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[Q] Jeanie Peach - Crits please!

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Amurana

Smitten Kitten

19,065 Points
  • Clambake 200
  • Nudist Colony 200
  • Sausage Fest 200
PostPosted: Sun Dec 09, 2012 9:23 pm


Character Bio
■ Character Name: Jeanie Peach
■ Nickname: she's very casual, so can be called any number of things. Jeanie, Jean, Blue Jean, 'J', JP, Peach
■ Aliases: DJ GRITS
■ Monster Parent: no one special. A couple of normal werecats.
■ Monster Species Type: werecat
■ Gender: female
■ Age: 15
■ Birthday: August 14

■ Place of Birth: Houston County, Georgia
■ Residence: Dorms at Horror High!
■ (One) Power: Sass! Hah, okay that's not a power. She hasn't discovered it yet.
■ Personality: Big. She's your friend, you just don't know it yet. She wants everyone to relax and have a good time. There's so much in the world that is fun, interesting, beautiful, exciting, and inspiring. Why waste time on the downers? Happy to listen to problems and dish out advice. Too happy... she can be pushy and nosy.

Appearance
■ Height: 5' 9"
■ Weight: slim
■ Hair Color: Bleached Blonde, often with temporary streaks or tips
■ Hair Length/Style: Long and wild, mostly in pigtails. See images in second post. Tail is long-haired and fluffy.
■ Eye Color: Blue
■ Skin Color: Cream
■ Build: Athletically toned, generous bosom.
■ Clothing STYLE: punk, raver, rock and roll.


Relationships
■ Relationship with Family: Raised by her grandparents. Her papa was a rolling stone, so while she's met him he was never a real part of her life. They have a distant, yet cordial relationship. Her mother loved her but died when she was very young to feline leukemia. Jeanie only has a few memories of her. She occasionally wishes it could have been different, but has a C'est La Vie outlook on life. It is her mothers parents that raised her. They are warm and kind people Jeanie respects and adores. Jeanie also has a number of cousins and half-siblings, as cats often do. She's not been surprised any time she finds out about a new child her dad left somewhere. (open to other people playing cousins or whatever in the future.) Overall she loves her big wild family but other than her grandparents she doesn't worry much about them.
■ Key Family / Relatives: Gram and Gramps are the most important.

Biography
■ History: Raised lower-lower middle class so she has a respect for what life can be like without much money. She was taught to be grateful for what she has and how you have to work to earn your keep. Not that Jeanie is always up for the work. As she got older she got annoyed that she was too young for real employment when there were so many things she wanted. She took to stealing things here and there.
She lived far enough from the air force base that she didn't run into fly-boys everywhere, but near enough that they did appear. Unfortunately due to their low income area the only ones who did come around were looking for some of the seedier characters. Whether it was drugs or easy women the types Jeanie saw weren't the best people. This has left an unfortunate bad taste in her mouth for the military.
She played often with the local children and became a sort of big sister to all of them, even those older than her. They'd come to her when they needed help with anything from crush advice to home abuse. In return she was invited to every party and sleepover around. Jeanie became known also for her awesome taste in music. She would have just the right tunes for a rocking birthday party or a mellow slumber party. She found no matter how she felt there was music that could make her forget and get her dancing.
Her grandmother taught her to cook because she believed it was something all young ladies should learn. Grandpa unknowingly taught her to smoke. He had to go outside to do it, but he did it often enough that Jeanie associates the smells of ash and tobacco with hugs and laughter. They both taught her southern hospitality and standing up for herself.

■ Personal Goals: To maybe one day find someone that won't leave her. With her mom's death, her father abandoning her, and her knowledge that her grandparents can't live forever... she has a secret need to be loved by someone that will want to stay with her.
■ Professional Goals: Wants to be a big time DJ or radio presenter one day. She wants to meet all the musicians and play the music at all the biggest parties.


Extra

■ Jewelry: loads, of many styles. She likes bright and shiny things. She doesn't have anything expensive, but it's all interesting.
■ Tattoos: she has none. Not legal yet! In the mean time she settles for lots of temporary ones.

■ Relationship with Friends: Eager to get a new group of friends as soon as possible.
■ Key Friends: none yet
■ Key Enemies: none yet

■ Educational History: An average student who did enough to pass and not a bit more. Likes gym because she can work off energy, artsy classes because she can be creative, home ick because she has a talent for cooking that she got from her Gram, English because she digs poetry ("it's just lyrics waiting for the music!"), but math bores her senseless and only some science is any good.
■ Work History: done a little babysitting for neighborhood kids, but that's it so far
■ Key Childhood Experiences: losing her mother was the big one. another key moment was when they finally got a computer. She was the go-to girl in the 'hood for burned cds of all the best music. As a joke someone called her DJ GRITS. GRITS meaning Girls Raised in The South. Jeanie thought it was genius and clings to it.
■ Key Teenage Experiences: Finally getting brave enough to try one of gramps' ciggies (in secret, of course). It was terrible. She's determined to learn how to blow smoke rings, though.
■ Key Adult Experiences: none yet

■ Morality / Ethics: it isn't that she doesn't have them, because she does. They just don't always match everyone else. She'll swipe a pack of gum from a big supermarket chain but never from a small business. Not against breaking minor rules and laws but nothing that would hurt someone directly. In life there are loads of things outside your control. People are going to die. Take what you can control and make the most of it while you can.
■ Handedness: Mostly right, but she's practicing her ambidextriousness.
■ Skills: a beginning juggler.
■ Phobias / Fears: going out on water too far from shore. Boats are no!
■ Bad Habits / Vices: sneaks a cig every now and then. stays up late. petty theft.
■ Quirks: her tail will betray her emotions. very expressive tail.
■ Best Qualities: loyal and fun
■ Worst Qualities: can't handle anything she considers boring. not above lying to get what she wants. Super nosy!

■ Favorites:
food: fresh baked biscuits with honey
band: Led Zeppelin
movie: Snatch
color: rainbow

■ Style of Speech: heavy southern drawl
■ Commonly Used Words / Slang / Jargon: Y'all, calling people things like Sugar and Darlin
■ Lies / Misinformation: gossip spreads easily about alternative youths. she's a slut, she's a druggy... she's not those things. No interest in drugs at all and at 15 is still happily a virgin.
■ Other Important Details: ?
PostPosted: Sun Dec 09, 2012 9:43 pm


ART
following all by Ooola
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following by Saint Auro
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following by various gaians. Lost the user names. sad if you, let me know!
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Amurana

Smitten Kitten

19,065 Points
  • Clambake 200
  • Nudist Colony 200
  • Sausage Fest 200

JeaniePeach

Partying Exhibitionist

8,175 Points
  • Partygoer 500
  • Friendly 100
  • Peoplewatcher 100
PostPosted: Wed Dec 12, 2012 2:25 pm


Mule account for character reporting in.
PostPosted: Thu Dec 13, 2012 11:20 am


CRITS FOR YOU!

Power
XXXXXJust because she hasn't discovered her power yet doesn't mean it isn't in existence and magically appears out of nowhere. If you want her to have a special power, please put it in the quest itself. Otherwise it won't ever come to pass. If you want her to have it later, you can make a time table of when it begins to appear. EXAMPLE:

Heightened Strength :: This isn't something that won't come into play in Aoife's life until she's a senior. She is very strong, for such a short thing. She can lift 300 lbs easy and up to 500 lbs if she strains. She could learn to lift more, but she prefers to be fast rather than strong. If she goes above her ability or lifts things for too long, she will wear down and/or hurt herself.

You might also want to flesh out her powers as a werecat as they're going to be slightly different than a werewolf's powers. I'd think they were more focused on speed and balance rather than brute force like werewolves often are.

Personality
XXXXXThis is a pretty sparce area. You should pump it up a bit. What happens when she gets angry? Sad? Unless she's on some incredible drugs, she's not constantly happy all the time. And if she is, there is some serious denial there that would -definitely- be fun to play with later. You also mention she's the advice giver. Where did she get all this know-how? You've got some basics here that you can really work with, but you need to expand on them. Give us a deeper understanding of who she is.

Appearance
XXXXXXShe's already 5'9" at fifteen? You might want to slide that down just a tad, so she can grow a bit. If you don't and she's growing from there, holy balls is she tall. @_@ Also clothing style should be expanded a bit. What are her preferences in clothes? Punk, raver, and rock and roll have a lot of clothing that can be intermingled, but there is a lot of it that's mutually exclusive to that type. Does she blend everything or does she just wear certain things?

Relationships
XXXXXYou should take out the references to her personality here. They should be up above, not down here. Does her family have names?

History
XXXXXOnce again, there's a lot of personality you could use up top in here. It also seems like her history personality bits are a bit in contest with the ones above. Also, there isn't a ton of history in here. You need to expand on this as well. There is no mention of her mother nor of her father's random visits. There are a lot of bits and pieces of her parents everywhere BUT in history. And why is the military bit important? Just there to point out the bad impression she got there? There is no real mention of how she's a werecat and how they survived in a place full of humans and not tip everyone and their mother off that they were indeed were cats. When did she get to Horror High? If she lived in the human world, how did she even learn about it?



All in all, it's a good start, but pump it up definitely. You're on your way!

Ruyail

Malevolent Shapeshifter

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