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 Posted: Sun Sep 23, 2012 7:55 pm
Name: Cecelia Smith
Nickname: Sissy
Age: 16
Birthday: January 5th, 1996
Sign: Capricorn
Gemstone: Garnet
Blood Type: O
Fav. Food: Quick and easy meals, mainly pre-cooked foods which only need to be re-heated or microwave foods. This is not because of the taste but because of the ease of which they can be made, how quickly they can be made, and the lack of actual dishes to go with them.
Hated Food: Large, messy, and or heavy meals. She eats only what she needs to and just the thought of the dishes which are associated with large messy meals is not one she enjoys. Heavy meals have never really agreed with her stomach; they make her tired and being tired and sleepy means no work can be done.
School: Meadowview High School (Co-Ed)
Hobbies:
Meet Me At The Club - Cecelia, being a glutton for punishment, is heavily involved in club activities at Meadoview High, and generally not the ones just made for fun as she rathers the ones which require actual work. She can generally be found at volunteer events hosted by The Key Club, National Honor Society, and The Lions Club.
Sticking My Nose In Places It Belongs - Cecelia, when not working on volunteer projects, school work, school projects, or any other kind of work, can almost always be found with her nose stuck in a book. She generally only reads non-fiction books though subject often varies. The most typical subject though is a subcategory of biology, from the human body to biomes and studies of various animals. If not biology, then it is historical subjects, generally limited to European history and the history of the Americas though.
I’ll Admit It, I’m A Nerd - Cecelia spends a great deal of time attached to her school work and club work. However, she enjoys keeping herself busy with it. As strange as it may sound, school is her number one hobby. She loves to keep herself busy and focusing on school helps with that, and will more than likely help long term as well. If she has run out of things to do concerning school work or club work, she honestly is a bit disappointed. But that is why she spends so long on her homework and projects; so she can keep on working.
School’s out for Thanksgiving Break, Winter Break, Spring Break, or the most horrible and dreaded Summer Break? Cecelia hardly knows what to do with herself because of how seriously she takes her school work. As such, to keep herself somewhat sane, and more importantly busy, she gives herself assignments to do, because what better way to pass the summer than by having to write a ten-page research paper?
Smile For The Camera - Sometimes, as much as she loves her books and work, they aren’t enough for Cecelia and leave her craving a bit more, generally a way to express herself. Being the quiet person she is generally, and not so good at other forms of art, Cecelia turned to photography and still clings to it. Generally, her photography is of animals and/or people.
It’s Just Like A Movie! - Cecelia loves to watch people, how they go about their day, how they interact with each other, how they hold themselves, conduct themselves, and so on. As much as she clings to her books, she finds people to be fascinating altogether. The human mind is a beautiful thing to her, and she loves watching it at work. She goes so far to even keep a log of things she sees as well as events. Cecelia, of course, classifies these observation sessions she does as work.
Virtues:
What’s wrong? [Listening] - Cecelia, while she is not much of a talker, is one to listen to others and their issues. She may not be good at offering advice, but she’s always one to be there to let people vent their trouble and issues and without interrupting people either. To her friends, her shoulder is always there to cry on, so long as it is within a certain time limit.
I’ve All The Time in The World [Patience] - Despite her needing to keep herself busy, Cecelia has a great deal of patience. She could honestly probably wait out a sloth if somehow someone’s life or her life work depended on it. This patience comes in handy though for those long problems or papers which need to be done.
I’m An Elephant! [Good Memory] - If there is ever a crime and it needs a witness, Cecelia is one of the people you would want there. Her memory, is excellent memory. She may not perhaps be able to remember minor details such as something being moved out of place very slightly (unless they are her belongings) , or the exact patterns of floral prints and so on though the main picture will stick with her for sure.
I’ll Just File This Away [Organized] - Cecelia is potentially one of the most organized people you will meet. She keeps her papers and books all organized for her classes and even at home, clothing, accessories, and extra curricular activity related items are all kept filed and stored away in an specific manner. If one thing happens to be out of place within a specific category of items/material which need to be sorted, she will spend all the time it takes to pull everything out and reorganize.
Flaws:
I Might Be A Workaholic [Addicted to Work] -She absolutely loves being buried in her work, save for the occasional break for photography (which she classifies as work still). When and where has no matter to her, so long as she is busy with some form of work; reading, homework, projects for school, volunteering for her clubs, projects for said clubs.
Yes, she might go to the mall, but generally, she goes to simply work on homework in a different location. Did you invite Cecelia to a party? She probably brought some homework along in her bag. School’s out for summer? Cecelia will assign herself work to do. Somehow, someway, everything must relate to work, to being efficient, to being productive. If not, then more than likely Cecelia will twist and warp it into work-related.
Many a times her addiction to her work has caused her to "miss out on being a child" as she has practically traded having any chance for a social life like normal teenagers to excel at her work. She may attempt at being "social" and tag along for anything (if she's invited because who honestly wants to drag a workaholic along?) but even fun outings such as going to see a movie get twisted into being work somehow and has its own way of deflating the event of any fun to be had.
Do You Ever Feel Like Someone’s Watching You? [Creepy] - If so, then it may just be Cecelia honestly. She loves her hobby of people watching to the point that it could be considered stalking. If one person happens to catch her interest by the way they act, she will be sure to take pictures and potentially go out of her way to learn their schedule so she can continue to watch and learn about them. She takes this ‘work’ very seriously. So seriously that it is properly filed and maintained as long as possible.
Spotting her watching/observing people is easy enough to do; Cecelia stares intently at the 'subject' with eyes fully opened compared to their usual half closed state. Even if her subject turns and locks eyes with her, Cecelia's stare will not deviate at all. Initially, if she remains unnoticed, her staring and observing is extremely obvious; following to various locations she does not usually visit, sitting at tables across from the subject, even following the subject to their home to learn the routes they walk. However, if the subject begins to acknowledge they are more aware of her, uncomfortable with her around them, she will do her best to begin to hide the fact that she is watching them and/or stalking them. Cecelia is well aware that people, when set in their ways as far as daily schedules and routines, are easy to observe while staying out of sight and out of mind of them. More so than her school work even, she is obsessed with this work she does, to such an extent that sometimes school work may even be pushed to the back burner. Many times she will bypass or skip on things most consider fun, or if she does go, it's not to do 'x' activity such as watch the movie, enjoy the park, or go shopping - It's to watch people experiencing these activities.
Typically, from her experience, subjects tend to avoid her if they begin to figure things out concerning her work. Some students from while she was in middle school tended to change classes about to avoid her; such attempts were noted in her observations of course.
The full terror of such observation sessions though are not truly known until a log of a person is viewed.
I’ll Never Let Go [Lasting Grudges] - Cecelia has a difficult time forgiving and forgetting. She clings to grudges and issues very much so, and with her memory, it is not likely that she will simply forget to dislike someone, even if for an incident which happened years ago. Cecelia will still remember what it was that happened, and will still more than likely be holding that grudge. Break her trust or hurt her just once, and you may be attempting to smooth things over for decades to come.
These grudges tend to last so long as those who have angered or upset her, or those she simply dislikes or holds a grudge against still, tend to become her targets of her observation sessions. Every little detail of their life is picked apart so she may use any detail she finds to humiliate them in a potentially public manner. She is well aware of her lack of tact in a conversation, well aware that others soon become knowledgeable about such things as well. Instead of trying to correct it though, Cecelia uses it to her advantage and uses it as an excuse when dropping whatever details, secrets, or anything potentially devastating to a person's public image into a conversation as her form of retaliation. Physical damage heals much faster compared to public humiliation through word of mouth.
You Wanted My Opinion? [Brutally Honest] - With how much she clings to her work and books, Cecelia never honestly learned how to be tactful with people. She has a tendency to be completely and brutally honest with people when they’re asking for her opinion. She generally does not mean to insult or hurt people with answering, but will generally be the case when she’s done giving her thought or opinion on a matter/issue/subject. Half the time, when people walk away upset, she doesn’t really understand why they’re upset. The worst questions to ask Cecelia usually begin with; “What do you think about”.
PHYSICAL DESCRIPTION
Eyes: Almond shaped eyes with amber colored irises. Wears reading glasses at times. Eyes are generally half open.
Hair: A rich golden blonde hair color. Her hair reaches down a little ways beyond her shoulders, it is layered and the ends are feathered. Her hair often looks as if it is windblown. Rarely does her hair get put up and/or has accessories in it.
Face: Heart shaped face, with no outstanding features. A fairly average looking face.
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Posted: Sun Sep 23, 2012 7:56 pm
Senshi: Sailor Sheliak, Senshi of Vultures Challenge: It seems the vultures are beginning to circle. Fuku Colour: Main Color: Gold Secondary Color: Silver Fuku:Collar -- Thinking more along the lines of the collar being made of feathers. Bow -- For frontal decoration, I feel a skull of a bird would fit rather nicely for the vulture feel. Ends of all bows slightly tattered and worn, frayed a bit. Simply because of the death and decay associated with vultures. Bodice -- Halter top bodice, allowing for the collar to still exist around the top of the halter top and let the feathers creating the the collar to sit around the neck in a fashion/manner similar to an extremely short boa. Sleeves -- Not sleeves exactly, but fabric laid in a way to rest around the arms, from the front of the halter top, around the upper bicep of the arm, and around to the center of the back of the halter top. Brooch -- Skull of a bird, vulture preferred. Bottoms -- The front of the skirt reaches just above her knees though the back reaches down a bit further just past her knees. The edges of it are frayed just slightly, again to represent the decay associated with vultures. Not tattered, just frayed as if time has taken its toll. Tiara -- In concept it is similar to traditional tiaras, the center again features a vulture head, eyes made of garnet (because zodiac sign). As she grows though, the tiara will grow wings down the sides to basically frame her face, though the feathers of these wings will continue to extend and curve as if they were wrapping around her head as if to secure itself better. Almost in a style similar to valkyrie helmets Choker -- Classic choker, again, edges seeming frayed and worn Shoes -- Half calf high heeled boots. Heels are secondary color and are fairly thin/skinny (think stilettos). Feathers decorate the top of the boot. Gloves -- Plain gloves which reach to her elbows. Trimmed with ribbons which form small bows at the top. The edges of the ribbon are frayed with age. Accessories -- Artist’s choice honestly. Attacks:Sailor Scout Attack: Flutter of Darkness From the shadows arise the illusion of several vultures (with the appearance of various stages of decay) which circle about (spanning a ten foot radius centered from Cecelia). As the rotting vultures circle about, their decaying scent lingers in the air, and all light within the circle vanishes, opponents and allies are affected equally. Duration: 10 seconds Uses: 2 Super Sailor Scout Attack: Return to Darkness From the shadows arise the illusion of a kettle of vultures (each vulture marred with the various stages of decay and rotting) which circle about (spanning a ten foot radius centered from Cecelia. As the rotting vultures circle about, the smell of their rotting flesh is nauseatingly strong and all light within the circle vanishes, opponents and allies are affected equally. Duration: 15 seconds Uses: 2 Eternal Sailor Attack: Cleansing Wake: The illusion of a glimmering gold and silver vulture is summoned. A blinding white light erupts from the bird, accompanied by a low a terrible sounding hissing growl. Those within range (ten feet radius), and who are opposite aligned of Cecelia (Read as Chaos punks) are subjected to feeling a sharp stinging pain coursing through their body though no damage is physically done. This stinging pain fades away after a few seconds. Duration: 10 Seconds Uses: 1
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Posted: Mon Sep 24, 2012 10:15 am
Hey, Sorceress!
First things first, this is going to look really long and might be kind of intimidating, so let me apologize for the length of this crit and take this opportunity to reassure you that most of it is me being wordly and using examples! There were actually very few things that I thought could use some tweaking! You've got a really well thought out and detailed profile, and I love how much you connect her hobbies to her virtues and flaws!
So far as her hobbies go, I think you've got a good array! Her school activities give her a place to be social, and even though some of her hobbies seem private, I think you've got a lot to work with!
The only thing I might suggest to help the profile read better is to include a 1-2 word, straightforward description of what it is you're trying to describe. For example, instead of just 'Sticking My Nose In Places It Belongs', something like ' Sticking My Nose In Places It Belongs [Reading] - (description) makes the hobby more clear. This isn't necessary so much for the hobbies, but it would really help in the traits section! [A better example might be actually from the hobbies—I've Got All The Time in the World [Patient] would give me a better idea of exactly the trait you are thinking of, so I'm not just sort of guessing. But I really like the clever titles! I think they add a lot of charm xD]
Now, for the rest of the profile!
Virtues:
I’m An Elephant! - The only thing I would caution about is mentioning photographic memory, since this miiiight be slightly unrealistic. I am, however, a firm believer that she can have a very good memory, and think that a minor rephrase [something along the lines of 'her memory, while not quite photographic, is excellent'—that way you have wiggle room for her having very good memory but without it being unrealistically so] will solve that issue totally!
I’ll Just File This Away - I would caution reference to O.C.D unless this is a legitimate disease in which she suffers [there are characters with OCD in the shop, so while it's not unheard of, you would need to go into extra detail about the extent of it]. If she is just picky about keeping everything organized and classified, a quick fix is to change 'OCD' to a non-medical term [ie, a**l retentive or something].
Flaws: Flaws can be really tricky, and while all of yours have great potential to work, it is important to remember that a flaw something another character might look down on yours for. For this reason, I think that a few of your flaws might need an extra sentence tacked on to help explain why this is something that negatively impacts their life.
I Might Be A Workaholic -I love this flaw—I love how much it ties into her hobbies! I can tell you've put a lot of thought into her profile! Only thing to note is, how is this negative? [Just a sentence on how others might look down on her for this is all I need!] Is she, like, a stick in the mud that no one ever wants to hang out with—will she ditch her friends to do work? [Is she even able to have a social life outside of her work regiment?] And, totally slightly relevant, when she gets powered up/turns into a senshi, will she list that as 'work', too? This doesn't need to be answered here, just something to think about!
Do You Ever Feel Like Someone’s Watching You? - I really like this flaw! I think it has a lot of potential for really interesting RP! I feel as though it is one of the flaws that needs the extra sentence tacked on. I'd be interested to know how others perceive this to make it negative? Does she come across as creepy, for example—does she scare others away with her passion of people watching? [Has it ever gotten so extreme/is it possible that it would be so extreme that someone might consider calling the police on her, or would she back off before that point…or just get sneakier about it? xD]
I’ll Never Let Go - Two things about this one! First, there is the 'exactly' that I worry about, since I think it ties into the potential photographic/perfect memory. Quick fix: extract the 'remember exactly what it was that happened' and replace with a phrase that doesn't give her auto-perfect memory, like 'remember nearly everything that happened'. Secondly, just a question again on how this can be negative! A little sentence added on how she expresses her grudges would be awesome! [Does she ignore someone/talk down to them/talk about them behind their back/try to sabotage them/etc—just any more info you can give me about it so that this DEFINITELY reads as a flaw would be perfect!]
FOR HER POWERED SIDE:
These attacks look really good! VERY short things to note:
I would add in your attacks that while the attacks feel real, they stop hurting when her attack ends.
Also! Your attacks are short enough and aren't too powerful, so if you wanted to be able to cast all of them twice in battle, I think that would be totally acceptable!
And that's it! Cecilia looks really interesting, and I'm so excited that you've decided to bring her to the shop! If you have questions, comments, or have made some changes to her profile, feel free to quote me and I'll be back ASAP to give her another look!
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Posted: Mon Sep 24, 2012 8:11 pm
It was not intimidating at all. Thank you very much for the crit.! It is greatly appreciated. I am glad you seem to enjoy her concept, I wanted to make a bit of a creeper without over doing it like I usually do in other roleplays. I am a firm believer in creepers making things a bit more interesting. I have made changes to the items which you made mention of as well. Would you mind perhaps taking another look when you've the chance?
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Posted: Mon Sep 24, 2012 11:51 pm
Getting to go over this profile has been my pleasure! [Creepers do make things interesting! xD] She is a step and a half away from possessing a trial stamp!
The first thing I'd like is, I noticed that you started labeling her traits with the 1-2 word phrase, but that the last virtue and the flaws don't have the 1-2 word label. If you could squeeze that in, that would be excellent!
The other thing is, for her 'Do You Ever Feel Like Someone’s Watching You?', I am still very much excited about this, however I think for it to fully qualify as a complete and comprehensive flaw, one final sentence at the end to explain the negative effects of it on her life would tie it all up nicely! [ie, while it is arguably creepy, do people that know her look down on her? Refrain from getting too close to her? Avoid her? Just anything that would highlight one of the negative aspects of this 'creepy' trait!]
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Posted: Tue Sep 25, 2012 1:10 pm
Le facepalm at me stopping on labeling things. I think I just got so caught up in typing other things that it slipped my mind. Again though, it has been edited. I hope I've managed to adjust what you recommended concerning her stalker flaw. I don't really know what else to put there because it honestly has never gotten her into legal trouble, at least not yet.
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Posted: Tue Sep 25, 2012 4:45 pm
The adjustments are near to perfect! There is one last thing I have to suggest, and that is renaming her 'stalker' flaw to something that reads more as an adjective [maybe something as simple as 'Creepy' or something] but other than that it looks good! For the stalker flaw, even though I can read it as a flaw, I was more just trying to get an impression for how it negatively affected her life. Even if she had never gotten in legal trouble, I was just curious as to how it negatively impacted her social life, or her morals, but I feel like you've written enough for the flaw that I am given a good idea of how obsessive she can get over it [therefor alluding to it being time consuming and possibly unhealthy] and mention that she's creeped people out enough that they changed classes.
I want to give her a stamp now, but I just feel like the flaw might read more as a hobby if it has the 'stalker' title, so tossing in an adjective instead makes her trial-stamp ready!
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Posted: Tue Sep 25, 2012 7:03 pm
Changed stalker to creepy /disturbed, because as far as I'm concerned, the obsession with this clearly indicated a disturbed being to me. I don't know about anyone else though >>;Edited once again.
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Posted: Wed Sep 26, 2012 2:23 am
Lovely, it all looks good to me! I'm going to drop off a trial stamp and let the GMs have their final say, but I'm really excited for Cecilia and I wish you the best of luck in getting her!
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Posted: Wed Sep 26, 2012 1:52 pm
Unfortunately, these attacks are too close to Sailor Chariklo, Senshi of Seagulls, to be stampable. While I do not believe it was your intention, they are both birth spheres, and the attacks are very similar. The other senshi is already in play, therefore her attacks take priority.
I would read her attacks below, and then modify yours as best as you can to make them less alike. I really like the rotting flesh angle you took, so perhaps you can also include a sort of creepiness from her hobbies? Such as the FEELING that they're being watched by vultures, paired with the stench?
Let me know what you're thinking! Feel free to quote me.Quote: Sailor Scout Attack: Mobbing Call Effects - Sailor Chariklo emits a harsh, squawking call accompanied by her target feeling as if they are being buffeted about the head by a large pair of wings. Able to perform twice per battle. The target will not be seriously injured, although feeling somewhat dazed is common. Only able to target one person at a time (within approx. 2ft. radius) and the attack duration is about 10-20 seconds. Should target run, the attack will follow them for about 2 seconds. Super Sailor Scout Attack: Mobbing Cry Effects - Same as the above, only now the call seems to come from more than one throat and it feels as through a small swarm of wings are attacking. Able to perform three time per battle if needed. The attack is now able to encompass 2 to 3 people if they are not standing too far apart (about a 5'-7' radius). The targets are now in danger of being knocked silly as well as painful bruising around the head and shoulders. Also, the wings take on just the barest, tiniest shimmering definition of shape. Attack duration is now 30-45 seconds. Also, should the main target of the attack try to escape, the attack will follow them for about 5 seconds. Eternal Sailor Attack: Mobbing Cacophany Effects - Same as above. In addition to the swarm of buffeting wings, the target will now also feel as if they are being slashed and pecked at with beaks and talons. Able to perform twice per battle and can encompass up to 5 people over a 20ft radius. The target will be able to see the shimmering outline of a wing or beak or taloned foot, but never a full shape. Target is now the happy recipient of bruising and deep, slashing wounds, again all aimed around the shoulders and head area. Attack duration is 45 seconds to 1 minute. And should the target escape that 20' radius, the attack will follow them for about 10 seconds.
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Posted: Thu Sep 27, 2012 12:40 pm
Ah, yes, I was not aware that there was another person with such similar attacks. I only saw the owl one and completely missed the seagulls. I am currently working on different attacks involving light manipulation due to the story/tale of Heresa Hari; the Vulture King who had the ability to enchant stones and gems with light which he kept for himself and even embedded into himself, giving him a splendid headdress of shimmering silver and gold feathers. These feathers plucked from his beautiful headdress put the stars and the sun in their places and gave the world light. Currently, I only have two of the attacks remade; Sailor: Flutter of Darkness From the shadows arise the illusion of several vultures (with the appearance of various stages of decay) which circle about (spanning a fifteen foot radius centered from Cecelia). As the rotting vultures circle about, their decaying scent lingers in the air, and the light within the circle vanishes. Duration: 10 seconds Uses: 2 Super: Return to Darkness From the shadows arise the illusion of a kettle of vultures (each vulture marred with the various stages of decay and rotting) which circle about (spanning a ten foot radius centered from Cecelia. As the rotting vultures circle about, the smell of their rotting flesh is nauseatingly strong and the light within the circle vanishes. Duration: 15 seconds Uses: 2 And currently I am working on the Eternal while still playing with the idea of light but potentially working in the general idea of various cultures that vultures are symbolic of purification/cleansing.
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Posted: Fri Nov 09, 2012 1:54 pm
FINALLY got an idea that I think should word decently for this;
Cleansing Wake:
The illusion of a glimmering gold and silver vulture is summoned. A blinding white light erupts from the bird, accompanied by a low a terrible sounding hissing growl. Those within range (ten feet radius), and who are opposite aligned of Cecelia (Read as Chaos punks) are subjected to feeling a sharp stinging pain coursing through their body though no damage is physically done. This stinging pain fades away after a few seconds.
Duration: 10 Seconds
Uses: 1
Note: The previous post was edited as well for the attacks.
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Posted: Fri Nov 09, 2012 2:01 pm
Le quoting to get people to look. ><
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Posted: Fri Nov 09, 2012 2:58 pm
Hey, Sorceress! The changes on her attacks are looking good to me, though I'm going to ask for a little extra information for her first two, just to get a better idea of what's going on! You've done a good job of describing how her attacks work, but I'm a little curious as to the effects—for example, you say the light within the circle vanishes—is this all light? Would an enemy (or ally) be able to see at all, or would their vision be otherwise affected? And their decaying scent has no real effect other than just being gross, correct?
For her super attack, she has a lot of upgrades from her sailor attack, so I think that it might work best if, instead of increasing it to a fifteen foot radius, you keep it at a ten foot radius. I think this would work best also, considering there is already an increase in duration and effect (with the nauseating strength of the smell).
For her eternal attack, I'd just like a little additional clarification on the stinging; does the stinging last for all ten seconds and then fade away or does the stinging last for a shorter period of time and then fully fade away within ten seconds?
Feel free to quote me again if you've made some changes or have any questions and I'll get back to you as soon as possible!
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Posted: Sat Nov 10, 2012 2:46 pm
I have adjusted and clarified the absence of light within both the first attacks. It is complete and total lack of light, regardless of person, friend or foe, or even self. I also would like for the stinging to last for the full ten seconds and then practically fade away immediately. If this also requires a changing, as I can understand why it could, I will of course change it.
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