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The night was young and surprisingly enough there were no signs of youma, Negaverse officers nor Senshi of the Corrupted or Dark Mirror variety in the immediate area. Which would have usually sent Tsui into an annoyed rage and entice her to take to the streets to prowl, but Eternal Sailor Tsui was content to allow for one slow day, for once. In truth, she had grown rather weary of fighting, though she was certain that if a youma or officer had snuck up on her that she'd not think twice about attacking. Or, rather, she was more tired of the thought that no matter how hard she fought, how strong she'd become, that the fighting would never really end. There's never be a final fight, or at least it felt that way.

She'd take down one enemy, just to face off another the following night, sometimes two in one night. And while she was fighting, she did admit to being lost in the moment and enjoying it, but now, when there was downtime, and she was sitting alone in a tree branch in the park, trying to use the white and grey in her fuku to blend in with the snow? Now she was sitting idly by, with no enemies to fight, and, for the moment, no friends or allies to talk to.

Perhaps it was the animal of her sphere, the Tiger, that did not initially mind this solitude. After all, tigers were solitary hunters and masters of it, whether it by land or even water. But, tigers also had ways of communication, which meant that even the loneliest of tigers sought the company of others. Why else would it have so many different methods of communication?

There was a lot on Tsui's mind, and most of it was her dirty laundry. Having recently talked to Zia and the mindtrip that was had gotten her thinking about the ambush in general, and those she had hurt. One of which came to mind, and she was a little appalled at herself... it had been so many months and she still hadn't the courage to talk to Valhalla. Ganymede had told her he wouldn't hold a grudge, and yet... what if he made the exception with her? She did take a shot at him... and she could only imagine the fury in her eyes at the time. "Ugh... I don't wanna think about it!"

So, she leaned her back against the tree and gave a sigh, closing her eyes and simply keeping her senses on alert. If someone thought they could sneak up on the Senshi of Tigers, there were welcomed to it.

The ping of a strong Order energy signature caused the Senshi of Tigers to raise her head, and she spotted Valhalla immediately. His attire was different, which meant that he had achieved the Knight status, but it was definitely Valhalla she was looking at. What kind of luck did Tsui possess to have run into him when she was feeling at what she felt was her worse? Or perhaps fate conspired for the two to meet again this night, even with the memory of her actions against him replaying in her mind.

Ganymede and Pasiphae assured her that he would not hold a grudge, but that was like telling a kitten that the big, vicious looking dog that trotted towards it was only there to give her a friendly sniff over. And the mighty Tiger Senshi felt the need to play the roll of that little kitten, wanting to leap onto the other side of the bench and try to hide, despite knowing it to be useless (given the fact that he could easily have sensed her, as well as spot someone who wore her interesting attire). She had always wanted to apologize, but that didn't mean that she'd be ready for it when the moment arrived!

Still, it was not Tsui's style to hide from anyone, especially her own ally. After all, the two of them shared a stance at some point, and she couldn't ignore the Jovian's advise about apologizing to him. So, she remained as she was on the bench, preparing to give a friendly welcome and then try to find a way to segway into her apology.

However, he simply walked past her, and Tsui couldn't help but feel wounded. Did he not see her? Did he not sense her, or her growing anxiety? Or perhaps he did and this was his way of getting back at her for actions against him during the ambush? Either way, Tsui did NOT like to be ignored, and she allowed for a small hint of that aggravation to be heard in her huff. "Well I guess I did gain some camouflage abilities after all, if a knight is to quick to walk on by without so much as a nod or a hello!"

Perhaps not the best way to initiate a conversation, especially when she was sort of in the wrong, but Tsui knew of no other way to get his attention. Well, besides a friendly 'hello' of course... but since when was Tsui subtle?

In truth, Tsui wasn't all that angry that he hadn't noticed her. No, more guilt ridden, certainly, but too proud to have accepted the rejection with quiet dignity like a humbled person would have. When he turned his attention to her, she could easily tell how preoccupied he really was, and that only compounded her guilt as she had snapped at him. Was her temper so bad that she was destined to be this way, even to allies?

Still, her damn pride wouldn't allow any of this to show, not if it could help it, and she straightened up and puffed her chest out, trying her best to appear as though nothing were wrong. As though nothing had happened. Yet, so much happened.

At least he seemed to notice her rank, so that was more then enough ego fodder to help Tsui get over his initial cold shoulder reception, though this time she didn't absorb it as much as she once would have. There were times where she loved her attire, but other times, it showed only one side of her, and this time, she wasn't too willing to show off the scars that decorated her side. She tried to hide them, without it being too obvious, but Tsui was never good at hiding things nor wear a convincing poker face. But dammit, she was trying.

"Thanks. I worked hard to get to this point... as I'm sure you did too. You're a knight now. Love the helmet..." She meant every word of it, too, as she pointed to it and then her own tiara. "Looks like our cosmic tailors at least had good style, right?"

When he asked how she had been, she was hesitant to answer. What she wanted to say was that she was fine, more then that. She was awesome, and strong, and becoming a valuable asset to the White Moon Court. But she knew it wasn't true. She wasn't as conflicted as before, but that didn't mean she was fine. She felt strong, but she felt like she was still missing something bigger, deeper then that. As for that last bit? She wasn't so sure.

"I'm... alright. Just doing my patrols, meeting others, trying to deal with things and people as I go." Tsui finally felt safe to say. She wanted to apologize and just get the damn thing over with, but she didn't want to jump into it immediately. She didn't want Valhalla to think that this was the only reason why she wanted to talk to him... but she was afraid that the two had little in common, and she feared that he wouldn't have approved of her recent actions. She was already ashamed of a lot of things she's done... but she couldn't handle someone else pointing that out. "How about you? How's things for you?"

Tsui frowned, dropping the act and now knowing better than to try to deny the truth of the matter. That truth being that she was feeling very... vulnerable and self conscious, and not to mention completely guilt ridden. Like she failed to hide her bad mood at the meeting, she failed to hide any of that here, and she figured it was best just to come out with it. It wasn't in her style to second guess herself or to be meek, though it seemed that any and everything was trying it's best to force it upon her recently.

So, the Senshi of Tigers gave a sigh, and her shoulders slumped, letting her tough act fall and exposing more than what she wanted to before Valhalla. Better an ally than an enemy, right?

"No, I'm not okay. Turns out this whole Senshi business isn't as glorified as I thought it would be," Tsui admitted, looking towards the bench she was once sitting on and returning to it, motioning for the knight to follow if he so desired. It wasn't that far away, but the normally rambunctious and energetic Tsui didn't feel like standing. This tiger needed to lay back, relax, and she hoped that Valhalla wouldn't think any less of her as she flopped down on the bench. "No, I don't regret ever taking it up, and if it means to keep people safe, I'll stick with it. It's just that..."

It was a lot of things, but Tsui didn't want to burden Valhalla. That wasn't why she was talking to him. She figured he had enough problems of his own, so throwing hers onto him would have been unacceptable to her. No, she was here to apologize, but damn her pride for not wanting to broach the subject. "I've hurt a lot of people. Enemies, for the most part... and a lot of it I don't regret. And that kind of scares me..."

It was a start. A shaky start, but Tsui was determined to get her apology in. Ganymede assured he wouldn't have held a grudge, but Tsui wasn't so sure about that. Or rather, she wasn't so sure about herself anymore. When did all that change? "But it's a war, and people get hurt all the time, right? Or am I doing something wrong?"

Tsui wasn't quite sure why she had built up this entire scenario as terrifying and soul crushing in her mind, but it certainly wasn't the case. Ganymede had told her that Valhalla wasn't angry nor would hold a grudge, and she knew that she should have trusted him, but maybe it was her guilty conscious that wouldn't allow her to believe him. She had wanted someone, anyone, to be angry at her actions for so long that she thought it was the only way, but Valhalla's kindness, though she was warned about it, was still refreshing.

The Tiger senshi looked to him with a rare smile, and while it didn't hold as much vigor as it normally would have, it was a start. "Well, good to know I'm not completely mucking things up. Just... sometimes I feel like no matter how hard a try, I keep making a mess of things."

She leaned back, resting her neck on the back of the bench and looking back up at the stars. She knew that she wasn't alone, now, and she had gained a lot of friends and trusted allies in this. She just learned this a little late. She didn't know Valhalla as much as she knew others, but she trusted him. Without a doubt. It was herself she didn't trust, and she tried her best to explain this without sounding as if she was looking for reasons to despise herself or seeking pity. "As a senshi, I've wrecked two establishments, scared civilians to the point of them trying to coral me into a corner with chairs like an animal, and nearly beat this poor corrupt senshi to death... I stopped, eventually, but..."

She sighed. "It felt horrible. I'm still disgusted with myself for getting that angry. Sure, I stopped, but still, I hurt him. And I don't want to think I'm capable of that, but, I am."

She looked at him again, hoping that she wasn't bogging him down with her problems. She hated to appear weak or vulnerable in front of anyway, friend or foe alike, but especially in front of friends. "Did... I ever thank you for stopping me? During the ambush? I know I apologized for hitting you, or I think I did. I know I told Kallichore and Ganymede, at least."

"That... makes me feel a lot better, really..." Tsui said, wearing a small smile at Valhalla's words and trying hard not to allow them to fuel her constantly fluctuating ego. She wasn't here to dig around for compliments, not like she usually did, and while the occassional reassurance would have been nice to have, she simply wouldn't allow herself to completely absorb them. Especially when she felt that she had not deserved them. Perhaps she was being a little hard on herself, bit she was an Eternal ranked Senshi now, and she had to become better somehow. Perhaps being humbled was the only way? "I'm not angry at you for stopping me. Just... really angry at myself for getting that way."

She shook her head. Like Pasiphae, Ganymede and Kallichore said, she overthought this whole ordeal and overplayed it in her head. Valhalla was forgiving, just as they said he'd be, and while she was now dealing with feeling like a fool to have worked herself up over this ordeal, it only made her want to trust her comrades more. Perhaps she wasn't a total lost cause after all.

When he tried to apologize, Tsui just shook her head, and her smile was lighthearted and kind, nothing at all like the weighted one from earlier. "No, you did right, even if you think it was for selfish reasons. We're all selfish, right? If our selfishness helps others, even if it's to clear our own conscious, then... being somewhat selfish can't be all that bad, right?"

She was no philosopher nor was she one interested in it, but she was willing to try. "Anyway, thanks again. Sorry I'm so pigheaded that I need someone else to act as my brain sometimes. I promise, I'm going to be better than that, and you'll have plenty of chances to see, I think! I've decided I want to help the Jovians and be a part of a team again."

Tsui looked to Valhalla and asked, almost sheepishly, "If you think that's okay?"

"Yeah, different is good," Tsui said, bobbing her head with agreement and regretting that she couldn't come up with anything prophetic or wise to add to that comment. She could try, but it just wasn't her things. Those kind of gems were just meant to happen. Couldn't be forced, could only come naturally. Or perhaps she simply lacked the age and experience that came with spouting such words of wisdom? That could be obtained, eventually, and it gave her some hope. With friends like Valhalla around, she knew she'd survive this ordeal...

She welcomed his suggestion, and she wore a beaming smile, much more like her true self, and this wasn't simply an act. She fell her chest swelling with pride and she couldn't help but boast, feeling a familiar sensation returning to her after such a long absence. Confidence. Self-worth. Not just the overconfident kind, but one that didn't come with a nagging voice in the back of her head. No guilt, no remorse. Just reassurance that she would get better and overcome this, and be useful to her court again.

"I'll knock 'em down hard! I trust you'll be there to keep my back safe and make sure my head stays right where it is." She didn't fight the embrace, and in fact, she welcomed it. It was nice to be able to have someone to rely on, a true friend that he seen her at her best, and her worst. "Thanks. Trust me, I won't forget that... I promise."

When she did pull away, she felt so much better, and what better way to express this than with a triumphant shout? "Hear that, Negaverse and Dark Mirror Court? No one's ever really alone, so long as they have friends!"