Welcome to Gaia! ::

If there was one thing TACO was good at, it was being awesome. Not everyone could be as cool as TACO. He had all the ladies falling at his hooves and worshiping his greatness.

But he didn't let how great he was go to his head. TACO was the most humble phony you'd ever meet. If he was good at two things, the other was being humble.

TACO strutted down the streets of Phonyland, and winked at all the ladies. He was m-mar-mari-domesticatedly partnered to Sugar Delight, but they had an agreement where he could still get all the lovin' he wanted on the side. One could not just ask a super mega rock star to let his fans down by being off the market!

Wherever TACO went, a party and trail of women followed.... although today, there seemed to be less ladies than usual. In fact, there were none around. They must have all been out of town at some lady convention about baking or something. Yeah... that was it. What was following him though was one little dude.

He waved a hoof at him, "Hey there! Why don't you come closer; TACO doesn't bite unless you're not really a foal, but a midget lady. Then TACO will do whatever biting you like. I take care of all my fans... even the slightly less gorgeous ones."

"Hey little dude!" TACO bellowed, and then proceeded to give Afterparty a vigorous rub on the head. Kids dug it when you messed up their hair.

He puffed up his chest like a bird, and stood as straight as he could. King of Parties? He was down with that title. It sounded way more badass than Monarch of Shindigs. "First thing I'm going to teach you is that all ladies like to be nibbled on. The more into IT you get, then you can bite harder, and they'll totally love it! Don't chomp them like a candy apple though... well, unless they're really kinky and are covered in some sort of caramel, then they're really just asking for it. Trust TACO on this though, food and the bedroom make way too much of a mess. It never comes out of the silk sheets. Ever. I had to buy a whole new set and throw the old ones out! But that is the price of a good party."

TACO felt it was his duty to pass on important information like this to the next generation.

That was too many questions for TACO to comprehend. Foals were always asking a ton of questions that he wasn't quite sure how to answer with anything other than, 'I'll tell you when you're Old Enough.' One would think he would just learn to not open his mouth, but TACO never learned anything. He hadn't even learned to read, how could he learn to not talk about making sweet love to ladies? It was his being, his essence. TACO was born for one reason and one reason alone: rocking out and getting tail.

Were those two reasons? It didn't matter. What did matter was that TACO now had a problem on his hands. He liked the spirit of this foal, and he wanted to give him straight answers, but whenever he did that he ended up with angry moms on his doorstep. TACO liked it when ladies showed up on his doorstep, but only when they wanted to come in and party and not come in and yell at him for hours.

"Well, IT is when a mommy phony and a daddy phony get down. And kinky ones are the ones who get down with handcuffs, water balloons, clowns, electric clamps, cheese in a can, Star Trek uniforms, whips, and a lot of other stuff. But not all at once until you're a pro."

TACO could say from experience that one couldn't just dive head first into this kind of stuff. He had bad memories of a party with some groupies after a show that ended in tears and a lawsuit due to an overly lubricated Slip and Slide. "And normal sheets are for SQUARES. TACO doesn't sleep in anything below a 7,000 thread count, and it needs to be of the best silk. Silk feels better than the soft kiss of 100 ladies, and cotton feels like sleeping on box on the street corner... a street corner without any sweet ladies. Plus, there is never a 'next party' there is just one always going party. It never stops."

"Whoa now, little dude! You can't come to one of TACO's parties. There are strict rules about that. But if you want to throw your own little PG-13 shindig, TACO can help you get it going, and maybe even make a guest appearance." He knew that showing up would instantly add to the awesome level of the party, and would give the Afterparty Aftermath some major points in the cool category. It would gain him more kisses than he could handle. Ah, the possibility of young love!

The only issue TACO was having with this was that he wasn't sure how to make a party that wasn't a sexy party. Hummm, what did he remember about his childhood? Not much really. His childhood was short because he entered the music industry at a young age, and encountered all the slime that comes with it sooner than anyone should. TACO didn't mind though; he was glad of how things went. It all went into making him the love-machine stallion that he was today.

"First things first. You're going to need a place to throw the party. It has to be someplace AWESOME. Or at least if it's not awesome, then you need to dim the lights really low so no one can see it sucks.

Second, food. FOOD. Lots of it. You're going to need all sorts of snacks, and maybe in ice sculpture in the shape of TACO for the punch bowl. It's tasteful, but makes a bold statement. Ladies dig statements.

Then third, booze. Oh wait. Scratch that one, I forgot we're keeping it tame. Well, if some adult not named TACO happens to bring something in and put it in said punch bowl, forget I ever mentioned it.

I'll supply the music for you. TACO has an extensive catalog of hits that everyone loves. EVERYONE. And if they don't love it, then they can leave, because that means they're a loser and you don't want to be seen with them."