'The Englishman' Cartwright is shown backstage to cheers from the crowd. He is wearing a smashing suit, trousers and shoes. He meets the cameraman from last week who is on his break and fussing over his pet cat.
CM: "Cartwright. Check out my sweet little furry p***y."
Cartwright closes his eyes instantly.
Cartwright: "OH MAH GAWD! PUT THAT AWAY YOU SPACKER!"
CM: "What's your problem?"
Cartwright: "I don't like the way this is going! Last week you showed me your rampant rabbit and now this? You sir......are disgusting and I wish to remove myself from your eyesight before you roger me senseless like Jimmy Saville would."
CM: "Wait no! I'm talking about my cat!"
Cartwright: "You dirty, lying mong! You can't be! You so want to roger me senseless because I am such a sexy beast. You know it. I know it. I also know that you want to roger me and I ain't into that sorta thing.....you need to find Guy Cancer for that sort of 'fun'....."
CM: "Seriously, my cat is right here."
Cartwright cautiously opens his eyes.
Cartwright: "Phew! I thought you was one of those transgender abominations. You probably are anyway but are just denying it so that you look cool in-front of me."
Cartwright leans forward to take a closer look at the cat.
Cartwright: "YOU FURRY FREAK! I HATE CATS! GO DIE IN A DITCH AND BURN IN THE WATER!"
The cat goes crazy and scratches away at Cartwright's face, leaving marks and blood.
Cartwright: "NOOOOOOOOO! MAH BEAUTIFUL FACE! CAAAAAAAAAATS! DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIE! ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH! THIS HUUUUUUUUURTS!"
Cartwright runs off-camera with his hands covering his face. The cameraman looks upset at his cat, which then attacks him too as the camera fades-out.
CM: "Cartwright. Check out my sweet little furry p***y."
Cartwright closes his eyes instantly.
Cartwright: "OH MAH GAWD! PUT THAT AWAY YOU SPACKER!"
CM: "What's your problem?"
Cartwright: "I don't like the way this is going! Last week you showed me your rampant rabbit and now this? You sir......are disgusting and I wish to remove myself from your eyesight before you roger me senseless like Jimmy Saville would."
CM: "Wait no! I'm talking about my cat!"
Cartwright: "You dirty, lying mong! You can't be! You so want to roger me senseless because I am such a sexy beast. You know it. I know it. I also know that you want to roger me and I ain't into that sorta thing.....you need to find Guy Cancer for that sort of 'fun'....."
CM: "Seriously, my cat is right here."
Cartwright cautiously opens his eyes.
Cartwright: "Phew! I thought you was one of those transgender abominations. You probably are anyway but are just denying it so that you look cool in-front of me."
Cartwright leans forward to take a closer look at the cat.
Cartwright: "YOU FURRY FREAK! I HATE CATS! GO DIE IN A DITCH AND BURN IN THE WATER!"
The cat goes crazy and scratches away at Cartwright's face, leaving marks and blood.
Cartwright: "NOOOOOOOOO! MAH BEAUTIFUL FACE! CAAAAAAAAAATS! DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIE! ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH! THIS HUUUUUUUUURTS!"
Cartwright runs off-camera with his hands covering his face. The cameraman looks upset at his cat, which then attacks him too as the camera fades-out.
