“Oh, well if it isn’t my favorite person,” the ghost of Oreius, ancestor and former guardian of Troy sarcastically said as the current titleholder appeared in the ancient stable.

“Really? Shucks, I always thought ya hated me,” Troy said, feeling slightly humbled.

“I do. I think you’re an idiot, so there’s no reason explaining sarcasm,” Oreius sighed. “But thank you for coming back. There are some things I should teach you.”

Since the start of the summer, Troy had been making an effort to visit his ancestor as frequently as he could, although normally Oreius would just spend his time picking on his descendant’s stupidity and….well, mostly his stupidity.

“Take a seat, please,” Oreius said as the ghost and the Knight took a seat on the floor.

“Criss-cross applesauce,” Troy said as he sat down, legs folded into each other.

“What?”

“Nothin’.”

“Right. Moving on,” Oreius paused. “Now I want you to listen to me and listen to me closely, are you capable of that?”

Troy had gotten distracted but smiled and nodded since he felt that was an appropriate time to do so.

“Good. Now: I think you are a terrible human being and I am entirely mortified to think about what inbreeding must have occurred in my family tree to produce the likes of you. I think you are obtuse like an overgrown toddler with brawn and low enough brain function where it surprises me that you’ve even figured out the necessity of breathing.”

Troy continued to smile and nod.

“That said,” Oreius gave a heavy sigh. “You are my descendant and the new Knight of Troy. There are things you may have enough mental capacity to learn from me, and perhaps I can take the time to learn more about you. So tell me about yourself. How is someone like you able to support themselves on Earth?”

“I do good,” Troy started. Oreius bit his tongue at the futile temptation to correct his grammar. “I work two jobs. I take care of gardens and lately I been strippin’ but that’s just temporary I think.”

“Stripping?”

“Yeah, like, takin’ my clothes off and dancing and stuff,” Troy tried to explain.

“Like a prostitute?”

“No, I think you need tits to be a prostitute, that’s why them call them that,” Troy insisted.

“Okay, I don’t want to get to know you any further, why don’t we move on to things I can teach you?”

“Erm, kay.”

“One of the most important things of being a Knight is being able to keep a steady head in tense situations. An excellent way to learn this mental balance is through the art of meditation.”

“I ain’t Indian though.”

“Please, be quiet. Just. Please,” Oreius face was buried deep into his palms. “I want you to close your eyes…”

Troy stared at his ancestor blankly.

“I want you to close your eyes…now,” Oreius emphasized. Lightbulb! Troy closed his eyes. “Now let your mind go blank…”

Easiest thing Troy was ever told to do.

“…and stay completely still, only focusing on your mind and your thoughts…”

Hardest thing Troy was ever told to do. It lasted about three seconds.

“This is really borin’,” Troy grumbled.

“It takes practice, but I want you to try this,” Oreius instructed. “When you reach a state of relaxation, it all will get easier and time will pass. This will leave you more alert, more prepared, and more calm.”

“Borrrrrin’,” Troy booed.

“Practice every night,” Oreius realized this was going nowhere. “And I’ll give you a present.”

Troy’s eyes lightened up.

“What kind of present?”

“It’s a surprise,” Oreius teased. “But next time you return here, demonstrate to me that you are able to meditate and you will receive your gift.”

“Ya got yerself a deal, old man,” Troy jumped up from the ground, happy to be relieved from the terrible punishment of sitting still.

“That’s all for now, enjoy being a prostitute,” Oreius waved farewell and disappeared to thin air before Troy could let out a protest.