[Q] Seshat the Blue Egyptian Water Lily Abyssinian (Crits)

[Sirene Naiads]

I shall whisk you off on an adventure found only in the pages of books

 

[Sirene Naiads]

USER
Name: Sera Alexander
Age: 24
Magic Affinity: Mnemokinesis – Sera has the ability to work with memories. Currently, she only knows how to work with the idea of replaying a memory in someone’s mind, projecting it for others to see, and restore lost or broken ones. What she would love to be able to do is learn to work with Genetic Memories and discover if things really are passed down through family members.
Class: Scholar
Appearance: Sera’s head just crests at 5’6” when in flats. Of course taller shoes means she gains a bit more length to those already long legs. White blonde hair falls down her face landing just below her shoulders. That pale color goes well with the pink tint of her white skin. The two darkest features of her face are the sapphire blue eyes and the dark lips. She likes keeping a dark lipstick on even if she doesn’t wear much make-up.
Sera prefers to wear loose dresses and just tie them around her waist. She wants to be comfortable when working. Though she always has flower shaped earrings on.
Personality: Sera is what one would consider as a jagged edged sword. Lovely to look at and admire from afar but not at all easy to get along with once close to. Stubborn to a fault, a deep perfectionist, and just a tad bossy, she is not the type of woman others enjoy working for because with Sera, ‘working with’ is just a dream. However, when she does work for someone, Sera will never cut corners.
It should also be mentioned that Sera has a bit of a short fuse. Being a perfectionist making that fuse even shorter when it comes to her work. Slightly vain, she knows that being attractive can sell when talent fails.
Yet deep within her, the woman does have a pure heart for living things. She believes in the value of life and hates seeing it cut short. That is half the reason she stays away from the battle fields when she can. The second reason would be she can’t fight.
History:
Being the youngest of a very old fashion family never mixed well with Sera’s developing nature. She comes from parents who believed in the old saying ‘a woman is to be seen, not heard.’ Add to this to three older brothers, a workacholic of a father, and a mother whose only wish was for her daughter to bring wealth and grandchildren to the family and it was only a matter of time before the woman snapped.

Thirteen was the magic number.

It was on a rainy afternoon that Sera felt the last thread of patience snap within. She was tired of being bruised for things she could not do. Never once had her parents praised her for how clean she kept the siblings rooms. One could count on their left hand how many times she had been told she was loved under this roof. So with a bleeding left arm from where her mother’s own cooking knife had stuck, Sera’s mind gave into a pressure building within. Locking onto her mother, her mind suddenly flung open and within moments, the kitchen had changed from their simple home to a more lavish decoration. There stood two women, much like her and her mother, staring at a mess on the floor.

Yet it wasn’t her mother because that woman was standing next to her daughter, eyes wide with fear as she gazed at the projection.

As quickly as it came, the image was gone.

Within the next week, Sera was off to the Acadmey where she learned that her abilities came with the power of memory. Sera did her best to excel in every challenge thrown her way hoping to be one of the lucky ones gifted with a Guardian right after graduation. Sadly, this was not the case as eighteen came and went and the Seers still did not see her as ready.
Taking up an intership at the library, Sera dedicated herself to her work, hoping to forget that her ability wasn’t enough and that she had failed so miserably. There she kept quiet and to herself feeling that others would just hurt her in the end or misunderstand that she could not alter their memories…just relive them.
 

[Sirene Naiads]

GUARDIAN
Name: Seshat
Magic Affinity: Memory Erasing – Seshat has the ability to erase the thoughts and ideas from people she comes in contact with. The only thing is she can only erase ones that involve her.
Essence/Animal: Blue Egyptian Water Lily / Abyssinian
Appearance: As a cross between a flower and a feline, Seshat has a very feminine appearance to her. The slender body and long tail of the Abyssinian with its large ears and eyes are combined with the delicate pedels of a flower that appears from the Nile River.
Stage 1: Artist, I leave Seshat in your hands
Stage 2: She has a very Egyptian feel to her
Personality: At first glance, Seshat appears to just be a rather lazy feline that spends hours upon hours sleeping in the warmest place she can find. At second glance, one would find that nearly half that time, she isn’t really asleep. While those eyes are closed, Seshat’s ears are wide open listening to anyone who comes within range and sorting through what they say for useful information. It helps that she can remain so still that people forget there is a cat in the room and talk freely. Though once they leave, she is up and out of there with a large stretch and little to no sound.
When not napping, Seshat does have quite a bit of energy and a curious nature. The feline has to know everything that is going on and how it works from the kitchen all the way to an alarm system. That’s not to say she’s getting into trouble because one look at her and someone’s heart can melt at the softness in her expressions.
Her favorite place to be is up high. Moving above the world allows her to take in and observe everything that is going on. To Seshat, the world is her play thing and she wishes to know all!
The only person she really will come down from her throne for is Sera.
The User has won over the Guardian’s trust enough that Seshat will come and try to comfort her during stressful times. Even more so, Seshat only trusts Sera with the information she has come across in her little adventures. Outside of the woman, the feline keeps mostly quiet, watching with judgmental eyes over all those who come near her or her User.

 

[Signo Amisso]

STAFF CRITIQUE
READY OR NOT, HERE IT IS!

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX❧ MAGIC
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXWe’re having to be very careful as far as memory magic goes considering how easily over powered it is without
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXeven noticing. The first thing though, genetic memory is not a thing that would even be believed in this world, much
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXless exist. But onto the affinity itself, I and the staff are ok with the replaying or recovering of old memories, but we
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXwould like you to spell out the rules of this. Like only with a willing participant, you can’t create or alter memories,
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXyou can’t delete a memory, can’t move beyond what a person is allowing, etc.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXYour Guardian’s magic NEEDS to be changed. It’s overpowered and it’s the exact same type of magic as your
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXUser. I can’t directly recommend anything at this time, but perhaps something not directly complementary or at
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXleast defensive if you’re trying for a more passive character? Keep in mind you may be a scholar but you’re still
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXgoing out into the field when you’re officially classed as one.



XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX❧ APPEARANCE
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXEverything looks fine on this front. Though I would recommend she not wear heels on missions, unless you would
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXlike that to be a point of character growth. (Getting used to field work, not just working in a library.)



XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX❧ PERSONALITY
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX“she is not the type of woman others enjoy working for because with Sera, ‘working with’ is just a dream. However,
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXwhen she does work for someone, Sera will never cut corners.”

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXI would like to see this clarified or expanded upon, preferably both. We know she’s a perfectionist, is this why she doesn’t
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXenjoy working with others? Does she just not like people? Does she only think she can do it right and that everyone else
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXis incompetent? Something on this would be appreciated. It seems like a contradiction that she would hate to work with
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXothers so much yet still do a good enough job to not cut corners. Just as an aside I’d also like to know how she would do
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXwith having to report directly to someone as far as her work as a scholar goes. It could be a good source of growth for her
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXas a character later on.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXYou say she knows that being attractive “can sell” if all else fails. Why does she believe this? How does she use her looks
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXto help her along? Does she use it to get favors from other scholars, did she use it to get into a better internship? You address
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXshe has this harsh exterior due to thinking others will misunderstand her memory magic, but I’d like you to expand on those
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXinsecurities in the personality section. I’d like to know more about these and how she’s managed to keep herself so caring
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXtowards other living things despite them.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXWhen it comes to Seshat, we have a bit of a problem with it seeming like it’s just your User with her cat sidekick. The
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXeavesdropping is nice, but a Guardian is born trusting their User, it’s just how things go, what with basically holding a piece
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXof their soul with a magic fragment. So having her not even attempting to interact with other people shuts her down to any
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXfurther growth. A User and a Guardian are a team, yes, but they’re also different people, we’d like to see her reflected as such.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXWe like the overall possibility for a “honeypot” style of the femme fatal, perhaps leading her along a more espionage path. While
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXthe factions are at peace there may still be hold-outs somewhere in the wastes or there may be use of her skills as the shop’s
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXplot proceeds forward.


XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX❧ HISTORY
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXFirst and foremost: both factions are led openly by women, the alchemist faction has been for a few hundred years now. The
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXmindset of “women must be seen not heard” is not an old saying or way of thinking. Some people may think that way but it
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXwould be an isolated case, not a common thing carried on by old families. I can understand a very crowded home and an
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXoverbearing mother though, that would easily fit into the world. I’d like to know why her family didn’t praise her or tell her she
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXwas loved. Were they poor parents to all their children, if not, why was she singled out? Was her mother also emotionally abused?
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXI want to know why she was STABBED of all things by one of her parents. Why didn't anyone at her school notice, or a neighbor,
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXor her brothers, or her father, or another family member?

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXYou’ve also gone into detail about this one event of her first real show of her powers, but then it never comes up again. This is
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXapparently an important moment so why did it never come back up again? What was her academy life like? Why didn’t she
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXmake friends, as she doesn’t seem to have any as an adult, did she make them but eventually push them away as she buried
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXherself in her work? Why was it so important to receive a Guardian before/at graduation when about 50% of any class doesn’t?
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXReally I just want to know more. I want to know what series of events turned her into the woman she is. Perhaps not a novel, but
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXsome more background would be nice.