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 Posted: Mon Oct 15, 2012 12:27 pm
He'd tried to be discreet. He'd wanted to simply stop by her room, drop off the package just outside her door and then merely walk away.
Easy. Painless. Cut and dry.
The Powers That Be had other plans for the draugr.
Memories bombarded him from every angle. He was swept back to their first date and every date beyond that - how many times had he walked this very same path? How many times had he carried her back to her dorm only to spend blissful moments with her?
How many times had he gotten caught up in caustic memories only to trip over his own feet just outside of her door, and how many times had he let out a loud bellow as he desperately adjusted his body so that the poofs he carried were not crushed beneath his massive weight?
They say there's a first time for everything.
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Posted: Mon Oct 15, 2012 12:40 pm
She was pretty sure she had started hallucinating.
She was laying on the floor, because her bed was still a mess. Her hands were kept busy, focused on a tiny twisting puzzle. There were little holes on the sides for her to put her fingers in, and when she pushed, colors in little boxes came out and twirled based on how she moved her fingers. It was a blessed and wonderful distraction. She'd been working on it for hours, and she hadn't gotten any closer to solving the puzzle as she had the moment she started.
But when the bellows started, her hands stopped moving. Her heart clenched painfully at the sound. It was Herryk, of course it was Herryk, but she knew it couldn't really be Herryk, which meant she was hallucinating. She thought she'd been getting better. She'd been eating, albeit the smallest of amounts, and sometimes - SOMETIMES - she didn't even throw it back up. She truly thought she'd been progressing, but if she was hallucinating, things were only getting worse.
She pushed herself up to her feet, fingers still entangled in the game, and stumbled over to the door. Her head was dizzy from lying on the floor too long, and she shook it. The free locks of unbraided, unkempt hair flew in every direction, and when she stopped, it was even more of a mess. She grabbed the doorknob with one hand, but her other hand followed - the puzzle wouldn't let go of her fingers. So when she opened the door, and saw what she assumed was still a hallucination, her hands were literally tied.
Seeing Herryk elicited a surprising reaction. She didn't want to cry, or be angry, or even be sad. It felt so good to see his face again, that her own lit up in a brilliant smile. She'd been worried that he might have left, or worse - but there he was.
There he was.
Her hands lifted, but the puzzle kept her at bay. So she just smiled at the hallucination, a giddy and silly thing.
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Posted: Mon Oct 15, 2012 12:52 pm
He should have realized that this wouldn't be easy. He should have realized that he'd start doubting himself all over again - and then, like a jealous beast, the cool wisps of resolve threaded through his thoughts, pulling them together like a patchwork quilt of memories and purpose.
They were broken. There was no fixing this.
He was faced with two options. Shove the poofs at her, or stand up and hand them to her. The first option would be the least painful of the two, but the second option... the second option was what he craved. It would invite further interaction which both terrified him and filled him with something that skirted dangerously close to desire. His eyes were locked on that brilliant smile - a smile that he hadn't seen in so long he'd almost forgotten what it looked like. She'd filled out as well - obvious in the curve of her hips and thighs, arms and chest.
His stomach lurched. She was already looking better after he cut himself from her life. A silly presumption, probably - but he couldn't help but feel that way.
He would have stared at her forever, lost in the blue depths of her smiling eyes - but the bundle he carried let out a small sound of dismay, and Herryk abruptly rolled to his feet. He held out the pile of fur and folded cloth, silently insinuating that Freya should take it.
Which was ridiculous, because her fingers were stuck together.
His brow furrowed.
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Posted: Mon Oct 15, 2012 1:01 pm
There was a slow, rolling realization of what she had been denying, at first. It was the sound of foxfires that did it - she knew she wouldn't be hallucinating them. So her bright smile faded, and her lips parted as her jaw dropped just slightly. For some reason, the real Herryk was standing outside her door, like he had a million times before. And at first, she didn't know what to do.
Was she supposed to let him in? Ask him what he wanted? Slam the door in his face? Jump into his arms?
She stared at the bundle he held out to her, flickering her eyes back up to him every so often. She knew there were foxfires in that bundle, and he was trying to hand them to her. Everything clicked in a sudden rush of agonizing pain.
He was just giving her back her gifts.
That hurt.
The brief moment of happiness on her face had disappeared, and now all she had in her eyes was pain. She left the door open, and turned away from him and the bundle, walking back into her room. She couldn't even look at him, anymore.
She walked to her kitchen, trying to pull the puzzle off her fingers and holding her tears at bay.
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Posted: Mon Oct 15, 2012 1:13 pm
Herryk's head dropped and he squeezed his eyes shut. He didn't want to step into her room. He didn't want to cause her more pain. He didn't want to do any of this, and for the first time since his life had turned upside down, he felt a real, aching pang of regret. This was just going to prolong the hurt, and Herryk didn't want to do that. He didn't want to move into the room, to follow her.
It would be a slippery slope from there. He knew it.
"Freya."
He called out to her as she moved away. His voice was tinged with desperation. He hovered at the door. If he stepped into the room he would be lost, and that wasn't a chance he wanted to take. His battle was his own - he did not want to hurt her more than she already ached.
With a soft groan, he stepped into the room and closed the door behind him.
"Freya."
His voice was low, laced with an icy steel.
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Posted: Mon Oct 15, 2012 1:19 pm
"Yes, Herryk."
It wasn't a response, so much as an answer. She understood the pain in his voice all too well. She could never understand why it had come to this, but she knew that somehow, despite all odds, he was hurting just as much as she was. There was no lace of anger in her voice, for now. Just an acceptance.
And then he said her name again, and she started to get frustrated.
"Just.. holds on a second." She grumbled, trying to grab at a knife with one of her free fingers. She managed to snag one with her pinky, and she tried to get a better grip, going even so far as to bend down and attempt to pick it up with her mouth. The knife was poised between the puzzle, ready to fall-
When her mouth let it go, it sliced through the puzzle, bounced off the counter, and stuck it's p***k right into the side of her right pointer finger.
"s**t." She was free, but at a cost.
She sucked at her finger while shaking the puzzle pieces off, and turned around. But she still couldn't look up at him, so she stared at the floor instead.
"Okays. Says what yeh needs teh says."
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Posted: Mon Oct 15, 2012 1:37 pm
He couldn't see what she was doing, but he knew her as well as he knew himself (which wasn't saying a whole lot, so maybe that wasn't a good way to phrase it). He knew what the inflections in her voice meant - so when she cursed, Herryk knew that she'd likely hurt herself trying to set herself free.
He made an annoyed sound and glanced around the room in search of a place to set the foxfires. It was the first time he got a really good look at her room, and his brows lifted in surprise.
It was a mess.
Settling the poofs on the floor, Herryk ignored her room for a moment - that could wait - and shifted closer to Freya. With a sudden movement he reached out and wrapped his fingers around her wrist, tugging her finger free of her mouth so that he could get a better look at the damage she'd done to herself.
He ignored the thundering wave of emotion that swept over him. He had to. Herryk's fingers were not gentle around her wrist - he couldn't afford to be gentle or tender. Not now.
Not with her.
"Freya needs to be more careful." He leaned in and narrowed his eyes at the puncture on her finger, his mouth tightening. She would be fine.
He couldn't force himself to release her wrist. Just a moment longer. A little longer, this one last time. It was harmless.
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Posted: Mon Oct 15, 2012 1:47 pm
For a moment, her brow furrowed deeply, when he pulled her wrist away. That automatic response was simply to keep her hand in her mouth, but she had no chance against him. So when he held it up to inspect the slice down the side of her finger, she pursed her lips tightly and inspected him.
"Just tells me why." Her voice betrayed the raw and tender emotion still hiding beneath the surface of her frustrated expression. "Tells me why yehr here. Tells me why this happened. Tells me what I did wrong so I can makes sure never teh does it again." She tried to tug her hand away, but his fingers wrapped too tightly, making the skin around it white.
"Freya's done being careful." She murmured, her voice hitching. Her wrist ached with pain. Focusing on it dulled the pain in her heart.
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Posted: Mon Oct 15, 2012 2:03 pm
There was a flash of something in his eyes, bright and burning and gone before it had a chance to make itself at home. Hurt? Sorrow? On the other side of the coin? Anger, rage? Or was it fear? Perhaps some odd amalgamation of all of them folded together to create something so strange and powerful that there wasn't a word that could describe it?
His fingers tightened on her wrist. There would likely be a bruise - he found a little surge of pleasure in that. The feral urge to mark her left him feeling electrified. Power.
Her skin was soft against his calloused palm. Memories swept over him once more but he didn't let her go. He relished the feel of her warm skin against his cooler flesh.
Just this little moment. This was all he needed, all he wanted. After this, he'd say goodbye and he'd never darken her doorstep again. She wanted an explanation. She deserved it, but he would not be gentle.
"Herryk is here to return the pups. He has no time for them any longer. None of them." Nanna was gone, too: all of them had found new homes, better homes. One dark, slashing brow lifted. His expression tightened.
"Freya should not trouble herself with the what's and why's. There is no use fixing something that is broken - there is no use in fixing something that has been broken for such a long time. Perhaps long ago, there was a chance. Now?"
He bared his teeth in something that might have been considered a smile if it wasn't so frightening to look at.
"It is too late for Herryk."
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Posted: Mon Oct 15, 2012 2:17 pm
She wanted to pull her arm away. Several times, she tried, but there was no escaping him. So instead, she stood up straight, trying to stand toe to toe with him, despite the massive height difference. She was going to stand tall, even if she still had to crane her head up to look at him.
"No time for them? Oh, I'm so sorry. Are yeh just so busy now yeh can't evens take care of the foxfires that loves yeh? You has teh abandons them too?" The heat of anger was swelling, even though she had tried so hard to remain calm. She couldn't help herself. She really, really tried. But the blood boiled in her veins, throbbing painfully through the wrist he still held.
"Yeh don't gets teh tells me what I should troubles myself with, baby boil." She hissed out, jabbing him in the chest with a finger of her free hand. "I am not arguing with yeh that it's too late teh fix things. Okays, so it's too late. This is what yeh says teh me. Yeh makes me believes it. Really yeh do. But that doesn't change that I loves yeh enough teh care WHAT THE ******** ACTUALLY HAPPENED."
There, the rage released in her scream, her hair standing on end. "I'm not tryings teh fix yeh, Herryk. I don't thinks I ever had a chance. But I deserves teh knows what broke in yeh teh makes yeh gives up like this."
She tugged her wrist back one more time, trying to get it back.
"So sit." She pointed at the floor, because she no longer had a couch. "And talks. And maybe when yeh finish explaining, I lets yeh go."
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Posted: Mon Oct 15, 2012 2:46 pm
"Freya loves Herryk enough to care? Freya loves Herryk... enough to care?" His voice took on a razor-sharp edge, blue eyes growing cold and distant. She loved him enough to care now? What about when he'd most needed her, but she was too caught up in all of her own issues to worry about his? When she'd disappeared for days, leaving him to struggle with his battered emotions?
Where had she been then? When he'd been drowning in his own dark thoughts, when he'd needed her most?
He was seething now. He released one wrist only to grasp the other lest she prod him again.
"Freya does not get to tell Herryk what to do. Freya does not get to boss Herryk around." He leaned closer, teeth flashing.
"If Freya truly loved Herryk the way Freya says," he hissed, lips twisting in a farcical smile that failed to warm his eyes, "perhaps she would have really listened to him when he spoke to Freya about his feelings. Remember? Back when Herryk spoke with Freya about her mark?"
His fingers tightened. Rage churned unchecked in his gut. He let it char and singe. It tasted bitter on his tongue.
"Back when Freya did not let Herryk see her? Back when Herryk needed someone - and there was no one to be found? Do you mean Freya loved Herryk then?"
An ugly farewell. He needed this closure. She wanted to know, and he was telling her now.
"Does Freya remember none of this?"
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Posted: Mon Oct 15, 2012 2:53 pm
The monster that loomed above her didn't even look like Herryk anymore. It looked like Pinch's avatar. She paled when he seethed out his discontent, tearing her wounds open fresh with his hatred and blame. She took a step back, trying to get away from the face that looked down at her now and made her quail with fear.
She used to be able to stand up to him so much easier.
"So it is all my faults." She whispered, very quietly. It was the only thing she really had to know, and she'd hoped the answer was anything else. But in the end, she'd been right after all. She'd been abandoned, at the same time she'd abandoned him, and because of her own moment of weakness, she'd lost him.
Well, she did want to know.
"Okays." She murmured, refusing to look in his eyes. "I gets it. I was not there when yeh needs me. And this is my faults. I don't runs from this truths. I will accepts it."
She looked at her arm, the one he'd released. Her wrist was raw, and turning red. And now he had the other one. She tugged on it softly.
Her eyes flickered up at him, and she let out a sharp, shuddering breath. "Yeh can lets me goes now."
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Posted: Mon Oct 15, 2012 3:05 pm
Everything about her in that exact moment in time infuriated him. Her quiet voice, the calm acceptance of his blame, the way she refused to meet his eyes.
Perhaps he'd come to her room hoping that she'd slap him, that she'd tell him that it didn't matter, that she was here for him now. That she'd help him, that they could persevere and pry their way out of the hole they'd found themselves in together. But she wasn't saying anything that made him feel as if he'd been saved, and Herryk was left feeling as if the earth had been pulled out from beneath his feet.
He released her wrist.
"Why?"
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Posted: Mon Oct 15, 2012 3:11 pm
When he released her wrist, she immediately moved to rub it, but her eyes flickered up to finally look at him when she heard the question. She didn't understand what he was asking, but all she could think about was her own failure, her own blame. So she answered the question the way she thought it was meant to be answered.
"Why? Because I was brokens, Herryk. I needed time, and I needed someone teh comes and slaps me out of it. Someone teh holds me and tells me I was better than this. I needed help, Herryk, and because of that, I couldn't helps yeh. Neither could yeh helps me, because yeh needed the same."
It broke her heart that their entire break-up revolved around a case of unfortunate timing.
She slumped her shoulder, and then put both of her hands on her face, breathing a sigh into them. When she pulled them away, she looked tired, and pale.
"I'm sorry I wasn't there for yeh. I'm sorry that nothings I can says or does seems teh fix any of this. But I can only do so much. I don't has anything left, Herryk."
She closed her eyes, and she could feel herself swaying. The exhaustion reminded her of the sweet, thoughtless bliss. She craved it.
Her head slumped down and hit his chest, leaning heavily against him.
"Please gets better." She whispered softly. "I don't cares how. I don't cares if it means yeh loves someone else. Just please gets better, Herryk."
She needed him to be whole.
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Posted: Mon Oct 15, 2012 3:43 pm
There was an overwhelming, overpowering urge to wrap his arms around her. Being near her like this was almost enough to make him feel as if everything would work out for the best. He wanted to tangle his fingers in sunny spun gold of her hair, press his lips just beneath her ear, dig his fingers into the curve of her hip.
Before he could stop himself, his hands moved to her waist, his lips pressed against her ear. He could survive like this, couldn't he? He wanted to, oh, how he wanted to make this last forever. Just like this - her head resting against his chest, his hands on her hips, his lips against her skin and her scent embracing him like an old lover - comfortable and gentle, unpredictable and wild.
And then she spoke, whispering about getting better and loving someone else. It felt as if a sheet of ice encased his unbeating heart, freezing it from the outside in - shrinking it down until there was nothing left behind but a cold sheen of ice. He realized one thing at that exact moment.
Their forever was over. They were too broken - he would not forget that small fact again.
He just wasn't ready to give her up just yet - and even if he was fueled by all the wrong emotions in that exact moment, feeding on her vulnerability and his own weakness for the ghoul he still held above all others - he wasn't ready to let her go.
He hated her - and himself - for this weakness. His fingers tightened. His lips parted. He inhaled briefly of her scent - one last time. No words were spoken. He had nothing left to say that words could convey.
Or so he thought.
"Herryk will never love another."
There was no chill in his voice, just a strange, soft implication of exhaustion. No, he would never love another.
It hurt too much.
His throat felt tight when he swallowed, loosening the grip of his fingers on her hips as he moved to pull away.
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