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 Posted: Wed Dec 26, 2012 3:50 pm
Kettil's days had melded a bit into one big chunk. While not many days had passed he still wasn't aware of them like he usually would be. Days in the presence of Freya usually went by pleasantly and happily but not so much in this case. Each time he got up, even when he thought she was asleep, she would suddenly latch onto him with a fierceness that was different from her usual embraces. Kettil would have to make many, many promises to return before she reluctantly let go, and even then she watched him like a hawk.
He made sure she drank. Kettil made doubly sure she ate. Refusal was not an option and he didn't back down.
The days were filled with silence. He wasn't sure what hurt more. The times where she only spoke a handful of words if he was lucky or the moments where she just laid in bed in complete unanimated silence except for when he moved to do something, or to take care of a need be it hers or his own.
Right now, in this instant, he just held onto her looking contemplative and troubled. Usually sleeping in her arms was pleasant and happy but now it was as if he was part of her waking nightmares and it was leaking steadily into him as the moments ticked by. "You know I love you, right?"
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Posted: Wed Dec 26, 2012 4:35 pm
Freya was half the ghoul she'd been.
It wasn't about her physical presence, anymore. She ate, and drank, because she could never say no to Kettil. The worst moments were when he had to leave her to get food, but he always promised he'd return. He promised. He promised. Nevertheless, the moment she could feel no trace of him against her, Freya's body locked up, frozen in abject pain for every moment until he finally returned. Her senses shut down, her muscles clenched, and her entire body clamped down in a silent, crippling pain, keeping her locked away in nightmarish agony that had her wincing until the warm feel of Kettil's hand on her skin pulled her from the grips of near insanity.
She couldn't lose him. She couldn't. Her hands shook at the mere thought. She had no more control over her own body and mind than she did over the cruelty of fate that had ripped him away already. She was alive. Here, and now, and so was Kettil. That was all that she could think about, anymore. It was all her mind allowed her to think about. The moment her thoughts drifted to what she'd lost, what she'd watched walk away into that-
gone, gone, gone
Her mind shut off the moment those thoughts crept back into her head, and she sighed, relaxing in the blissful haze of thoughtless abandon.
You know I love you, right?
Freya turned, her eyes opening to focus their wide, haunting gaze on Kettil, and her brows furrowed questioningly. Of course she knew that he loved her. His love was the reason she was still alive, still warm and breathing. His love was what kept her breathing, what kept her from giving up. His love was why she couldn't let go of him; why her fingers dug into his clothing once more, clutching with possessive declaration, and she curled into his body forcefully.
All of these things, she knew. Her lips parted, and the words refused to come. But they were there, bubbling on the surface of her tired gaze.
She nodded, a shy and small gesture. It was all she could do.
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Posted: Wed Dec 26, 2012 4:48 pm
To say he was concerned was probably an understatement that neared epic proportions. It made things harder when she didn't talk because he could only guess at the things she could possibly be thinking. Kettil guessing at her thoughts was dangerous because inevitably he thought the worst possible things in very short time.
He felt her clutch at him and it almost hurt him emotionally as much as it did physically. Kettil's brow furrowed as he just held onto her in turn quietly and her nod was just enough. "Tell me how to help you, then," he said softly. It wasn't a demand but a plea. Desperate and wanting nothing but to help her, heal her. Anything.
Even if it meant hurting others then he was certain that he'd do it for her. Go out and hurt everyone and anyone she directed him to.
He was aware that he hadn't given her the letter he'd written for her just yet. Kettil couldn't seem to think of a way to bring it up and speaking it out loud he was afraid he'd just hurt her more. In a way he was trapped within his own silences just as Freya was.
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Posted: Wed Dec 26, 2012 5:17 pm
It was hard for Kettil to understand that he already was doing his best to help her. Of course it was hard, because she couldn't just tell him. She couldn't ease his worries with a gentle word, an assurance that he was all she needed, and if he could just never move from her side ever again, she could make it through this world.
No, she could say none of that. She tried to express herself in her touch, the way her hands roamed his body and his hair, touching every inch of his face over and over when he was near. She tried to express herself in her eyes, the way they watched his every movement, never letting him out of her sight. She tried, but it wasn't enough. She opened her mouth and let out a soft, strangled sound. Her throat closed up, and a whine escaped her. In the end, she stopped trying to talk, and took a deep, desperate breath as her throat opened up again. She leaned up, her lips straining to find his, kissing him hungrily. He had to know, he had to know..
Of course!
Freya pulled away, her face brightened with a startled look, and started to peel herself away from him for the first time since she'd been put on the bed. Then she immediately regretted it, her body clamping down when her fingers fluttered away from his cloth, so she reached out and grabbed his arm, her eyes begging him to come with her. She had an idea!
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Posted: Wed Dec 26, 2012 5:44 pm
It didn't honestly take much to talk him into a kiss, no matter how sad he felt over Freya's condition he still gave her kisses upon request. It was the one thing that let him know that she still felt the same about him still. That she still touched him and needed him kept him around for as long as she wanted and that was pretty much non-stop since her return.
The hunger of the kiss had startled him a bit but then she suddenly wanted to move away and get up on her own. It almost seemed like a sign of sort of progress, but the brightness was dampened a bit when she grabbed his arm.
Not that he was averse to going anywhere with her. Kettil smiled and drew to his feet easily, "I am yours to lead," he said simply once he was up and ready to go.
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Posted: Wed Dec 26, 2012 6:37 pm
Freya's fingers were tight around his sleeve as she led him over to a little side table. There, her free hand opened a little drawer, and pulled out a sheet of paper and a pen. She pulled the cap off of the pen with her teeth, spat it out onto the floor, and started to scribble out a small message. It wasn't an answer to his question, but it was something she needed him to know, and understand, before she could even begin to explain what she needed from him. He needed to know. If she couldn't say it, at least she could write it. The only problem was.. she was holding his arm with her right hand. Her handwriting with her left hand was.. terrible. But it was readable. That was all that mattered. She held the little note up to him, her eyes pleading as they peeked out from directly above the paper.
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Posted: Wed Dec 26, 2012 6:56 pm
Kettil watched her curiously and then when she showed him what she had written and his heart melted into a large puddle of affection for the ghoul. He gently reached put and pushed her arms and he held her face in between his hand. "You're everything to me, too," he murmured to her softly and then he simply pressed his forehead against hers.
"I was afraid of losing you a couple of days ago, you know." He said quietly. "The fear got worse when I didn't hear from you a couple of days, especially seein' as somethin' had happened before you had disappeared."
Now it was his turn to lead her around. His hand was upon hers, squeezing it gently as he now lead her to where he had hidden the envelope within the pocket of his coat. After a moment he presented it to her, "I could tell ya out loud but...I am still so scared it hurts to even speak it, Freya..."
He waited for her to take the envelope and read the pages within it. (( pg 1, pg 2, pg 3))
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Posted: Wed Dec 26, 2012 7:42 pm
Freya's eyes closed when she felt his forehead press against hers, and his warm hands cradle her face. It was so easy to let everything else fall away. Her lips lifted in the fainted ghost of a smile. She wanted this moment. This, and no other. She didn't want the past, anymore - she wanted it to burn away, crumbled into ashes and forgotten. She didn't need the future, with its bothersome uncertainties and the dangers that lay ahead. She just wanted this one moment, frozen in time, and no other.
Here, in this moment, neither of them had to worry about whether the other was all right. Neither had to worry about whether the other knew how much they loved them. It was infused in every touch. Every breath.
When he pulled her away to lead her, Freya's world shattered. The smile of content she'd worn for just a moment disappeared into uncertainty once more. Whatever he was saying, whatever he was giving her, she didn't want. He was scared, and it scared her in turn. The envelope was looked at warily, and her fingers shook when they touched them. She leaned her body against his, so she could use both her hands to open the envelope up, and unfolded the papers.
Then she saw the owl stickers.
Whatever terrible, frightening thing Kettil had to say, couldn't have been so bad. Those precious little faces, smiling and cocking their heads at her, reassured her that nothing he could ever say would hurt her the way he worried it would. It was the only reason she read the letter at all.
And sure enough, as she read it, and Kettil went on about how worried he was, she let the anxiety leave her. She read quietly, until that one word-
Herryk
Flashes of portals and disappearing flooded her mind, and her throat closed as her body started to shake. She saw herself, standing in front of the human - she was the one standing there, walking into that portal. Following her lead, until half of her disappeared. Just half.
The other half of her split in blood and flesh on the ground, darkening the white snow with red-
No. No, that didn't even happen, her mind was playing tricks on her. She cringed, her fingers clutching the papers tighter in her hands until they crumpled in distress. Her eyes tightened as she forced herself back into the present, and then they opened again, refusing to give in to the plagues of her mind. She kept reading, but it was so hard to focus on the words. She felt a flood of anger when she read that Herryk had hurt Endy, but the little owl sticker took up her attention, along with the words beside it.
Didn't he realize that was exactly how she felt, as well? Was the fact that she couldn't go a moment without his touch, not enough proof that she couldn't let him go, either? Maybe not. Maybe it would never be enough. Her fingers reached out, clutching for his arm once more.
At some point, as Freya read on, she started to cry. She wasn't aware she was doing it, but there was no helping the matter. Kettil's emotions were poured into every word as he described how he'd fought for her, and killed him. Killed him. But not permanently. Killed him the way he'd killed her. The anger, the betrayal, she remembered the flash in his eyes just before she'd lost consciousness, and then-
gone, gone, gone
She would have been so mad. She realized, at that moment, why Kettil was so frightened of telling her this that he had to write it in a letter. She would have been so enraged that Kettil had gone that far. She would have.. she would have...
Now all she felt was an unsettling amount of satisfaction.
He deserved it.
Something snapped inside of Freya, something that had been bound so tightly, it caused a painful swell within her when it broke. Something that had tethered her to an empty space, and left her holding on to something that was no longer there. It all snapped, and she let out an audible cry as it felt like something broke inside of her.
She couldn't read the rest of the letter. She started to sag against Kettil, her soft little cries warning him that something was wrong, something hurt, and she couldn't hold herself up anymore.
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Posted: Wed Dec 26, 2012 8:01 pm
He was holding her as she leaned on him to read. Kettil watched her anxiously with his expression otherwise neutral. Carefully he counted out each moment she still touched him, let him hold her. He counted out each moment to treasure away just in case. Just in case....
Kettil ignored the pain in his heart that he felt when the tears started. He didn't know what the tears meant right then. With Freya as she was lately, he connected the tears to sorrow right now and he bit back the bitterness that made him feel.
No. Don't assume. Don't do it.
As she cried out and sunk against him, he clenched his jaw and held her in his arms more tightly to his body even as she sobbed and he only held her. Down he went with her to his knees and he only held her. It took everything within him to stay tethered to her side. To not just run out and get even more revenge. To hold back the rage and not lose himself to it.
Kettil was not used to this much anger in his veins.
For her he'd destroy everything. For her he'd shatter everything. Just for her. The loss of her would probably drive him to do worse things but with a deathwish attached, he was sure of it.
He didn't know what to do to make it better just then other than to just sing softly to her once more. The only song that he could think of just then, but there were changes, "I watched you sleeping, quietly in my bed. You don't know this now, but there's some things that need to be said. And it's all that I can say. It's all that I can pray~. What if you fall and hurt yourself? I would know how to fix you. What if you went, and lost yourself? I would know how to find you...If you forgot who you were, I would be there to remind you, oooh...Cause without you..."
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Posted: Wed Dec 26, 2012 8:15 pm
The pain ebbed, as pain always does. Her weight rested completely on him, even as they fell to their knees, and she buried her face into his chest.
She felt like she was fighting to reach the surface of a bottomless lake, and she hadn't been a good swimmer to begin with. But she fought, kicking and screaming, if only because she heard the soft and muted sounds waiting for her above.
She heard him, and she fought her way back. Kettil's voice was the only thing that had the power to reach her, as deep as she'd gone. His touch was the only thing she could feel.
She reached up, putting her hand on his cheek, and took a deep breath. She could do this. For him. And maybe, just a little selfishly, for herself.
"Cause without yeh, things go hazy."
The sound of her voice was tiny, and ragged, and filled with pain. But it was there. She was there. That was what mattered.
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Posted: Wed Dec 26, 2012 8:24 pm
He'd heard her just as clearly as if she might have sang it so loudly that the entire building might have heard it. What mattered as that she responded and she was still there and that she knew that he was there too. Kettil leaned and quietly kissed her cheek, her forehead, every available piece of her face he could until he got to her lips and it was there his kiss lingered longest.
Kettil was trying to show her how much he loved her, needed her, wanted her, and more. Things that went beyond the physical need.
If she went away he had nothing. Nothing.
At least that is what he firmly believed and no one could tell him different.
"Come with me," he said suddenly. "When I go home. Come with me. We'll get away from school for a while and we'll take a vacation. Just you and me..."
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Posted: Wed Dec 26, 2012 8:33 pm
Freya drank in every kiss, her eyes rolling back behind her head as the raw bliss of his lips on her skin felt like salves and bandages for her tattered soul. It was too much to process, and she couldn't respond, she just let it happen and soaked it in until his lips captured hers and pulled her with their demanding need. It was then that she responded, but only just barely. She could hardly move, she was so saturated by his love. She felt heavy and full with it. Her haze was for a completely different reason now, and she lingered in it, swaying in his arms.
Kettil took her away from everything she didn't want anymore.
Come with me.
It was as if he heard her thoughts and responded to them. She blinked her eyes open in surprise, her heart racing at the momentary thought that perhaps Kettil had started to read her mind, and wanted to take her away from everything. When he explained, she felt foolish for her childish thoughts, and her face lit up with amusement and delight.
"Course." Her responses were short, out of sheer need. She was still gathering herself back together, after all; she only had so much to give. She wanted to gush at him, to tell him that she wouldn't let him leave without her anyway. That he wouldn't have had a chance to go home without her latched to his body, and there had never been a choice in the matter. But all she could manage was that one, single word, and the complete and utter adoration suffused in her expression.
She would follow him to the ends of the earth.
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Posted: Wed Dec 26, 2012 8:53 pm
That was all the answer he honestly wanted other than the answer to what he asked next, "When? I know you were planning to visit family...?"
He didn't want to keep her away from her family just because of his sudden impromptu desire to go home, to take her away from everything. He didn't know how things had changed now that her life at school had decided to turn itself onto its side and leave her reeling.
He was quietly fussing at her now. His hands were gently wiping trails of tears from her face and pushing her hair back from her features so he could see it all unobstructed. Even in her sorrow and horror she was still beautiful to him, mostly because he saw the glimmer of what was left of her still in her eyes. Kettil held onto that glimmer tightly.
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Posted: Wed Dec 26, 2012 9:02 pm
The anxiety rose within her the moment he mentioned her own family trip. Leave? Her? Go and visit her family and leave him here alone? Her head shook violently almost immediately after he'd asked the question. Under no conditions was she going to visit her family, now. She was staying here, with him, until such time as he saw fit to take her where he needed to go. Then, she would go with him. That was the way of things, now. Separation was no longer an option.
She wouldn't lose him. She couldn't lose him. Nothing could ever, ever happen to Kettil. Never, never ever ever-
His fingers made trails of warmth down the skin of her face that left lingering tingles. Her anxiety washed away at his touch, and she relaxed, melting into his hold.
"I go where yeh go." She whispered, very quietly, into the palm of his hand as it passed over her lips.
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Posted: Wed Dec 26, 2012 9:11 pm
It was almost unsettling to see her like this. It was almost submissive to the point that it made him worried for her. He saw the anxiety that the idea of separation had brought when he brought up her trip home that she had informed him of. She had spent so much time assuring him that it would be alright and now...
Softly he moved to sit back a bit onto his rear and pulled her pretty much on his lap to where he could simply encircle her, wings and all. "You always do, no matter what," he said softly. "I carry you in my heart at all times, y'know."
He was trying to let her know that separation would be alright but he wasn't sure it was going to convince her just yet.
"I breathe because of you. I eat, sleep, and drink because of you. I survive because of you." He said softly to her. "Each day I live for the chance that I can start and end the day within your arms."
When he'll take her back home with him could be decided when he squared some of this away or at least start to.
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