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It was an odd place for the lycan to be considering her fear of heights but somehow she had managed to find her way to the roof of the monster dorms. She had taken a seat along the ledge looking out over the forest behind the dorms with dull eyes, seemingly unaffected by how high up she was. The breeze was light but still managed to tousle her hair about her head leaving it a mess that was likely to never be fixed. At this stage there was really no fixing it her hair had a mind of its own.

The event from the Haunted House, while it had turned out for the better in the end, had still left a heavy weight of guilt surrounding her. She had been mostly dead weight and while she had hoped she had gotten passed the whole incident that had happened prior it seemed she had only fallen for her own facade. Jude's words had gotten to her and the sight of Candace had all but stolen her will. It was like she had been trained, her mind reverting to her time in that brightly lit cell. There had been no escaping then, no ability or strength to fight, just long hours alone with the occasional unwelcome visitor.

With a sigh Mitsu turned her attention to her hands, fidgeting with her fingers. Because of her behavior Shun was suffering as well. As much as she wanted to be better for him she just couldn't move passed it so easily. The physical and mental abuse was too much to cast aside and pretend it never happened and she had no idea how to cope with it. She thought she had been coping before but it turned out she was merely ignoring the problem.

Scraps...

Even now that single word made her shudder, filling her with uncertainty and a lack of self worth like she had never known. How could she move passed it? Mitsu really didn't know the answer herself.

Hearing her name Mitsu turned her head just enough so that she could see Shun out of the corner of her eye. She looked tired and worn but her face was mostly expressionless as she turned toward the reaper fully, still sitting on the ledge as he approached.

"Sitting...Thinking.." Mitsu said simply in reply as she looked back over her shoulder at the forest again. Somehow being up high gave her something to focus on between the guilt. While the fear wasn't as overwhelming as it used to be it was enough to keep her from completely sinking into a terrible place.

"You?" Mitsu finally asked, directing her attention back to the reaper, those dulled crimson eyes staring into his dark brown one. She wasn't entirely aware of the fact that Shun came up on the roof of the monster dorms but there were times he was often gone for a while when running an errand. ...and there was that one time he had fallen down the stairs.

"No..." Was her short reply, her gaze following Shun's toward the ground to see what he was looking at. Despite the lack of fear that she generally had it didn't keep the vertigo at bay. It made her head swim a little and she had to look up again and out toward the forest.

"A lot..." Mitsu said after a moment. "Haunted House mostly....and before." Her sentences were short and clipped but she could feel her throat getting sore from use. While she had regained a bit of her ability to converse it was still rather limited. She had no idea how long she would be able to carry a conversation.

"No need to be sorry," Mitsu said softly in reply to his apology. "I choose to come." It wasn't like he had made her come along and she was fairly certain he would have wished that she had stayed back at the dorm. At times she wished she had as well.

"I was mostly in the way." Mitsu continued. "Useless." Which was an understatement. She had been a hindrance to her friends and especially Shun. He felt like he needed to protect her but the reality was she should have been able to protect herself and she hadn't even been able to do that. Instead she had put strain on her reaper to try to watch out for her with everything that had gone on. "Sorry."

She rubber her throat a little, the burning scratching sensation making her vocal cords raw. It seemed it was going to take more time to get back to normal though it was possible this was as normal as it was going to get.

Mitsu shook her head. "You don't fail me." Mitsu tried to emphasis the word don't but her voice only managed to squeak with the effort. She cleared her throat a little before she continued, rubbing it lightly with her hand. "You are good at a lot of things but I'm not sure that.....what you want to be good at would help me." Mitsu admitted.

"My memories...of that place." Her voice trailed off and grew quiet though it seemed she was giving herself a moment to recoup from talking. "I don't know how to move passed it." She finally managed, turning to look at Shun. The memory of the lab and what had happened was still so fresh and permanent much like the scars she had to look at every morning for the rest of her life.

"Not always," Mitsu's voice struggled to keep going, those dull crimson eyes staring at her hands. "I..wanted to get better. For you. But I can't pretend it never happened. I wasn't even good enough to be a weapon. I was just....scraps." That thought still haunted her the most. She wasn't even good enough for what she deemed the worst fate. Mitsu had merely been the trash they decided to sift through to see if they could find something useful.

"I-" Her voice trailed off in a harsh rasp giving them both the sign she was done talking whether she was truly finished or not. She sighed since she couldn't fully explain to him how she felt.

There was another sigh this time silent as Mitsu looked back over the edge and at the ground far below. She supposed it did seem like she was taking their word over his and she was trying to see this from his point of view but what she needed from him was to just understand. Nothing more. She didn't need him to get revenge, to take down the organization, or to protect her from every little thing. The only thing she needed was for him to understand this roadblock she was facing because him standing on the other side of it calling out to her wasn't helping when she didn't know where to step next.

She closed her eyes as that guilty feeling washed over her again coupling with the anxiety she already felt. He took her words and simply twisted them around and made them something she hadn't meant or at least nothing she had given thought to. Shaking her head Mitsu leaned forward and rested her head in her hands. No..no that was not what she meant. She hadn't meant that he was trash. She didn't see him that way.

Her chest felt uncomfortably tight by the time Shun suggested they go back inside so she could use her computer to finish telling him what she wanted to say. Would it matter? Would she really be able to get him to understand or would she only feel guiltier like she was being petty and stupid for holding onto the fact that they had tortured her and had started to pull her apart. Was she being stupid? Was this something anyone could just move passed and there was something wrong with her keeping her from doing just that?

Hugging herself tightly Mitsu pushed her way from the ledge and moved to the door that lead back down into the monster dorms. She kept her eyes lowered to the ground as she moved and kept a slow zombie like pace until she was finally back in her room on the bottom floor.

Her room had been left unlocked (what was the point no where was safe anymore) so she pushed her way inside and headed to the couch where she had last left her laptop. The device sat quietly with its moving panda screen saver until she touched a key to bring the main screen up. It hummed to life immediately but it took several moments longer before she had the program up but from there she hesitated staring at the screen unsure what to say anymore.

Mitsu leaned in slightly against his hold but not so much so that it would be awkward to type. It was still hard to think about what she wanted to say or how she could get her thoughts across. There was a long drawn out silence where she did nothing but stare at the screen thinking before she finally started to type.

"I don't know how easy this will be to get across. I'm uncertain how to word myself to make you understand. I am sorry, I did not mean to make it seem like I was taking their word over yours it's just that I have never dealt with anything like this before. I've been hurt before and even beaten and I've been called names and looked down on but this was different. All I really want is for you to try to understand. Do you think you can try to see this from my side?"

She paused then, turning to Shun and waiting for his reply. If he didn't think he could see it from her side there was really no point in trying to explain. He probably saw her as being silly and maybe it was true.