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 Posted: Wed Oct 24, 2012 10:42 am
That other thread needed a yin to its yang.
Obviously in a perfect world, two people would meet, fall in love, get married, and when they're financially and emotionally prepared they would conceive exactly how many children they wanted, all of whom would be raised in a loving home and want for nothing while still learning the value of hard work and not being spoiled little brats.
But our world is far from perfect.
Granted, these days, plenty of children conceived and born out of wedlock are actually planned for and wanted very much. And then there's accidents. Or to put it less harshly, "surprise babies" ready-or-not-here-they-come.
The social stigma on children born out of wedlock of nowhere near what it used to be, thank God, but it is still there, especially if the parents are young. I had to exercise some willpower the other day when I saw a man, with no provocation, go up to a teenage girl feeding a baby and calling her a slut and a whore, and telling her that it's girls like her that are the reason our country is going to crap.
....WHAT?
Now, this subject hits close to home for me, because my mother was only 19 when she had me (and I was not at all planned), and my oldest sister had her first child when she was 16. Both my mother and my sister are/were excellent parents, and neither of them were promiscuous in the least. My sister got pregnant the first time having sex with her boyfriend of over a year (now her husband), and to this day he's the only man she's slept with. I don't think that makes her a slut by anyone's definition of the word. And the circumstances of my conception were...let's just say they were even less ideal.
I just don't see how anyone can have the gall to g up to a total stranger and to mercilessly pass judgment on them like that. Just because someone is a young mother doesn't mean she's a slut, or a whore, or a bad mother. It's possible that they are in fact all those things, but the fact is, unless you know the girl, all you know is that she's a young girl with a baby. That's all you know about her, and there's a whole lot more to a person than how old they were when they had a kid.
How do you feel about children born out of wedlock, especially to teenagers? If you were, say, 16, and got pregnant (for the sake of argument let's just say that yes, you did have sex at that age; doesn't matter if you'd actually do it or not, this is just hypothetical) or if you're male, you're 16 and just found out you knocked up a girl your own age. What would you do?
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Posted: Wed Oct 24, 2012 1:44 pm
I think teenage girls and couples, when childbearing, need all the help they can get in today's modern society. Not just because of stigma, but because of the sheer amount of naivete towards knowing what avenues to take in order to care for one's baby at such an age.
And those who carry a harsh stigma against teenage moms need to realize one thing: at the end of the day, we all want some mercy and some love, and teenagers need that the most nowadays, especially when they suddenly find themselves needing to grow up a bit faster. Spitting names at them and making them feel like crap out some sense of self-righteousness isn't helping anyone. In fact, in some ways, that attitude has only made things worse.
God gave us agape, and we need to give agape to others.
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Posted: Wed Oct 24, 2012 3:31 pm
ca adam I think teenage girls and couples, when childbearing, need all the help they can get in today's modern society. Not just because of stigma, but because of the sheer amount of naivete towards knowing what avenues to take in order to care for one's baby at such an age.
And those who carry a harsh stigma against teenage moms need to realize one thing: at the end of the day, we all want some mercy and some love, and teenagers need that the most nowadays, especially when they suddenly find themselves needing to grow up a bit faster. Spitting names at them and making them feel like crap out some sense of self-righteousness isn't helping anyone. In fact, in some ways, that attitude has only made things worse.
God gave us agape, and we need to give agape to others. Agreed. It happens a lot, unfortunately. I know my sister had to put up with a lot from strangers when she took her infant son into public. Part of what maddens me so about it is that teenagers are having sex every day. Their hormones are crazy, their judgment is fuzzy at best, and while they don't have adult brains yet, their bodies are giving them signals to do start trying to do more adult things. (Not just sex; rebelling against authority as a way of beginning to assert independence, among other things that make teenagers stereotypically infuriating to deal with.) Most teenagers who have sex don't end up with a kid before they reach the age of majority. Yet it's the ones who do who have to endure the jeering and name-calling when in reality, they're no more of a "slut" than any of their peers (and in some cases may be a good deal less promiscuous than most of their peers), but for some reason it's assumed that if you're a young mother, you must be a slut when in reality there's no reason to presume they've had any more sex than their peers. It only takes one time for conception to happen.
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Posted: Thu Oct 25, 2012 4:23 am
 As one who isn't married and has a kid on the way... I think as long as you have a job and are at least out of school it isn't AS bad. I'm not a fan of teen moms, but I don't blame them or judge. You don't know what they went through you don't know anything of their business therefor you should mind your own and not judge. I put most of the blame on the media, sex is everywhere. No wonder kids are feeling the pressure to do it. I also blame parents for not teaching their kids about the consequences and being strict about dating. You let your daughter do whatever the heck she wants, well what do you expect to happen? You don't set boundaries, what do you expect to happen? In my case I knew the consequences and used four methods of birth control and I still got preggers. I wasn't being immature about it. but it did happen and I plan on dealing with the situation, take responsibility for it. I was on the pill, used condoms, spermicide and pull out all at the same time. =/ I should name this kid Chuck Norris.
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Posted: Fri Oct 26, 2012 10:40 am
As a young unwed mother I struggled with things people said and its tough but knew that I had to take care of my baby and grow up My Mother was very supportive and helped me out a lot!!!!
Now my daughter is an unwed mother and my husband and I are very supportive and help her if need be but she has been a very good mother to her daughter.
My step daughter was an unwed mother she was a good mother we supported her when we could her Mother helped her also!
SO as you see I cannot pass judgement on unwed mothers!
NO ONE IS SUPPOSED TO JUDGE ANYONE BECAUSE THE GREAT GOD JEHOVAH IS THE ONLY ONE WORTHY TO JUDGE US!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Posted: Sun Oct 28, 2012 2:15 am
SinfulGuillotine That other thread needed a yin to its yang. Obviously in a perfect world, two people would meet, fall in love, get married, and when they're financially and emotionally prepared they would conceive exactly how many children they wanted, all of whom would be raised in a loving home and want for nothing while still learning the value of hard work and not being spoiled little brats. But our world is far from perfect. Granted, these days, plenty of children conceived and born out of wedlock are actually planned for and wanted very much. And then there's accidents. Or to put it less harshly, "surprise babies" ready-or-not-here-they-come. The social stigma on children born out of wedlock of nowhere near what it used to be, thank God, but it is still there, especially if the parents are young. I had to exercise some willpower the other day when I saw a man, with no provocation, go up to a teenage girl feeding a baby and calling her a slut and a whore, and telling her that it's girls like her that are the reason our country is going to crap. .... WHAT? Now, this subject hits close to home for me, because my mother was only 19 when she had me (and I was not at all planned), and my oldest sister had her first child when she was 16. Both my mother and my sister are/were excellent parents, and neither of them were promiscuous in the least. My sister got pregnant the first time having sex with her boyfriend of over a year (now her husband), and to this day he's the only man she's slept with. I don't think that makes her a slut by anyone's definition of the word. And the circumstances of my conception were...let's just say they were even less ideal. I just don't see how anyone can have the gall to g up to a total stranger and to mercilessly pass judgment on them like that. Just because someone is a young mother doesn't mean she's a slut, or a whore, or a bad mother. It's possible that they are in fact all those things, but the fact is, unless you know the girl, all you know is that she's a young girl with a baby. That's all you know about her, and there's a whole lot more to a person than how old they were when they had a kid. How do you feel about children born out of wedlock, especially to teenagers? If you were, say, 16, and got pregnant (for the sake of argument let's just say that yes, you did have sex at that age; doesn't matter if you'd actually do it or not, this is just hypothetical) or if you're male, you're 16 and just found out you knocked up a girl your own age. What would you do? I was born out of wedlock. and remember Jesus was also born out of wedlock. I couldn't find it in me to judge a child born out of wedlock
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Posted: Sun Oct 28, 2012 3:15 am
SinfulGuillotine That other thread needed a yin to its yang. Obviously in a perfect world, two people would meet, fall in love, get married, and when they're financially and emotionally prepared they would conceive exactly how many children they wanted, all of whom would be raised in a loving home and want for nothing while still learning the value of hard work and not being spoiled little brats. But our world is far from perfect. Granted, these days, plenty of children conceived and born out of wedlock are actually planned for and wanted very much. And then there's accidents. Or to put it less harshly, "surprise babies" ready-or-not-here-they-come. The social stigma on children born out of wedlock of nowhere near what it used to be, thank God, but it is still there, especially if the parents are young. I had to exercise some willpower the other day when I saw a man, with no provocation, go up to a teenage girl feeding a baby and calling her a slut and a whore, and telling her that it's girls like her that are the reason our country is going to crap. .... WHAT? Now, this subject hits close to home for me, because my mother was only 19 when she had me (and I was not at all planned), and my oldest sister had her first child when she was 16. Both my mother and my sister are/were excellent parents, and neither of them were promiscuous in the least. My sister got pregnant the first time having sex with her boyfriend of over a year (now her husband), and to this day he's the only man she's slept with. I don't think that makes her a slut by anyone's definition of the word. And the circumstances of my conception were...let's just say they were even less ideal. I just don't see how anyone can have the gall to g up to a total stranger and to mercilessly pass judgment on them like that. Just because someone is a young mother doesn't mean she's a slut, or a whore, or a bad mother. It's possible that they are in fact all those things, but the fact is, unless you know the girl, all you know is that she's a young girl with a baby. That's all you know about her, and there's a whole lot more to a person than how old they were when they had a kid. How do you feel about children born out of wedlock, especially to teenagers? If you were, say, 16, and got pregnant (for the sake of argument let's just say that yes, you did have sex at that age; doesn't matter if you'd actually do it or not, this is just hypothetical) or if you're male, you're 16 and just found out you knocked up a girl your own age. What would you do? ok...it may have already been said but I want to get my two cents in. people whom judge others without knowledge or reason are NOT christain. there is almost no worse sin in my eyes to claim our title and carry out sins against our God. judgement is Gods and Gods ALONE. ALL FALL SHORT OF THE GLORY OF GOD! by passing judgment on others no matter what they are we are sinning....all of us have this problem...we ALL sin. its part of who we are. yes we do our best to fight it but after all we are as our God made us. we are flawed. and we are flawed for a reason. I have five brothers and two sisters.....I have five unplaned nieces and three unplaned nephews. I love them all to death I dont care how they were concieved. they are blood and they are of God seeing that I am of God and they are of my blood even if not directly of my blood. I will always try and keep them safe and within God's eyes. yes our country is going down the drain because of things like abandoning our morals and honor. that girl sinned yes....and her sin is great. but again it is NOT our place to pass judgement. the old ways....the ways of honor and morals....the ways our country gladly abandoned need to return...but they never will. it is sin to go against them but that doesnt mean we need to percecute every single person who violates these ancient rules. their sins will be payed for when their time comes. for now let them raise their children and hopefully their children can learn from their mistakes and wont repeat them. hypothetically if I knocked up a girl....honestly....I would go to my parents and request spiritual guidence then I would do what I always do whenever I sin in a manner I cannot deal with. I know it does not erase sin. but i would fast for seven days from food and as much as I can from sleep. only water. I would spend that entire time praying for forgiveness.but that is me...what I do should not dictate what others should
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Posted: Mon Oct 29, 2012 11:40 pm
I think if I were in that situation, knowing that I'm not ready or willing to be a mother, I would offer the child up for adoption to a couple I would consider to be suitable parents whom would raise my child with discipline and the love of the Lord.
As for how I feel when I see it, I'm just getting so sick of it. I understand most of these people aren't doing it intentionally but I don't think people are being careful enough to avoid pregnancy. I ask myself "Why aren't parents encouraging their children to wait to have sex instead of throwing condoms at them?" or "It's clear you've had a child every year since you were under 20 so why haven't you learned your lesson about contraceptives? No one is that unlucky." I think people are just a little too ok with these accidents. Just last night my idiot brother shouted "She's pregnant! We're having a baby!" as if this was a good thing. They're already fighting about how she won't let him tell her current children what to do and now they think a baby of their own is some kind of bridge that will bring them together and solve their relationship problems. This is becoming much too common among our youth. stare
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Posted: Tue Oct 30, 2012 1:54 am
I haven't really... cared much. I might be acclimatized to "teenage pregnancy" being around be so much...
If the girl is a good mother, then, no point in freaking out about it... I probably don't care because I am "USED" to it. I see teenage girls, one being a very close friend (nope, I am not the father, lol, and I am a man...) got pregnant out of wedlock... she was a great mother figure to her younger siblings before that happened, I never had worries about her being a bad mother. It was the father that was the problem, and sometimes, I think they are the ones that screw it up more then the girl.
Those boys getting scared and running away and all that. It's more common then bad teenage mothers I reckon. I think, it actually depends on how the PARENTS handle it, overall. If they say the girl or boy is a failure for letting it happen, that it will ruin them, and other scare tactics... they will never really have the confidence will they to be the best they can. But if the parents are not judgmental, and want to help them until they can support themselves properly, then I think that is how teenagers can get away with it... so to speak. I do not think teenagers should get pregnant, hell no, the thing is... if they handle it as best they can, they damn well deserve to be called a mother, or father.
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Posted: Mon Jan 28, 2013 8:26 am
Instead of going around calling people sluts, the reasons people to engage in sex out of order should be addressed. That includes helping people that feel like they need to have sex to keep someone, people thinking it's ok to coerce someone into having sex, measuring self-worth by sexual conquest, dealing with past sex abuse, properly deterring and dealing with sex offenders, helping people with substance abuse, help people take commands of sexual purity seriously, teaching people who've done so before are not trapped in an endless loop, stopping the ridicule of virgins and the celibate, teach kids how babies are made, and any other thing that leads to sex out of marriage.
Ideally, the majority of learning sexual education falls on parents. If that's not feasible then a relative, mentor, church leaders, small group, responsible older friend, or other trusted god-fearing parental stand-in. Obviously this isn't just kids that need it but adults too. Also it does fall on the church because of course the world is going to say "have as much sex as you want", but we know better so we should should teach that. And a lot of churches do not do that because they/we want to get along and not hurt peoples' feelings. At the church I grew up in only about 30% of people currently under 25 are born to married parents. No one ever says anything to address this either because it would be too offensive. It started in the mid 80s and because most of them were born out of wedlock, and so lack in-home instruction, AND were not taught differently elsewhere, for fear of sparing their precious feelings, they don't know any different. Now the people in the 15-25 age range are having kids without being married, leading to the next generation of sexually irresponsible people who won't learn any different, because their feelings will, too, be spared at their own expense.
I would definitely say the attitude has changed in the past few decades. The decrease in condemnation is good, but the fact that the pendulum has swung to where having out-of-wedlock babies is normal is disturbing. I'm not as articulate as some of you awesome people. I have a hard time verbalizing this unease so I will explain in back story:
My older sister and brother are 17 and 15 years older than my twin and I, respectively. As such, people assume that my sister or brother (usually sister) is a parent, and that the parents are the grandparents. When my dad picked me up from school, people thought my grandpa was picking me up (lol Granddaddy would've made me walk home). When my dad was in the hospital, the nurse my age referred to my sister and I as his daughter and granddaughter. Most people don't see a 64 year old man with a 40 year old woman and a 23 year old (that looks 15) and think "man and his daughters", so we cut them slack. Onto the disturbing part.
When I was little, people thought my sister, the assumed single teen mom, was cute and 100% normal for strolling about town with 2 toddlers, but my 40-year-old parents were considered too old to have children, asked my mom what fertility she took, and didn't think they could keep up with and discipline us, etc. As if the expected norm was that a girl in high school should be having babies, but not a stable married couple. What the heck society? Way to tap out there. Interestingly though, my brother was almost never assumed to be daddy, meaning that not only is a young unmarried girl having babies normal, but it so inconceivable for a young unmarried black father to be caring for his babies that it is not even an available option. But the state of fatherhood is a different thread that someone should totally start.
Short answer: While condemnation is evil and unnecessary, having children without being married isn't ideal, and shouldn't be an accepted norm because it leads to complacency and the abridgement of proper teaching.
Whew, almost lost the post, I was about to be really mad.
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Posted: Mon Jan 28, 2013 8:51 am
Qyp [ haven't really... cared much. I might be acclimatized to "teenage pregnancy" being around be so much... See that's what I'm talking about. This attitude should not happen. A-B0T As for how I feel when I see it, I'm just getting so sick of it. I understand most of these people aren't doing it intentionally but I don't think people are being careful enough to avoid pregnancy. I ask myself "Why aren't parents encouraging their children to wait to have sex instead of throwing condoms at them?" or "It's clear you've had a child every year since you were under 20 so why haven't you learned your lesson about contraceptives? No one is that unlucky." I think people are just a little too ok with these accidents. This, especially the bold part. And if you aren't like that and only commit boring sins like lying and dishonor to parents, you owe the world an apology for your prudish lifestyle. And yes my good sirs and madams, that is anger you detect.
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Posted: Mon Jan 28, 2013 7:16 pm
I hope that the teenagers would be able to raise their children right. The world is a Topsy-turvy place. I speak to young guys my age (20s) and they have this thing with sex. I understand the lust of youth, but we can overcome it with Jesus Christ.
I can't be the only guy waiting for marriage, right? In the end, it's those premarital sex people who suffer, but by God's grace they can repent and be restored. So, I have no ill feelings for teens and young people. However, I do wish they would wait, ya know? And if not wait, get married before sex because it is not ideal like the op mentioned.
God bless my brothers and sisters and your little ones that our Lord Jesus Christ will continue to watch over you and give you what is necessary and good, to be an example for the lost.
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Posted: Tue Jan 29, 2013 4:32 pm
Servant Reborn I hope that the teenagers would be able to raise their children right. The world is a Topsy-turvy place. I speak to young guys my age (20s) and they have this thing with sex. I understand the lust of youth, but we can overcome it with Jesus Christ. I can't be the only guy waiting for marriage, right? In the end, it's those premarital sex people who suffer, but by God's grace they can repent and be restored. So, I have no ill feelings for teens and young people. However, I do wish they would wait, ya know? And if not wait, get married before sex because it is not ideal like the op mentioned. God bless my brothers and sisters and your little ones that our Lord Jesus Christ will continue to watch over you and give you what is necessary and good, to be an example for the lost. So you would rather a young couple get married before they mat be ready for that level of commitment than have premarital sex? It's that sort of philosophy that contributes to the heinously high divorce rate. You should never get married just because you're chomping at the bit to jump into bed with someone. That has to be one of the stupidest, most immature reasons in the world to tie the knot, and I would be quite shocked if such a marriage turned into a lasting, healthy relationship.
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Posted: Tue Jan 29, 2013 6:03 pm
No. A couple would be married when they feel ready, hopefully before they have sex. In case they had sex before, it doesn't matter if they marry after. Correct me please if I am wrong. I apologize for my unclear phrasing.
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Posted: Wed Jan 30, 2013 4:38 am
It always matters if a couple gets married, whether they're both virgins on their wedding day or not. Marriage is one of the most profound commitments you can make to another person, second perhaps only to having a child. So even if you're the most wanton slut since the whore of Babylon, your marriage still matters, and is still important, and those vows should still be taken extremely seriously.
However, marriage does not negate any past sexual sins you may have committed, which I think is what you're driving at. Marriage doesn't wash the slate clean, and you still need to find forgiveness and peace regarding any past indiscretions. But that doesn't mean that marriage "doesn't matter" unless you're a virgin.
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