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 Posted: Wed Oct 17, 2012 9:46 pm
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Posted: Thu Oct 18, 2012 2:30 pm
What? Am I not cool enough to have this looked over? ;3
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Leonidas Pelagios Vice Captain
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Posted: Thu Oct 18, 2012 4:28 pm
Patience is a virtue.
The profile's all right, though there is something puzzling me: why do the vampires, lycans, and fairies want him? It doesn't really explain why in the bio (aside from him killing a werewolf). Did he kill off several of either faction?
And as for the "royalty spot", you'll have to speak with the Captain on that one.
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Posted: Thu Oct 18, 2012 5:24 pm
Captain here!
First things first...yeah, siding with Leo here. Why are they wanted? Because right now none of the major vampyres, fey, or lycan know about him.
Second, as for the royal rank, it has to wait until after we get things in order for the rest of the guild. There will be applications after I get some things squared away for all royal positions.
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Posted: Thu Oct 18, 2012 8:05 pm
S*** I knew I forgot something in the story.
I'll make edits.
EDIT: Yes they are somewhat BS'd, but it's 11:30 at night, i'm tired.
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Posted: Fri Oct 19, 2012 7:29 am
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Posted: Fri Oct 19, 2012 2:24 pm
Alright, after looking this over, I've got some things to say:
1. First of all, demons and humans aren't exactly chummy, savvy? The way things work in this guild has everyone with no reasonable connection to the Grigori completely unaware of the existence of the Paranormals up to this point. This is along the same line as the reason there aren't any angel-human hybrids.
2. You obviously didn't read the breakdown of how vampires, lycans, and the Fey are handled in this guild. There isn't a vampire kingdom; more a collection of bloodlines that are each led by an ancient. Same for the lycans, who're broken into packs. Plus, the Fey are in their own damn world; I highly doubt someone like this character would be able to piss off everyone, and I highly question the common sense used in making a character who'd be easily killed by anyone of those three factions.
3. This might not be too important, but how in the Hell does he have a sister that's half-lycan, half-Fey, if the character himself is neither of those two races? Exactly.
4. ... Japanese scimitars? Are you for real? The Japanese don't make scimitars, and I'd like you to explain why this character, who is apparently pretty f*cking gifted, would be using mundane weapons in the first place.
5. Alright, for age, you seriously f*cked up. It doesn't matter how much time passed on the mortal world; if he's been around for 200 years, he's 200 years old. Also, you need to state when he was born, that way the history actually makes some legible sense.
There's probably more I could pick at, but I'm not in the mood right now.
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Posted: Mon Oct 22, 2012 5:07 pm
1. What's your problem with this... I don't really see why a rare occurrence like that CAN'T happen.
2. I find you criticizing my common sense for even the name of the character to be highly insulting. This in itself is stifling creativity.
3. Does it really matter? She never shows up in the story anyway unless someone wants to play her, which no one will, so don't worry about it.
4. Japanese make all form of swords. I have indeed seen scimitars made by japanese forgers upon request.
5. No, I did not ******** up. Demons tend to live quite a long time without even a hint of age.
The fact that you say there's more is just a big insult in itself. If it's at all possible i'd like one of the other people, or even the captain herself to rate this. Thank you.
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Leonidas Pelagios Vice Captain
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Posted: Mon Oct 22, 2012 5:47 pm
If I recall correctly, the Captain herself did rate this profile before Praxius- a Crew Member- evaluated it further. Well, since you've requested it, you've got a Vice Captain here. Congratulations.
1. Humans are completely unaware of the existence of Paranormals. Praxius already explained this.
2. Praxius didn't even say a word about the character's name. Why would you accuse him of speaking against it?
3. Yes, it does matter considering they're blood related (which I'm assuming), regardless of whether or not she actually shows up in the story. A demon/human hybrid CANNOT be blood related to a lycan/fey hybrid. That's nowhere near possible at all. If she's adopted, fine, but you've got to state that she's adopted, and you've definitely some explaining to do on her part.
4. You still haven't explained why he's wanted by several factions when they don't even know he exists. And no, the parts in his story are not good explanations. Again, Praxius already explained this. The Vampires have their own covens, each one led by an ancient, not a huge kingdom ruled by one king. Likewise, the Lycans are in packs, each one ruled by an ancient. No single kingdom ruled by a single leader either. And like he said, the Fey pretty much keep to themselves. You haven't even explained why they would want to interrogate him or whatever, but I doubt it would matter. This makes no sense whatsoever as to why they would even bother with him, and considering you said "several factions", I highly doubt the Seraphs, most of the Fallen, the Humans, the Hunters, and even the Revenant would put a warrant out for this guy. Not to mention that if he is, then he shouldn't have pissed them all off considering he can be easily killed.
5. I'm going to need to see what an actual Japanese scimitar looks like, considering I've never heard of one before.
6. You messed up on the time. 200 years in the human world equals 200 years in the demon world, or Underworld, whatever you're talking about. No exceptions. Just because the demon realm is different from the mortal world doesn't mean time runs differently in either place. Plus, since 200 years have passed in the human and demon worlds, your character is actually 200 years old and looks 23. Case closed.
There you go, a Vice Captain reviewed it. This profile needs work. The end.
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Posted: Mon Oct 22, 2012 5:48 pm
Alright, I'm going to say this once. If you don't like the changes, make a new character. Please, no arguing. This isn't the place. 1. There are not 'Fairies' in this guild, it's 'Fey'. There is not an allied 'Vampire' front. It's covens, so not every vampire would want him. Lycans are the same, they are in Packs. Not every pack would want him. 2. He's 23, how the heck is he a genius right now? That is not a level of education, it's an evaluation on his intelligence anyways. 3.Agreeing with Prax. Demons don't mate with Fey, and Lycans don't either. There isn't a way for a Fey to become part Lycan by being bit, either. 4. Again, 23. How does he have a perfect mastery over warfare and combat? 5. Farsight and Extreme agility are a product of his demon blood and need listed as powers. 6. If you make a hybrid, they have to have the weaknesses of both parents. As a demon he would have the weaknesses of -Silver and Iron -Salt -Holy Items -Shining One Magic and the human vulnerabilities of tiring easily. 7. Scimitars...I don't care. If some Japanese guy made them, whatevs. 8. Time line is off. You said twenty years passed and then six years later...he should at least be 26. 9. If you wanted to bring in royal characters into a bio, I would have needed pmed. These characters and kingdoms never existed, and so the bio is obsolete. 10. What is a Sator? I've never heard of it in mythology. Is it supposed to be Satyr?
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Posted: Mon Oct 22, 2012 6:30 pm
I'm making a new character.
This probably takes away my chances of staying in the guild but at this point I don't care.
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