Jacob stands backstage, a sack of oranges tight within his grasp, holding onto it for dear life. The backstage commentator holds a mic to Figgins before he takes it into his hands. He had a wild look in his eyes, but of course, Figgy was never known to be sane.
The damn big hats,man. A man like myself can’t even sit at his own home and take a bong rip or two without the CIA breaking in and stealing all my oranges! Why do they want my oranges? To hell if I know! Maybe they want everyone to get scurvy. And then Oprah can use her influence and her creepy cult which she calls her book club and have a charity to steal everyone’s money. The money is then used to fund research and distribution of a new mind control libation and call it something like ‘Ever Orange, The Elixir to Combat the Scurvy epidemic. Of course they so conveniently fail to mention that they are the ones causing said epidemic. Once the orange drink funds reach their goal they launch the project Morning stare. In which they shall create an artificial sun. lowering the body’s endorphin production by thirty percent. With great numbers of depressed people they can then do whatever the hell they want. Of course, this is all just a wild guess. Maybe they’re just missing ingredients for their punch at their next party. But the moral to the story is. QUIT MESSING WITH MY ORANGES!”
The stagehand had a deadpan 'wtf' look upon his face as Figgy rambled on. Before finally gathering the courage to finally ask
"Um just what was I called here for?"
Figgy jumps at the mans voice, glaring him down. Apparently he was surprised that the staffer was even around.
"Who the hell are you? And what are you doing in my living room?"
They were backstage. You could see the big WWFG:Reboot logo over their heads. Most certainly not his living room.
"Um, I'm gonna go"
The staffer did just that, leaving Figgy alone to mumble to himself like some crazy person.
"He probably works for oprah, I do not support that evil sith army. But I need not say more, the CIA is looking at me through the lightbulbs as we speak. I'm off to Taco Bell!"
Figgy leaps into the nearby men's restroom. That's not taco bell, but close enough. Blackout.
