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Posted: Tue Nov 13, 2012 6:02 pm
Freya had walked past Hel's room four times. It wasn't much of a walk - her own dorm room was literally right across the hall. But once she reached it, she paced back and forth, and then returned to her own room to think some more. On her fourth try, Freya stopped, raised her hand, and looked a moment away from knocking it before she took another step back. Fifth time's a charm. When she returned to her room, she slammed the door shut, and the sound was so jarring it hit her with an idea. She grabbed a notebook and a pencil, scribbling a note on the paper inside. Then she ripped the paper out jaggedly, stormed out of her room, and slipped the paper under the door.
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Posted: Tue Nov 13, 2012 6:41 pm
Freya may have had poor timing when it came to dealing with her youngest sister as of late.
Hel was agitated right now…but luckily it had nothing to do with Freya…and everything to do with a certain reaper across the hall. The ghoul couldn’t focus as she sat at her loom, her brows furrowed deeply in thought as she scowled. The sounds of someone pacing back and forth outside of door weren’t helping either, and every time she thought the person would go away they just came back again. After the last pass, she had had enough, and sprung up from her bench, ready to go shove her foot up the pacer’s a**.
Before she could swing her door open though, a paper was shoved under her door, and Hel’s arm swept down to pluck it up. She opened it, stared, and then scowled. The ghoul then threw her door open, crumpling up the note and chucking it right at Freya’s head. “Since when do you write stupid notes asking stupid questions?” Oh yeah, Hel was in a good mood. Not. She was rather grumpy and very agitated right now.
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Posted: Tue Nov 13, 2012 6:44 pm
Freya blinked in surprise when the door opened so quickly, and then again when the note was thrown back in her face. Without meaning to, Hel had answered her question.
"Since now." Freya's voice murmured in hushed, neutral tones. She wasn't going to get angry with Hel - that was the opposite of her intent. "And I can sees yehr not in a good mood, so forgets it. I'll comes back later."
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Posted: Tue Nov 13, 2012 6:50 pm
“I highly doubt I am going to be in a better mood anytime soon, so whatever you wanted, spit it out.” Hel grumbled. The ghoul crossed her arms then, and leaned against her door frame, waiting to see what it was her sister wanted.
“So?”
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Posted: Tue Nov 13, 2012 6:53 pm
Freya, with one foot already turned to leave, gave her sister an exasperated sigh. "So, that's not goings teh helps here, crumpet. I'm tryings teh fix our relationship. But yeh didn't wants me teh helps yeh after we fought, and I says, okays, I waits. Now yeh tells me yehr NEVER goings teh be in a good mood? How can that even be? Doesn't anythings makes yeh smiles anymore?"
Freya started pacing back and forth. "Does yeh wants teh goes out together and does something that will makes yeh smile? Or maybe we eats? Will watchings me eats makes yeh smile? Or are yeh really goings teh stands there and tells me-" Her hands flew up in the air. "HAY, SISTER, I AM PERMANENTLY UNHAPPY NOW, AND I'M HAPPY WITH IT."
She dropped her hands and looked at Hel, exasperation clear on her face.
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Posted: Tue Nov 13, 2012 7:07 pm
As Freya went on, Hel’s brows furrowed. Wait…fix their relationship? Was there something wrong with it in the first place? Sure, their last couple of encounters ended in spats, harsh words, and a busted and swollen lip, but that wasn’t out of the norm for Hel, and she certainly didn’t think anything was wrong. “…What is there to fix with us, Freya?” Hel questioned, while still in a sour mood, her tone was genuinely curious. “So we fought as of late. So what? We always do…though admittedly, I am wondering where this ‘no fighting and let us just only use words’ spiel is coming from…”
At her questions, Hel scowled, and idly stared down the hall, her gaze going unfocused. “...What I am feeling right now has nothing to do with you, and there is no way for you to make it better so…do not worry about it.” She muttered. Smiling. Ugh. She didn’t know what would make her smile right now…
Maybe a straight answer.
That might be smile worthy. She tossed an ineffective glare at Mac’s door, and then huffed a bit. “Oi!” She snapped at her sister. “I am not happy being unhappy, alright!? I just…ugh…” She reached up and ruffled her hair in frustration. “Certainly, whatever, let us go get something to eat, ya…I do not really care right now.”
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Posted: Tue Nov 13, 2012 7:15 pm
Well if she didn't care.. Freya wasn't going to encourage eating. So instead, she hung on to every word her sister had to say, and caught the glance to another door, which she had to look to see was Mac's. Suddenly, she realized Hel's bad mood stemmed from something that probably was temporary. Boils. She didn't have to worry about it being permanent, anymore.
Freya put her hand on the door, and shoo'd her sister out of the way. "Inside." She commanded, bullying her sister back into her room and closing the door. "Yehr right, I can't puts yeh back in a good mood. There's no way for me to makes it better. I gets that." She sat down on her sister's bed, and nodded. "But that won't stops me from worrying. Besides, maybe this is exactly what we need."
She patted the spot beside her. "Tells yehr sister what's wrong."
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Posted: Tue Nov 13, 2012 7:29 pm
Hel was indeed bullied back into her room, and she huffed a bit as she teetered back and caught herself, watching as Freya went to go sit on her bed. She watched as her sister patted the spot next to her, and then asked what was wrong. Hel just stared and stared as she felt snapping just snap inside her. It was a simple gesture and simple words…but it meant a lot.
She didn’t have to put up a wall with her sister. Her sister wouldn’t judge, or throw her out, or disown her. It was just…
Yeah.
The ghoul’s shoulders slumped as she trudged over to the bed and then flopped down on it, pulling up her knees to rest on the bed’s frame and she laced her fingers together on top of her legs. The ghoul was silent for a moment, her expression now pulled into a frown as she stared at the wall opposite of them. “…I think I was just putting a lid on it…after Mot, I told myself that I would be more than fine on my own. It was probably easier that way too, ya know? Just me to worry about and no one else…I did not need anyone else anyways…and….and I could be fine like that…just me, by myself, for the rest of my existence….” Hel let out a deep breath, and then pulled her hands up to rest on her knees, and she dropped her head into her hands, running them through her hair in frustration.
“…Maybe no one will ever want me, and maybe I will be alone for the rest of my existence…and maybe that is not as alright as I first thought.”
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Posted: Tue Nov 13, 2012 7:39 pm
Freya was listening, very carefully, and when Hel started to run her hands through her hair, Freya reached out and stopped her, pulling her into her own arms to cradle her. She hadn't held her sister like this in so long, it almost hurt to feel it again.
"Just yeh, by yehrself, for teh rest of yehr existence." Freya repeated, mulling the words over as they rang familiar in her head. "Yeh sounds like me. Back when yeh kept tryings teh convince me otherwise." The old her would have been so proud to see Hel pushing away from the idea of love, and marriage. But she felt no pride, now. She wasn't upset with it either.. just sad.
"Is good that yehr questioning yehr own beliefs. Yeh thought yeh wants one thing, and then, yeh thinks about it, and yehr heart says, no, stupid, that's not how yeh wants teh lives. But teh fact is, whether yeh wants teh lives alone, or whether yeh wants teh be with someone, isn't going teh change what actually ends up happening. Because, believe it or not and I know yehr goings teh say not, many, many other boils are goings teh falls in love with yeh, crumpet. From now until infinity, they're goings teh be lining up at yehr doorstep. They're going to be attracted to teh things that yeh thinks puts some men off. Yehr stubborn nature, yehr foul mouth, yehr fiesty attitude. As time goes on, yehr goings teh finds boils wanting yeh for who yeh are. And if - IF they're lucky.. yeh'll wants them too. It won't be some plan of action. And it might not even be what yeh wants at that moment. But it happens, whether yeh likes it or not."
Freya fussed at her sisters hair, putting the strands she'd pulled on back into place. "Yehr teh most beautiful, most lively and exciting ghoul this world has ever seen. And teh world is waiting teh gets a chance teh knows yeh."
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Posted: Wed Nov 14, 2012 9:49 am
The ghoul stiffened as she pulled into her sister’s arms, and she almost pushed away from her. She didn’t want to be held…it wasn’t reassuring right now, and she couldn’t help but feel like a small scareling whenever it happened and that was demeaning. She wasn’t a small scareling anymore. Luckily though, she didn’t push her sister away, but she didn’t hold back onto her either. “… Ya, I know.” Hel muttered. “ Oh how the roles have changed…” She then gave an aggravated sigh. “ No. No it is not good to question your own beliefs, sister! That is undermining yourself…” She paused, listening to her sister go on, and was about to interject, puffing up, but paused once more, and listened to her finish, but only barely. But with her sister’s words came that uncomfortable and overwhelming feeling of uncertainty and confusion from some words she had exchanged with a certain reaper. What did it mean? Did it mean anything? Did it not? Maybe she was just…overlooking into it…maybe she wasn’t…ugh. This was stupid. Hel was still going to argue with her sister though. “ Ya. You are right. I am going to say not. I very much doubt boils will be lining up at my door because they want to love me, alright? So stop insulting me with such frivolous and childish notions! I am sure I will tire any one of them out eventually…it happened with Mot…it would only be a matter of time before it happened with another.” She muttered sourly, and it was then she pulled out of her sister’s embrace. She didn’t go far though. Hel stayed where she was, and just rested her elbows on her knees and cupped her chin in her hands. She was silent though, thinking, and after another moment she couldn’t help but ask. “… What does it mean when someone thinks you are perfect the way you are?”
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Posted: Mon Nov 19, 2012 6:50 pm
Her sister was as stubborn as a rock. She slumped as she finally pushed away, and her hands fell to her lap uselessly.
"Questioning yehr beliefs is undermining yehrself. Yeh know why, crumpet? Because yehr not always right." Freya gasped dramatically for effect, and then turned serious again. "If yeh keeps fightings against things just because yeh thinks yeh knows better, all yehr goings teh does is never learns anything. And yeh'll be a cranky old woman who still thinks she's unlovable, mostly because she's so stubborns she probably is." Her last words came out a little sharper than she'd meant, but she was tired of listening to her sister talk down about herself. She'd never been so low about herself before all of this. It made her sick. It made her sad. It made her angry.
She didn't know what to feel first.
Freya didn't try to grab a hold of her sister again, but her hand rested on her hair, brushing her fingers through it gently. She sighed, trying to find any way to get through to her sister. Words never seemed to be enough.
"Well," She began with a sigh. "Nobody is perfects. Yeh knows that by now, I hope. Every one of us, we has faults. Yehr stubborn. I'm a big baby. Everyone has things that makes us who we are, but it also makes us hard to tolerate. That is where the right person comes in. Yeh meets someone who has their own faults, but they like yehrs. Maybe someone sees yeh, and thinks yehr stubbornness is sexy. Or someone looks at me and thinks I'm childish, and that's cute. They don't looks at it like its a fault, anymore. They starts teh likes yeh for the things that makes yeh who yeh are. They don't just tolerates yeh despite yehr faults. That's what it means."
Freya pulled her hand out of her sisters hair, and settled it on the ghouls knee. "But only if yeh gives people a chance teh sees who yeh really are. If yeh keeps closing yehrself off teh the idea, Hel, yehr only ******** yehrself over."
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Posted: Mon Nov 19, 2012 8:26 pm
Hel shot Freya a glare as she decided to mock her. Yeah, she was definitely mocking her. Hel could pretend she was always right, okay? She also still thought that undermining one’s beliefs constantly wasn’t a good sign of a stable personality.
The ghoul was quiet as she listened to her sister though, her brows furrowed, and didn’t fight or even seem annoyed as Freya rested her hand on her hair. “…Ya…I know no one is perfect. Especially not me…but…” Here Hel paused. “…It made me happy to hear that regardless…because it came from someone…who does not say things just to say things…much less nice things…it is like being genuinely complimented by Shun.” Hel paused again, and her brows furrowed even more, and she opened her mouth to say something before she closed it. Running her hands through her hair, Hel sighed deeply again, her shoulders slumping.
“…So many questions I want an answer to, sister…but getting caught up in that trap would not be productive.” She sighed again. “…Closing myself off…huh? So…” Here she looked over at her sister, and her lips couldn’t help but quirk in a bit of a smirk. “So should I go running at it and boils with open arms and a loud mouth?” She let that hang for a moment before sighing again.
“…But what if I drive someone I truly care about off with that?”
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Posted: Sat Nov 24, 2012 5:36 pm
Something about the way she said open arms and a loud mouth made Freya's heart hurt. "Yeh don't needs teh insults the way I choose teh lives my life, Hel." She mumbled, her demeanor shrinking back into herself just a little more than before. "I'm not perfect, either. I'm just tryings, okays? That's all any of us can do anymore, is try." Her eyes stung with the threat of tears.
She wanted to have all the answers for her little sister. She wanted to be the comfort and solid rock that Hel could have relied on, but Freya was about as solid as jello.
"If yeh drives away someones yeh really cares about, just by beings yehrself, then that person doesn't deserve yehr feelings.." Freya's eyes flickered down to the floor. "But that doesn't makes it hurts any less."
And for the first time in a long while, she allowed herself to feel something she'd tried to block away just to save herself the pain.
"Hel." She whispered brokenly. "I miss Herryk."
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Posted: Sat Nov 24, 2012 6:05 pm
Hel huffed. “I am not mocking you sister. I am simply saying. I ran at Mot with open arms and grand plans, and you see where that got me...but in hindsight…we were just too different…but I assume it is logical to not try that approach again with someone else…” But when could Hel not be herself? “…Ugh…no…you are not getting what I am saying. I know that if I drive someone away by being myself, then I should not bother with them…I am worried about driving someone away by having feelings for them!”
The ghoul lost her heated edge though, as she took in her sister’s broken words, and her expression softened. She was quiet for a moment, and she reached out to rest a hand on the ghoul’s thin shoulder and squeezed it. “I think that is okay, sister. Missing something or someone means you cherished what you had and have no longer.”
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Posted: Sat Nov 24, 2012 8:40 pm
Hel was right. Freya didn't know what she was saying, until she spelled it out for her. Unfortunately, by spelling it out for her, Hel was making it too obvious that this conversation wasn't as abstract as Freya had thought. There was one, very specific person Hel could drive away by having feelings for them. The only person who was stupid enough not to want that.
Freya's hands tightened into small, tight little fists.
If she spoke her mind, and told Hel exactly how she felt about someone who could be driven away by feelings, she knew Hel would kick her out. That damn idiot had her wound around his little pinky. She wanted to walk over and kick Mac's door down, punch his face in until it was so ugly, Hel wouldn't want it anymore.
Freya took a deep breathe. That thought made her feel better. Her fists relaxed.
"It's a scary things, the idea of losings someone yeh wants teh keeps in yehr life. But we've never been the type of ghouls teh let fear keep us away." Freya's weak smile flickered. "I says, yeh should just be honest. With him, and with yehrself." That felt fair, as fair as she could get.
Honesty put Hel in danger of losing something she wanted. But here Freya was, having lost something she wanted for the rest of her life, and she had to take her sisters advice. She cherished her time with Herryk, and she wouldn't have traded it for the world. But it wasn't hers, anymore. He wasn't hers, anymore.
But their time together always would be.
"Yehr right." Freya whispered. "Do yeh thinks he'll ever talks teh me again?" Her heart ached at the idea that this rift between them would last for the rest of their lives.
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