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[Q]Tomoko Yamaguchi /Hohenzollern Page of Polaris

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Raspberry Hippos

Dapper Seeker

PostPosted: Sat Dec 22, 2012 3:43 am


User Image
Name:Tomoko Yamaguchi

Nickname:Tomo-chan/kun!

Age: 15 But he is always being called younger then what he truly is.

Birthday: September 27

Sign: Libra

Gemstone: Sapphire

Blood Type: AB-

Fav. Food: CAKE, PIE, CEARM PUFFS, PASTRIES, and Spicy Food! emotion_kirakira

Hated Food: He doesn't really like sour foods or coffee.

School: Meadowview High School

Hobbies: Collecting stuff animals: Really Polar Bears! Ever since Tomo has left the ballet scene, he has been collecting stuff animals, in any shapes and forums. He has large ones, where he can sit in and very small ones, that are covering his bed. His family is quite wealthy so he can collect as many as he wants. His favorite animal to collect are Polar Bears, he just loves them. His first stuff animal was from his Nanny and it is a small white Polar Bear that he calls, Nummy-chan. He named it as a baby and it was the first wordish sound that came out so he stuck with it. Ever since, build-a-bear was introduced into his life he has also took up the obsession of not only collecting them but making them too. He enjoys going out with others and making just about any kind of stuff animal. He gives all his animals special names and backstories and he enjoys talking about them with others. Want one of these homemade or (home)bought animals? Sure, but you have to be willing to treat them with the utter must respect, which means that at least once a month Tomo gets to see not only the stuff animal but you too at a tea party, where of course he’s the host! He uses this not only to collect soft plushy animals of joy but to gain friends who enjoy this too! emotion_kirakira

Tea Parties!: emotion_kirakira emotion_kirakira emotion_kirakira This orange hair boy loves to host tea parties. The caused of these tea parties is to see his lovely mother, who comes to meet with him once a day. He enjoys the time with her so, this has caused him to host at least 3 a day and on a really fun day he gets to host 5. He enjoys the social interaction he gets with his mother so he host more to get to talk with his friends so he can see what they are up to or how they day went. Even though, he has a professional baker, he likes to bake with him. He is one of the worst cooks, the world might have ever seen but he tries his hardest. And when he says that he baked it himself, he’s really saying that he broke the eggs and stirs the batter while his chief watched him. He does this mainly to impress his lovely mother, but he also like to do this to show his friends that he can actually bakes tasty pastries. He also brews his own tea by himself, which he thinks is a big thing. So this is another reason why he hosts them because he can tell his mother that he did this all by himself. And when his mother or friends cannot join him he also loves to sit around his table with his stuff animals and pour tea and eat small little yummy cakes.

Food(Really Parties): OHH! CAKE! OOO! PIE! OOO Yummy! Tomo's mind is in his tummy. He makes all his plans around the tasty food he can eat. He tends to be a bit selfish when he's around yummy food because he wants it all for himself. If there is cake in sight and your trying to do something else Tomo will drop everything and go for the cake, no, if, ands, or buts. You will not drag this boy away from his pastries. PASTRIES OVER EVERYTHING. emotion_dowant


Virtues:

Optimist: Though it would seem that in a house where your family is not allowed to see you, you would expect that the child would end up being a pessimist. Tomoko took a different route all thanks to his Nanny. They told him that it could have been worse and that he should look on the bright side of things. They also introduced him to other children stories who’s life were a lot worst off them he. OS he took this to think that the glass is always half full. That even when, everything falls apart, things get better and there is always a spark of sunshine! He likes to make sure everyone knows this too, if you’re down he will make sure that you know that there is always a happy ending even at the saddest points of you life. He knows that not everyone is optimistic as he is, so he dials it back when he knows it’s not the right time to shove a positive look into things. He’s not one to make someone mad and he knows that when others are having a bad it’s annoying to have someone always saying that it get’s better. So he only does it when he knows it’s the right situations, that being said, he still tries to make other believe that it will get better. He can come off a bit overbearing but really he only has what the best for you in mind. He’s living proof, so he’s convinced that everyday day should be looked on the positive side. That being said, this young face male, likes to surround himself around positive things, so if you’re being a negative Nancy that day, he tends to stay away for the day until you feel better, that, or try to make you look on the brighter side.

Enthusiastic: He gets this trait from his mother, who even wasn’t able to see him as much as like, gave shouting boost of encouragement every time she comes over to visit. This helped him so much that he alleged that he should do this with others. He’s like to support people even with the smallest of things. He knows that others need a boost of happiness, so he’s the one that gives it. He likes to cheer on people and give them tons of hope that they will do good at anything they are doing at the moment. He will even cheer you on for having just a good day! When it come to himself, it just the same way. He loves to give himself little pep talks of good luck and cheer himself on because he knows that doing this will give him the courage to take on anything, just like his mother has the courage to come see him! Hooray!

Forgiving: Tomo knows that you’re sorry and most of the time you are already forgiven before you even mentions the words sorry. It doesn't take long for this orange hair boy to forgive you. He doesn't like to hold grudges and likes to let things just slide off of him. He doesn't see the point of holding grudges really, he just rather forgive and forget. It goes back with his father and how he does not hate him or hold a grudge. He believes that everyone and everything can be forgiven. he believes that holding grudges or being upset about things for too long poison the body. There are too many things going on in the world to worry about the small things in life. He prefers to stay happy and forgives everything. If he can forgive his father for kicking him out of the house and out of the family then he believes he can forgive everyone and copes very well with things like this. Either he shrugs it off or just whines about like the cry baby he is.

User Image
Flaws:

Crybaby: Waaah! Tomo is a big crybaby, because what happen to him with him and his family. Instead of becoming depressed or separated from the world he turned himself into an optimistic, enthusiastic, crybaby. When he was younger he was just optimistic and enthusiastic, but because he needed an outlet to let out some of his pen up sadness/anger, he cried about everything just to be difficult. He started doing this right after he was separated from his family and now it’s just a force a habit to cry about everything. Anything and everything he cries at. If something is too hard, he cries. If you being too mean, he cries. If he is sleepy, he cries. He also complains a lot and really if something is too hard for him. He is almost always crying or complaining to his senpai or Nummy-chan.

Indecisive: This boy cannot make up is mind. He cannot weigh the pros and cons well enough to make a defiantly yes or no about something in a timely matter. It takes him forever to pick something because he likes to over think things. Do not ask him to pick something for you or you will be waiting FOREVER and I mean forever. And when he does make up his mind that doesn’t mean he won’t change it half way through the subject he picked. He has a tendency of telling others that he choose this and then after they have already did that said thing, tell them that he actually really picked the other thing, which can get rather frustrating.

Blunt: Tomo tries not to be blunt but words tend to just spill out of his mouth. He is very honest and tends to state everything that is wrong or right. If you look bad, he will ask why you look bad or just simply state that you might need to change your clothes. He just simply states everything without really thinking. He states everything and I mean everything even if it’s very hurtful. When he realizes that what he says is very hurtful he will apologize soon afterwards. He tends to state in every meeting he has with any person that he has a problem with stating everything that everyone is thinking, even it’s rude. So he tries his hardest to stop this but for some reason the words just spill out his mouth.

PHYSICAL DESCRIPTION

Eyes: Dark teal.

Hair: Orange # FFC240. Has a curly side ponytail that is held in place by a pale blue ribbon. Hair should be longer then what is shown in the picture!

Face: Young Heart shaped face, he has big ears. He's 15 but is easily mistaken to be an 11 year old. He is only 4'10" and has a slender body. His ears are pierced and he is always wearing cute different earring in them. Bunnies, flowers, cakes, and hearts are on the usual list of his earrings.

Clothes: Usual day wear!
He likes to wear girl clothes and paint his nails! emotion_kirakira emotion_kirakira emotion_kirakira Most of the time he will end up wearing skirts with leggings under them. It makes him cuter!
He wears the girl uniform for school, as he believes it looks cuter that way! Due to his family life, some tend to believe that Tomoko is a cross-dresser due to this. But the young boy, simply protest that he’s only doing this to make himself look cuter.


Backstory (will go in Family post):
Taking out the Ballet out to cause some inter-drama with the family. Thank you so much Sun for giving the information of male ballet dancers! c:

Tomo at a very small age was placed in ballet on the account that his father was a professional ballet dancer. While he was young, Tomoko excel at what his father wanted him to do, even if his heart was not in it. However, around the age of 9 the ballet teacher noticed that Tomoko was a lot shorter and smaller then most of the male dancers around him. To try and make his father happy, he tried his hardest to keep up with the others but it seemed that even with working out everyday that the orange haired boy could not gain the support that male dancers should have. His father knew that even at a small age that he wouldn't be like the other male dancers and gave up hope in him.
With that being said, his father dropped him out the dance company that he was in even with his natural talent and started to focus on his little sister, who at that time was 3. Tomo rarely speaks to his father, as it seems that he’s more interested in sister then him. His sister was also blessed with their father’s nature talent and just like Tomo she had a short and slender built, which luckily for her was good for females. Because of his built, Tomo was not allowed to interact with his family by his father instructions. His mother, protested but in the house of Yamaguchi, father’s rule is law. Tomo was left in the hand of his Nanny, who gave him his first stuff animal, Nummy-chan. Around this time, Tomo founded his love in sweets and with all the things that just happen to him, his Nanny couldn’t say no. He also picked up the habit of wearing girl clothes and painting his nails. The Yamaguchi estate is rather large; the main house is where the rest of the Yamaguchi family lives and in one of the smaller houses is where Tomo and his staff are placed. Though his father and sister do not have a relationship with him, his mother, as mention earlier, comes to visit everyday in secret, to have a tea party with him. His sister didn’t choose to shun Tomoko but their father watches her every move and she can rarely sneak out to visit him. Though he doesn’t have any real relationship with his sister, he still loves her and kind of feels more apologetic for her, then anything. Tomo doesn’t usually talk about his family and when he does it seem that his bright teal eyes turn in just a mere second of his life to a dull lifeless sadness but just for a second, and then they go back to their bright happy self.

That being said, Tomoko is still a beautiful dancer. He excels at it, if it wasn’t for the fact that he has such a slender body frame then he would be better then his father, who world renown for ballet, even at such a young age. People who know both him and his sister, say that Tomoko is the better dancer and that his sister is no where near what he was at that age. Tomoko still sometime picks up his ballet shoes and dances.
PostPosted: Sat Dec 22, 2012 3:57 am


Knight Title: Hohenzollern Page
I checked! It's 1,000 years old! C:

Challenge: Princess Polaris Senpai! emotion_kirakira emotion_kirakira emotion_kirakira

Uniform: User Image - Blocked by "Display Image" Settings. Click to show.

Top Long shirt.
BottomsPants.
Gloves Nop.
Belt No belt.
Shoes: Simple white boy ballet shoes.
ShouldersOvercoat with fluffy white trim at the end.
Accessories Dark reddish-pink bow.
For outfit just look at ref! C:
*Polaris symbol on his outfit are buttons! C:
Updated Weapons and magic. 8U
Weapon Page: Scroll
ie: This.
He should be able to hold it in his hands.
Squire: A longer scroll.
ie: This
The color would not be that but colors that would match Hohenzollern outfit. Should be that long though.
Power: Like in the picture the scroll unravels around Hohenzollern making an invisible shield around him. It has a 3 ft radius around him and he has 30 second power pool he can use at anytime that can't penetrated his shield. It can only go around him and attacks can be thrown out of it.
Knight: A fancier version of his page scroll.
ie: This.
Again colors should not be that but to match Hohenzollern outfit. The design should have pretty stars or something that goes with the Polaris idea.And instead of gold it should a shiny sliver.
Power: Just like in his squire stage the scroll can unravel around not only him but two other people. It has a 6 ft radius and can last for up to 45 second power pool that he can use at anytime and choose how long and how much time to use at will, that nothing can penetrated this shield and attacks can be thrown out of it.
Summons: Shiro-chan the baby Polar bear! (White in Japanese) *Will come up with a summon idea later when it comes to that time!* Hohenzollern tends to hold her in his hands. He wants to keep her warm and protected.
Hohenzollern like to have tea parties with Shiro at their wonder and makes her tasty little salmon figure sandwiches. emotion_kirakira emotion_kirakira emotion_kirakira
User Image
*Hair should of been in a ponytail was just trying out the no ponytail look and didn't enjoy it. 8I

POLARIS SENPAI WILL YOU NOTICE HOHENZOLLERN-KUN AND MAKE HIS HEART GO DOKI DOKI??? emotion_kirakira emotion_kirakira emotion_kirakira emotion_kirakira

Raspberry Hippos

Dapper Seeker


Iris_virus

Dedicated Sweetheart

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PostPosted: Tue Jan 22, 2013 2:18 pm


Some possible suggestions I've thought up/have offered to people questing for weapons are:

Dueling gloves (basically start out as nothing more then simple cotton/knit gloves, and can progress to leather and then metal if wanted)

A rolled up scroll of paper - like the kinds that documents and treaties are written on.

Peace pipe (or some other item used in diplomatic/peace talks)

Your idea of a map works well too though if you want to stick with that, it easily fits in with both guidance and diplomacy. heart Do you have any idea what kind of a power you'd like for him?
PostPosted: Tue Jan 22, 2013 4:28 pm


So the map does work great! I think I will keep with that then! <3

Um I was thinking protection but I'm not really sure how a map would protect anything. u Au


Iris_virus

Raspberry Hippos

Dapper Seeker


Lucifer Force

Sparkling Senshi

PostPosted: Tue Jan 22, 2013 5:25 pm


Maybe the map is magical and draws lines on the ground, making barriers? surprised

/just a thought
PostPosted: Tue Jan 22, 2013 6:47 pm


Lucifer Force
Maybe the map is magical and draws lines on the ground, making barriers? surprised

/just a thought

Omg this perfect!
Thank you so so much! <3

Raspberry Hippos

Dapper Seeker



Guine

Crew

Lonely Explorer

PostPosted: Wed Jan 23, 2013 2:11 pm


Hey there! When knights use their magic, they have to be touching their weapon, so the map could magically work from his hands... but he'll have to be holding it. XD; <3

Think... beam of light or something!
PostPosted: Tue Jan 29, 2013 9:09 pm


Opps! Didn't read that. Wow I must have just totally skipped that. Sorry! D:! But ooh beam of light sound good!

Raspberry Hippos

Dapper Seeker


Sunshine Alouette

Eternal Senshi

PostPosted: Sun Mar 03, 2013 11:04 am


Hi, Bunny! Tomoko seems like a very cute and fun character, so let’s see about getting him ready for acceptance! This has turned into a rather long crit, but don’t let it seem too daunting! I only want you to be able to get the most out of your character!

THE CIVILIAN

Hobbies

His hobbies seem very cute and go well with the sort of personality you have outlined for him, but there are a couple of concerns I’d like to address!

With the exception of ballet, his hobbies seem to be more or less solitary ones. Of course, he could always meet people in the midst of the purchase of a new stuffed animal, or have tea parties with friends, which you’ve mentioned, but they’re also hobbies he could very easily do on his own. This isn’t necessarily wrong, but you may be restricting any potential interactions somewhat with these hobbies, which would be more appropriate for a much younger child. That’s not to say you can’t have these hobbies! You’re welcome to keep them if you’d like, but I’d like to see some expansion on them, particularly in ways in which he could include other people! You might even want to consider something a little different!

I’ve got some questions in that regard that I hope will help you with your edits and maybe give you a couple more ideas to open Tomoko up more to interactions with other characters!

He seems to enjoy tea parties quite a bit! Is it the social interaction he enjoys from it, at least when other people are involved? Or does he have any particular fondness for the tea itself? He has a certain fondness for pastries and sweets as well. What about baking? Does he only enjoy eating the sweets, or would he be interested in making them as well? He has his own professional baker, so has Tomo ever considered taking classes or lessons in baking? What about making his own stuffed animals?

Lastly, I wanted to look at his ballet hobby a little more closely! I do like the fact that he isn’t particularly enamored of ballet himself, but has a talent for it and does it to keep his father happy! It is true that some dancers have the natural ability but not the drive other dancers might use to push themselves forward, and it’s interesting to me that his involvement in the art is more because of family obligation than any particular fondness for it!

It’s the natural ability I want to talk about, though, especially as I read further down and see how short and slender Tomo is. Now, I’m not at all saying that a dancer cannot be short, and to say that one wouldn’t be slender would be a mistake on my part, because while dancers these days come in all shapes and sizes, it is somewhat traditional for ballerinas at least to be very slender. I have a character who is heavily involved in ballet, and he has certainly developed the traditional ballerina physique through his efforts. My concern here falls more into the harsh reality of ballet and Tomo’s place in it, because while my character dances as a female and therefore such a slender physique suits him fine, Tomo, from what I can gather, is strictly a male dancer.

Classical ballet in particular has been criticized for its exclusion not only of people of color, but of different body types that don’t quite reach the “ideal.” Now, both of these strict ideologies in ballet have been evolving and changing, but the world of ballet is still far from perfect. There are still expectations, and in some cases they are very unfair in that they have more to do with established aesthetic preferences than true skill. But there are certain expectations, or necessities, that I don’t think can be avoided due to the nature of the dance—for the purposes of this crit, what I want to focus on has more to do with the physical strength of the dancers, particularly male ballet dancers.

Ballet is a very graceful, very “pretty” art, but the reality behind it is probably not as pretty as the audience assumes it to be. Many (though not all, as opinions on body types are changing) ballerinas appear quite frail, but they are actually quite strong. They have to be in order to withstand the sort of work they do. Male dancers, on the other hand, look very strong and have a lot of very well developed muscles, and the truth of the matter is that they have to be. Contrary to popular stigmas, ballet dancers eat a lot (Tomo certainly fits that mold!), and many of them engage in other physical activities outside of ballet as part of conditioning regimens. For male dancers, this includes workouts to strengthen the chest, shoulders, and arms. They need to be able to lift their female counterparts, and though said female counterparts might not weigh over a hundred pounds, it still isn’t an easy feat to perform the appropriate lifts without (and even with) the necessary strength to do so!

The point I’m trying to make with all of this (probably superfluous) information is that Tomo is very small and very slender. Now, he is still young, so he’s still growing and developing, but if he is skilled and successful for his age he could end up doing work for a company by the time he hits 17, if he hasn’t done so already. Of course, realistically, he wouldn’t be able to at his height and size. My ballet dancer character is fairly short (5’3”), but he only dances female roles; he has no need for the sort of strength (and often the height) that a typical male dancer needs in order to perform. In a lot of cases, companies like for male dancers to be taller than their ballerinas (again, more for preconceived aesthetics than anything else). Average heights range from about 5’9” to 6’3”, though there have been shorter and taller male dancers, but shorter ones are much rarer. Shorter male dancers especially usually have to have something truly special and exceptional in order to succeed.

At the moment, Tomo doesn’t quite fit that mold, and realistically it could affect his chances at the present and in the future! This is not something that should specifically prevent him from being accepted, as there are exceptions to every rule and it isn’t completely impossible for him to be successful at his current height and build, but I still wanted to point it out in case you wanted to think about it a little more! I am by no means an expert when it comes to ballet, but if you have any questions about any of this I would be more than happy to answer, or to help find an answer if I don’t know it! As a player with a character who participates in ballet I would love to see more characters who dance in the shop, but at the same time I find it hard to ignore the reality behind it!

Virtues

I would like to see a little more expansion in all of his virtues! Is there ever a time in which his optimism runs out? How would he respond to personal tragedies? His optimism and enthusiasm in particular may not fit every situation or every mood of every event. Does he ever try to restrain himself? How would he react if someone didn’t appreciate such behavior?

His “versatile” hobby will have to be changed! No character should be so gifted at everything! There has to be something he doesn’t excel at! He can definitely enjoy doing a lot of things, and he can be clever enough to be a fast learner and pick up on things quicker than other people might, but to excel in everything and be the best of the best of the best at everything he does or tries and never fail at anything would be unrealistic!

“Clever” might be a good replacement! Or you could take the flipside of his “blunt” flaw and have an “honest” virtue!

Flaws

His flaws need just a smidge more work than the virtues!

First and foremost I’m a little concerned with how his “crybaby” flaw might conflict with his “optimistic” and “enthusiastic” virtues! If he always sees the glass half full, and if he’s full of so much enthusiasm for people and for life, what reason does he have to cry so much? You could always switch this up to reflect his optimism and enthusiasm a bit more. People with such strong personalities, whether positive or negative, can often be overbearing! Perhaps his optimism and enthusiasm blend into this!

In “indecisive,” I’d like to see a little more about how this flaw affects other people in his life! Has it ever resulted in anything bad happening, other than people being left waiting? “Blunt,” too, I’d like to see a little more on in that regard. How hurtful can he end up being with what he says to people? Does he realize he’s being mean or rude or is it completely unintentional?

At the moment, “gluttony” isn’t reading as a flaw! You could easily turn this love of food into another hobby if you’d like, but it isn’t quite to the level we like to see when it comes to character flaws! Gluttony itself can certainly be a flaw when it encompasses more than just food! Gluttony is an over-indulgence or over-consumption—of anything, not just food—to the point of extravagance or waste! Tomo just seems to have a very big sweet tooth and a bit of a distracted personality when it comes to food, not a true case of gluttony!

All in all, he has a very child-like personality that is very, very cute, but I’m concerned with it affecting potential RP! As he is now he seems as if he would get on well with many of our Chibi characters, but keep in mind that there aren’t very many of those compared with our other factions! How would Tomo do around more mature, adult (or not quite adult) characters? Or teenagers who act more their age? How does he interact with his peers?

THE PAGE

I don’t have very much to add here at all! Hohenzollern looks great! His outfit and powers are both appropriate and reflective of Polaris’s themes, and his summon should be acceptable! (And also very cute! XD; ) The only thing I want to make a note on as far as his magic is concerned is that one whole minute (as you have in his knight stage magic) is rather a long time for magic to last! Maybe lower that to about forty-five seconds and everything should be good here!

And that’s it! Let me know if you have any questions at all and I’ll be happy to help! I look forward to looking over Tomo again once you’ve made your edits! :3
PostPosted: Sun Mar 03, 2013 8:59 pm


Sunshine Alouette

Omg thank you so much for the ballet information. I ran with it and changed Tomoko in a way where he's the same person but has the whole back story that is rather interesting and gives a real reason why he dresses like a girl. I now also feel that he's more a 3 dimensional character in the way he acts because before he was just a girl in a boy body but now it's more of a coping mechanism for him.
I hope crybaby works, I was trying to explain it as a way that he was acting out, like any child who went through a shocking even in their life, and this habit just keep with him. I also think this gives a good reason know to see why he eats so much and acts like a child.
If you have any thoughts maybe on how I can like maybe even do more with this, I would love you opinion. I was thinking that maybe he was dressing up a girl to maybe be like his sister for he could impressed his father but I thought was just maybe going to far? I thought maybe he could keep his ballet hobby but turn around as he practice all the time to get his father approval? I unno I think it might clash with his over-all character? Your thoughts on this? I like the idea but just thought it might be a bit too much?

I know I didn't put anything in his profile on how he would act with older people but I think with his background story that maybe he looks kind of mature in a way? That he got through of this and still deals with in just a child-like way maybe makes him mature in a sense where he can deal with older people because he has problems just like adults have and can relate to people now other then like just chibi? I hope this kind of demonstrates that because that's what I was going for now.

Again, I just want to thank you for the ballet information because if it wasn't for that I wouldn't have this awesome back story and ideas for my bby. emotion_kirakira
Bunnyilove~ <3

Raspberry Hippos

Dapper Seeker


Sunshine Alouette

Eternal Senshi

PostPosted: Mon Mar 18, 2013 2:53 pm


bunnyilove


Hey, Bunny, I am so sorry for the delay! Busy couple of weeks at work! You are very welcome for all the ballet info! Again, I’m not an expert, so I probably missed some stuff along the way, but I definitely want to see that you get all the help you need with every aspect of your character, so if you ever have any questions about any of it let me know and I will do my best to provide an answer! IT IS SERIOUSLY MY PLEASURE! <3 :3

On the topic of ballet, you can certainly leave it in there as a hobby! Whether or not he ends up making a career out of it in the future doesn’t mean he can’t do it just for the fun of it (or the discipline, or any potential health benefits)! In reading through the backstory you’ve provided, I do want to mention that he would not be in a professional company at the age of nine! He would either be taking classes at a local ballet studio or at a ballet school/academy! Some schools do have programs that later filter in to professional companies, but most ballet dancers don’t get to the company level until around 17/post-high school graduation. At such a young age as 9 when his body would still be developing, being a bit small probably wouldn’t be too much of an issue at all! Girls at that age typically aren’t even going en pointe yet. It would probably be more recently that Tomo’s small size became something to remark upon, with the onset of puberty and no further development. He could still definitely be taking classes and working on improving! The information I gave you before was more for future reference than any need to change what you have now! I just wanted you to keep that in mind as you go forward! There’s certainly no need for him to give up on it just yet! Or at all!

The civilian portion of his profile is looking good! The edits you’ve made to “crybaby” to make it more about the attention he receives from it rather than any negative feelings definitely help it mesh better with his optimistic personality!

I’d just like to see a little more expansion on “forgiving” now! It reads well and certainly works as a virtue and doesn’t seem to clash with any of his other traits at all, but exactly how far does this habit of forgiving go? Is there ever a point in which he would not forgive someone? If so, how would he cope with that? If not, why? Does he just not like dealing with the stress of that sort of drama? Is there perhaps a bit of naivety in there?
PostPosted: Mon Aug 05, 2013 9:41 pm


Sunshine Alouette

No worries, sorry for my delay! Hahaha!
But, yes he still does it but he hides it because of his father. I know that in story that he was young but I added that his father just kind lost hope in him because I really enjoy how it works out with him and I think the cry baby part won't really work unless he had a reason to act like one and this is a good enough reason. So it is a hobby but not one really to mention but in his history because he has to keep a secret but he still loves it and more then likely mention it a lot!

And I added more to forgiving, just stating that he forgives everyone if he can forgive his father for what he has done! I hope this helps and read better!
Thanks again for helping! <33

Raspberry Hippos

Dapper Seeker


Sunshine Alouette

Eternal Senshi

PostPosted: Thu Aug 08, 2013 3:16 pm


bunnyilove


Civilian profile looks great now!

However, in looking over the powered section I picked up on a few things I didn't last time and wanted to clarify! The scroll you show in your reference picture in his knight stage is really rather big! His weapon can certainly be large, but you don't want a weapon that can crush him; rather, one he can still hold/wield effectively!

The effects of his magic are also acceptable, though Knights don't really have time limits like Senshi do! Rather, they have pools of energy they can draw from instead of a limited number of specifically timed attacks! For example, as a Page he might have a pool of energy lasting about 30 seconds total, but he can either choose to use it all at once, or split it up into smaller increments (such as 3 sets of ten seconds, 2 of fifteen, 6 of five and so on!).

Finally, in taking another look I'm a little concerned that his Summon might not be reflective of Polaris's themes of magnetism, diplomacy, guidance! It's certainly acceptable as a Summon but perhaps not quite right for his connection to Polaris! Once you've edited his attacks to account more for a magic pool, then the Summon would be the only thing barring this from acceptance! You're welcome to come up with another Summons effect that might better fit the themes if you'd like, or you can remove the Summon and hold off on getting that accepted at a later date!
PostPosted: Fri Aug 09, 2013 9:50 pm


Sunshine Alouette

:3 I think I finally figure everything out and fixed everything! x'3 Thanks again for all the help <3

Raspberry Hippos

Dapper Seeker


Sunshine Alouette

Eternal Senshi

PostPosted: Sun Aug 11, 2013 7:16 am


bunnyilove


Alrighty! When you're ready to work on your summons once you've gotten your art, you can post here since Tomo is an acquired character! Congratulations! :3

For now, the rest of the powered section as well as Tomo's civilian profile are APPROVED!

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