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 Posted: Wed Sep 26, 2012 7:07 pm
If anyone was in the Monster dorms one Moonday morning, they would find a certain gryphon sitting on one of the squashy, plush couches in the common room with his feet up on the coffee table and a game of Scario Kart on the widescreen skelevision that took up most of one wall. Ren was dressed in his usual neat and tidy clothes, but there was a certain weariness to him that wasn't usually present. Dark circles ringed beneath his eyes, and his hair, usually so sleek, was pulled into a messy ponytail, lines across his forehead indicating he was not really paying attention to his game, but thinking of something else entirely.
There was a beeping noise - on screen, his little car had run into another player's, and then they had both been run off the road, leaving him at an all-time-low of second to last place.
Ren sighed, leaned his head back, and stared dully up at the ceiling, the controller limp in his hands. He felt tired, but unable to sleep, strangely jittery and overwhelmingly weary of simply everything. Tail curling around one of his legs, Ren folded his wings beneath him and absently plucked at a feather.
It was awful, feeling like this, but there was no avoiding it.
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Posted: Thu Sep 27, 2012 9:27 am
Freya was desperate. She needed to be anywhere but the reaper dorms. She'd been hiding out from her sister for far too long, and there were only so many places Hel wouldn't expect her to be. There was no reason for her to be in the monster dorms, which was why Freya showed up there. She scuttled in, and looked for the nearest hiding spot.
No one could have ever mistaken the common room for a hiding spot, but she was so easily distracted by the blinking lights and familiar sounds of Scario Kart, she couldn't help herself. When she saw who was sitting there playing, she let out a happy squeal.
"Ren! Is this where yeh spends yehr times?" She flopped down next to him, her body bouncing against him as she dropped. She looked up at him with a bright, friendly expression, her mouth opening to say something more - but it shut quickly when she got a good look at him.
"Ach. Yeh looks sick. Are yeh sick, friend?"
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Posted: Sun Sep 30, 2012 8:39 am
The voice that came out of nowhere made Ren jump, startled, but he relaxed once he discovered who the voice belonged to.
"Ah, Freya," he said, giving the ghoul a smile as she bounced across the room and flopped into the seat beside him, her eyes wide and a cheerful grin on her face. "It's always a pleasure to see you again."
He blinked, slightly taken aback by her question, but then his expression relaxed, his lips quirking upwards. "No, I'm not sick," Ren answered, a bit wryly, and pushed a few strands of hair away from his face. "Well. I mean. I have been for a while, but I was actually getting over my little cold."
Ren's voice dropped down slightly, his eyes flickering towards the screen, though it was clear he wasn't actually looking at it.
"Nah, I'm not sick," he said again quietly. "Just...conflicted."
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Posted: Wed Oct 10, 2012 2:40 pm
Conflicted. It was a word that Freya was starting to get to know intimately. She watched him for a moment or two, trying to decipher as much as she could from his expression. She didn't know Ren well enough to read him, so she just asked. "Whatchyeh conflicted about? Maybe I can helps? Though I'm pretty ******** up myself, I don't knows how much helps I can be. But I'd love to try!" She gave him an affectionate smile, and squeezed his shoulder with one hand. Solving other peoples problems were so much easier than solving your own.
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Posted: Tue Oct 30, 2012 7:38 pm
He sighed, tilted his head back, and stared at the ceiling.
"Do you ever feel...like you're not good enough?" asked Ren quietly, linking his fingers together across his stomach. "Like no matter how hard you try, no matter what you do, no matter how much you want something, to be something, no matter how far you reach...it's always right there, out of reach, out of your grasp..?"Nio Love LOOK AT THIS LATE TAG AW YEAH
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Posted: Tue Oct 30, 2012 11:50 pm
It was a loaded question, but it was one she knew all too well. She chuckled faintly, and made herself comfortable against him, shoulder to shoulder. Her head tilted to rest back, and she stared at the ceiling. "Actually? I feels like that every days, for a whiles now." She gave him a side glance. "It doesn't stops me from tryings teh gets there, but I never feels like I makes any progress. It's eating away insides of me.." And apparently, it was doing the same to him as well. "My sister lost her wings at teh hands of Hunters." Her voice darkened with anger. "And Herryk.." She felt as though he might have lost much, much more. She had no idea what, though. He'd shut her off long before she could find out. Her hand rubbed across her stomach, feeling the phantom scar.
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Posted: Thu Jan 31, 2013 7:15 am
He gave a snort, shaking his head as his eyes traced the lines of the ceiling, both of them sitting side by side, heads tilted upwards. "I suppose that was a silly question," he said. "Lots of people feel like that I'm sure, but I don't know."
He sighed. "I keep trying to run, but if feels like I can't move my legs, you know? Like I keep walking but I'm not getting anywhere fast, or like I'm moving backwards."
The anger in Freya's voice made him turn his head, Ren pressing his lips together. "I'm sorry to hear that," he said quietly. "I...I lost a lot as well. It's..."
He turned his back up to the ceiling.
"I just wish things would work out the way I want them to, you know? But I guess we can't always get what we want."Nio Love HI WOW LOOK AT THIS LIKE SUPER OVERDUE TAG /rolls self off a cliff
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Posted: Fri Feb 01, 2013 5:59 pm
Freya reached over, put both of her hands on Ren's left thigh. And she squeezed. Hard. "If yeh can't moves, is only yeh stoppings yehrself. If yehr lettings other people, other things affect the ways yeh lives, is only yeh teh blames." She let go of his leg, and smiled. "Take all the pain. All the anger. All that frustration, and put it under yehr feet. Then yeh steps on it. Like stairs. Makes it work for yeh. Makes it takes yeh where yeh wants teh go." Wise words from someone who wasn't listening to her own advice.
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Posted: Tue Feb 05, 2013 7:07 pm
Ren gave a yelp of surprise as he fingers dug into his leg, and then turned, pushing his hair away from his face. Freya's voice was strong, and Ren pressed his lips together in resignation, blowing out a gust of air.
"Easier said than done," he said, giving her a rueful smile. "I wish it were that easy to just...step all over the pain and the anger, but sometimes...sometimes it just...consumes you, you know?"
He looked down at his hands, absently twisting a gold ring on his left index finger.
"Sometimes you just feel like you're drowning in it, and there's no air left."
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Posted: Tue Feb 05, 2013 10:59 pm
Freya stopped squeezing him, and let those words, those all too familiar words, sink in. Her face turned a paler color, before she sighed in resignation, and curled her wings up while simultaneously slumping spinelessly down against him. "I knows what it feels like." She whispered, her face partially muffled by the seat cushion her head had ended up on after she'd slid off his side and down onto the couch. "Teh drowns. Teh be consumes. Yeh don't has teh explains. I knows the feelings intimately." A moment ago, she'd been harping about getting up and doing something. Now, she looked like she'd just flopped over and died beside him. Freya worked in extremes, and there was never any in between. "There is this.. place." Her voice had hushed, trembling as if she were saying something that frightened her. "That I likes teh lets my mind goes teh, sometimes. But is.. is not good. I don't thinks is good." Ah, but it felt so good to let go. "When I lets it happens, I don't feels. I don't thinks. I just exist." A soft smile played on her features. "That is what I do."
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Posted: Thu Apr 04, 2013 11:09 am
He leaned his head absently against the top of Freya's, one of his wings rustling softly against his back. Tail curling around his ankle, he said quietly, "I don't want to drown, but there isn't any air to breathe anymore."
Ren let out his breath slowly in a small sigh and looked down at the ghoul. "What sort of place?" he asked curiously, a part of him yearning for something, for anything that would take away this feeling of uselessness, this pain at being pathetic, of being unnecessary.
There is nothing left for me to do.
"Just exist, huh..." Ren murmured. "Sometimes I feel as though that's all I'm here for.
"Just existing without living."
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Posted: Thu Apr 04, 2013 5:14 pm
There was the tiniest pang of regret, when she saw that curious hope in Ren's eyes. She didn't want to drag someone else down into the dark haven of her mind, but Ren looked like he was willing, and she couldn't blame him. She sighed, and moved to stand up, turning to kiss him on the forehead. "Just forgets I mentioned it. Nobody should just exist. Don't gives up as easily as I did, screechie. Yeh've got a spark inside yeh that I never wants teh sees die." She pulled away, putting her hand on the elbow of her other arm. "I should probably gets out of here.. I'm causings enough trouble as it is."
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Posted: Thu Apr 04, 2013 7:05 pm
Ren gave a low, frustrated sigh, but he reached up and squeezed Freya's arm affectionately. Something about her, the way she folded herself inward like a baby bird drew him to her.
They were similar, he thought, perhaps that was why. His fingers caught her wrist, holding her steady for a moment.
"Freya," he said. "Listen. If you ever need to...talk or anything, or just...hang out, call me okay?"
His smile was faint, but there was a quiet gentleness to it. "You've got that spark too, and I don't want to see that die either."
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Posted: Thu Apr 04, 2013 8:15 pm
She paused, turning back when he caught her by the wrist. His offer reached her, somewhere deep down, and her lips parted as if to release the torrent of pain that was locked away, deep down inside. Those still lips looked as though they wanted to whisper the same words, over, and over again. Help me. Instead, she leaned forward and wrapped her arms around his shoulders, unashamed to flop against him for a warm hug. "Thanks yeh, screechie. I hope it hasn't already." She liked knowing that somewhere, out there, others understood the constant turmoil waging a war inside of her. Even if they weren't for the same reasons, she felt just a little relieved to know she wasn't alone. She climbed out of his lap, and mussed his hair playfully before turning to leave again.
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Posted: Thu Apr 04, 2013 8:20 pm
He recognized that look in her eyes; the hollowed out deadness, the part of her that wanted more that wanted something, anything, to change, to move.
He recognized it because he had seen it in himself too many times.
"Father, stop.
"Please. Please, Father, don't do this. Somebody, stop him.
"Somebody help me."
He closed his eyes briefly, blocked out the memories, pushed them away, far beneath the surface as Freya's arms wrapped around his neck. He put an arm over her back and patted her hair, and then squeezed her hand as she got up to leave.
"It hasn't, by the way," he called after her. "Died, I mean. That spark is still there. I can see it."
"Even if it's small, it's still there."
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