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 Posted: Fri Dec 07, 2012 9:06 pm
It had been a hilarious ******** game at the start, an exciting thrill where they simply tossed hatred back and forth and sought incessantly to win, to get under the other's skin. And that was okay, it was cathartic in a way. But Rep was competitive and he couldn't help but up the stakes and he had, without thought or hesitation. But he'd upped them further than his means. He wasn't willing to lose Jordan over this, he wasn't willing to lose Harrison. He wasn't even willing to see them harmed or hurting. And he had been forced to deal with Jordan, raw and driven to doubt by Wash's words. He never wanted to deal with it again.
So he'd come to speak to Sasha, walked right into what he considered her domain, the life labs, and sought her out, hoping on the off chance, that she would be here. If she wasn't, he'd go to her dorm, but he would find her, because he wouldn't sleep until he knew this bet was withdrawn entirely from the table.
It would be withdrawn or he would cease to play.
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Posted: Fri Dec 07, 2012 9:18 pm
Sasha never wanted to see that sorrowful look on Wash's face again.
During lulls in the labs, his face would flash into her mind's eye. That same look that she'd seen on her own face too many ******** times throughout her life. It had been easy to forget as they'd been swept up in more pleasant, passionate things, but now that she was alone - now that she was forced to face her own thoughts… well, her mind was not such a happy place to be.
She was not prepared to crush such a beautiful, steady man - and she was too selfish to cut him loose. That was not an option. Even the thought of losing him set her stomach to roiling and churning. Though their relationship was still fresh, new - she needed him more than she'd ever needed another person before in her life. If it was a weakness, it was one she was happy to bear, just as she'd told him before.
And despite her confessions, he hadn't cast her aside. He'd seen that bleak darkness in her eyes, listened to the things she'd done. Wash hadn't turned her away, hadn't been disgusted. In fact, he'd done the opposite. She still wasn't sure how she felt about what had happened.
Pinching the bridge of her nose as she squeezed her eyes shut, Sasha let out a low exhale. When she opened her eyes again, the sight that greeted her was wholly unwelcome.
Rep.
She rose to her feet, fingers instantly grasping Nona's totem.
Sasha was silent, wary. This was a dangerous thing. As much as she wanted to break him down, rip him apart, investigate each and every poison piece of him - as much as the darkness within him called to her - she wasn't ready to risk the good, pure thing she'd found in Wash.
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Posted: Fri Dec 07, 2012 9:26 pm
Rep paused as he spotted her, as if reconsidering this conversation entirely, there was always so much that could go wrong, and even seeing her across the room, it was like some predatory instinct roused in him and he found himself thinking about nails in her neck, the taste of her blood.
But then he thought of Jordan, and that hurt, torn look he'd worn. His apology. And the fury drained away leaving nothing but a sick guilty feeling that made him walk onwards again.
Near enough, he crossed his arms, looking away.
"I went too far. I shouldn't have spoken to Wash." he didn't waste time with the frivolity of greeting.
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Posted: Fri Dec 07, 2012 9:34 pm
Sasha, too, fought the very same internal battle that Rep did.
The urge to fly at him, teeth bared, fingers clawed, was tempered by the sight of Wash's expression - never enough. She wouldn't do that to him. She couldn't.
However, she allowed herself to feel a brief surge of victory. The corners of her lips twitched upwards just slightly - a flicker of emotion, barely there before ghosting away.
"Why? Why did you?" She paused. "I never approached yours. This was between you and me."
There was no malice in her voice. Just an utter sort of exhaustion, a weariness
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Posted: Fri Dec 07, 2012 9:41 pm
"Because you threatened them once and I remembered. I didn't know how far you were willing to go. So I assumed you were like me. Willing to go as far as it took." he clenched his hands into fists until his nails bit, it helped. "Except I wasn't."
He met her gaze, his own cold and sharp as always but with an edge of tiredness of its own. He had been worried and rattled by the confrontation, and refused to be the cause of more disasters.
"I made a stupid ******** mistake. And I'll concede that much to you, if we can leave them out of it. The way it should have been."
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Posted: Fri Dec 07, 2012 9:57 pm
Sasha was silent for a moment, pale eyes locked on Rep's face. She shook her head before glancing down, deep in thought.
When she finally spoke, her voice was low, steely. Her words were strong and spoken with a deep conviction.
"You win. I'm done, I just.. your words hurt him, and the worst part of it is that you didn't say anything that wasn't.. that wasn't really true."
She lifted her eyes again, cold and endless blue. Haunted.
"It's different. He's different. I can find another way to cope, another way to deal. It's not worth it."
A pause.
"You're not worth it."
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Posted: Fri Dec 07, 2012 10:04 pm
Rep narrowed his eyes. "I'm not calling off the game. I'm setting the rules. You don't get to walk away from this, you don't get to leave. I will still break you, whether or not you want it. But I will leave Wash out of it."
He crossed his arms tightly. "You say you'll find another way. You never will. There will be times when you are angry, when people and everything is eating at you like a ******** disease. When you need a fight, a real ******** fight, a fight with teeth, a fight with intent, with rage and no ******** strings attached."
He pointed at her. "And when you need that. I'll be ready to rip you to ******** shreds with all the same drives and petty wants that you have. But we'll have a line and they won't get ******** hurt."
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Posted: Fri Dec 07, 2012 10:17 pm
Her hate for him was a cloying and horrible thing. When he spoke all she could think about was destroying him and everything he stood for. She despised him, hated the way that he made her feel - even now, with Wash's warm brown eyes darkened with pain lurking in the back of her mind, she felt the thick and suffocating surge of pure unadulterated black rage rise up in her throat, bitter and foul.
Sasha hated herself, loathed herself for wanting it.
"And what if I say no deal, Rep? What then? Obviously you're coming here because Wash talked to Jordan - just like I told him to - and something happened."
She narrowed her eyes, jaw tightening.
"What if I say no to your rules?"
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Posted: Fri Dec 07, 2012 10:26 pm
"You say no to me here and now and I will play by no rules at all. I'm a Sun, he's a moon, we will be on battlefields together. I will make sure, and mark my ******** words, that one day, he doesn't come back to you. And it will be your fault because I gave you this option, play fair or don't play at all."
He shrugged. "I'm not here to let you ******** me around. I'm here to offer you a ******** truce of sorts. You want to escalate it, on your head be it."
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Posted: Fri Dec 07, 2012 10:34 pm
Sasha shook her head.
"I said I'm done. So anything you do from this point on is on you, Rep. Not me. I refuse - refuse to keep this going. It's not worth it to me. I don't need you in order to survive. I'm done. Finished. You win."
The words were acrid on her lips. It physically hurt for her to say them.
"I'm done."
For the first time in what felt like forever, Sasha felt the sudden, piercing need for her flute.
"Do you understand me? I'm done."
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Posted: Fri Dec 07, 2012 10:41 pm
Rep gave her a baffled look, not able to keep it from shining through the resentment and anger, he couldn't understand how you could simply call off something so visceral and primal. Hatred for him was something that ran in his veins, defined him, was the fuel of his existence. But if she was done, then there would be no mirror, no rebound, no back and forth. Just him and a petty obsession.
The confusion melted temporarily into hurt and he wasn't sure what to say. He'd won but in winning, he had ultimately lost. He hadn't wanted it like this, thrown to him like a scrap to a dog. He wasn't worth it.
In the end women always won.
They won by quitting the game.
"Fine."
And without another word he turned on his heel and left the life labs, left her behind.
And felt like somehow he'd lost her and his chance to find some satisfaction in victory all over again.
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Posted: Fri Dec 07, 2012 11:00 pm
She started trembling violently the instant that he turned away from her. By the time he was out of sight, her teeth were chattering as she fought against the nearly uncontrollable urge to follow after him. To rip him apart, find the things that made him tick, rip them out, crush them underfoot. Her teeth ached, her throat felt dry, her lungs felt sore from the bestial screams she forced herself to keep locked behind her teeth.
With a sudden, abrupt motion, Sasha brought her fisted hands down hard on the surface of her workstation. In the next instant she was sweeping the papers, pens, books and notes onto the floor.
It was petty, childish.
It did nothing to make her feel better.
As much as she loathed to admit it, Rep had been nothing but a crutch. A depravity, a disgusting little secret - and he'd had to go and ruin everything.
Exhaling loudly, Sasha stared down at the papers that littered the floor. She had only one option left that she could think of.
The flute.
She despised herself for feeling a sudden, melancholy desire to play. It was nothing but a crutch - but it was not dark and self-destructive like the horrible game she'd found herself wrapped up in.
With a sigh, she settled in to pick up the papers and books that were strewn about the floor. Sasha idly wondered what Wash would have to say about the turn of events.
She still wasn't sure she'd done the right thing.
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