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IIEverlasting InnocenceII
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 Posted: Mon Oct 22, 2012 1:53 pm
♦Thirrin Rhuidiir ♦
Name: Thirrin
Nick Names: none
Alias: Blight Williams
Alliance: Neutral
Race: Fey: Siren
❧Physical Characteristics
Age: Appears 18 actually 124
Hair: Dark hair that slightly frames her face
Eyes: Striking Amber with flecks of gold
Skin Tone: light skin tone
Ethnicity: Fae
Scars, Birthmarks, Tattoos: Birthmark that resembles an Owl, that has its own shade of a light purple.
Height: 5'2
Weight: 115lb
Marital Status: Not married
Physical Structure: Thin,
Orientation: Straight
❧Personal Info
❖Transcripts:
Alignment: good
Criminal Record: None
Level of Education: Home-schooled; learned about magic at a young age
If Collegial:
Current Occupation: None
Past Occupations: Worked at a tailoring shop with her mother.
Family: Andur(father) and Tanna(mother)
Lovers, Friends, and Others: Fawn; her best friend(girl), Callon(girl), Maenes(Mae for short), Daeron; (male that Thirine has had a crush on for a whille), Belton(male), Faervel(Male)
❖Personal:
Personality: Bubbily with friends, accepts authority, loyal, devoted, sincere, self-concious, Short temper but forgives easily.
People Skills: Average
Goals: Obtain a Family someday,
Fears: Death
Favorites: Enjoy's most "fantasy" Novels such as Born at Midnight, Taken at Dawn, Awake at Dusk
Role Model: Her mother
❧Skills,Abilities, and Powers
Skills:
~Knows about nature
~Bow and Arrow
Abilities:
~Singing
~Flexibility
~Can learn things quickly
Powers:
~Hypnosis/Mind control via Siren voice magic.
~Glamour
~Flight
~Immortality
~Enhanced Sences
~Hypnotic Beauty
Weaknesses:
~Iron
~Toxins
History
She was raised in the dimension the Fey call home for all of her life and as a result, she wouldn't have any formal schooling as humans know. No college, no high school, nothing like that. She had been taught magic, by her mother. But through her studies She accidentily discovered a portal leading to a whole new world that she found fasinateing and humming with a different sort of life. However Thirrin never found herself leaveing the woods she would just watch from afar. She had a bad feeling in her stomach when ever one of the strange creatures came by the feeling told her to hide. Thirrin would return shortly after in fear her parents would worry. Which of course they did not knowing where their only daughter ran off too. Thirrin felt suffocated by her parents, constant worry, and scolding when she was young. Now that she lives on her own It's different. She would spend whole days there just watching the strange ways of the people.
Theme Song:
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Posted: Mon Oct 22, 2012 4:05 pm
I assume this is still under construction, but there's a few things...
One: If she is a Fey, "Blight Williams" is NOT an appropriate name. "Blight" because it's not an ordinary name and sounds like something a Demon would use as their moniker, and "Williams" because a Fey shouldn't use a common, human surname unless it is an alias and they're actively trying to blend in to the mortal realm and not be noticed as different. Think of something that at least sounds Elvish for her actual name.
Two: Please change the font color to something that is easier to see. Such a bright blue strains the eyes; specifically mine, since I'm nearsighted.
Three: The Fey are in their own little dimension of sorts, and most humans wouldn't know about them. How exactly was she able to go to college-- a human college-- and get a Masters degree? And why would she do it? What exactly did she get a Masters in? This is especially ludicrous since she apparently has had no family or caretakers to speak of; since having no ties would be a real mess for her in the mortal realm, especially if she tried to get into college-- And no, influencing minds or whatever wouldn't work.
Four: Please, please, please go into more detail in regards to her personality. I am so tired of seeing people just use vague, single-word adjectives to describe their characters. Honestly, name even one person you can describe like that. You can't. For some characters I've made before, I've been able to go in-depth and create whole paragraphs that are about as long as their bios. There's no reason for this to be any different.
I understand you haven't put the history down yet, but from what I can tell this bio is already going to be nonsensical-- And even in a fantasy guild, things still have to make sense within the context of the guild itself. I'm just warning you about that now so that you can avert such a thing and the character can be accepted.
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Leonidas Pelagios Vice Captain
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Posted: Mon Oct 22, 2012 4:44 pm
Likewise, I'm also assuming this is Under Construction. So far, this profile doesn't make sense to me either, and I'm gonna add in Oncaro's bullet points for this one.
A. Although it had been several years since I've watched Lord of the Rings, and although I've never read any of the books... I know for a fact that "Blight Williams" doesn't sound even remotely Elvish. It's a common human name. Yeah, find something that at least sounds convincingly Elvish.
B. Change the font color. I'm also nearsighted, and even with my glasses, the whole thing's painful to read because of the color.
C. You need to put your character's alliance.
D. You misspelled "Caucasian". By the way, a Caucasian Elf isn't an accurate species. Just because she looks Caucasian doesn't mean she is- Elves are a different species. Her Ethnicity should be Elvish.
E. Does she have any scars, birthmarks, or tattoos? If so, please list them.
F. ...I'm not gonna go into the height/weight ratio this time considering that it is possible for a woman to be five feet and 90 pounds... but thin and fit? If she's fit, she should have at least a little bit of muscle.
G. A Master's Degree? What kind? Anatomy? Physiology? Technology? Burger flipping? Just saying "she has a master's degree" is way too vague. Be specific. And just saying that she finished her education doesn't explain what kind of education she finished with. For all we know, she could have been done with preschool at sixteen. Please be specific on that one too. And while we're on the subject... how in the world can an Elven girl go to a human college? Humans don't know that Elves or any other Paranormals exist. If there was no one to take care of her, how was she able to pay off her tuition and complete college at the age of sixteen? This whole thing really sounds absurd, I'm sorry
G. ...Oh boy... okay, for one, how could she know she was an elf if she had no family? Two... it would be nice to know who exactly her family is, and/or why she was abandoned at birth, because I seriously doubt any of the Elves would ditch their kids. Plus... why doesn't she have any friends? I mean, with her personality (which I'll get to later), she should have a couple of them. Likewise, this too sounds absurd. By the way, you misspelled "new".
H. Told you I'd get to the personality later. Guess what? it's later. And yes, as Oncaro said, go into more detail about her personality.. which brings me to my next point. How does she have a below average people skill with that kind of personality? From my understanding, someone with a bubbly personality would be pretty darn social. A person with below average people skills would probably be more quiet and a recluse.
I. You've got two goals... what does "ect." mean? Does she want to get married and have a bunch of kids? Does she want to go on a date with Robert Downey Jr? Does she want to move to some remote island and become their chief? Be specific!
J. Okay, let me define what Skills, Abilities, and Powers are, in case you missed it on the profile layout:
-Skills: Something your character was taught or honed.
-Abilities: Something your character was born with.
-Powers: Something your character can do that's paranormal/ not human in nature.
Got it? Not let's go over each part that you put in your profile one by one.
-Flexibility: You did good so far, since it's a Skill or an Ability.
-Hypnotic Beauty: That would be an Ability. Matter of fact, it would be more of a Power, since Elves are already hypnotically beautiful by nature.
-Ability to overload another's mind, causing pain, memory loss, or lack of consciousness: That's a Power, not an Ability.
-Ability to see, smell, taste, feel, and/or hear: ....Any living being can do that sweetheart, so what was the point of adding that? If you mean by being able to do those things better that a normal being, those are called Enhanced Senses, and those go in the Powers section.
-The ability to move, run, fly, react, think, and sense at speeds much fasterMuch faster, than what, a chihuahua? Plus, the other stuff you put in doesn't even make much sense at all. Those are Powers.
-Ability to generate vocal sounds of a higher amplitude than a normal human: ...I got nothing for this one, other than... It's a Power, not an Ability!
-Immortality: Yes, it's a Power.
- Enhanced Senses: Didn't I already go over this one earlier? Enhanced Senses is being able to see, hear, feel, taste, and smell better than a normal being! And by the way, Enhanced is spelled with an "E", not an "I".
K. At least you got the weaknesses.
I'm hoping that you were still working on this, because if you were actually not thinking of writing anything for the History, this list would have been longer. From what I've seen thus far, this profile is not acceptable. You're going to need to work on this more.
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Posted: Tue Oct 23, 2012 12:55 pm
Oncaro I assume this is still under construction, but there's a few things...
One: If she is a Fey, "Blight Williams" is NOT an appropriate name. "Blight" because it's not an ordinary name and sounds like something a Demon would use as their moniker, and "Williams" because a Fey shouldn't use a common, human surname unless it is an alias and they're actively trying to blend in to the mortal realm and not be noticed as different. Think of something that at least sounds Elvish for her actual name.
Two: Please change the font color to something that is easier to see. Such a bright blue strains the eyes; specifically mine, since I'm nearsighted.
Three: The Fey are in their own little dimension of sorts, and most humans wouldn't know about them. How exactly was she able to go to college-- a human college-- and get a Masters degree? And why would she do it? What exactly did she get a Masters in? This is especially ludicrous since she apparently has had no family or caretakers to speak of; since having no ties would be a real mess for her in the mortal realm, especially if she tried to get into college-- And no, influencing minds or whatever wouldn't work.
Four: Please, please, please go into more detail in regards to her personality. I am so tired of seeing people just use vague, single-word adjectives to describe their characters. Honestly, name even one person you can describe like that. You can't. For some characters I've made before, I've been able to go in-depth and create whole paragraphs that are about as long as their bios. There's no reason for this to be any different.
I understand you haven't put the history down yet, but from what I can tell this bio is already going to be nonsensical-- And even in a fantasy guild, things still have to make sense within the context of the guild itself. I'm just warning you about that now so that you can avert such a thing and the character can be accepted. Yeah I'm still Kinda Working on it, I didn't really know what to put for some stuff, so i kinda left it blank. Im Extreamly new to this guild and I was confused with what i was supposed to put down for stuff. I didnt have time to finish but that kinda just a rough outline, I guess... But Thanks For clarifying (: I really appreciate the help! No one really helped me so i kinda had to just Wing it. Lol(: But not i kinda know how to make it better.
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IIEverlasting InnocenceII
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IIEverlasting InnocenceII
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Posted: Tue Oct 23, 2012 1:06 pm
Leonidas Peridot Likewise, I'm also assuming this is Under Construction. So far, this profile doesn't make sense to me either, and I'm gonna add in Oncaro's bullet points for this one.
A. Although it had been several years since I've watched Lord of the Rings, and although I've never read any of the books... I know for a fact that "Blight Williams" doesn't sound even remotely Elvish. It's a common human name. Yeah, find something that at least sounds convincingly Elvish.
B. Change the font color. I'm also nearsighted, and even with my glasses, the whole thing's painful to read because of the color.
C. You need to put your character's alliance.
D. You misspelled "Caucasian". By the way, a Caucasian Elf isn't an accurate species. Just because she looks Caucasian doesn't mean she is- Elves are a different species. Her Ethnicity should be Elvish.
E. Does she have any scars, birthmarks, or tattoos? If so, please list them.
F. ...I'm not gonna go into the height/weight ratio this time considering that it is possible for a woman to be five feet and 90 pounds... but thin and fit? If she's fit, she should have at least a little bit of muscle.
G. A Master's Degree? What kind? Anatomy? Physiology? Technology? Burger flipping? Just saying "she has a master's degree" is way too vague. Be specific. And just saying that she finished her education doesn't explain what kind of education she finished with. For all we know, she could have been done with preschool at sixteen. Please be specific on that one too. And while we're on the subject... how in the world can an Elven girl go to a human college? Humans don't know that Elves or any other Paranormals exist. If there was no one to take care of her, how was she able to pay off her tuition and complete college at the age of sixteen? This whole thing really sounds absurd, I'm sorry
G. ...Oh boy... okay, for one, how could she know she was an elf if she had no family? Two... it would be nice to know who exactly her family is, and/or why she was abandoned at birth, because I seriously doubt any of the Elves would ditch their kids. Plus... why doesn't she have any friends? I mean, with her personality (which I'll get to later), she should have a couple of them. Likewise, this too sounds absurd. By the way, you misspelled "new".
H. Told you I'd get to the personality later. Guess what? it's later. And yes, as Oncaro said, go into more detail about her personality.. which brings me to my next point. How does she have a below average people skill with that kind of personality? From my understanding, someone with a bubbly personality would be pretty darn social. A person with below average people skills would probably be more quiet and a recluse.
I. You've got two goals... what does "ect." mean? Does she want to get married and have a bunch of kids? Does she want to go on a date with Robert Downey Jr? Does she want to move to some remote island and become their chief? Be specific!
J. Okay, let me define what Skills, Abilities, and Powers are, in case you missed it on the profile layout:
-Skills: Something your character was taught or honed.
-Abilities: Something your character was born with.
-Powers: Something your character can do that's paranormal/ not human in nature.
Got it? Not let's go over each part that you put in your profile one by one.
-Flexibility: You did good so far, since it's a Skill or an Ability.
-Hypnotic Beauty: That would be an Ability. Matter of fact, it would be more of a Power, since Elves are already hypnotically beautiful by nature.
-Ability to overload another's mind, causing pain, memory loss, or lack of consciousness: That's a Power, not an Ability.
-Ability to see, smell, taste, feel, and/or hear: ....Any living being can do that sweetheart, so what was the point of adding that? If you mean by being able to do those things better that a normal being, those are called Enhanced Senses, and those go in the Powers section.
-The ability to move, run, fly, react, think, and sense at speeds much fasterMuch faster, than what, a chihuahua? Plus, the other stuff you put in doesn't even make much sense at all. Those are Powers.
-Ability to generate vocal sounds of a higher amplitude than a normal human: ...I got nothing for this one, other than... It's a Power, not an Ability!
-Immortality: Yes, it's a Power.
- Enhanced Senses: Didn't I already go over this one earlier? Enhanced Senses is being able to see, hear, feel, taste, and smell better than a normal being! And by the way, Enhanced is spelled with an "E", not an "I".
K. At least you got the weaknesses.
I'm hoping that you were still working on this, because if you were actually not thinking of writing anything for the History, this list would have been longer. From what I've seen thus far, this profile is not acceptable. You're going to need to work on this more. Thanks, I am still working on it i didnt have much time. I had to just post this to get it out there. because no one was helping me. I know i got alot of stuff wrong but I'm Working on it. It was a basic BASIC outline. I'm sorry if i offended you or what ever. I But I was kinda confused with the language being used.. I guess i Shouldn't be in the guild... Now that im thinking of it.. Its obviously too formal for me.. I'm only 16 therefore my spelling/grammer is far from perfect. I did try pretty hard, but i kinda got some snappy remarks. I'm Willing to learn how the guild works, but its different from the others i've been in. I'll try my hardest to get it right, when i work on it
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Posted: Tue Oct 23, 2012 1:27 pm
IIEverlasting InnocenceII I'm not offended by anything in the profile personally. I was only going by what was considered plausible within the guild universe. However, it would be advisable to let others know that the profile's still Under Construction if you're still working on it. If I may inquire, who did you ask for help on the profile? It's understandable that you're doing your best, and since you're willing to understand how the guild works, there's nothing wrong with speaking to one of the Crew members, Oncaro or myself, or even the Captain herself to get a better understanding of it. The Character Creation thread does give general information about each race, but you can also look them up in mythology for further information. Again, you can ask a Crew Member or above for assistance on the profile. I apologize if it sounded like I was snapping at you, and I did see some effort on part of the profile. Trust me, I've been roleplaying for two years in general (started when I joined Gaia at 18 years old), and I've seen much, much worse profiles regardless of the person's age. You're doing okay in comparison (including grammar, spelling, and pronunciation), but once again, try to stay close to the mythology associated with the race you've chosen. Once again, if you're having trouble with the profile, go ahead and PM a Crew member or above for assistance, including myself, Oncaro, and the Captain.
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Leonidas Pelagios Vice Captain
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IIEverlasting InnocenceII
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Posted: Tue Oct 23, 2012 3:01 pm
Leonidas Peridot IIEverlasting InnocenceII I'm not offended by anything in the profile personally. I was only going by what was considered plausible within the guild universe. However, it would be advisable to let others know that the profile's still Under Construction if you're still working on it. If I may inquire, who did you ask for help on the profile? It's understandable that you're doing your best, and since you're willing to understand how the guild works, there's nothing wrong with speaking to one of the Crew members, Oncaro or myself, or even the Captain herself to get a better understanding of it. The Character Creation thread does give general information about each race, but you can also look them up in mythology for further information. Again, you can ask a Crew Member or above for assistance on the profile. I apologize if it sounded like I was snapping at you, and I did see some effort on part of the profile. Trust me, I've been roleplaying for two years in general (started when I joined Gaia at 18 years old), and I've seen much, much worse profiles regardless of the person's age. You're doing okay in comparison (including grammar, spelling, and pronunciation), but once again, try to stay close to the mythology associated with the race you've chosen. Once again, if you're having trouble with the profile, go ahead and PM a Crew member or above for assistance, including myself, Oncaro, and the Captain. Okay, I Edited as much as i could, But for the things that i did [Idk what to put here] If you could give me feedback and suggestions that would be amazing (:
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Posted: Tue Oct 23, 2012 3:34 pm
IIEverlasting InnocenceII
A. Personally, I'm still finding it hard to read because of the bright color. Try going for a slightly darker one.
B. I don't think Deblynne sounds like a name a Fey would use, but I'm not good with Fey or Elven names. I suggest speaking to Oncaro or Textbook Dreamer about that one.
C. A light skin tone during the day, but a purple tint at night... I'm not sure if that's common among the Fey...
D. Is your character an Elf or a Fairy? Put either one for the Ethnicity.
E. A character's physical structure is what they look like on the outside. She's short, possibly slender or lithe... generally what they look like on the outside.
F. Um... Avalon doesn't have a college, or any education system similar to the one in the human world. At all.
G. Even if Deblynne doesn't know her parents, you do. You may want to list them.
H. I'm still finding it strange that she has no friends... what exactly is she new to? If she's new to the outside world, then how can she go to college, and still not have a single friend?
I. The personality's contradictory... she's bubbly around friends, but you just listed that she has no friends. It's confusing.
J. For favorites... what food does she like the most? What music does she prefer? What's her favorite place to visit? What does she like to drink? Stuff like that.
K. For role model... who does she look up to in life, whether real or fictional? Abraham Lincoln... Franklin D. Roosevelt... the people that have raised her... those are some examples.
L. You did better on the Skills, Abilities, and Powers.
M. Who were parents being hunted by? Plus, I don't think it would have been a good idea for them to show most humans their true nature. Furthermore, why would they forget meeting people with pointed ears and powers, something that humans are incapable of? If the humans found out that Paranormals existed, the Paranormal races as a whole would in trouble.
That's all I've got so far. Oncaro might be able to point out some things I've missed.
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Leonidas Pelagios Vice Captain
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Posted: Tue Oct 23, 2012 3:50 pm
IIEverlasting InnocenceII
I suggest something like this: She was raised in the dimension the Fey call home for all of her life and as a result, she wouldn't have any formal schooling as humans know it. No college, no high school, nothing like that. She would, however, have been taught magic, and it's possible that she would at least have knowledge that the human realm exists. If you can think of a way for her to be entering the human realm now, possibly from tampering with magic and sneaking off to explore-- and thus putting herself in danger-- That would be good. This also means that her parents would be alive and would have raised her, and that she would have friends: Elven friends. That way her experiences line up with her personality of being a friendly person, because having her be friendly and yet not having friends is a bit contradictory at the moment.
In addition, this current name is better, certainly, but still doesn't seem... Quite right to me. I'm sure there are plenty of Elven name generators out there that you can use; that's what I used for Feranes when I made him, though I forget exactly which one his name came from.
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Posted: Wed Oct 24, 2012 12:21 pm
Leonidas Peridot IIEverlasting InnocenceII
A. Personally, I'm still finding it hard to read because of the bright color. Try going for a slightly darker one.
B. I don't think Deblynne sounds like a name a Fey would use, but I'm not good with Fey or Elven names. I suggest speaking to Oncaro or Textbook Dreamer about that one.
C. A light skin tone during the day, but a purple tint at night... I'm not sure if that's common among the Fey...
D. Is your character an Elf or a Fairy? Put either one for the Ethnicity.
E. A character's physical structure is what they look like on the outside. She's short, possibly slender or lithe... generally what they look like on the outside.
F. Um... Avalon doesn't have a college, or any education system similar to the one in the human world. At all.
G. Even if Deblynne doesn't know her parents, you do. You may want to list them.
H. I'm still finding it strange that she has no friends... what exactly is she new to? If she's new to the outside world, then how can she go to college, and still not have a single friend?
I. The personality's contradictory... she's bubbly around friends, but you just listed that she has no friends. It's confusing.
J. For favorites... what food does she like the most? What music does she prefer? What's her favorite place to visit? What does she like to drink? Stuff like that.
K. For role model... who does she look up to in life, whether real or fictional? Abraham Lincoln... Franklin D. Roosevelt... the people that have raised her... those are some examples.
L. You did better on the Skills, Abilities, and Powers.
M. Who were parents being hunted by? Plus, I don't think it would have been a good idea for them to show most humans their true nature. Furthermore, why would they forget meeting people with pointed ears and powers, something that humans are incapable of? If the humans found out that Paranormals existed, the Paranormal races as a whole would in trouble.
That's all I've got so far. Oncaro might be able to point out some things I've missed.The reason i havent put in any friends is beacause i don't know anyone in the guild... Do i just make up people?
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IIEverlasting InnocenceII
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IIEverlasting InnocenceII
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Posted: Wed Oct 24, 2012 12:37 pm
Oncaro IIEverlasting InnocenceII
I suggest something like this: She was raised in the dimension the Fey call home for all of her life and as a result, she wouldn't have any formal schooling as humans know it. No college, no high school, nothing like that. She would, however, have been taught magic, and it's possible that she would at least have knowledge that the human realm exists. If you can think of a way for her to be entering the human realm now, possibly from tampering with magic and sneaking off to explore-- and thus putting herself in danger-- That would be good. This also means that her parents would be alive and would have raised her, and that she would have friends: Elven friends. That way her experiences line up with her personality of being a friendly person, because having her be friendly and yet not having friends is a bit contradictory at the moment.
In addition, this current name is better, certainly, but still doesn't seem... Quite right to me. I'm sure there are plenty of Elven name generators out there that you can use; that's what I used for Feranes when I made him, though I forget exactly which one his name came from.Hows Artemis or Thirrin for a name? And as for the friends, Should i make friends up? i havent really met anyone in this guild. thats why i put down no friends haha(:
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Posted: Wed Oct 24, 2012 4:15 pm
IIEverlasting InnocenceII The name is acceptable. As for her friends, yes you can make them up; if they actually appear in the RP, they'll be non-player characters controlled by you.
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Leonidas Pelagios Vice Captain
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Posted: Wed Oct 24, 2012 4:48 pm
IIEverlasting InnocenceII Like Oncaro said, go ahead and make up some friends. XD
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Posted: Thu Oct 25, 2012 11:08 am
Leonidas Peridot IIEverlasting InnocenceII Like Oncaro said, go ahead and make up some friends. XD Okay, i think its better this time (I keep changing my picture, sorry about that Haha. I cant find a good one.. If you could check it over one more time? (:
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IIEverlasting InnocenceII
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Posted: Sun Oct 28, 2012 8:48 am
Quote: -Elementals Embody an Element like fire, water, earth, air, etc. -Nature Spirits Dryads, Nymphs, and creatures who live within plants. -Bean Sidhe Banshee, spirits who know when death comes for a being. -SirenRelatives of Bean Sidhes, their magic is in their voice. -Piskies/Pixies/Brownies: Low level fey -Puca Trickster Fey -Fey/Fairy Upper Class Fey ❧Characteristics -Immortality -Enhanced Speed, Strength, Senses -Magic Users -Beauty -Nature Affinity Alright, so I got this from Character Creation, and I would like to ask if you could classify what sort of Fey Thirrin is? Quote: ~Ability to overload another's mind causing pain, memory loss, lack of consciousness ~move, run, fly, react, think, and sense at speeds much faster than average ~can generate vocal sounds that manipulate minds 1. This doesn't particularly sound like a Fey ability. If it was a type of telekinesis or telepathy the source of which was magic, then it would fly. 2. Fey don't fly unless they have wings or a wind element affinity. 3. This sounds like a Siren ability. If this were the case, a Siren would be able to use glamour over their form, but not higher levels of magic.
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