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 Posted: Wed Dec 26, 2012 11:42 pm
    ♥ Have you ever been in love? ♥
♥ Did it last? ♥
♥ How did it feel? ♥
♥ How did you know? ♥
♥ Were you ever unsure? ♥
♥ Did you always know or did it take a while to figure it out? ♥
♥ Tell us all about it! -^^- ♥
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Posted: Wed Dec 26, 2012 11:44 pm
I've been in love, too many times. Recently I've been considering never loving again. However, this particular girl, still lingers in the shadows of my heart.
It lasted, until now. It has yet to end completely.
At first it felt great. I had butterflies in my stomach every time I saw her, it was blissful heaven. Then, she began to toy with my heart, and like a chained dog, I stayed on her leash at her beck and call. (figuratively speaking of course). Then it began to fade and feel worse and worse, eventually it was physically exhausting and painful. That lead to depression and recently, numbness. Like a snake coiled around its prey, suffocating it until it stops moving, rendering it in a state of numb-near-death.
I knew when it interfered with my school work, my health, my appetite, my writing, my drawings, my self control, etc. A turning point was when I had an emotional breakdown on the bus and cried on a friend's shoulder.
Not until recently was I unsure about the true-ness of my feelings. If I really love her or if it was just some odd infatuation my heart lost control of. In a way, I always knew, since I first met her. But like I said, now I am second guessing it.
Honestly, I'm trying to erase it completely, so I can go on in life and stop avoiding her. For a while I brushed her off and didn't treat her as kindly in hope to push her away, so I could try to breathe. At that time I was still in high school so I saw her every day. It was hard to avoid her. Now that we go to different colleges I don't see her, so I've had time to heal and try to get myself together.
I'm not sure if you could call what I felt. . feel. . .love. I had always understood love to be mutual, but now I understand, what she feels for me, is far from love. Not even sure if you can call it friendship. Because, what she's done to me, the torturous painful heartless things, are not what friends do to friends.
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