 3:18 pm
"Her best?" Neculai'oua scoffed. "What does that even mean?" He growled out, eyes narrowed and claws clenching the ground. He would never, ever attack family - well, except for one - but sometimes Ili'ella pushed all the wrong buttons.
"What if her best wasn't good enough? What then? Should we just...absolve her from any responsibility?" He snarled, tossing his head. "Don't deny you hate how we were raised, Ili'ella! I know you hate her just as much as I do!"
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Posted: Sun Dec 30, 2012 3:22 pm
"Hate her?" Ili'ella snorted. "No! Do I wish she was different? Mkodi, YES." She looked at her brother almost sadly. "Oua, are you really going to carry this hatred around forever? You need to forgive her, and move on, or you're never going to be happy."
She glanced towards her half sister, born of their mother and another male. "Hiana, please, I beg of you, don't gain my brother's hatred for her. She does what she can, and I understand why you might feel this way, but she loved and still loves you. She let you go, even when I know she would have desperately wanted you to stay. Please, please, don't gain this hatred and have it ruin your life too."
She had made her peace with their mother years ago, when she had birthed a litter of cubs she had needed to make her peace or else she would have made mistakes raising them. Sometimes she feared that she did, but they were older now, and they had gone their separate ways, it was their lives to lead now.
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Posted: Sun Dec 30, 2012 3:27 pm
Hiana had stayed silent as the siblings argued loudly in front of her, afraid to get involved in the squabble that seemed to age back years. But when Ili'ella adressed her directly, she was placed right in the middle of it. She hesitated, and ducked her head. Oh Mkodi, what could she say?
"I don't hate her, sister," she whispered, not looking at her brother pointedly. She felt like she would either let down one or the other, but she had to tell the truth. "I can't hate her, but, Ili'ella...so much would have been different if she had just been different, and," she took a deep breathe and this time glanced at both her siblings. "I am so tired of who I am right now. I wish I was different, but I am stuck and she is the reason I am like this. I can't hate her, but," her eyes were becoming cloudy. "Mkodi I wish she was a different person."
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Posted: Sun Dec 30, 2012 3:30 pm
Oua narrowed his eyes at Ili'ella, growing irritated at how his sister was phrasing her comments to Hiana. His life was not ruined by this anger, it was justified and he would go to his grave saying that it was. However, as Hiana began to speak, he felt his shoulders slump.
His sister did not share his anger, but he worried that maybe her burden was worse than his. He hated his mother, he knew this, and he had long since embraced it but Hiana...Hiana hated herself and did not blame their mother, but blamed everything for who she was, and that was a large burden to bear, especially on one so young.
He opened his mouth, but could not force sound to come out, he was speechless and useless.
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Posted: Sun Dec 30, 2012 3:34 pm
Thankfully Ili'ella was not useless in emotional situations. Rather, her own eyes began to mist and she stepped closer, slowly. "Oh sister," she whispered, and approached cautiously, like Hiana would spook like an injured antelope, and the truth was that Ili'ella honestly didn't know what to do in this situation.
She gently placed her paw over her sisters and moved closer, tucking Hiana's head under her chin and letting the female's cheek to rest on her chest. "You are young, you will find who you are. There is nothing wrong with you, you just need to love yourself, and accept that."
She nuzzled her sister's manefluff. "And if you are honestly unhappy," she pulled back and tilted Hiana's jaw up. "Change."
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Posted: Sun Dec 30, 2012 3:37 pm
Hiana leant into her sister, absorbing her strength and listening to the heartbeat that thudding just beneath her ear, but when she pulled back, and said her final statement, Hiana could almost feel her own heart stop. Her eyes went wide and she stammered for a moment.
"I...I can't," she whispered frantically. "I can't!" She pulled back abruptly, rising to her paws and taking off, away from her siblings as fast as she could. She couldn't do this any more.
Couldn't they see? She was stuck and she wasn't strong enough to pull herself out. She could barely see as she ran, her eyes blurred and frantic.
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Posted: Sun Dec 30, 2012 3:41 pm
Watching his half sister flee for the umpteenth time, Oua growled. "Look!" He snapped at Ili'ella. "Look at what Mother has done to her! She can barely function anymore!"
He shook his mane angrily. "You cannot say that mother had no part in her fall! Mother should have been there! Should have been a mother, not off flirting with males half her age as I know she certainly was!"
He glanced towards her, staring her down. He didn't blame Ili'ella, but sometimes she frustrated him. She was so quick to forgive, so quick to accept, that she forgot sometimes it was ok to hold a grudge, and their mother was certainly worthy of that.
"I want to help Hiana, and the only way to do that is for her to accept Mother's at fault."
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Posted: Sun Dec 30, 2012 3:43 pm
"Would you listen to yourself?" Ili'ella shrieked back, finally loosing her temper. She fluffed up her fur, which would look mildly hilarious to anyone watching as she was about half the size of her brother. "You are talking nonsense, Oua! I can understand your pain, after Father died - "
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Posted: Sun Dec 30, 2012 3:47 pm
Anger, rage and disgust coiled in his stomach, and it all burst as Ili'ella began to speak of their father. He would hate himself later, but his paw came out and struck his sister across the face, claws retracted but still scratches formed across the golden face of his sister.
"NEVER speak of father as if you know what I have been through, NEVER," he roared. "You know nothing about me, Ili'ella, you have always taken her side and I don't care what you say, Hiana needs my help and that is what I am going to give to her."
He glared at the smaller lioness. "I hope you are happy in your delusions, sister, but I am staying in reality - and the reality is, Mother should never have been allowed to have cubs."
He strode passed her swiftly, in the direction that Hiana had fled.
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Posted: Sun Dec 30, 2012 3:51 pm
It was almost numbing, when her brother hit her across the face. Her head snapped to the side, the scratches stinging but thankfully they had missed her eyes. She stayed silent as her brother raged, and finally stalked passed her, disappearing.
Tears slipped down her cheeks, and only stung the cuts more.
"Oh Father," she whispered, "how did it become like this?" She glanced around her, where her family should have stood, but instead she stood alone - like she always had been.
"If you were still here, would we have been different?" She wondered to herself, but shook her head. It was useless to think of such things, when there was so much more to think of.
"Neculai'oua, I swear to Mkodi now," she whispered, "you will not break Hiana like you have broken yourself. "
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Posted: Sun Dec 30, 2012 3:54 pm
She had run as far as she could, which was not far, as she soon hit the edge of a stream. The water bubbled and broke on the surface, the rocks beneath it making it choppy and unpredictable.
She stared, heart racing, at the water and could not force herself to leap the surface. She fell to the savannah floor, breathing heavily.
"What is wrong with me?" she shrieked. "Why won't you just leave me alone!" She bellowed to the water. "Leave me alone!"
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Posted: Sun Dec 30, 2012 3:56 pm
It wasn't hard to follow Hiana's scent, as it was so fresh and the fear that she exuded made her scent that much easier to trace. Plus, she had not gone very far and Oua heard her as she shrieked in the distance, adjusting his path to follow her's more closely.
Spying his sister sprawled on the floor, obviously struggling, he approached slowly, and placed his paw on her shoulder.
"It will leave you alone in time, sister," he said softly, "but not until you confront the source." He narrowed his eyes in the distance. "We must find Mother."
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Posted: Sun Dec 30, 2012 3:58 pm
She startled as her brother touched her shoulder, eyes going wide and immediately seeking his out. Her heart almost stopped at the idea of returning to the Kizingo. The ocean was there...she couldn't imagine returning to that place.
"If it will make it stop," she whispered, trying to firm her resolve. "I have to make it stop." She just wanted to feel normal, to feel safe, and to not fear every drop of water that barely touched her mouth.
She didn't notice the flecks of blood on her brother's paw.
"We will find mother."
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