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guild for Sidekick Academy, a superhero b/c! Or sidekick, if you wanna see it that way... 

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[RDY][CRIT] Knock-Out "K.O.", Kale Olivan Goto Page: 1 2 [>] [»|]

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K-Zap

Lonely Reveler

PostPosted: Mon Nov 12, 2012 8:43 pm


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User Image
________________[]:: Knock-Out ::[]


[General Information]

Name: Knock-Out "K.O."
Secret Identity: Kale Olivan
Gender: Male
Current Age: 16
Age Upon Entering SA: 16
Born In: SEWIT
Stage: Rookie

Looks Department:
• Height- 6'1"
• Weight- 145lbs
• Hair- Black
• Eyes- Black
• Physique- Slim with athletic muscles
• Costume Color- Mostly black and gray with a little yellow.
• Costume Appearance- Skin-tight, with gauntlet gloves and boots which allow electricity to flow through them. Strips along the shoulders, elbows, and knees with a lightning bolt on the back. Has a mask that hides eyes (like Robin's).

Personality:
~ Masked Feelings
Knock-Out is the type of young man who is usually seen grinning. His tendency is to hide his emotions behind a smile, though he can frown or seem upset if the mood arises. When he was young, he had learned to suppress his sorrow and anger this way. The emotional scars he has were too much for him to handle.
~ Talkative & Humorous
He is definitely a bit of a joker. The young man can be quite talkative and distracting as he likes to make fun of both enemies and allies. He obviously thinks he's funny, and doesn't pay any mind to whether others feel the same. This is part of his mask. His way of staying detached from his other emotions usually involves a lot of talking and trying to make himself laugh.
~ Self-Reliant
He can be more than confident in his own abilities in combat. This comes from having to go through life on his own. What kind of man, or hero-in-training for that matter, can survive on his own at a young age with out confidence in himself? K.O. is open to the ideas of others, but when plans fail, he steps forward with the belief that he can overcome the obstacle that lies ahead. Despite this fact, he's not a complete idiot. He knows when he's outmatched by another. Basically he trusts in himself even though usually lies to himself emotionally. But, in life, self-reliance is necessary to complete ones goals, so he prefers to believe in himself rather than not anyway. While he does like to display his abilities, he does not compare himself to others aloud; he enjoys competition though.
~ Takes the Hit
On the positive side, he can be pretty protective of his allies. Part of thinking that he is a brilliant asset to any team includes actually showing it. He likes to jump in and attempt save his teammates, even if it's not necessary. This isn't exactly an act of selflessness, but another way of attempting to show his strength. Deep down he feels like he doesn't want to be the cause of another death; he just doesn't show it. This relates back to the death of his parents.
~ Joyful Vibes
His previously mentioned traits have benefits too. He always brings upbeat spirits to the setting. His smile, jokes, and overall shenanigans has the potential to make others grin if they aren't completely annoyed or fed up with him yet.
~ Inconsiderate
He shrugs off any criticisms about his character and only puts on ridiculous acts of how he truly feels. Expressing his true emotions can be extremely difficult for Kale to pull off, yet he is capable of recognizing (not understanding) the emotions that others are feeling. Unfortunately, he has too much trouble with his own feelings for him to find some meaningful words to console a troubled soul. So he can come off as inconsiderate when others are upset and K.O. doesn't do anything to try to help.
~ Head Troubles
This is the main issue that Kale has for obvious reasons. Sometimes he has trouble knowing the difference between right and wrong due to the fact that he can come off as a selfish person who can't comprehend others. This results in Knock-Out seeming a bit chaotic or even villainous towards others. If any strong emotion inflicts him, such as love or despair, he could get unusually aggressive or impatient because he doesn't recognize the feelings that come over him. Overall he means well, he's just pretty prone to these issues. In the future, he may start to heal psychologically and become less selfish; then he will start to know what's right.
~ Overall
Most of his personality is based around his false smile. Surprisingly, the rest of him is actually pretty normal, meaning that nothing else really stands out (nothing that hasn't been mentioned already at least). This act is mostly to convince himself that he is sane and positive, like a normal person should be. Not many people understand him, including himself. Some would say that he is even a lost cause.

___________________________________________________

[Combat Information]

Powers/Abilities:
Electrokinesis
-Kale has the ability to redirect forms of electricity to a certain extent and sense the location of anything that gives off electricity (eventually including people); however, increasing in skill will decrease his limitations. He is naturally resistant to electricity, but another person with electrokinesis can somehow still cause damage, though it's not very effective. When it comes to controlling this element, he must move his body and maneuver the currents with his limbs and such (like Avatar: the Last Air Bender). He may control it with his mind, but only a very small amount. He cannot cause harm to others when he uses his head unless he gets creative (e.g. setting something aflame with a spark). Also note that Kale has trained his body specifically for close-quarters combat, making his speed, strength, and maneuverability good, but not "super" by any means. His highest attribute would be stamina. All electrical techniques are close-ranged with very little room for exceptions.
Improvements may include-- producing electricity from his body, absorbing it into his body, creating electromagnetic force fields, control over lightning, EMPs, and even sensing the position of those around him by feeling the electricity in their bodies.

ROOKIE:
• Kale can only redirect the flow electricity around him. He may only redirect electricity from a power source if it is within a yards reach. Then the energy can be maneuvered outside his body for a limited time (7 seconds).
• He is resistant to electricity but can not absorb and store it inside his body.
• Only one small ball of electricity can be projected from a direct source of before it causes a short circuit. Then the source can no longer be used and K.O.
• There is a sixth sense in which he has the ability to feel the location of the sources of electricity around him.
• Any electrical technique does average harm to opponents, meaning the enemy will receive minor burns along with the shock. This may result in very temporary paralysis to the struck area which will last no longer than 1 seconds, but takes about 5 seconds to move the stricken area at normal capacity. Until then, it is a gradual transition.
• Most of his strength falls category of hand-to-hand combat, though he is still a beginner. Freestyle Ki Art is sill in development.

SIDEKICK:
• Electrical senses become more accurate. He can now sense the location of human beings, but only if the person in in motion.
• Kale can now store his own source of electricity, but he commonly runs out of power while fighting. This also means that he can draw out his electricity from within. He can control when and how the electricity is released, but it takes time unleash larger quantities of power. Energy has to be gathered in to one area in order unleash more more power. In quick, close-range fighting he just unleashes small, painful shocks in order to save time and energy.
• It is common to run out of electrical energy during a fight; as long as he rests well and eats right, he can recover electricity within two hours.
• He can fire only one small bolt of electricity at his opponent. This attack will result in all the electricity in his storage.
• An electrical shield can be formed around himself, but must remain immobile while using this technique. The shield is strong enough to block bullets, but quick, heavy attacks will break through. Attacking is also impossible for Knock-Out. This defense can only last a minute and uses up all the electricity in his storage and a good portion of stamina.
• Hand-to-hand combat is improved. Probably best described as an intermediate level. The style is still in development.

HERO/???:
• The range and accuracy of his electrical senses increase greatly. Now he senses the position in which one moves.
• K.O. can store much more electricity in his body and will only run out in lengthy battles, unless he his forced to fight long-ranged.
• The ability to absorb more electricity from objects is now possible as long as this machine is within 5 yards. It takes about 10 seconds to completely fill his storage. Otherwise, it'll take 5 hours for his body to restore itself.
• He can now fire 2 decent sized bolts of electricity from either a direct source of electricity (before it short-circuits) or his storage (before it drains out).
• His electromagnetic shield only takes up a good fraction of his energy now and can last for 2 minutes.
• Strong electrical attacks can leave serious burns and injuries along with painful shocks.
• He has now greatly harnessed his martial art, and makes much less mistakes when fighting close-ranged. There is still room for further development.

SUPERHERO/SUPER ???:
• Powers include firing real bolts of lightning, or (for an even stronger result) controlling the location at which lightning will strike in a storm and even moving it slowly as it strikes the ground. He may fire 4 bolts before his storage runs empty.
• He can now walk while inside of his magnetic force field, but he is still unable to attack while using this. This can last only a few minutes and will use up a good fraction of his storage.
• He may project small squares of electromagnetism to push things away. They fade away after about 2 yards and have an area about 9 square feet. This can be extremely taxing on his storage.
•The likelihood of him running out of power is very low, and it is only common if he has been lacking food or sleep or if forced to fight in a long-ranged battle.
• He may now absorb electricity from objects within 7 yards. Absorption takes 20 seconds to completely fill up storage instead of 10. Without a source, it takes 8 hours for his body to fill up on electricity when empty.
• Knock-Out masters his martial art by this stage.

Fighting Style: Freestyle Ki Art

--Form/Principles--
When this style was being created, it was meant to be different from any other martial arts; therefore, it is not based on any particular style. It is best described on its own, but can be related to a mixture between capoeira, freestyle karate, and boxing. When attacking, the idea is to be unpredictable and evasive. He will do strange looking movements, like stand on his hands, but aim at vital nerves or spots. Of course, all position changes are necessary catching the opponent off guard with something new. Kale will look very loose while fighting and will only tighten up his body at the moment of contact for a split second, which allows a strong connection for pain to travel into the opponents body and for electricity to travel out of Kale's body. Immediately after, his body is loose again, allowing him to whip his next attack at the opponent. Being loose also allows him to quickly shift his weight around. This technique is good for both fast combinations and hit-and-run tactics.
--Stance--
A few basic stances compose Ki Art.
The defensive/offensive stance has shoulders and hips that are slanted away from the opponent, leaving less of a target for any straight attack the opponent throws. The lead fist faces the target with the pinky-side faceing down. The other hand is relaxed with the palm facing the enemy, ready to fire shocks of electricity. His back is straight and his hips are tucked. Legs are slightly bent and at shoulders distance apart, The lead foot facing the opponent and is set ahead of the body but not in front of the lead fist. The back foot faces slightly out.
The aggressive/offensive stance is very similar to the peekaboo style in boxing. Shoulders are square with the opponent while his fists protect his face and head and elbows guarding most of his ribs. Knuckles stay facing the opponent for quick punch combinations. His back is slouched and his knees are bent, creating a bit of a spring as he bobs and weaves his body constantly in this stance. His hips are slightly slanted. Most of his weight falls on his lead foot, which is flat. This provides plenty of balance as he shifts his weight. He stands on the balls of his back foot for powerful forward dashes.
The crouching stance seems more harmless than the others. Legs face out from his body. His knees are bent with his butt parallel to the ground. He is on the balls of his feet with his toes passed his knees. His shoulders and knees are perpendicular to the opponent. He rests his forearms just above his knees, letting his hands dangle in the middle. There's not much to this position besides its trickiness.
While in these poses, Kale has the tendency to shake out his limbs.
--Movement--
The way Kale moves is what makes this style branch out from all other martial arts. Freestyle Ki Art requires the user to be able to get in at the opponent (or multiple opponents) with superior speed and stamina. While fighting he must learn to twist and fling his body around with the constant energy that bounces around inside him. His flips and and dashes forward and all around his opponent, making it awkward for anyone to fight back. For additional speed, Kale can send electricity through the ground and literally grind on it to pull himself closer to a target at very fast speeds. This technique is weak on dirt, works well on more solid ground, and is completely passive on metal objects.

Abilities with Serious Consequences

Electromagnetic Pulse (EMP)
- Ability to wipe out all electrical objects within a mile. If used once, it will result in a lose of powers for two weeks. If it is used a second time (and it can be used twice in a row), his muscles will suffer from a week of strain and his powers will be lost for a month.
- Must be at least a hero/???.
Omnispective Mode
- With intense concentration, his range and accuracy of electrical senses increase greatly. This technique allows him to become capable of seeing a whole city and distinguishing between different people for a few seconds, or it allows him to see over hundred men within a close proximity for combat purposes. This will result in a lose of his electrical senses for a month and will temporarily impair his spacial intelligence an hour after this technique ends.
- Must be a superhero/super ???.

Strengths:
- Unique Martial Art, known as "Freestyle Ki Art" which maximizes the use of his powers.
- Superior Spatial Intelligence, or in other words he has a high capacity of memorizing how things look and seeing them from different angles. This was something he was born with. He's always had an affinity for shapes and sizes. While he was still a kid, K.O. had memorized the layout of cities and buildings. Allowing him to travel how he wanted without getting lost. This doesn't really help him in battle, but it does help with retreats and exploration.
- His training has lead to well-rounded physical capabilities, especially with stamina.
- In hotter temperatures, his strength with electrokinesis may increase but he will lose power at a faster rate.
- As long as there is electricity in his body (after rookie stage), he can remain warm in cold temperatures.
Weaknesses:
- Starting from the Sidekick stage, Knock-Out becomes a little bit of a live-wire. Electricity constantly flows through his body, but it's time enough not to shock others at every moment of contact. Because of this, he cannot not wield any weapons that require the use of gunpowder; it will blow up at the moment of use. This is the same for electrically powered guns. If he sits in or on any vehicle that's turned on, it will blow up. This excludes large ships and other forms of transportation of that size. Basically when he feels a jolt or contacts electrically powered object, a current shoots through the object (assuming that it's small enough). And if something explosive is within the object, it'll go off.
- Insulators and absorbers, like rubber can be used defensively. But if his attack is strong enough, it can overcome inferior forms of insulation like rubber soles on shoes.
- Almost all electrokinetic techniques use up some of the energy in his electrical storage. In order to keep using his powers in battle, he needs rest, food, or a source of electricity. The only exceptions being the ability to grinding on metal and his electrical senses.
- He can be quite annoying, and thus, hard to work with as a team member.
- Long-ranged fighting can cause him to lose electricity at a faster rate. Most of his strength revolves around physical contact, so he can't do much damage if he is kept at a distance.
- His strength with electrkinesis decreases in cold temperatures; however his storage will last longer since more power is kept in.
- If the temperature is below -10 degrees Fahrenheit, he cannot use his electrokinesis.
- Being in any body of water, like the ocean (not rain), can result in a closed circuit. In other words, using electricity will cause damage to himself.

___________________________________________________

[Personal & Other Information]

How did your character get their powers:
His mother genetically altered his dna when he was immediately born with the original intention to give him resistance to electrical shocks.
Motivation for entering academy:
He feels an obligation to make up for what he did to his mother. She had always told Kale to be strong, so that became his goal. He was unaware that she just wanted him to be unafraid, yet safe. Maybe the academy can make him stronger... the strongest! In addition, he wouldn't mind being a kicka$$ super legend.
Goals/Aspirations:
As it was mentioned above, Knock-Out is training to be a powerful man. Naturally he would've inherited his father's business, but his mother had never mentioned it to him before her death. So instead he decided to grow strong for her. What he will use his potentially-mighty abilities for is unknown to him as of this moment.

Background Story:
User Image The Olivan family was one that originates from Sewit. They are known for owning one of the smallest, yet most famous circuit companies in the entire city. It is called Oli's Engineers-- Oli of course being short for Olivan. Each and every single employee, including the boss, went around Sewit to fix some of the most dangerous and complicated wiring the world has to offer. Machines in Sewit are complex and advanced, making the circuit work that much more hazardous. This family held a tradition, and it is that the first born child of each generation of Olivan would inherit the Oli's Engineers company.

Skipping to something a little less boring than the history of a company....

Kizo Olivan, the previous owner of Oli's, was killed by electrocution while preforming maintenance one of the largest circuits in the city. While he was wearing protective gear, there was no stopping the might of this shock. The spark of electricity that struck Kizo down actually melted through his protective suit. This left his wife, Suma, alone and pregnant with their son. She fell into depression and didn't know what to do; Suma Olivan was lost without a family. She took leave from her job as an assistant scientist and lived on the money that was provided to them by Kizo after death. Eventually she landed on the idea that her son was all she had left. There was no family. She was an only child who had been distant from her parents for a while now. Suma had named this child Kale Olivan, and she had to protect him. Because of her love for Kizo, she wanted to honor his family's tradition and allow Kale to inherit the company once he had turned eighteen years old. But deep down she was truly afraid of losing him too. There had to be something she could do to protect him. She spent her final months carrying to discuss with her scientist friends, bribing and convincing them to change her sons DNA since she did not have proper access to the 'human enhancement genes' section of the building. When she offered the right amount of money, that was provided to Suma by her dead husband, her friends let greed persuade them and gladly accepted the conditions. After all, what was one baby? Just a chance to have human subject. Of course this deal would be after hours and behind closed doors. Unfortunately, the money she had given away to her friends left her in a slightly scarce living condition. She moved to a smaller home and began to watch her spending habits closely.

When the time came, Kale Olivan was born. And, as promised, her friends altered his DNA in an attempt to make him resistant to electrical shocks. The child was returned to Suma in perfect condition with word that the test was successful. After all that, she got what she wanted. Kale was guaranteed to grow and be a strong man who could provide for his family, and without any fear of unlucky accidents.

At the age of seven, Kale discovered that he wasn't just resistant to electricity, but he could actually manipulate it. This happened when he stuck a fork in an outlet for the fun of it. At the time he was actually suppose to be grabbing a light bulb for his mother so that she could change a light, but the kid just got a bit curious and distracted. The bulb in his hand remained lit, even though he had moved away from the outlet. Kale grew excited as he rushed up to his mother. When he stopped in front of his mom, he lifted the bulb up to her. His mom stared in amazement at.. at whatever this was. Kale begged to see if he could practice this newfound skill more often. Suma embraced it and allowed him to train under her supervision. She saw this as an opportunity for him to become stronger and safer from danger. This went on for a while as young Kale learned all sorts of innovative skills such as controlling the lighting and throwing small balls of lightning, though he could only fire two before the power source he was using went out. One day, while he was practicing, he made the mistake of firing one of his shocks into one of the old, rotting support columns of their house's upper deck. He had gotten carried away. The deck collapsed onto his mother, resulting in an almost instant death. He ran and hid far from the accident, not knowing what he was suppose to do now.

By next year he had become an extremely outspoken and troubled child. Being alone finally broke him, and he swallowed his depression whole. Eventually he had grown attached to smiling through all of his conflicting feelings, it was the best way to stop himself from hurting-- the only thing that made since to a kid is age. By this time he had taken shelter in an abandoned warehouse where other homeless men and women stayed apparently. When he turned ten, he had lost himself completely. Kale had no friends, and the people around him were fed up with his bad attitude and disrespectful words and actions. Even his, once harmless, pranks started becoming more dangerous. Over the years, he had even gotten the snot beaten out of him a few times, so he created training space beside the warehouse with old gym equipment. He practiced using his extra energy to his advantage in this style he tried to create between ages eight and ten. After he had caused a possibly permanent injury to an old man, he was finally reported and forced to see a psychologist. Within the first month of this, he confessed to his mistake-- he admitted to killing his mother. From then on he gradually became more disturbed no matter what his psychologist tried to do to help. Those who lived in the warehouse with him kept their distance, for he stopped making sense to all of them. There was no choice for the doctor but to send him to a mental institution where he would be kept away from society.

Life in the asylum was terrible at first. Kale couldn't handle being around these other crazies who seemed even worse off than him. This 10 year old boy couldn't help but piss off the others like him, and twice he got into brawls. Kale knew better than to show off his powers in the asylum, so he stuck with his incomplete fighting style. He had won both fights, but barely due the fact that he was just a beginner. The workers decided to let him off easy since he was only a child, but they would have to isolate him if he started any other fights. Unlucky for Kale, the men he beat up had insane friends. As they plotted a good time to gang up on the poor kid, Kale thought more about his style, and what went wrong in all of his fights. In his cell he practiced the movements of his style, but it was small so he had to practice each one at a time. When the time came around for more stable patients to have their recess, many of them began to bother the employees with questions while two guys snatched Kale and took him to the next room. A couple others entered the room and began wailing at the young boy. This pushed him beyond what he had experienced before and made him think. His latent skills that he trained for one his own had been unleashed. Kale's insight lead him to twisted around and evaded all of their punches and stomps. He flipped forward and kicked one in the face with both feet. When he landed he swept one of the man's feet out from under him with his own foot, causing this guy to fall. Kale flipped into the air again and gripped the front of his ankles and pointed his knees down. He landed on the man, breaking a few ribs in the process. He screamed and the others who were once beating on him stood at awe at first, but they were soon filled with anger and charged at the boy. Before they began to scrap again, many workers rushed into the room and broke up the fight. Each of them were kept sequestered from everyone else and each other. They had to wear straight jackets now.

As the years went on Kale Olivan practiced his electrokinesis in his cell with his mind. Not much could be done since his arms and hands were restrained, but practice is practice, even if it was only on few light bulbs. He started seeing a new professor while being kept their who steadily began to change him. This professors name is Maxwell Greene. He taught Kale how to become less violent simply by becoming an example for Kale. Greene showed him that the world isn't all that crazy. That there is difference and kindness in everyone. No matter how rude or violent Kale got with Mr. Greene, the professor continued to act nice and give Kale extra. He never broke. He even convinced the other employees to reduce the young boy's medication (which he spat back up anyway). This was all it took to make Kale less harmful and he managed to stay calmer. It took one man to make a sacrifice. Soon they allowed him to move among the other patients again without restraints. From that point on he didn't start fights, but he was still troubled and couldn't be diagnosed as a mentally healthy citizen. Fortunately for Kale, he had plan, and it was about time to execute it. He was getting sick of these people, and was determined to meet more people like Maxwell Greene, even if it meant leaving him.

Throughout the next month, he had taken note of the vent's layout in the building. They weren't hidden in the ceiling, but they hung from it instead. Kale had been there long enough to memorize the set-up of the building and had found the circuit box in the janitors closet which was luckily locked electronically. When he finished preparing to leave, he disabled the lock to the janitors closet and disabled the electrical equipment in the building through the circuit box. He used this opportunity to escape from this hell through the vents and made a swift retreat back to the city. No confrontations were made in his escaped. Kale ran for a few miles and stopped. At last he had found a new home. He decided to hide his true identity before getting to know anyone. His powers were best for incapacitation and destruction, so he donned the outfit of a masked vigilante and called himself Knock-Out. He stopped minor crimes where he managed to improve his fighting style while stopping thugs around the streets, and, every now and then, stole for his own benefit. After all he had nothing to return to and nothing to claim, so why not steal? Kale Olivan, whoever he was, had been left behind without a trace. He created a home out of an abandoned truck, which he had to carefully drain the fluids from so that it wouldn't explode when he sat inside. K.O. had quite a few fans, particularly among the homeless. They took such a liking to him that they actually decided to make him a decent costume. He looked like a real hero... er, whatever.

A few ears later, at the age of sixteen, Knock-Out had heard of a place that taught kids like himself how to improve their capabilities and to become sidekicks or even heroes. The name of this school was Sidekick Academy. He said goodbye to his hobo friends and the city and left Sewit just to become a student. Maybe if he did well he could one day get rid of all the anger he bares deep down, under the smile. Now he spends his time making sculptures and paintings under his new alias to reel in the doe. Knock-Out worked hard, trying to fit in by being a positive, funny guy. Of course he had some issues, but hopefully these students could look past them and just accept him for him. Maybe they could even make a change in him. After all, he had aspirations to be something big.

Extra Junk:
- Has a naturally warm body.
- Enjoys rain and showing of his skills in combat.
- Dislikes who he use to be and being betrayed.
- Born on February 3rd; Aquarius
- Mental instability can lead him to act unnecessarily silly in serious situations.

-
PostPosted: Mon Nov 12, 2012 8:44 pm


BEEP~

I'll probably place some pictures here when I get some.



K-Zap

Lonely Reveler


K-Zap

Lonely Reveler

PostPosted: Mon Nov 12, 2012 8:45 pm


BOOP~
PostPosted: Tue Nov 13, 2012 9:23 pm


May I just start by commenting that I enjoy his name and KO is quite a clever superhero alias. 8D b

Some things I think you can expand on:
Limitations on his powers as a rookie/sidekick since you've already got some of the hero abilities planned out.

The age he enters the academy should be his current age I think. I'm actually not 100% sure on the 8 while current is 16 since no one else has really done that before... So I will have to ask the boss about that. But just a heads-up that you might possibly need to rethink it...?

I think there's a lot that could be added to his personality. At the moment, all I'm really gathering is that he's a bit of a cheeky punk who's friendly/caring but a show-off. It'd be great to go more in depth with some negative traits. Since he's a show-off, does he get jealous if the spotlight's taken from him? Does he have a competitive spirit? Is he a poor sport about losing? Etc. Is he the kind of kid to brush off criticism from others? Not caring what others think? Insensitive?
What's his deal, so to speak. You know?

Honestly speaking... I find it really unlikely that an 8 year old could get over shock/depression in a short two years after accidentally killing his parents. Or at least more elaboration on his emotions through that time and how he coped etc. What was he doing after that? What about his other family from his mom/dad's side?
What's his motive/mentality for doing villainous things? Why does he want to redeem himself?
In general, I don't fully understand his backstory. Why were the cops after him? If it was an accident, he shouldn't have been held liable unless the cops were after him for something else, right? SA is a top secret place, cops wouldn't be allowed onto the premises either. Security and other things prevent that. Unless he was found by the cops while he was off campus wandering around in a city nearby.
I don't get the bit about skipping grades either. How and why? Is he that smart? And why's he making blueprints/maps of SA? Villainous activities later? Is he really trying to be a hero or is that just a cover?
I'm just really confused about this backstory. I feel like there are a lot of details missing. D:
And it'd be great if all this could be tied in with his personality too, how he treats people etc. and why. How he came to be the way he is because of his past.

Anyway, I hope this crit wasn't confusing... lol.
Keep working at it! I think it's got a load of potential! u__u b

Shnazz
Crew


K-Zap

Lonely Reveler

PostPosted: Thu Nov 15, 2012 6:07 pm


Shnazz

Thank you for your critique!

I went ahead and expanded on everything you had mentioned, and I hope it has made my character better.

I've added stages to his abilities.
His personality was related back to his life.
The back-story was given more detail.
And I even organized his profile and made it look kinda fancy.

Would you mind looking through it again?
PostPosted: Fri Nov 16, 2012 7:59 am


Random crit time! Woo.
I think my main issue is with the Backstory - I think Shnazz covered a couple of things, but not all of the issues I found, personally.

I myself find the... formatting of his backstory to be a little impersonal. It reads out kind of plainly, as bullet notes go. It's really just a minor irk of mine, though. I just wanted to get that out of the way, that the bullet notes, the random ages set between them, and so on, put these big gaps between each portion of his history for me.

First, I want to bring up the very small bit you wrote about his living parents. Who were his parents and how did they get the equipment and know how to genetically alter their son? It seems a little specific, and, to say plainly, a waste of amazing powers/technology to genetically alter someone just so they can grow up to be a circuit-worker. That's like genetically altering your child to have a resistance to cleaning agents so he can grow up and be a plumber. Who really thinks that far ahead, or that specifically, into their kids life? There should be at list a bit of a look into his parents themselves.

Now, you mentioned that Kale has a unique fighting style. Two things I want to bring up concerning it, really. This seems to be a fighting style unique to him, yet you include pretty much nothing about it besides it's name. Kale also apparently fashioned this fighting style from, er, pardon the phrase, but basically beating up on people in a mental asylum. Now, if he was super powered, and violent to boot, I find it difficult to fathom why he wouldn't have been under lock and key from the beginning, or at the very least sedated. The whole "developing a fighting discipline while in an asylum" over the short course of five years (part of that time being in bonds, and then part of that time as a peaceful resident) really crosses the lines of plausibility. There's actually very little mention of this fighting style elsewhere, other than the fact that he honed it somehow upon gaining freedom.

Fighting techniques aren't something easy. People study them for years. If Kale didn't have a proper mentor or even some reading material, he would honestly be little more than flailing his hands and feet around, the way I see it. And again, what kind of style is this? Does it use the legs, or arms? Or both? Is it flashy, does it resemble any present fighting style, etc?

I also think more thought should be put into the Mental Asylum, or really, how he escaped from it. Asylums have guards, they have big walls and locks. Even if a patient was sneaking around, there'd be a definite limit to what he could access without being noticed. If the staff were aware of a super powered resident, this would be doubly so. Give some specifics. Did he engage or hurt anyone while making his escape? For someone who has spent the last 5 years in the protective custody of an asylum, he seemed to adapt incredibly quickly to outside life. If he didn't immediately go to the academy, did he stay with someone? Was he literally out on the streets doing nothing but stealing and fighting? I'm also feeling this "gap" between parts of his personality and past. He's a confident, joking and generally happy person, despite having the heavy burden of killing his parents, having a troubled, violent childhood and spending much of his young life locked in an asylum. The only positive model in his life seems to be the Professor - yet you included very little about him. If he was such a great influence, shouldn't there be more about him? Did Kale keep in contact with him? Does he want to find him again? If the man was important enough to Kale to make him so radically change his behavior, there should be a little more information about him.

Also, odd that I'm sticking this at the bottom, but Kale's powers are really all over the place. Electricity, magnetism, AND gravity abilities? It's kind of a broad range. Having diversity is great, but if you give it too much diversity while simultaneously extending how each facet of his power can go, it comes to the point of seeming ridiculously over powered. At rookie stage, just HOW good is he at manipulating and producing electricity? It would make more sense if there were some actual drawbacks to his powers, other than not being able to sit in cars and getting tired. I think a good balance would be if he was unable to produce electricity himself, and had to draw and store it from external sources.

Mojave Mo Problems

Dapper Noob


K-Zap

Lonely Reveler

PostPosted: Sat Dec 01, 2012 4:38 am


Mojave Mo Problems


All done! Thank you~

I think I should be ready now. (:
PostPosted: Wed Dec 05, 2012 10:17 am


OKAY!

So I've toned down the powers and limited his range of abilities, completely discarding the 0 gravity thing and all abilities involving the movement of metal objects.

I've elaborated on pretty much everything to help explain who he really is as a person and a hero.

PLEASE comment, and please don't be discouraged by its length. I'm open to both approval and crit. I am not going to trash anyone's critique, even if that very critique is ripping apart my character. I just want to make him better so that I can begin this RP.

Plz&Thx~ :3

K-Zap

Lonely Reveler


Shnazz
Crew

PostPosted: Sat Dec 08, 2012 7:58 am


Hey K-zap.
I'm just letting you know that we haven't forgotten you! It's just taking a long time for another mod to get to criting this. (I passed it on to her because I felt she was better equipped to giving you a fuller and more precise crit.)

Just try to relax and be patient. (:
PostPosted: Sat Dec 08, 2012 8:37 am


Shnazz


Okie, thank you for letting me know! biggrin
TuT

K-Zap

Lonely Reveler


K-Zap

Lonely Reveler

PostPosted: Sun Dec 09, 2012 2:13 pm


For whomever is critiquing my quest next, I apologize for he constant edits.

I've added some major weaknesses/strengths involving temperature and water.

I also did some editing with the powers. The electro-shield move has been changed so that it proceeds through the stages at a steady rate, and the electro-wall move was moved back a stage in response.

Again, my bad. sweatdrop
PostPosted: Thu Dec 13, 2012 12:48 pm


UPDATE: (for anyone who's going to approve or critique me)

I removed absorption from the rookie stage and made it so that he could only manipulate. Then I put limitations on how long he could manipulate while being away from the object he drew power from. This basically limits him to hand-to-hand combat for the most part.

K-Zap

Lonely Reveler


mori-zae
Crew

Dapper Codger

PostPosted: Mon Dec 24, 2012 9:43 am


AHAHA I am so sorry I've been planning to get to your quest but delays and life orz;

SO. I'll just get straight into it. I'll be reading your quest as is ok


PERSONALITY
Alright! His personality is pretty interesting, but a little repetitive as they sometimes keep going back to same point of him masking his true feelings and etc. You could try and put some variation by talking about other things, like is he hot headed, short tempered, impatient, etc. You could also give examples if you like.

I'm also kinda confused how he can understand the emotions of others when he himself is unable to understand or express his own. It's a little contradictory since after all, it takes one to know one. And I'm just very curious, to whom does he want to prove his strength to? Or is he doing it for himself? How well does he actually understand HIMSELF? Does he recognize when he is feeling strong emotions or not?


POWERS
Ok if I'm understanding this right, Kale's electricity manipulation powers include Redirection, Storage and Production? While this is somewhat ok as a power, when combined with a development of a fighting style at ROOKIE stage, its far too much.

Powers wise, what you've given him is way over I'm afraid, even with the limitations. Kale is actually doing Electricity Manipulation AND Production, which, while related, is not something I would recommend. Please note that absorption and production are NOT the same thing.

You've also included a development of a martial art style. While this isn't a terrible thing, is it really possible that a young boy at age 10 develop an entire style all by himself? If he is always alone or cooped up in the asylum, from where does he get his instruction or inspiration (capoeira, etc) from?

If he already has so much to begin with, then there is nothing more anyone can teach him in school really. Leave room for development! I'd suggest you tone down his physical prowess and/or his electrical manipulation abilities.

Could you also explain a little more about his storage and production abilities? Having the ability to manipulate electricity is already in itself pretty awe-inspiring, so I'm thinking being able to produce it as well is pretty much going over. I'm also a little concerned about his storage abilities. Being able to hold electricity for indefinite periods of time is quite a feat frankly speaking. Are there any consequences if he doesn't release the electricity he's holding? Can he actually control this much energy inside him without being hurt? Can he control when and how much he wants to release?

And just out of curiosity, he only fights close combat with electricity? Does he like, "shoot out" electricity? While its nice to have variety, you may want to keep it to just long or short range while in his earlier stages.

Also, I'm not too certain of this myself but to be able to detect a person by electrical means, means that Kale can sense this electricity that humans give off at a CELLULAR level? I looked this up on wiki so correct me if I'm wrong. But if that is the case, then I imagine Kale has to be incredibly powerful to be able to pick up signals at that kind of level.


STRENGTHS AND WEAKNESSES
How did he develop insane spatial intelligence? Why does he need this particular strength on top of all the other electrical and martial art abilities you gave him?

Could you explain why things like guns and vehicles will blow up around him...? While it is a pretty good weakness that does restrict him from doing things, it doesn't make a lot of sense unless he's an uncontrollable, walking live wire, exposed and charged. Does this mean he cannot control when he releases whatever electricity is stored inside? Also what do you mean by long-ranged fighting?


MOTIVATION
Kale's motivation to enter the school is quite weak and rather messy at the moment. From what I've read, there seem to be several reasons for his motivation: to make up for his mother's death and to fulfill some larger aspiration.

I understand that he feels like he owes his mother, but in what way? Why does he feel that? How does being a hero make it up to her memory? Does it make sense that he steals while stopping minor crimes like thievery?

You also mentioned that he had aspirations to be something big? What sort of big? What even, exactly? Does he just want to be famous and show off his powers? Or does he genuinely want to save lives and be someone heroic? Where did this aspiration suddenly come from? Why suddenly become a hero? Is he looking for some kind of gratification or is he just doing it for the hell of it?


OK this was extra long but I hope it helps! Knockout is very promising so far and I'm looking forward to seeing what you can do with him * v*b
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