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The Endless Struggle (a 3 part story by TailsPrower86)

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Is the story good soo far?
  yes but i'm gonna send another ch in soo here ya go (only if serious please)
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TailsPrower86

PostPosted: Thu Mar 02, 2006 5:30 pm


Ch I
:Tails looked at the whole city that he once knew that was now compeletly destroyed his family... his friends...and his one true lover... were all gone... he would lean on his knees yelling to the top of his lungs as he did tears would fall from his eyes he then stopped and opened his eyes thinking of what he needed to do now... which was find another home... no matter how far he would have to travel...that day though he didn't know it but he was becomming a true man now even if he was only 12 years old he was now maturing:

(what happened was he was on a quest to destroy a creature that planned to destroy his world but he arrived too late and he had to watch his entire life die infront of him i finished that last night i almost cryed cause it was sad but just tell me how u think it sounds please k? also please give me ur opinions on how u think it sounds or wat would make it even better on the 2nd part of the 1st chapter)

Ch II
Tails:gently breathing in and out as he was walking was in the hot boiling desert looking like he was about to die of thirst: Ha....Ha...:Suddenly falls and closes his eyes landing in a shady area behind a rock and lays there:

:Now he was finally sleeping after almost 6 months :Since he landed on this strange planet called earth he was looking around for anyone but he had not seen animals or any humans for the time he had been on earth as he slept he would start to have dreams again of seeing that tragic day his family and his planet were destroyed by the horrible Creature Baal:

Tails: suddenly opens his eyes then starts to close them again sitting close in the shade and curls up gently crying to himself thinking: Mom....Dad....

Tails:...i have to keep going... i'll give Baal nothing but revenge for what he did to them...i just have to keep moving... hopefully i'll find someone... :gently stands up and then starts to walk again then suddenly saw what looked like it a hill and started to run up to it:

:As soon as he reached the top he saw as he stared down a small city and there was water... it was a Port City:

Ch. III
:It had now been almost 2 months since Tails had been in Port City but as the two months rolled by Baal The Lord Of Destruction was a step ahead of him not far away about not even 10 miles away from Port City Baal and His army sat. Your Highness? :said one of the army recruits who was soo vile and hideous by the sound of his voice: when shall we attack Port City? Baal would answer in a very simple but very destructive and demonic voice: Patience Lario Patience u must not have ever heard of something called Slow and Steady Wins The Race. we will attack when they least expect it...: Baal would sit there thinking about that look that tails had on his face that faithful day he destroyed his planet: Heh Heh U Have No One To Run To Now Little Fox the time has come for your race to end... and the time for Hell to once again reign supreme! :he would laugh in a demonic laugh that was so evil all the army recruits were shaking in complete terror:

(all who wish to add on to it are more then happy to i would like to make it a story for actual books and see if Sega would actually buy it soo if ur the true sonic fans and i know yall are please help i would add ur actual names in as special thanks for making it possible <3)
PostPosted: Mon Mar 20, 2006 3:08 pm


Nobody Likes it i'm failure crying crying

TailsPrower86


Chris Kitmyth
Crew

PostPosted: Mon Mar 20, 2006 4:16 pm


Now c'mon dont go feeling that way.

You may get better luck in the forum for fan related products, so I'll move this story there for you after this reply.

The thing with being a writer is you have to come to terms with the fact that you'll never have the popularity that an artist will get.

Art can be opened and looked at in one go- the judgement made on an instant one or two second look. There are many people who will automatically love everything their fave artist draws and will insta reply to it with a post loving the art. They dont neccesarally look at it and examine it for what it is. Thats why artists have such high replies.

Stories on the other hand, they're harder to get critique on because people actually have to sit down and read text and inwardly digest it. Theres more thinking involved. You cant just take a one second look and make a judgement. Same as you cant make a judgement on a small chapter.

It'll take time and a lot of effort to become a recognised writer. Heck, Ive been doing it for four years over and Im still an unknown. I have those however who help me and I can reply on them.

The thing is, you have to beleive in w hat you can do and not rely on whether or not you get 100 replies or just one or two or even none at all, as long as you enjoy doing what you're doing.

Needless to say, 95% of all the stories I have wrote have been read by 1 person. Those which I truly put effort into didnt get a single reply.

Personally I find working with people directly through IMs is a far better way for an author to work. Posting on forums is harder and you're far eaiser to be overlooked.

But dont give up hope and dont call yourself a failure.

*offers tissue to dry your eyes*
PostPosted: Mon Mar 20, 2006 4:59 pm


.... Whos is Tail's one true lover...? (Don't say sonic, please god, don't let this be a gay fan story...))

Vlair Nitefell


Warnersister
Vice Captain

PostPosted: Tue Mar 21, 2006 6:34 am


*echoes Chris' sentiments*

I've moved this into the fan-produced forum for you; I think you might get more interest in here. You'll also be able to see what other people are doing and also *who* among the forum members are into writing. They may be able to offer you advice and support.

As Chris said, don't be disheartened!

DW
PostPosted: Wed Mar 22, 2006 6:54 pm


Warnersister
*echoes Chris' sentiments*

I've moved this into the fan-produced forum for you; I think you might get more interest in here. You'll also be able to see what other people are doing and also *who* among the forum members are into writing. They may be able to offer you advice and support.

As Chris said, don't be disheartened!

DW


thanks and i never even saw this thanks again warner heart
and to answer about the sonic thing no its actually two lovers one is Amy who died the next is gonna be Cosmo but Tails will die at the end of the fanfic is what i want cause cosmo will have a son and he will look exactly like tails when he's born... Tails's son Miles Tails Prower The II

TailsPrower86


Warnersister
Vice Captain

PostPosted: Fri Mar 24, 2006 2:21 am


Thinking it over, I've come up with some more suggestions.

It might be worthwhile checking out fanfiction.net to see what other folk are up to, what sort of ideas they have and how they set them out.

My second suggestion is to go have a look at the work of my favourite fanfic author, "Netraptor". Her website is: http://www.netraptor.org/fanfiction/viewuser.php?uid=2

The reasons I like her work are:
+ Plotlines are interesting and hang together well
+ The focus is on Sonic, Tails & Knuckles, rather than every single Freedom Fighter ever introduced
+ Although there is a self-insert character (see below), she doesn't act *too* self-inserty and indeed takes more of a back seat as the series continues
+ She's done adaptations of the video games (S3&K, SA, SA2, Sonic Heroes, Sonic R, Sonic CD...)
+ Grammar and spelling are both pretty good, with few exceptions
+ She doesn't tend to use deus ex machina - i.e. she doesn't have some entirely unbelievable thing happen in order to pull Sonic et al's butts out of the frying pan
+ I feel she has a real handle on how the characters work - Sonic's not simply the blue blur, Tails gets more independent, Knux clearly has a great love for his island and the Master Emerald. As for Metal Sonic, she made me really empathise with his character, which is pretty unusual for me!
+ Although the characters face trials and hardship and mature etc., she doesn't overload the angst

Downsides to her work for me are:
+ Religion tended to be quite blatant in the early part of the series - as an atheist, that began to annoy me slightly
+ The author's self-insert character, Slasher, tends to save the day a little too much at the beginning of the series. As is usual with a self-insert, she can fly further than Tails, is stronger than Knux and can keep up with (or even beat) Sonic! Oh, and she's a better strategist than Sally...
+ She had the tendency at first to introduce various new fan-written characters (either her own or, with permission, other people's). This meant that there was a rather large supporting cast, possibly too large. Again, these characters were used less as the series went on and the focus was back on the main characters

Anyhow, I hope this helps. Obviously these are just my opinions and there are loads of people out there who will be looking for other stuff!

DW

EDIT: Forgot to put in the URL, d'oh!
PostPosted: Fri Mar 24, 2006 11:21 am


Fanfiction.net!? o.o;

You have to be brave to go to that place. Its just a place to post sex fics and gay relationship fics from what I last remember.

Unless its changed in the recent years, I personally stay WELL clear of that site...

Chris Kitmyth
Crew


Warnersister
Vice Captain

PostPosted: Fri Mar 24, 2006 11:44 am


Chris Kitmyth
Fanfiction.net!? o.o;

You have to be brave to go to that place. Its just a place to post sex fics and gay relationship fics from what I last remember.

Unless its changed in the recent years, I personally stay WELL clear of that site...


It's been a while since I've been there - once they banned MSTs, I stopped going. But I did find my favourite Knight Rider fanfic author there. I tend to avoid most things rated above PG-13 or with "slash" mentioned anywhere near them.

Netraptor's site linked above is rated G and has a whole bunch of Sonic fans' work.

DW

EDIT: This isn't Sonic, but there's a nice selection of Disney fics at Disney Afternoon File Time (DAFT). The URL is http://www.lambdapsiphi.com/daft/

I particularly like Kim Newman for Darkwing Duck / DuckTales stuff and Matt Plotecher for Darkwing and for Chip 'n' Dale Rescue Rangers. Again, I think both writers have a great handle on the characters.

EDIT AGAIN: and by Kim Newman, I actually mean Kim McFarland. D'oh! I've obviously been reading too much Dracula stuff recently...
PostPosted: Sat Mar 25, 2006 9:10 pm


Hmmmm....

You have the outlines of what could be an interesting story here. But it needs a lot of work.

From what I can see here, you seem to be only just beggining as a writer, and I'd say that the Sonic fandom in general, in my opinon, is a good place to start, it tends to have a good range, in worlds, characters and fan-styles, to asuit any need.

I'd say that the advice given so far in this thread should be followed most definatly, but I'm gonna try and give some advice more specced to this story...

This story, as it is now, and I apologise for being blunt, isn't great. It shows promise, yes. But as it is, I personally wouldn't class it as a story, but as a story outline. I would say to you, take each chapter here, and expand them out a few pages. This can be tricky, yes, but with practice, you could easily get 10 or 12 pages out of that first part alone. As it stands, again I apologise for the bluntness, but it is simply bereft of detail.

As a fellow writer, I'd recomend taking each part you have so far, and breaking them down into bullet points, each point encompassing an important detail. Then looking at what's missing, what happened to the city, how did Miles escape, things like that, and putting those points in. Then expand each point out to a bullet or two, and see what happens. Don't be afraid of length! (Though personally I don't do this, since I tend to write into the rediculous lengths anywhom...)

Good luck with your efforts!

~Wolfy

Crimson Darkwolfe

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The canvas : Fan-works display and discussion

 
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