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 Posted: Mon Oct 29, 2012 8:27 pm
Sharra Eldwaithe was exhausted.
In fact, the only time he could remember being quite this tuckered out, had been after that Jack-bedamned excursion to the Island. Mind, this had quite reminded him of the experience, though admittedly with less dying on his part. He had very much appreciated the not-dying. At the same time, it did leave him feeling a touch overwhelmed. He'd not been able to do much, unlike his fellows, he hadn't attended as many classes, and his hiatus had certainly set him back on the field of combat, a fact which he was now very desperate to change.
He needed to change a lot of things.
As he and Aksaja stumbled back from the battlefield, he had to take a moment to pause. Seemingly, they were clear and away, safely back in Amityville, where things were far more familiar and blessedly fog-free. Oh so carefully, he reached over to touch his draconic friend, begging a minute of his attention. "Hey...Aksaja...in the fog, before...you saw it all too, yeah?"
He wanted to know if the dragon had seen what he had seen, if the Insanity had touched him in the same way. But also, the Nergal boil wanted reassurance. For here, here in the place where he had felt so damnedly safe, lay the scariest hurdle of all.
He now had to face the reality that he'd been running from for months now, and even his new-found determination wavered at the thought of what might occur should certain...individuals not forgive him for his absence.
How the hell was he going to face Yaya.
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Posted: Mon Oct 29, 2012 8:43 pm
Aksaja was just as tired as Sharra was, most likely - despite being a bit more experienced in battle and . . . . well, fog-things in general. Though this little trip had been just as bad (or worse) than some of the others, at least his family hadn't really come into it. He was still reeling from recalling some of the visions he'd seen, the voices, touches . . . all of it.
The dragon blinked when Sharra touched him, turning to look at the nergal boil. "Yes . . . I did. At least, I think so. What did you . . . see? The kitchen-thing? The . . . the door?"
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Posted: Mon Oct 29, 2012 9:14 pm
Sharra's smile was wan at best. "Yeah...I did. I don't know what effect all of my choices had, or even...if they had any at all, but..." He paused, gnawing at his lower lip for a moment in a rather guilt-ridden fashion. "I...at the door. Aksaja...I don't know who you saw, or what that doorway meant, but for a moment, I felt Yaya, I heard her... And I trusted that if it was really her, she'd come with me." There was some relief, too, that Aksaja had also encountered the door. Because that meant...it hadn't really been Yaya. There had still been that niggling doubt, through it all.
He'd have loathed himself if he had truly gone on and left her in that fog.
Not that he didn't already loathe himself, as the Nergal boil had a rather virulent streak of self-hatred at this point, "But now...now I'm going to have to face her for real." Looking up at the taller male, Sharra's eyes had grown wide with turbulent emotions...panic bleeding through them all to tinge his expression. "Aksaja...Aksaja I stopped writing her. She sent me letters and...." Grimacing, he buried his claws into sandy blond hair, "...I just...I couldn't force myself to write. I didn't want to do anything at all, I mean...I didn't write her in the last few weeks...couple of months maybe, and I...I should have. Forgetting my s**t is one thing, but...but not hers."
Yep. Yep. That was quite the bucketload of s**t. The dragon probably really hadn't wanted to know about all this just yet.
But there was no stopping it. Unadulterated word vomit.
God, Sharra. Get a grip.
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Posted: Mon Oct 29, 2012 9:32 pm
Ah gods . . . so . . . if Sharra did see the door, it probably meant that the person he'd felt there wasn't real either. Than . . . had been safe, was still safe. That was good, because he didn't want the little fae-hound to ever go through anything like that. Not ever, which was why he wanted to do something about this damn fog and the Hunters, more than ever now.
And then the nergal boil started telling him about Yaya, and Aksaja winced. He'd sent the other a couple of messages while he was gone, but he hadn't exactly expected a lot of replies. They were friends, sure, but it wasn't a huge big deal if Sharra didn't talk to him while he was gone. But Yaya . . . she was his ghoulfriend. And if she'd kept writing, it was obvious that the nergal should have replied. And it was equally obvious that Sharra knew that, with how utterly guilty he sounded now.
He had no idea what the other had been doing while at home, and he had to wonder what could cause him to get so down that he couldn't even bring himself to write back to his ghoulfriend. "Sharra . . . " he said, trying to be careful, sound gentle. "What happened? While you were there . . . ?" Why would he not write?
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Posted: Mon Oct 29, 2012 9:49 pm
The Nergal boil was almost fidgeting, wishing like hell that he had a better explanation than the one he was about to tell Aksaja. Sharra had wished a thousand times over that he'd simply been more, less of a useless sap who was terrified to become nonexistent. "I just...I don't even know, Aksaja. I'm not sure if I can put words to it, which...which I know isn't enough. It's not enough for me, or you, and certainly not her." Wincing, he pressed his human palm into a stinging eye. He was so not getting upset in front of his friend. Er...make that more upset.
"I kept having nightmares...after...after the Island. Then it became worse, I'd just...I'd panic, I kept looking down at my hands, making sure I hadn't turned into fog and nothingness again. I didn't want to go to class, I didn't want to go out, hell...'Saja, I didn't even want to get out of bed most of the time. I just sat and sat and...I thought maybe going home would ground me. But it just...it was worse. I didn't know what to do with myself, and I just...I felt like I didn't exist, that nothing mattered. Even the simple things...like writing a Jack-damned letter." His claws crunched into a fist in frustration, "...I couldn't do it. There weren't enough words in my idiot head to form a stupid ******** sentence and put it down on paper. I just...I just stopped, everything stopped..."
His voice hitched, "...and I...hell, I love her. I love her and I...I don't know if she'll forgive me for something I can't even really forgive myself for."
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Posted: Mon Oct 29, 2012 10:04 pm
Aksaja winced at the nergal's words, trying to sift through them to find the reason for it all - not that he really could, it wasn't something he'd ever felt himself. "I know you love her," he finally said softly, trying not to get too uncomfortable with the tears and the way Sharra was pretty much breaking down here. "If you didn't I don't think you'd be this upset about it." He sighed softly, then reached over and tried to pry the other's claws out of that fist. "I don't understand exactly what happened to you. I just . . . I don't. Sorry. But I think . . . I think she'll forgive you." He hoped so, anyway.
He offered the nergal a pained sort of smile. "I would." The words were easy to say, but then again, he didn't love Sharra. Not like that, anyway. As a friend . . . as a best friend, yes. And he could forgive him not keeping in contact. Basically being weak . . . retreating from the world. Would Yaya? He couldn't say.
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Posted: Mon Oct 29, 2012 10:35 pm
Aksaja's touch gave Sharra a jolt, and he met the other's gaze, startled from his moment of recollection and grief. The dragon was honest, at least, something that the Nergal could appreciate, even if it stung. Perhaps the two of them were not the best of friends, but Aksaja was about all that Sharra had by way of people he would trust, people besides Yaya. It was terrifying him, really, the way that the demon boil could no longer guess how those dearest to him might respond to him, to his words and his presence.
"Thanks..." It was quiet, even if a bit gravelly, and it seemed that there was no longer any danger of tears. Grasping at a bloodstained sleeve, he curled his human fingers about his arm, uneasy, "I think...I think if she doesn't hate me, that I can make things better from now on." He'd proven himself...and they'd conquered the fog this time. He hadn't fallen, hadn't let the Insanity shroud him. And in the end, they'd returned home...the victors. At a cost, of course, but then, there always was a price to be paid for anything just. "After all....we've a victory under our belts. It's not impossible anymore...to fight such enemies."
And he had aided in part, no matter how small his contribution, and it had left him satisfied...save one particular matter.
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Posted: Mon Oct 29, 2012 10:46 pm
Aksaja grinned at that, rather glad to see the evidence of tears retreating. "You're right . . . we technically won this one, huh?" he murmured, gaze going distant for a moment. He remembered how Red had simply flung Caelius' body off into the distance - he just hoped that it had actually killed the Hunter. That would make things a hell of a lot easier, but he wasn't holding his breath. They'd thought Red was dead too, and she came back. Now she seemed stronger than ever, if . . . weirder. Possibly dangerous to them as well.
For the Hunters to still be around after all this time, they had to be at least on an equal level, right? Maybe. He didn't know. "If you want me to go with you to find Yaya . . . ?" he asked then, raising brows. Couldn't promise he'd be able to help much if she decided to punch him or something, but he could be there for the nergal.
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Posted: Mon Oct 29, 2012 10:56 pm
"We did. Not sure what we lost out of it, not just yet, but...it means things are going to change. Even if they don't, then I want to change." It was almost a growl, a determination and a personal promise.
Sharra shook his head, "I do want to make sure that the others are all right, first...the ones that didn't follow us in, like Seiji. Then I'll go by myself to find Yaya..." A weakly optimistic smile followed, "I daresay that I owe her that much, to have such discussions remain private between us." Though at this point, he was fairly certain that the spirited djinn would likely box him about the ears as well. It would be a reprimand that he most certainly deserved...but at this point he was prepared to brave it, as he remembered, in startling clarity, the pangs of longing that had ensnared him in the fog, standing there at that door with those phantom arms around him. He needed that to become reality far too badly to simply give up in cowardice.
He had so many apologies to make...and he would recite all of them to her on a knee if he had to. Alas, for now, he didn't know just how she'd react...if she'd hate him entirely and never want to speak to him again. That, that after all, was a sincere fear that kept rearing its ugly head in his mind's eye.
Shoving it away violently, his smile widened as he eyeballed Aksaja. "So why don't you come with me to see how the other's fared, hm? Then you might wanna get some rest, tend to injuries and everything like that." The Nergal was going to wait a bit on some of those latter suggestions, himself, but that would be in favor of swearing his undying love and apology to his ghoulfriend. Jackdammitall.
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Posted: Tue Oct 30, 2012 12:00 am
Aksaja nodded at that, returning that smile. This was the Sharra that he knew better . . . not the one that had just broken down in front of him. He'd never been close to anyone before, not as a real friend. So seeing someone that was usually stronger and upbeat being so down . . . Aksaja didn't really know how to handle such a thing. Now, though, he was on more solid ground.
"Sounds good . . . let's go check up on everyone," he agreed with a nod. Reaching over, he took the nergal boil's hand and squeezed just a bit before letting go. "And good luck."
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Posted: Tue Oct 30, 2012 12:48 pm
Sharra laughed quietly, "Thanks, Aksaja...I'm going to need it." The dragon had never had the pleasure of seeing Yaya when she was truly fired up, at least, not to the Nergal's knowledge. In truth, the blond boil was not at all looking forward to it, but he'd definitely put off his apology long enough. Sighing heavily, he gave his friend's fingers a squeeze before letting go, and marching forward to give the place a good once-over. There were certainly places where it would be easier for students to congregate, after all, and he had a mind to check there first.
Hopefully everyone was still in one piece...and would remain so.
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