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 Posted: Thu Dec 06, 2012 9:51 am
Wash needed air. Space. Time to think. Rep had gotten inside his head, with his vile insinuations, touched things that needn't be handled; raked his black filth across his soul. He wanted solitude, peace, to rest. To decide how to feel. What to believe. What to do about it. He stalked back to the dorm rooms, a quiet kind of unease stirring in his heart.
He wouldn't be getting that kind of reprieve, however. He opened the door to his room to reveal...
Her.
His heart still jumped in his throat, but he was wary now, uncertain. He wanted to go to her, to have her call Rep a liar, to see the disappointment in her eyes that he'd ever doubted. To press his lips to hers, to beg her forgiveness with his mouth and his hands on her body. But he didn't. He shut the door quietly behind him, and took a hesitant step forward.
"Sasha."
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Posted: Thu Dec 06, 2012 10:03 am
She sat cross-legged on the bed in one of his t-shirts and a pair of underpants. Strewn about were notes, small pieces of paper, folders, pens, highlighters. A high stack of books was on the bedside table, a few more piled high on the bookshelf that sat alongside the bed. A few sticky notes smattered the wall at the head of the bed, a few more dotting the shelves of the bookcase.
When the door opened, Sasha turned her attention to the tall man who came through it. Her lips parted in an uneven smile, though it faded just slightly when she read his expression.
A million things went through her mind. She knew that look for what it was, and she didn't like the way it settled on Wash's face.
"Wash. Is everything okay?"
She knew it wasn't, but she shifted the papers that were littered across the bed, collecting them in a haphazard pile that she tucked into a thick, leather-bound tome. Once finished, she cleared her throat, brows furrowed with worry.
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Posted: Thu Dec 06, 2012 10:16 am
He moved slowly, perching on the edge of the bed in the space she'd cleared away. Just inches from her - but maintaining that distance. It was hard, and it hurt. He wanted to go to her, to put his arms around her; to kiss that look off her face. But he had to know. Had to let her know.
"I..." He paused, gathering his thoughts. He rested his hands on his knees. "I ran into Rep today."
Wash took a deep breath before adding, "We talked."
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Posted: Thu Dec 06, 2012 10:21 am
Rep.
Just the thought of him had her entire body tensing up. It felt like the distance that Wash kept between them yawned into something impassible, too wide to span. Something dark and ugly swirled in her stomach, and it took every inch of control that she could muster not to snarl.
Control. Something so precious to her.
The muscles of her jaw worked. She kept silent, distancing herself emotionally from the situation - for now, at least. Maybe it would be easier to cope with what she feared might be coming.
Never enough.
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Posted: Thu Dec 06, 2012 10:38 am
Wash couldn't help himself. Seeing her tense up like that - he brought his hand up to cup her warm cheek, brushing her lips with his thumb. He touched the scar tentatively. She was so small, delicate.
Could he really break her?
"He is a vile, vile man," he murmured into the silence, voice steely. "He wants - he called you a whore, an' said he wanted to take you." He drew his hand back, clenching them into fists in his lap. He averted his gaze, to stare coldly at the far wall. He felt a yawning, lonely emptiness open up inside him. She hadn't said anything, waited to let him talk; and just that small gesture rocked him to his core. He continued on, enunciating each word with clipped precision. Better to discuss this here and now, like adults. Decide what to do.
"That he coulda had you, before. That he'd tasted your blood. Your lips." His mouth twisted, spitting out the words. He shook his head, and paused, considering his words.
"Why?" Why is he so fixated on you? And a more selfish part of himself, one he would never admit to aloud, added, why not someone else, anyone else? How could he save her from this? Things had been so much simpler, before; in the dungeons. Death was a clean thing, compared to this. If anything Rep had said was true, even the smallest part -
How could he save her from herself?
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Posted: Thu Dec 06, 2012 11:09 am
Sasha let out a tremulous breath when Wash lifted his hand, brushed his thumb across her lips. She craved that goodness in him - just as she hungered for the hate that lived in Rep. She hadn't really thought about how Wash might react to her relationship with the Sun - simply because she'd thought she'd come to some sort of understanding with Rep. What happened between them would stay between them. Everything else was off-limits. She hadn't gone to Harrison or Jordan, hadn't talked to them. She'd left them alone.
She'd been stupid, Sasha saw that now. She'd been stupid, and now she had to face that fact.
Wash's tone shook her. She felt scattered, the thin veneer of control slipping faster than she could force it back into place.
"He makes me crazy. I just.. it's. It's like we feed off of each other. He's full of so much hate, so much vileness and putrid anger - and.. I am too. I just."
She rolled her lips in over her teeth.
"I need it. I've made mistakes, Wash - we all have - but when I'm around him and it's just me and him I just lose myself. Or I find myself. I.. I don't know."
Sasha shifted, rested her hand on his chest as she rocked forward onto her knees - as if by touch alone she could leech some of his goodness, his honesty, his courage into herself. As if by being near him, with him, she felt fortified. Different.
Better, for herself. For Wash.
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Posted: Thu Dec 06, 2012 11:38 am
He didn't look at her at first - but he raised one large, dark hand; to hold hers against his chest. To press it against the slow beat of his heart.
"I want you, all of you;" he rumbled, rubbing the back of her hand gently before adding, "but cher, sometimes you scare me." Her mouth, her lips; her hate and anger, Rep could have. But her hand, her favor - those would be his. He could live with that. He could be content, to bask in her light.
He finally turned to her, brow creased with worry. "He doesn't just want to 'ave you, though. He wants to tear you apart. I..." He struggled to find the right words. I'll be here for you. To pick up the pieces. No matter what happens. "Jus' please, be careful." He stared into her bright blue eyes with his warm brown ones, and brushed her hair back behind her ear, carefully. The raven black of her hair hair against her porcelain skin was not unlike the structured dichotomy of her mind; a contradiction that had its own haunting beauty. Its own pull.
He would never admit it aloud, but some small part of him craved that darkness.
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Posted: Thu Dec 06, 2012 12:06 pm
Sasha shifted again, moving to slip into Wash's lap, straddling his legs. She wasn't sure what she'd done to deserve such a compassionate, understanding man. His words caused a pang in her chest. She didn't want to hurt him - Sasha never wanted that. She'd end herself before such a thing happened.
"You have everything that I can give you without changing you," Sasha murmured softly, lifting her hands to press against his cheeks. Her thumbs brushed against the skin across his cheekbones. "It.. it's easier this way. For me. Keeping it ..separate. I don't. I can't allow you to change to accommodate me. I can't ask that of you, Wash. You mean too much to me."
Slipping her hands down to rest on his shoulders, Sasha leaned in to press her lips along the strong, bristly curve of his jaw.
"I'm always careful," she whispered softly, "but I think I haven't been careful enough. I hadn't brought Jordan or Harrison into this. I thought it could be kept between us, a way to purge ourselves when things reached a boiling point."
Sasha leaned her forehead in, pressing it against the curve of his neck.
"I was wrong."
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Posted: Thu Dec 06, 2012 12:21 pm
He wrapped his arms around her as she settled herself in his lap, kneading the small of her back, resting his thumbs just above her hips. It was hard to hear what she had to say - it hurt - but he listened attentively. Maintained a respectful silence. Her body, her scent - it called to something in him, something large and primal. Her words, however, felt like a hot knife. He knew they were truth, as she believed it, and he couldn't stop his expression from changing to one of deep sorrow. He wasn't enough for her - but more importantly and perhaps more painful was that she didn't want him to be.
He leaned his cheek against the top of her head, pressing his lips to her hair. One thing at a time. Take it to pieces, examine it in parts - it was easier, that way. Cleaner. Calm, considering; rational.
"But... He said they knew. Said they helped take you to the infirmary, last time." After all but being told the rest of it was truth - it was only logical to believe this, too.
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Posted: Thu Dec 06, 2012 1:22 pm
Sasha felt a deep, fathomless surge of self-loathing when Wash's expression changed. That sorrow wrenched at something deep, deep inside of her chest. The man that she held above all others, something special and sacred and comforting and accepting... she'd done that to him. She'd brought him that sadness.
Twining with that self-loathing was a tendril of something else. Sasha recognized it for what it was - a sense of power.
She had brought him that sadness.
Sasha tucked that away for later, when she could disassemble the emotions involved. Here and now, it was intolerable. She couldn't handle it. She didn't want to, not now.
"I don't remember.. I don't remember what happened after I passed out. I just remember how much it hurt to have Tracey on my chest, cutting into my neck. It wasn't like before, where I was in control."
She cleared her throat, looking a little lost as she watched him ever-so-closely, intent on each nuance of his expression.
"When he tried to kill me, thinking I was weaponless."
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Posted: Thu Dec 06, 2012 1:31 pm
Wash's expression changed to one of surprise - and then anger, quickly followed by horror.
"What?" The games, the toying. He knew the b*****d had wanted to tear her down, but - kill her in truth? He thought about it; let it set in his mind. Nestle there. Death was a clean thing, clean but final. His death - he had lived a long, full life. Had had many blessings. But she, who had struggled, had fought; been broken and pulled herself back together...
"God. God." He shook his head, disbelievingly. "What'd you do, that time?" He didn't want to know - but he needed to hear it. To understand.
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Posted: Thu Dec 06, 2012 1:48 pm
There was a flash in her eyes, something sinister, something dark. She didn't bother to hide it. There was no sense in doing so. Maybe if he saw it, he could understand it. And if he didn't.. well. She'd done that to herself. She deserved it.
"I brought him to heel, put him down as any rabid dog should be."
She leaned back slighly, lifting her hands, forming V's with each index and middle finger.
"Nona. Here," she pressed her fingertips against the firm muscles of his shoulders, just where Nona had ripped into Rep's shoulders.
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Posted: Thu Dec 06, 2012 2:12 pm
He saw that dangerous, feral flash in her eyes. That darkness.
"But you didn't kill him," he responded, wonderingly. He could understand her desire to put an end to him, right or wrong. He was dangerous, a threat. Villainous. But to let him walk away, after that kind of an insult; after he'd tried to kill her, well. It was like kicking a beehive.
And now all the angry soldiers were coming streaming out, leaving welts and poison in their wake.
He took a deep breath. He couldn't think about her weight in his lap, the pressure of her hands against his shoulders. The smell of her hair; her skin. The way it felt to hold her this close. He had to distance himself; to think.
"He said you was just like him," he murmured softly. "Is that what you want? Do you want t' kill 'im, or keep 'im?" He let his hands slide down, to rest lightly against her thighs. Wash leaned forward, closing the distance between his face and hers; as if proximity could somehow provide understanding. His eyes flicked to the scar on her lip, and back to her face.
"Do his," he drew out the word, "boys, know how close he's come?" Did they allow him to do this to her? Had everyone known, everyone but him, and Jerry? Or had he known too? He had thought they'd be safe, here. That they could both find time and peace, to heal. It was as if there was a cold fire, a coal, slowly smoldering inside him. Seeing her broken and bruised in the hospital. Seeing the marks he'd left on her body. Knowing how Rep had made her want it. Tainted her with his filth. It ate at something inside him. If he really did it; if he really tore her to pieces, so that she could never put herself together again -
He'd kill him.
He closed his eyes, took in a deep, steadying breath. God help him, he didn't know if he had it in him to sit idly by and watch her destroy herself.
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Posted: Thu Dec 06, 2012 2:26 pm
"I'm nothing like him. I'm what he wishes he could be. He's a voracious monster incapable of control. In fact, he's out of control. Lopping off Rin's arm like he did. I was content to keep this isolated, between Rep and myself. No need to involve others. No need to let things spread."
Sasha's hands splayed over his shoulders as she tilted her head to the side, watching his eyes closely. Rep had upped the game. He'd done this - not her.
"I don't know if they know. Harrison despises me over something silly that happened long ago - and Jordan, well. Jordan is the most level-headed of the two. But.. I didn't talk to him. Haven't talked to him." She lifted her chin, but carefully continued.
"I doubt they'd listen, considering my history with Rep."
Sasha shifted forward, aligning their hips. Settled herself against him, eyes keen on his face as he closed his eyes, took that deep breath. There was a curiosity bright in her blue eyes.
"What's going on in there, Wash?"
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Posted: Thu Dec 06, 2012 2:44 pm
He felt her slide closer, and he didn't move away, instead letting his eyes flutter open to meet her gaze.
Nothing like him. That was the Sasha he knew, the one with steely control, the one that could endure. He had to believe her- that she was right; that she could handle this. That she would come out on top. He let himself remember - the jeering crowd, the rocks; Sasha stumbling toward him, out of her mind and frantic; fighting the monsters only she could see. He never wanted to see her like that again.
"Just... nothin'. You walk a dangerous line, little lady," he intoned, a deep rumble. He reached up again to cup her cheek, brush his fingers along that proud chin, delicate jaw. It would destroy something inside him to kill another man; no matter how bad. But could he do it? If push came to shove...
Maybe. Perhaps the thought should scare him; but it didn't. It was almost a relief.
"Now," he murmured lightly, lowering his face to hers, "that he's come to me," he let his hand slide down her jaw and against her neck, "what would you 'ave me do?"
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