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 Posted: Sat Oct 13, 2012 9:02 pm
Somewhere in the evening of the next day, Freya finally rose from her stupor. She still felt exhausted, as though she hadn't slept a wink. She was plastered on her bed, her body flailed outward, as though she'd been tossing and turning. But the covers remained on her body, wrapped around every inch of her. She didn't remember when she'd pulled them on. She sat up groggily, rubbed her head, and groaned.
She felt awful. Every bone in her back ached from throwing up so hard the night before. Her throat was killing her. And of course, her stomach was growling. She didn't know what else could go wrong at that moment, but she was sure if she kept moving forward, she'd find something.
She got up out of the bed and shuffled over to her kitchen, opening the freezer door. She pulled out an eyespack, full of frozen eyes, and held it to her throat.
Beside her, the window was open. She felt the cold air against the skin already chilled by the pack, and she shuddered. Looking out the window, her baggy, half-lidded eyes watched as birds flew from tree to tree, chasing one another. Three of them, to be exact.
She settled her chin on the windowsill, and put the eyespack on her eyes.
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Posted: Sat Oct 13, 2012 9:12 pm
Awakening meant he had been alone, at some point in the early hours Freya had left him to himself making him frown. He was worried, concerned for her well being. The idea of what they had almost done the night before didn't hit him until he was done eating breakfast and had taken a shower. There was a dull thud in his chest, had she parted from him because she regretted what she had done?
He'd known it was too soon, not just for her but him as well. Still they had tried to push themselves and this was the consequence.
Kettil left his room and soon was in Freya's dorm room hoping to find her and was greeted with her slumbering form. The slumbering form that he covered with a blanket and then left behind because he didn't have the heart to wake her, she'd looked so worn and tired. She needed time to herself - at least a small portion of time to get her head straight. Clearly Freya and Kettil being alone together with no limitation via relationships spelt trouble or at least that is how he suddenly felt.
Was it doubt? Guilt? The Muut wasn't sure. He left the Reaper Dorms building and simply went out. Endzela flew down from a nearby tree and simply landed on his shoulder, a quiet and troubled familiar for an equally troubled reaper, together they went on a walk.
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Posted: Sat Oct 13, 2012 9:36 pm
When she pulled the pack off her eyes, the birds had flown away. Something must have scared them off while she wasn't looking. She grumbled and threw the eyespack in her little sink, before turning to her room again.
Ugh.
She did not want to clean this room.
Maybe she could bribe Mot to do it. Or Hel.. she'd already started. Freya halfheartedly began picking up pieces of wood, throwing them over her shoulder. When she finished, the room looked remarkably better. This was because the wood had taken up a severe portion of her floor, its splintered edges breaking up everywhere. Now she had a giant portion of wood sitting in her kitchen. So she moved over, and grabbed a garbage bag from the counter. She shoved all the wood inside, tied the top, and opened her kitchen window.
First she looked down at the ground below, to make sure she wasn't about to hurt anyone.
Then, she shoved the bag out of the window. It slammed into the ground with a crash.
The night felt so cold. She never usually liked cold nights, but just this once, she stood there in the window once more, and let the night air bring goosebumps to her skin. Her eyes closed, and the wind brushed its cold fingers through her hair. She reached up and brushed her own fingers through her hair, and then brought her hands down over her arms, to rub the goosebumps away.
She craved touch so badly. Her eyes opened, and she turned away from the window to get back to work.
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Posted: Sat Oct 13, 2012 9:56 pm
Thoughts chased each other as he walked for much of his day, it felt oddly lonely despite having Endzela sitting there perched on his shoulder seeming pensive and quiet.
"Silver seed for your thoughts, little Predator," he asked trying to sound cheerful.
Endzela perked up a little when he suddenly addressed her, "Oh nothing," she uttered quietly, "you and Freya were pretty cozy."
It was an innocent observation but also a dangerous one, an observation that began to make his brain start to chug along dizzily, "Mmm," was all he said in response his brow furrowing in an almost uncharacteristically consternated expression. Why was this so difficult all of the sudden? It felt complicated but he didn't hate what was happening. "Yeah it didn't go crazy, she'd gotten sick," he answered more honestly after a bit.
Soft quiet, "Ah," came in response. It wasn't disappointment or pride, just a disquieted sort of emotion bounced between them as they just continued on their little stroll together now in silence.
Kettil didn't eat other than breakfast and as he made his way back again. As he neared the Reaper dorms there was a loud crashing sound that seemed to echo crashing of his feelings in some minor way, though he didn't see the source of what had caused the sound. Someone must have miscalculated on a personal project or something - easily dismissed since it didn't seem life threatening.
As he entered the building he simply headed toward his own room but not without pausing in front of Freya's door. Should he talk to her now? Should he see her? Kettil chewed on his lip a bit. It was almost like he was betraying Lark in a way by diving in with Freya so soon, now that he had a somewhat clearer head to think with, that was now the new thought starting to build within him.
Suddenly he felt sick and hurried to his own dorm room unsettling Endzela a bit from her perch on his shoulders - her wings flapped and she uttered a cry of protest as they disappeared to his room.
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Posted: Sat Oct 13, 2012 10:44 pm
The room was starting to look semi decent. Decent, but bare. Her couch was gone, all the chairs, most of the furnishings, and her bed was still in tatters. So she sat down in the middle of her floor, and picked at the fuzz she could find.
Her room looked as pathetic as she did.
Freya rubbed her arms, feeling the bone jutting out through them. She couldn't run from it, anymore. But she could run from everything else.
She got up off the floor, and moved to head for the door. It was her failsafe, her goto move. She was going to walk away, because the room still reminded her of him. The bed smelled like Herryk. The ceiling had an indent in the shape of his head. The kitchen sink still had a little cup that he'd used from the last time he'd been in her room. That had been.. so very long ago.
She refused to put it away.
But the door was waiting, and she was more than ready to go through it. To walk away from all of her feelings, and breathe in the cold air. Freedom was exhilarating. Outside of that door, she didn't need to think of a single thing.
But she would.
Her hand touched the doorknob, but she didn't turn it. Instead, it pulled away, and she pressed her hand up against the door. Her other followed, and then she slid closer, pressing her cheek against it. She closed her eyes, and rested her body on the door. There was a path that would lead her to freedom, out there. Take a right, straight on to the exit, and she would fly.
There was another path, too. Take a left.
"Oh, Hooter." Freya whispered into the door. Her face crunched in a mixture of guilt and longing. It would be so easy to just hide in his arms some more. To revel in the warmth of hugs, and laughter. It was so easy to forget you were breaking when someone was holding you together.
But he was breaking, too. And she was holding him together.
She couldn't decide if they were hurting each other even more, or saving each other from the pain.
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Posted: Sat Oct 13, 2012 11:07 pm
As soon as he entered his dorm the door slammed shut and Endzela flew away from her hectic Reaper as he made an immediate and sudden run to his bathroom where he stood poised over his own toilet, it was something he'd have never expected. He heaved, he coughed, choked, but nothing came out. Nothing at all.
Oh, there were tears but he got nothing for his efforts otherwise. Where as Freya struggled to keep down her food it seemed that Kettil was struggling to keep down his emotions and it translated into physical torment. Even after the spell had settled leaving him wondering if this is how his best friend felt when these things happened he just couldn't stop feeling that guilt that suddenly punched him.
Why was he feeling guilty? His emotions raised and lowered. Changed and flickered.
One moment he was lovelorn and lost. Wondering where he went wrong.
Next moment he was bitter and angry.
Now he just felt guilt. Horrible, terrible guilt.
He'd pined for Freya long before he ever noted his feelings for Lark and then he'd let that pining go and soon he'd found his feelings for Lark that had been locked within him and struggling to get out like a caged bird. Did this mean that he didn't honestly care for his relationship with Lark now that he was looking toward Freya for comfort, both physically and otherwise?
No. That couldn't be. His heartached and suddenly he just felt as if his bones were trying to claw their way out of his skin due to the sudden influx of uncertainty and restlessness, he'd been bottling it all down trying to avoid the less than pleasant emotions that crept there. He wanted to scream. Shout. Smash things. Blame everyone for what had broken. Even Lark. He wanted to blame her because somehow it lessened the heartache to something he could focus on and not feel guilt for what he was thinking or feeling, but it also filled his heart with bitterness and made his stomach churn.
In the place that was not meant for him to rest his head, his forehead rested against his toilet seat, "Why?" He croaked softly.
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Posted: Sat Oct 13, 2012 11:23 pm
In the end, she opened the doorway, and stood at her threshold. She couldn't make any decisions. She wanted to go left. She wanted to go right. She kept taking a step forward, a step in one direction, and then turning back. It was maddening. If anyone looked outside their dorm at that moment, they would think she'd gone mad. They would probably be right.
Her stomach pitched and rolled with indecision. Either way she turned was an escape. She couldn't decide which escape would be the least destructive. If she left, she might never come back. If she went to Kettil, she would be hiding behind comfort. She wanted another choice. She wanted a choice that meant she was strong, and independent. She wanted to know she was doing the right thing, but she didn't know what the right thing was.
In the end, she crumbled down on the floor, and let out a broken, quiet sob. Her head buried in her hands, and her fingers slid up into her hair.
When she pulled her hands away, she looked down at them. Small, thin, white. The complete opposite of Herryk's. She curled her hand up into a tight fist, and imagined those giant hands surrounding them, and making them disappear. She couldn't even see her own hand anymore. It made one side of her lips rise in a sad, crooked smile.
Maybe there was a third choice, after all.
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Posted: Sun Oct 14, 2012 12:31 am
Kettil in the bathroom making horrible sounds - misery blanketed the entire dorm room and it threatened to crush the poor Familiar under the weight of the emotion her Reaper was feeling. It sucked so hard to be so fiercely tied to someone. It felt like she was breaking along with him, cracking under the pressure and she just couldn't take it anymore. He needed help. Freya needed help.
Endzela was lost but she wasn't sure what she was going to do to fix it but certainly it was her job to do something. The talk with Ulmuka might have helped some, take the edge off, but it stop the eventual break down of thoughts and emotion - the rawness of the wounds as they insisted upon being exposed and reopened. Kettil was using the talk in all the wrong ways because he was young and thought he knew best.
The Familiar spread her wings and took off from her perch going to the restroom where Kettil was listlessly using the toilet as his pillow for the moment and perched on the towel rack staring down at him, it was pathetic and sad.
She sensed no hatred in him just a dull aching tiredness she sighed softly as she hopped from her perch to glide herself to the floor her body nudging his leg, "This is natural. This is as it should be, what you were doing was not good."
"But I...wanted to be okay," he said softly his voice odd and uneven.
She heaved a small sigh, "You are still alive, you still have Lark's friendship. You have Freya."
Freya's name made Kettil recoil and slide away from the toilet until his back rested against a tiled wall as Endzela crawled onto his lap staring at him.
"Not the reaction I was expecting," she said softly. If she could arch an eyebrow the Owl certainly would.
"She doesn't need someone like me if I can just ... turn to her after being let go by Lar. Think Lar was right to not trust me around Freya," He said his voice thickening with the threat of tears.
Endzela grunted, "You were loyal as you could be to Lark, she might not have been glad to hear of these recent happenings but she also knew that Freya was one of the friends that made you happy here."
Silence met her response.
"You'll always have a home for Lark in your heart. You are just struggling a bit with how to feel about your heartache." The Owl said simply, "Lark didn't say what she said in her letter to squash your hopes and dreams for the future with her or anyone but ... to give you freedom to find more while she straightens herself out. Even if it means that when she comes back that you won't want to try again with her because you have someone new..."
His heart shuddered painfully in his chest but he smiled a little giving a small nod.
"She loved you, Jackass, so don't forget that and you'll be fine." Endzela spread her wings a bit and hopped off of his lap waddling her way to the door, "Freya needs you too and while maybe it was meant to be or perhaps it is just how things worked out it isn't an entirely bad thing that you ... comfort each other so well but you might want to pull it back a bit perhaps." She sounded a little amused.
With that the Owl took off from the ground and made her way to the window where she flew out but this time she had another trip to pursue. She wanted to see Freya to see if she was well it was also perhaps stemming from Ket's now slowly rising concern over his friend. Locating the window she perched at the sill, staring inward, "'Llo?"
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Posted: Sun Oct 14, 2012 1:06 am
Freya walked through her door, and closed it behind her. There was a bittersweet smile on her face as she did it. She rubbed her eyes with her fists, and pulled her hair back away from her face. Then she moved to stand near the window. It was still wide open, and the cold air was still blowing in, breathing new life into her room. She took off her shoes, one by one, and put her toes on the windowsill-
"'Llo?"
"HOLY GODS-" Freya's heart stopped at the sudden intrusion, simply because she wasn't expecting it. She clutched her heart and tried to keep it from bursting out of her chest, while catching her suddenly shallow breath. "Endy. ENDY. I did not expects yeh there at that exact moments.." But once Freya's initial shock wore off, a new, more dangerous dread pulsed in her veins.
"Wait, why are yeh heres? Is somethings wrongs with Kettil?" Her hands clutched the windowsill, as she began to climb out of it. She tilted forward, trying to see in his window, but it was the wrong angle. She craned, but Endy quickly assured her nothing was wrong. Sort of.
Endzela seemed pleased mostly because Freya was still okay it seemed, or at least around, but the Owl's honesty would get ahead of her, "He's having a bit of a struggle but I think I talked him through it," it was meant to soothe than concern, "how are you doing?"
The assurance made her stop trying to crane out of the window, and she looked down at the owl with endearing affection. "I loves yeh Endy, did yeh knows that?" She whispered, petting the owl's head. "Comes on, yeh comes with me."
She did not answer Endy's question.
As soon as Freya jumped out of the window, her wings billowed out behind her, and she flapped them hard. It was easier now, to fly. She couldn't place why, but she felt lighter. She made a few test flaps, before turning to make sure Endy was following, and gesturing to her. Then she flew hard, zipping through the courtyard and perching on some nearby trees.
Here, she landed on a thick, high branch, and perched. Her bare feet had little grasping ability, so she kept her hands tight on the bark, and slowly stood up. Her wings folded behind her, and she let her head tilt back, as the wind washed over her face.
The sound of small wings beating closer made her look, and she held her arm out for Endy to land on her. The owl looked ruffled, perhaps because she hadn't expected Freya to jump out of her window and fly away. Nevertheless, she was happy to see the ghoul smile. Even if it was an obviously sad one.
"Isn't it beautiful, Endy?" Freya leaned in to whisper at the owl. "You can see all the dorms from here. Everything." Her smile disappeared for a moment, and her eyes fell on the undead dorms. She didn't even need to count windows. She knew the one.
"Yes, my love, that is all well and good but.. I asked you something." Freya gave an exasperated look at the owl, before turning her gaze back to the blackened window of the undead dorms. Endy just waited patiently, refusing to give up on getting a response. Finally, when Freya's eyes turned back to the reaper dorms, her smile returned, crooked and sad.
"I don't think I'll ever be well again, Endy." Freya murmured, very quietly. Very honestly. "But I wants teh be."
Her free hand rose up in front of her face, and balled into a tiny fist. "I wants teh be."
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Posted: Sun Oct 14, 2012 1:35 am
Kettil eventually pushed himself to stand back up; his hand reached and flushed the still empty toilet possibly just for the sound of something flushing to fill the silence in the air around him or perhaps it was a symbol of flushing the negative feelings down the pipes in a physical way. Kettil moved out to his room and eventually to his window where he stood and simply stared out into the night time world beyond.
He stared toward some trees only to make out the figure of two birds, he noted one of them looked rather large but he couldn't quite figure out what type it was just by the shape. Kettil decided to brush it off for now and simply accept that it was there perched with something smaller, the sight of them made him wonder where his Familiar flew off to, she didn't announce where she was going when she left but that was a common thing. Perhaps he could figure out where she was through her sight?
Kettil moved and settled on the edge of his bed his eyes sliding shut as he tried to concentrate and eventually a connection was made between himself and his familiar and he could see out of her eyes, what he saw surprised him - just a little bit.
What were they talking about? Why did she seem so sad? It was not uncommon these days to see her sad sometimes though she sometimes tried to hide it from him. He wondered, briefly, if perhaps he should go out to meet with her, to see her.
Would it just make more trouble?
Would the cycle of mixed emotions start to over take him again?
Being scared of all of these things would do nothing but keep him away from Freya most likely and he had made a promise not just to Hel but to himself that he would help Freya through whatever it was that she was dealing with, not just eating problems but heart ache and everything else she was dealing with. Kettil chewed on his bottom lip a bit as he broke the connection gently and opened his eyes feeling the world spin a bit for several moments.
Quietly he got out his eyephone and sent a text to Freya:
When can we talk?
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Posted: Sun Oct 14, 2012 1:45 am
Freya narrowed her eyes the moment she saw movement in Kettil's window. She wondered if he could see her. Would he try to catch her attention? She craned her head slightly, and held onto the branch above her so her entire body could tilt in that direction. If he could see her, he made no acknowledgement of it. She looked down at Endy, and then sat down on her branch again. There was a quiet moment where neither of them said anything. Freya ran her fingers through her wings, and plucked out a single feather. She handed it to Endzela, and bent her head in to bump against the owls. "Gives this teh him. Okays?" She asked, before lifting her hand to send Endzela back to her reaper. She was left alone again, but this time, she didn't feel quite so lost. Still, as soon as the night blanketed its silence over her once more, her eyes returned to Herryk's window. He wasn't sleeping. Maybe he wasn't even home. It was irrational to stare at it. But she did. "Good night, love." Freya whispered into the wind. Her crooked smile returned for just a moment, before she hopped off her branch and dropped, coasting back to the window of her room. Back inside of her dorm, her phone sat and waited, buzzing and blinking with a message just for her. When she got to it, she didn't have to think twice about the answer. Anytime.
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