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[CHAR][CRIT]OPALESCENT; DOMINIC MYER Goto Page: 1 2 [>] [»|]

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Ruyail

Malevolent Shapeshifter

PostPosted: Sat Nov 10, 2012 3:09 pm
User Image

DOMINIC ASTON MYER
Opalescent

User Image


ENTRY


Dominic looked around as he looked at the number in his hand. "I said number 128. 128, are you still in the building?" Dominic shook his head and stood raising his hand, the number clutched tightly in his fingers. He looked at the people around him, wondering when he had dozed off. He pressed his lips a bit as he quietly excused himself down the row of the auditorium. Knees, feet, and faces fell victim to his attempts to not step on people. "Please hurry, 128, we've got others who would like to audition as well." Dominic nodded his head and gave the judges a soft, apologetic smile. Without a second thought, he reached his hand forward and it began to shine.

Dominic lifted his hand as small little splats of light made a small path from where he stood to the stage. He gingerly stepped onto one and made his way to the stage. As soon as he steped away from the splats, they faded until they popped with a little shower of light. He stepped onto the stage and turned to face the judges. "Thank you for your patience and I apologize for the inconvenience. I seemed to have let my mind wander." He bowed his head with the same apologetic smile. "If you would like to begin the timer, I will be glad to start." He looked over at the person who had been designated at the beginning to be the timekeeper and nodded his head.

"My name is Dominic Aston Myer. I am fifteen years old and a resident of Sewit. You have already had a small demonstration of my abilities." He bowed a bit and smiled warmly. "No doubt you've seen some amazing talent here today, and I am indeed proud to be auditioning for this scholarship as well as equipment in the future. You all are quite generous and we are all very lucky for the opportunity." He shouldered his backpack, letting the compliments sink in for a moment. His eyes moved from judge to judge before taking another breath. There was no hesitation in his words as he seemed to spill honey into the judges' ears. He wasn't trying to butter them up. He wasn't one to play pleasantries with others. He was simply stating the facts of what was going on around them.

"I was born to Amelia Myer, a genetic engineer and Byron Myer, a mechanist. It was my mother's idea to "tweak my DNA", as she loves to put it, and create a superpowered individual. They raised me and waited for me to develop my powers. My mother didn't know how she was altering my DNA, but she knew I'd be different." He pulled off his backpack and gave it to the timekeeper to give to the judges. He nodded his head and smiled. "When I was five, I began showing signs of light absorption. I would glow, as you see me now, when I was taking in light. I continued to grow into my powers as a young child, for the most part teaching myself control. I cannot create light of my own devices, I must absorb it. Due to my light affinity, I have a distinct dislike of the dark." In truth, he was deathly afraid of the dark, but that wasn't something to say in front of so many people.

"Can I have a volunteer, preferrably a firewielder or someone who throws things?" He chose someone close and motioned them to come to the stage. "If you will, give me all you got." He set his backpack to the side with a gentle kick to make sure it didn't get singed, and pushed his glasses up, looking his volunteer in the eyes. "If you will." He bowed slightly to the boy in front of him. The volunteer took that opportunity to throw a fireball at Dominic. It slammed into an invisible force that slowly ripped to a slightly cloudy, iridescent patch before disappearing once again. "I have the ability to shield myself with light. It is not 100% effective yet. I'm currently at a 31.768% possibility of shielding the blows from my opponent, especially in a bubble as I'm currently in." The 'bubble' flashed the color like the patch that had been struck by the fireball before dying away. "I am working on a technique to use arm shields along with martial arts prowess to become more than simply a defensive person. I believe that in the future I might be able to use my powers offensively, but this has proved a failure as of yet. I hope that better control of my abilities will pose more positive results in the future." He bowed as the timekeeper called time. "Thank you for your time, patience, and consideration."

Dominic took his backpack up and pulled a small sack of cookies. He offered them to the firewielding volunteer for his efforts and walked off the stage. He selected a spot once more and settled in. He took a deep breath and relaxed. He wasn't nervous on stage, in fact, he enjoyed the stage, but keeping the bubble up for so long tired him out. He sighed and pulled out a small notebook and began scribbling.

Findings
Even with plentiful rest, subject Opalescent tires. Attempts to keep bubble shield for a prolonged time (3 minutes) was successful, but subject is now extremely tired and requires more rest. More light is required. Repeat test in three days with 30% increased sun exposure and 10% more rest. Speak with Father about creating a small light to gather light from.

On a more satisfying note, subject Opalescent's training to transport himself over open air has paid off. The subject did not dump himself into the audience as theorized by Mother. The crowd played little role in the subject's concentration and ability. More training is required, however. Subject Opalescent had to hurry across the platforms to avoid being on them before the evaporation/combustion process began.

With that, Dominic shut his notebook and settled back. He needed sleep in the worst way. He pushed himself up and began walking out. Sunlight, not a dark theater, was required for proper rest.  
PostPosted: Sat Nov 10, 2012 3:10 pm
NAME THAT COMPANY

Synchrotek


To quote the boss, "We may be a small company, but we will make a big impact in this business!"

Synchrotek is a small company based out of the heart of Sewit. Through a few minor marketing errors, they have never made a big statement in the world. They, however, are an extremely capable company hoping to get some attention and become bigger and more influential in the struggle for bigger and better technologies.

The Products :: Synchrotek has made a niche for itself in "personal tech". From artificial organs such as eyes, hearts, spines, to jet packs and other toys for leisure, Synchrotek is trying to expand themselves further from the leisure markets to the offensive and defensive.

The Idea :: Everyone has heard of the Sidekick Academy, but few can afford to live so far away from home. Tuition, clothes, food, and other expenses can become too much for any one person to bear. Synchrotek's thought what better press than to have a superhero wearing their technology, being their spokesperson, and giving the company a good name. They decided to hold several different auditions to find the right person to give the scholarship to.

The Outcome :: They chose a young man by the name of Dominic Myer. They felt he was a little dry, but he was from Sewit and seemed to have quite a lot of potential and a hidden talent for the dramatic.

The Prizes :: Tech, weapons and whatever else Myer might need and of course his tuition, expenses, and a little spending money.

Dominic's Take :: "You want my comment on Synchrotek? They're a small company planning on making a big impact on the market."

Dominic isn't a fan of most of the people he's come to deal with with Synchrotek. They have a lot of high minded ideas, but not enough knowledge to back it up. They are indeed a small company with few benefits for their engineers and 'think tank'. He doesn't see how they will come up with anything better than he himself can come up with. There have been several contracts signed, including a few that might infringe on his future research as their trademarked superhero. Any efforts to speak to the company about this issue have been ignored. They also have, apparently, been throwing around future sidekick and hero names for Dominic. "Synchrolight" seems to be the company favorite. When Dominic spoke up about his own views, he was quickly dismissed for just being a 'child' and 'not understanding how the world works'.

Dominic does get along with Synchrotek's head engineer, Matilda Eskan. She reminds him a lot of his father. She doesn't seem to mistake his intelligence and listens to him, especially in the designs of his future equipment. With her help, he's fairly sure he'll make it.

Dominic's Equipment :: Much of his technology is still in the works. Synchrotek has taken his vitals, measurements, and has a 'mock' of his body in their files. Dominic has been trying to put his own input in, but it seems the company is more worried about branding than his own needs and safety. He has spoken several times with Matilda for what he requires simply because she is the only one that will listen to him. Nothing's ready yet. They're not willing to put a newbie into serious equipment. Not until he proves himself.

Tech Suit :: Keeps a continuous check on his vitals, including energy levels and times until sunset/sunrise. He also has them send the readings to his mother for her own personal study, though it doesn't show much in the way of what his powers are doing. The suit keeps Dominic at an optimum temperature that he can set himself. He has a mini-jetpack built into the back just incase one of his constructs fail him and he falls to the ground. (Fatal falls will become critical falls.) The tech suit can also absorb light as well, either feeding it straight to Dominic if it's needed or storing it for later. Small panels inside the tech suit shine the light directly against Dominic's skin for maximum absorption.

Lamp :: A light source at the specific frequency Dominic needs to recharge. Also makes an AMAZINGLY BRIGHT night light. (Much to the disapproval of whoever bunks with him) It comes in lamp form that can break down to a small can.

Master Exploder Containment Unit :: (Or simply 'Exploder Bucket') A Dominic-sized containment chamber that is to be used only when Dominic is in critical meltdown. To save people from the explosion, just deposit one Dominic into the containment chamber and close the door. Either put on goggles or leave the room for the incoming boom of light, heat, and other byproducts. (No one wants a nasty sunburn.)  

Ruyail

Malevolent Shapeshifter


Ruyail

Malevolent Shapeshifter

PostPosted: Sat Nov 10, 2012 3:14 pm
THE LIFE AND TIMES OF THE SUPERHERO SCIENTIST


Full Name: Dominic Aston Myer
Nicknames: Dom, Dommy
Birthday : -----
Age: Fifteen
Gender: Male
Sexual Preference: Sapiosexual
Home Country: Sewit

Likes: Science, old movies, math, equasions, intelligence, loyalty, honesty, personal space, space, exploring, new discoveries
Dislikes: Violation of personal space, evil children, stupidity, theft, liars, 'the arts', incorrect word usage
Quirks: Dom hates his personal space being entered without his permission. He tends to shift his weight when he's thinking. He stammers and his voice gets higher and higher when he's in an uncomfortable situation. Dom fiddles with his glasses (i.e. cleaning them, correcting them repeatedly) when he's angry. Dom writes in his notebook constantly, especially when observing himself or others.
Fears: Dom fears being in an accident that does not kill him, but leaves him in a near vegetative state. Dom also fears personal relationships. He longs for them, but he is afraid that he'll mess them up so it's better not to try in the first place. Dom has nyctophobia, or fear of the dark.
Goals: Dom hopes to become a successful scientist and be valued in whatever field he chooses to go into. He wants to gain control over his powers. Dom also wants to become socially savvy.

Personality: Dom was primarily raised in a very cold and unemotional enviornment. His mother studied and tested him since birth for his powers. Her attention to him became what he thought love, caring and compassion were. He models his own social interactions after his mother's treatment of him, believing this to be completely normal. As he's gone more and more into the world, he has discovered that very few people are like himself and his mother. He doesn't know how to handle the difference between himself and someone else so he hides behind his note-taking and his social anxiety. He wants to be able to interact with others, but he's never really had any friends minus his mother's lab equipment. Dominic, when speaking to others, is not a fan of small talk. It was instilled in him that small talk was for the less intelligent. He is extremely direct in his speech, often hurting the feelings of others. Emotions, as mentioned before, were not commonplace in his home. Extreme emotions were even more rare. Dominic isn't completely prepared to deal with such emotion. When he hurts the feelings of others and they become upset, Dominic shuts down and attempts to run away in any way he can. Dom is obsessed with progress, especially his own. His mother never moved outside of her studies of him. She became obsessed with it. He is afraid of becoming her so he pushes himself to become a better. It doesn't matter if it's his social abilities, power abilities, or his scientific pursuits. He will never dead end with a single cause. If he feels like he's stalemating himself, he'll stop immediately and find another venture for himself.

Positive Attributes :: Brilliant, Problem Solving, Straight Forward, Hard Worker, Honest, Internally Based
Negative Attributes :: Socially Inept, Emotionally Stunted, Stupidity Intolerant, Ignorant of Pop Culture, Obsessed with Success

Notes About Personality :: Right now, Dom is very rigid in his personality. This is on purpose to give him the biggest potential to grow as an individual as he can have. He's going to rub against people the wrong way until he truly learns how to be a normal human being not a creature purely of logic with no capacity for fun and emotional attachment. I want him to grow as much as he can.

The Fine Print :: Dominic is borderline obsessive with plotting the progress of others. He uses it as a security blanket and as a defense mechanism against the outside world. He observes the people he intends on studying for a bit to create a baseline for their abilities. Then he quantifies their progress and charts it. He also observes their interactions with others and to stimuli in their environment. If there is something different about their physiology or if they are of a different species, Dominic will study their physical being. Dominic prefers to watch people in their natural enviornment where ever he can. It can be in the park or in a crowded eatery, Dominic prefers to stay outside. It gives him a far more broad spectrum of people, though he only has the steady subjects of his mother and father.

Family:

Byron Myer :: Byron is a successful machinist in Sewit. He studies, improves and creates tools and mechanisms for Sewit. He is virtually unknown outside of his own field, but that is the way he prefers to keep it. He is a rather laid back individual who wanted nothing more than a family with Amelia. He had hoped it would ground his wife in the land of real people, but instead it sent her into a tizzy of science that has left in without a spouse. Dominic is his first and only son. He loves him with all of his heart. He was concerned about the procedures for creating a 'superson', but he has learned to live with, accept, and deal with the problems that come with raising a future superhero. As of late, he has been less happy with Amelia. It seems like the pull of love is growning weaker.

Amelia Myer :: Amelia is a genetic specialist from a highly regarded genetics company. She has been working her entire life in the field of genetics, and she is obsessed with pushing the genetic code to its limit. She is a scientist to a fault. This means Amelia is willing to do anything, even having a child to manipulate their genetics, to further her field of study and to bring recognition to herself. She has never mentioned to her family that Dominic was simply birthed so she could genetically modify him, but that secret will eventually come to light. She doesn't push Dominic at all simply because she doesn't expect him to amount to much of anything. As the first subject, he is bound to be full of flaws and unable to keep himself to her own standards on what should and should not constitute as superpowers. Amelia is not aware of her crumbling relationship with her husband.

Dominic's Thoughts :: Out of convenience and necessity, he is closer to his mother Amelia, though she does not exactly exemplify the maternal instinct. Byron, however, has been gaining speed in Dominic's later years. He doesn't understand his father sometimes because Byron is more emotionally charged than his mother is. Despite the relationship between Amelia and himself, Dominic is more likely to go to his father with issues. (A good example would be Amelia's disapproval of him going to Sidekick Academy.) As of late, his mother has been a source of minor irritation for Dominic, but he believes she only wants the best for him. She gets monthly reports regarding progress and readings from his Tech Suit, but Dominic makes it a point to send Byron messages far more regularly, sometimes even daily. Even Dominic isn't blind to the status of his mother and father's relationship status.

History:

Dominic’s history begins well before his birth to the beginning of his parents relationship. Byron and Amelia Myer were an odd couple to say the least. Byron was seen as a ‘lesser’ because he wasn’t a scientist and Amelia was seen as a stuck up frost queen. They saw something in each other, though. They were good for each other. Byron kept Amelia grounded, and Amelia kept Byron curious. They had long talks about how to make things better. They were happy together, but Byron wanted more. He wanted a family with Amelia. A child to call their own. Amelia wasn’t as happy about the idea, however. She wanted nothing more than to continue her research, but having a child would make that incredibly difficult. It was one of the few things Amelia and Byron would argue about.

Amelia finally gave into Byron, but not for what he thought. She had come across quite a lot of research into creating a superpowered human. All the tests, however, were on those who had already been born. She decided that if she were going to become pregnant and be forced through the grueling months of pregnancy, she would get research out of it. She brought the proposal up to her work, GenetiCorp. They were thrilled with the idea and offered her several grants and access to their labs for proper testing. She also invested in a small laboratory for her home. She agreed to it and soon she became pregnant. Without Bryon’s knowledge, she began going through the motions of becoming both researcher and participant. She handled the genetic manipulation early on as her body would react badly to it. She could easily pass it off as fatigue. About the third month in, Amelia brought up the idea to Byron, as if she had just come upon it. Another fight occurred, but it seemed Amelia was set on this. Byron agreed and Amelia’s secret was safe. The rest of the pregnancy went off with few hitches.

Dominic was born on a cold winter morning, healthy and screaming. Byron was relieved that his son wasn’t a blob. Amelia wasn’t nearly as happy as her husband. She wanted something interesting to come out of her, but she didn’t give up. She kept tabs on Dominic’s progress and pushed him hard to become a remarkable son. His childhood was one of labs and testing. Everything was written down. He was known as Subject Zero to his mother in her notes. He was never supposed to see them, but he did, often. He would sneak into his mother’s home lab and look through things. He began keeping his own notes, much like his mother. It soon become a habit for him, comforting.

Dominic’s powers began to manifest themselves at the age of five. His mother was thrilled and treated him even more like a subject than ever. She wanted to see what other sort of goodies could come from his powers. He seemed to be emitting a strange light. When she kept him in the lab for days on end, it seemed that the glow would dissipate and would not replicate. It seemed when his father took him, however, he seemed to glow more. With a few tests, it was obvious that sunlight seemed to be the key for Dominic to glow. While his mother continued testing him, his father stepped in and told his wife that Dominic would be going to school. Amelia didn’t fight him on it as Byron thought she would. It would give him more time outside and thus a stronger glow.

Dominic was put into the schooling system as soon as his mother could get him in. He, however, wasn’t like the other kids. Along with the schoolwork, he was keeping track of the progress of his classmates. The teachers thought it was strange, but it wasn’t the strangest thing they had ever seen. Genetic manipulation was a common thing amongst the kids and their parents. As long as the child didn’t spit up fireballs regularly, they could deal with it. Dominic enjoyed school, but was hard to find someone "on level" with him. Even the teachers, on occassion, seemed rather dim when it came to him. He didn't make many, if any real friends. He didn't seem to try that hard nor did the other children. When Dominic’s social skills were far below those of his peers, his teachers spoke to Amelia. Instead of taking the teachers’ advice, she took Dominic out of the schools and continued his education at home.

Dominic was a quick study, wanting to please his mother, and progressed quite fast. Byron tried to stay in his son’s life, but it seemed that Byron didn’t stimulate Dominic enough. He didn’t stop trying, however. He wanted to be in his son’s life as much as he could be. He began asking him about his progress and the progress of others that Dominic plotted. By the time Dominic was thirteen, he had kept tabs on his mother, his father, even the dog his father had gotten him the year before. He was quiet with his findings, but they disturbed him.

His father had marked potential, seemingly limitless in his field. He tried new things and learned from them. Dominic enjoyed learning how to create tools and make them better from his father. His mother, however, seemed to have less potential. She was staying in her own bubble. It was an interesting bubble, but she was not making any progress. It infuriated Dom on a level that he couldn’t understand. His father was treated as a lesser because he wasn’t in a field like his mother, but he was doing more with his work than she was. She was still stuck on him. Dominic wanted to see his mother branch out more. It seemed that she was fixated on him and his progress.

Through the years, Dominic had been working on his powers, but it seemed like he was hitting a glass ceiling. There was something missing from his work. He could a few minor things, but nothing seemed to be happening that was out of the ordinary. He wanted to become more. He wanted to be stronger, he wanted to be better. His mother was simply happy with the glowing. He began trying new things, seeing what his powers could actually do. He kept his findings, his progress from his mother. He made her believe all he could do was glow, but his father caught him practicing. Dominic made his father promise him to not let his mother know. He didn’t want to deal with that just yet. Byron promised him.

Dominic began looking for opportunities to further himself outside of his mother and her own studies. He wanted to become better. By the time he was fifteen, he had found the perfect place. It was a school for superheroes. He tried to present it to his mother, but Amelia was violently against it. She wouldn’t be able to study him there. There was nothing remarkable about his power. He could glow, and that was it. If he wanted to go, he would be sending himself. She would have nothing to do with it.

Dominic tried to talk to his father, but he knew the effort would be futile. He’d have to find his own way there. The opportunity presented itself a few months after. It was a contest sponsored by one of the companies his father worked for. His father dropped him off at the theater where the auditions were to take place. He stayed out of the theater, knowing Dominic would prefer it that way. When Dominic came out, exhausted and in near collapse, he took his son home and put him to bed. When Dominic woke up the next morning, he told his father the good news, that he had been accepted. He would be leaving soon. His father understood and shared the news with his wife. Amelia took it with grace and congratulated her son. She made Dominic promise to give her updates on his progress.  
PostPosted: Sat Nov 10, 2012 3:17 pm
THE SUPERHERO TEXTBOOK


LIGHT MANIPULATION

Dominic is able to absorb light from his enviornment and store it in his body. He can call the light at will, as long as there is enough in 'storage', and use it for both defensive and offensive means. He can create photokinetic constructs, or light objects, that have substance and can withstand damage. Dominic has the ability to summon light balls, which are small balls of light that are given a certain amount of his own light energy that float around or near him.

VOCABULARY

CONSTRUCTS - Constructs are shapes of pure light. The constructs are generally three dimensional versions of simplistic shapes. The constructs have the limitations of whatever stage Dominic is at.
LIGHT BALLS - Light balls are small independent light sources that have been given an exact amount of power from Dominic. He has control over them to a certain distance away before they paft out of existence.

Limitations:


Rookie:

*Can only absorb about 3 hours of sun without use before glow-time or light sick.
*Can create a light forcefield the size of a small shield to last for about 3-4 minutes depending on the amount of damage to the shield.
*Can create 2 light balls at a time, but they cannot leave a 5 foot radius around him.
*Can create small light constructs, but they cannot withstand more than 5 smacks before they dissipate. They can be no bigger than 4x4 inches.
*Any construct cannot last without his attention.

Sidekick:

*Can only absorb about 10 hours of sun without use before glow-time or light sick.
*Can create a light shield to last for 10 minutes to an hour depending on the amount of damage to the shield.
*Can create medium sized constructs, but they only last approximately 15 hits before destruction.
*Can create five light balls at a time, but they cannot leave a 10 foot radius around him.
*Any construct can last half an hour without his attention.

Hero/???:

*Can absorb fifteen hours of sun without use before glow-time or light sickness.
*Can create a light shield to last an hour to two depending on the amount of damage to the shield.
*Can create large constructs, but they only last approximately 30 hits before destruction.
*Can create 20 light balls, but they cannot leave a 500 foot radius around him.
*Any construct can last three hours without his attention.


Weaknesses:

Dominic can only take in so much light, depending on what level of training he's at, before he begins to glow or becomes 'light sick'. When Dominic becomes light sick, he experiences migraines, nausea, vomiting, exhaustion, and spontaneous light bursts. If strong enough, the spontaneous light bursts can cause physical pain or damage. (Welts, bruising, first or second degree burns) Dominic's ability to take in light is at a certain 'frequency' of light. He can only take in that type of light (natural light) or something manufactured to resemble that light. "Fake light" can charge him, but if he is completely charged by fake light, he tends to become ill, much light light sickness without the spontaneous light bursts. When he takes in as much as he can, he can hold it for approximately a day before it needs to be used. If he doesn't use it, he will become light sick and will need to either shine it out or use it in some manner. Dominic, due to his abilities, is also nyctophobic or afraid of the dark/night.  

Ruyail

Malevolent Shapeshifter


Ruyail

Malevolent Shapeshifter

PostPosted: Sun Nov 11, 2012 12:28 pm
EXTRAS

Playlist
 
PostPosted: Tue Nov 13, 2012 8:39 am
TO DO LIST
Thank you Mo-boo for the good idea :<


[ X ] Finish Dom
[ X ] Open for Crits
[ X ] Apply Crits (First Round)
- Create Company
-Mother: Why? Regarding Dom & Research? How & Why Content?
-Dom's Motivations
-Personality: Intuitive vs Social? Observations? Relationships vs Value Placed?
-Dom's Father: Why? Moar reasons? Son, Wife, Son's Powers - Feelings?
-Mother2: How afford? Backed by company? Type of scientist? Why go so easy?
-Dom: Impressions of school? Frainz? Feelings?
-Powers: Light bawlz, light sick, constructs, sidekick nyctophobia?
[ X ] Apply Crits Round Two
-Company supplies Dom with what?
-Dom's feelings about parents?
-Special place for observation?
-Powers
!Unlimited
!Absorb light
!Constructs
!Power/Source of light - negative?
[ ] Apply Crits (Round Three)
- What sort of shapes for his powers?
- Offensive powers vs personality.
[ ] Shake a**
[ ] Finish Lys-bum.  

Ruyail

Malevolent Shapeshifter


Yulo-chan

PostPosted: Sat Nov 17, 2012 2:28 pm
Ruyail


YAYYY YOU WROTE OUT THE BACKSTORY
i'm loving this so far ; w ; i love dominic
a few things though; nothing substantial
but for organization's sake at SA, we do appreciate when you list at least 5 positive and 5 negative traits :> some people just write normally, then make certain words bold, and that's good too

this is great; you have so much more of it written! XD
And time to work on your powers section?? emotion_kirakira

Ruyail

Also here you go emotion_kirakira
User Image  
PostPosted: Sat Nov 17, 2012 3:06 pm
Yulo-chan


emotion_kirakira  

Ruyail

Malevolent Shapeshifter


Yulo-chan

PostPosted: Sat Nov 17, 2012 3:08 pm
Ruyail
Yulo-chan


emotion_kirakira


Omg it's suddenly in your sig now XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD  
PostPosted: Sat Nov 17, 2012 3:14 pm
Yulo-chan


Damn right.  

Ruyail

Malevolent Shapeshifter


Yulo-chan

PostPosted: Tue Nov 20, 2012 10:32 am
HOW ON EARTH DID YOU MAKE THAT WONDERFUL BANNER XDDDDD
i am baffled by how much his white BG is no longer white!

i am so, so proud of you Ruyail for finishing emotion_kirakira

but i guess, i want to remind you that you are free to make up the company that sponsors Dominic, the company's background, what products/things in general that the company does or makes. what is dominic's experience dealing with them thus far?

uhhh
i picked up that amelia wanted to create a superpowered human; but why did she want to research creating superpowered humans? is the reason only curiousity? xD or did she actually want to, you know, advance in the field of science, become recognized, did she want to create more means of fighting off crime? did she want to make the world a (in her mind)better place?
Why is she content with just watching dominic make light? lol. did she ever report it anywhere? did she ever share her discoveries with other scientists, or try to keep her methods a secret, or develop these methods... i mean i guess i get that dominic is frustrated with her not making any progress at all,
but i guess i just want some more information on why a scientist like her was able to perform experiments on herself, give birth to a superpowered human, and then suddenly spend the next 15 years of her life not doing anything other than study Dominic, with no progress in her discoveries other than that he can make light, and then be content by that xD
and same with dominic, i guess; so his motivation is to further himself? Why does he want to do that? does he believe it will make him happy? does he think he will win acceptance from his parents? does he want an independent life? does he want power; control over his life and others, or.... does he want to gain knowledge? maybe the pursuit of some sort of superpowered human ideal, in an attempt to complete himself? maybe gain acknowledgement in the field of science?

so yeah, it's just this stuff that didn't seem connect for me :3 good luck ruyail!  
PostPosted: Tue Nov 20, 2012 10:33 am
Here's my crit.

/takesadeepbreath

NOT FABULOUS ENOUGH.

But really, I'll put a real crit once I read all the new information.  

Mojave Mo Problems

Dapper Noob


Shnazz
Crew

PostPosted: Wed Nov 21, 2012 8:35 am
Alriiiight! Hey there Ru. *___*
Sorry I didn't get to this yesterday night like I promised, I was unexpectedly busy.
BUT I'M HERE NOW.

@Personality
I'm a little confused here because you say that Dom is intuitive, but he doesn't understand how/why what he says hurts people's feelings. If he's observed people so much, wouldn't he know how people react to certain kinds of responses? Maybe intuitive isn't the word you're looking for.
And what exactly is he observing when he's analyzing people? Just behavioral patterns? And what kind of information has he gathered thus far? What does he do with the information? Is for some project he's working on?
Also his 'does not value others' is clashing with his longing for personal relationships. Why want them if you don't care about people, you know? I'm not sure how you want to go about that. Hm. |:

@Parents
I'm wondering here… Why Dom's father would simply let his wife do whatever she wanted with their son. You wrote he wants Dom to be somewhat normal but it all seems to happen to him anyway. I think you need a good solid reason for this besides 'he loves his wife'. This also leaves question to how he feels about his son and what his wife's done to their son, how does he feel about his son's powers?

@History
How's Dom's mother affording to do all this research? I assume she has a lab facility with a lot of equipment to run tests and also to do the procedure during her pregnancy. Is she being backed up by the company she works for? What kind of scientist is she to have happened to find procedures on inducing super powers?
I really love that his mother's so obsessed with him though. Rigid obsession making her become unreasonable etc. That's fun plotting in the future. *___*
But what I don't quite get here is why she'd let him go to SA so easily when she was so against it not too long ago. Unless you've got hidden reasonings that will come out later. :B

Also. What did Dom think about school during his brief time there? Did he like/dislike it? Did he make any friends? How did he feel about being taken out so quickly and how his teacher said he was socially awkward? I think adding a bit here will help flesh out how he longs for close relationships but not knowing how to go about it.

@Powers
What do the light balls do..? Four feet isn't far, so I'm not sure if these are meant to be offensive skills.
What kind of 'constructs' can he make? Shape/size wise. Could he make any kind of object out of light? As a rookie, would they be small objects? Do they look life-like or just like the object but made of light?

Sidekick - The weapons to shield relation, can he have both going at the same time? For how long? Still not sure what these light balls do. xD;

Also, what does this 'light sick' entail? Headache/nausea or vomiting or dizziness?
And why's he afraid of the dark? Did something in his childhood cause it or is this an innate fear due to his abilities?

Overall, I think this is great so far! With a few touch-ups here and there, I think you'll be ready to go with Dom in no time! *___* bb
I hope this crit's helpful!
You might want to add a more specific little blurb about Dom's motivation for entering the academy and maybe note on some future goals too. (:  
PostPosted: Sat Nov 24, 2012 2:14 pm
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Ruyail

Malevolent Shapeshifter


Ruyail

Malevolent Shapeshifter

PostPosted: Sun Dec 09, 2012 1:55 pm
All right! I think I've covered everything! CRITS ROUND TWO IS GO!  
Reply
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