Kettil had started his day easily enough. He woke up, got his breakfast, got some work done, let Endzela go off flying, went for a walk. Got his mail but as soon as he saw an envelope with Lark's name on it his heart gave a shuddering thump of surprise and his face paled almost immediately. Was she coming back? Is that what the letter was? Anxiously he dropped the rest of the mail and opened the one from Lark but soon his heart fell again as he noted the condition of the paper within. He suddenly feared what the letter would say but he couldn't say why. Had Lark gotten hurt? He sucked in a deep breath and opened the letter.

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The paper is crumpled and smudged. It's obvious that the wording across it has been erased and rewritten, erased and rewritten. What appears to be a few dried dots of moisture decorates the lower corner, just below the signature.

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Kajika.

I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Things change and we can either make the decision to change, too, or stay in one place. I'm stuck and I don't want to see you stuck with me. Life at home isn't going real well. Mum and dad have been fighting more and more, and it's just too stressful. I feel like I have to take care of dad because he seems so lost and afraid without mum, but she's leaving and there's nothing either of us can do about it.

I'm afraid. I don't want to be like them when I'm old enough to start talking about getting wed and all that nonsense. It's scary, and maybe that's why I've been so distant lately. One of the reasons, at least. I don't want to ever hate you, and I don't want to ever lie to you.

So this is me being honest, finally.

I love you as a best friend. I though, before, that I maybe could have loved you as something more, but the instant we moved from friends to something a little deeper, I just.. things changed. I can't help it, how I feel. I don't know what made me think that I could do this, be more than friends. I can't. I can't, and I should have said something earlier but I was just too much of a Jackdamned chicken to say something.

I want you to be happy. I want us to be best friends still - I never want that to change. But you deserve more than I can give you, and I'm sorry for not being honest about it at the start. Maybe things moved too fast, or maybe I'm just too broken.

Be happy, Kettil. You're amazing, and you deserve more than I can give you.

I'm so sorry. I hope you can forgive me for being a chicken, too scared to give you what you need.

I love you. You're my best friend, no matter what - even if you don't want my friendship, it's always yours to take.

-- Lark.


He reread the letter out loud, he read it silently. Kettil still couldn't seem to understand the contents entirely for a few moments, his legs felt weak as he shambled to the couch in his bedroom and just .... flopped down as if his bones had all left him rather suddenly. His heart gave a mournful pitter patter as he read the letter again this time more carefully.

Whatever made her think these things?

Why didn't she ask him for help? Then again Lark often struggled with that concept thinking she could do everything on her own or with just Ben for moral support. Kettil felt anger and sadness go through him in waves - indignant and hurt he wanted to just tear the letter apart and hate Lark for everything he went through just to make it work for her but then again perhaps he was just being stubborn and hurt. His head kind of lulled from one side to the other before his head just tilted back and he stared at the ceiling. Kettil adored Lark, wanted the best for her. The fact that she seemed to believe that she didn't deserve him made him feel confused. He did not understand the concepts she was speaking of.

The day they had decided to be a 'couple' was a strange day laden with heightened emotions - mostly those that made the heart pitter-patter faster around just about everyone if the time was right. Just as he'd formed the relationship with Lark he had soon turned around and kissed Freya while telling his friend about the whole event while also trying to collect his Familiar from the Valkyrie. It was all so clumsy and uncertain when they went about trying to go through the motions but that was simply because the both of them didn't know how to be together as a couple - not entirely.

He was confident that they would learn eventually, so confident. Kettil had wanted it to work so badly.

Perhaps he'd forced it on her with his behavior. Tears trailed down his cheeks unbidden and unwanted making him swipe at his face in that frustrated way that he had done two days ago when he had cried a little in front of Freya. Tears. Always tears.

Recalling prom as a good time between them was true enough even as they kissed in front of the camera, held hands, and danced he supposed she never really led him to believe it was forever not even for an instant had she claimed such a thing. As much as she seemed pensive and like she had wanted to say things to him but never did leaving it all to be said in a letter made his heart clench in pain and his insides grow ice cold. The night of prom ended with a quiet kiss good night between them and nothing more and this never bothered Kettil because he simply waited until she was ready for more.

It seemed like she never was ready.

After a few moments of tears and self-loathing, despite the letter assuring him that he had done nothing wrong, he'd gotten to his feet and wandered toward his small desk. Kettil left Lark's letter on the couch as he got his own letter and started to write his own letter but this one to Lark.

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Lar

I'm sorry about your mom and dad. I wish I could be there to help you through it all but it seems like, once again, you wanted to shoulder it all and fix things on your own. Your stubborn nature is one of the few reasons why I adore you so much, y'know?

Not sure whatever made you think that -I- would ever grow to hate you. Sure we are quarrelsome together sometimes but I never end up angry with ya, at least not as angry as you ever ended up with me. If it did end up being hatred ... It'd be pretty much one sided....

I ... think I understand that things had gone a bit too fast. Well...I don't think - I know. Things were crazy on the day we decided to take the leap - there was something in the air or whatever but...I still wanted to try and make it work with us because I do love ya Lar, we work well together. I miss ya fierce when you aren't here and I miss ya still...

If you would have asked me for a hand when you noticed you were in a rut I would have helped you...

This decision you made to just break it off is tearin' me in two, Lar, I'm not gonna lie but ...With what I had said in mind ...Maybe it is better? I don't even know anymore what is good and bad for either of us. I just ...I want you happy, too. You aren't broken, maybe a bit scared but you aren't broken. If anything you're probably the most logical between us...

I still want to be your best friend, Lar. We been friends since were little. That'll never change. Best Mates for life, ghoulie, you can't take that away from me. Not ever.

- Ket


The letter had a few teardrops splattered on it as he folded it up and put it in an envelope. He quietly got up and walked out to get it sent. The sooner she got this and knew that he had no ill will toward her - at least not entirely - the better. It would get better and he would feel less pain and hurt eventually. Kettil still would be among the first to defend Lark's name if anyone sought to talk ill of her, in that aspect nothing changed at all.

After the letter left his hand and into the mail slot he stared at it blankly before he turned on his heel and left it behind, he wanted to go walk about in the wood, maybe climb some trees and just think - for the first time in a long time he just wanted to be alone for a bit.