It had been quite a few days since it had started.

It being the shift.

The usually outgoing ghoul who regularly stuck to a schedule not only abandoned her strict time table, but she also had been a recluse. Hel Brynhildr was not afraid of what others would think of her, no, that was far from it. She just didn’t want to go through the hassle of explaining why she looked like an uneven marble cake right now.

Not that it’d be any better when she finally stopped looking like she’d been sprinkled by salt and pepper, but it’d be…less obnoxious? That was a first. Hel not wanting to be obnoxious. Only when it came to her appearance…her personality on the other hand? Ha. She would never rein that in and she was coming to accept that, especially due to recent events. Being stuck to her room, weaving her FoxFire blanket, Hel had way too much time to think and reflect while being mildly disgruntled with her skin’s appearance and the possible outcomes once the curse finally took over. It was already startling to keep staring in the mirror every morning and evening to see two deep burgundy eyes staring back at her…

The ghoul paused at her loom, angling her head to look down at her left shoulder and arm, where the darker tone was already crawling to her elbow. A bit of her left cheek was still pale, sprinkles of light skin here and there…and down below her waist it was already reaching her knee. Hel sighed, pulling her hands away from her loom and reached up towards the ceiling, stretching. Like usual, her mind wandered, back to a pink haired visitor she had not too long ago.

Lizzy. The name shouldn’t have left a bad taste in her mouth, but it did. Hel really did think about it…and when she took the time to wade through all her anger and frustration surrounding the spider ghoul, she could come to the conclusion that she really didn’t have a reason to dislike her. A large part of her anger was severely misplaced as well and tied into other things, like a web, that Lizzy just happened to be apart of.

Was it possible to dislike someone for being too good as well? Hel felt like it was possible.

Hel had wanted to be good. She really had. When she first came to Amityville, she wanted to be a good being. She wanted to be honest and true. A friend to all. She wanted to build relationships with many individuals, bonds of trust and companionship and she thought she had been off to a really good start. She had met a lot of new beings, spent a lot of time with them during her beginning here, but as time wore on and new events and obstacles presented themselves…it showed what others were made of. It showed what she was made of. With everything that was thrown her way, it changed her outlook on life, her goals, and herself.

As time wore on, it showed her she only had very few she could turn to, and as time wore on, it showed her she would only try to help few as well. As time wore on, she wondered if she was now a bad being. But…being good and being bad…those were labels…and who determined those labels exactly? Her definition of right could easily be considered wrong in someone else’s eyes…so who was correct? Coming to this realization, of how subjective values were, was another integral part of her change.

This had to play a major role in why she couldn’t see eye to eye with Lizzy, or even Mot for that matter. This had to be why she felt more in touch with beings like Shun and Mac. They were like minded and rough around the edges. Like her.

Shun and Mac…

They both reminded and re-instilled her with values she had pushed aside for the sake of others, but they also instilled new ones as well.

Mac especially…

He was fine with the way he was, Hel saw. There was no shame, no regrets. It was what it was and if others didn’t like it, too bad. Mac seemed to be comfortable with this for quite some time, and Hel wished she had realized it for herself sooner. Better late than never though, right? Funny how one being could help to turn her view on things around. She had been use to hearing that she was wrong for so long, that to be told she was perfect the way she was, that she shouldn’t want to be anyone else, was…

Inspiring.

Hel was grateful, deeply grateful to the psychopomp. He was putting things back in perspective for her, whether he realized it or not, and she was truly touched that someone took that kind of time and effort for her. Reflecting on her past encounters with the reaper brought a soft smile to her lips. She really wanted to do nice things for him…just to show him how much she appreciated everything he had done for her…

Someone who liked her for her…

Her smile widened.

She needed to start taking some of her own advice as well, she realized. The same things she had told Lizzy. Not everyone was going to like each other. Not everyone was going to get along…and maybe Lizzy was going to be one of those people to her. Too much had happened now, she felt, to try and salvage what was left of their relationship…if there was anything. What about wiping the slate clean? Huh. Hel didn’t know, and she wasn’t going to ponder that too hard at the moment.

The ghoul didn’t even know if she wanted anything to do with the spider ghoul anymore…not only because she wasn’t brave…but because she was closely tied in with Mot.

Mot…

Her smile faded.

She knew she had said something pretty hurtful to him. She knew it was wrong even by her standards, and she knew she should go apologize to him…but at the same time, she couldn’t help but wonder if she should even bother. Mot made a promise to her. He said he’d fight for their friendship…and he wasn’t holding up to it. He always…gave up on her…

Was it worth pursuing anymore?

Should she just cut him loose now? Permanently? Her first true good friend here…her first love…time had passed and so did her anger and Hel could say now that when she thought about him, her heart didn’t hurt. No, when she thought about him, she felt nothing…but that could simply be from being figuratively kicked down by him too many times. Shut down for being herself…

The ghoul shook her head.

No…one more time. She could do it one more time…and then after that, after she said what she wanted…if he didn’t…she could let him go. She could and she would.

Hel released a deep breath.

Not now…but soon. Soon she’d try. Soon she’d go check on her sister as well…but not right now. Freya would surely freak out if she saw her right now…and that was another thing Hel didn’t want to deal with…she just had to hope her sister didn’t fade away from being so skinny…

The wingless valkyrie shifted on her loom bench and her fingers got back to work on weaving her fox fire blanket.

Slowly but surely life went on, and changes were being made. It was only a matter of time before she’d get her affairs in order, and when that time came, she’d be ready for a fresh start. It was time to let go of the ghoul she had been, and embrace the one she was turning into, who would still continue to learn she was sure, in the future to come.