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 Posted: Wed Aug 22, 2012 1:13 pm
Tendaji lay in the sun by the river, quietly pleased with himself. He was back to his old self, or nearly so. He still spent a lot of time with Esen, but he was balancing that with spending time with his family. Especially Izin and Kamau and Cari – he loved all of his family (except maybe crazy aunt Xandeleigh, who he was still leery of), but he was closest to those three.
He rarely thought about the leopon or her threats anymore. It wasn’t that he’d stopped being frightened or that sometimes when he looked at Cari he felt like his chest was going to collapse because he felt so guilty and scared, but… he just didn’t think about it. There was a wall in his mind and there were scary things behind that wall. So he didn’t look behind that wall and he didn’t sleep in the den with his family anymore. He could handle it when Tujil-dasu was there, but…
No, Tujil-dasu had left him. There was only Esen now, Esen and the open ground where they slept together. He frowned, staring at the water. Esen missed the trees, he knew she did, but… she wasn’t going to leave too, was she? Go back to her pride. Tendaji didn’t ever, ever want to leave his family, but he also didn’t ever, ever want to be alone again. Would she stay if he asked her?
Tujil-dasu was bone tired. She’d traveled long and far to find the leopon that had attacked Tendaji and when she got there… she growled under her breath. Damn damn damn. It wasn’t important; all that mattered was making it back to Tendaji.
Tendaji. Poor dear, she hadn’t explained why she left. She hoped he was holding up all right without her, although she held a great deal more confidence in his family’s ability to defend him than he did. And then there was Esen… Tujil-dasu felt a faint pang of jealousy when she thought of Esen, but quickly shook it away. Her and Esen were hardly rivals: Esen only wanted Tendaji’s body and she only wanted his mind. She smiled, thinking of the happy Tendaji she caught small glimpses of, of the way he held that good luck bag around his neck. She’d given him a clump of her fur to hold in that bag… she smiled, thinking of having her fur so close to his chest. Sometimes she just wanted to cuddle up next to him and rest her head on him like a great big fluffy pillow.
Oh, she was tired, but thoughts of Tendaji still hurried her steps towards home.
Still distracted by thoughts of Esen, Tendaji was slow to notice the sound of another’s approach. The wind was all wrong for catching a scent and his initial reaction was sheer, blind panic. He leapt up and twisted around, hackled raised and claws bared, nearly falling in the river for his efforts.
No, it couldn’t be.
Tujil-dasu paused, not sure how to treat the sight of Tendaji all puffed up and crazy eyed, scrabbling for purchase so that he didn’t fall in the river. He looked ridiculous. She closed her eyes and breathed in his scent. Esen’s scent was all mixed in, but Tendaji’s smell was still unmistakably there. Her dear, beloved Tendaji. She smiled.
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Posted: Wed Aug 22, 2012 1:16 pm
“Tujil-dasu…” Tendaji said, his voice hoarse with emotion. What emotion, he couldn’t say. Anger that she left, relief that she was back? Fear she would leave him again? Some inexplicable longing to lean against her and breath in her scent?
“Tendaji,” she said, her old playful self. “My golden-tongued friend.”
Tendaji sat down, or more properly let his back half fall to the ground. “You left.”
“And I came back,” Tujil-dasu said, taking a step forward.
Tendaji looked away, a snarl half formed on his face. “I’m with Esen now,” he said. He didn’t know why, but he wanted to hurt Tujil-dasu. Not with claws, never that, but with words. He wanted to make her feel the same rejection he felt. And he hated himself for it.
Tujil-dasu stopped and examined Tendaji carefully. All of her weariness returned – it had been a very long journey. “Look at me,” she said.
Tendaji hunched his shoulders and continued to stare off to the side.
“Tendaji…”
He turned to look at her, his pain and confusion clear in his eyes. She’d left him, damn it.
“Do you love her?”
“Yes,” he snapped.
“Does she love you?”
“Of course she does,” he said, but some hesitation crept into his voice.
“Did she ever say she loves you?”
Tendaji didn’t answer.
Poor boy. What little of the world you know… “You need to talk to Esen,” she said firmly. “And then we need to talk.”
“What about?” Tendaji said, still sulky. “There’s nothing to talk about.”
Idiot. Do you think you’re the only who’s ever been hurt? “I found your damn leopon,” she snapped.
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Posted: Wed Aug 22, 2012 1:19 pm
Tendaji froze. There was a wall in his mind, a wall… he just had to keep that wall steady, not think about the den, about the claws, about…
“Where… um. Where did you find her?” He closed his eyes, trying not to think about the leopon’s jaws around Cari’s neck. She’d warned him, she’d said if he ran she’d kill Cari and he’d gone and run and -
“She’s dead,” Tujil-dasu said more softly.
“Oh.” Deep breaths. He looked at Tujil-dasu more carefully. “How did –“
“Someone killed her,” she said. “I don’t know who.” No, all she had was the scent of the male… maybe another victim, one that the leopon had underestimated. There had been an awful lot of blood. Tujil-dasu tried not to think about the scene or feel bad for the leopon she had been set on killing. The latter was easy, the former less so. It didn’t matter; maybe she hadn’t killed the leopon herself, but she was still dead. And not freshly dead either – that damn cheetah Bluu had known when she made that bargain with her. And she hadn’t said a word! Was peace of mind really worth the price she had agreed to pay?
“Oh…”
“Tendaji,” Tujil-dasu said softly, “please talk to Esen.”
“Yeah. Yeah…” He closed his eyes, then looked down at his paws. “Esen said you’d come back… she said you were probably looking for your sister…” He looked up at Tujil-dasu again. “I missed you,” he said simply.
Tujil-dasu smiled and walked over to Tendaji, burying her face in his fur. “I missed you too,” she said softly.
Tendaji sighed, but didn’t move. He didn’t know how he felt about Tujil-dasu; he wasn’t attracted to her the same way he was attracted to Esen – he had no physical interest in a wild dog, why would he? – but he still cared for her much more deeply than he would for a simple friend. It didn’t matter; she was back and they were friends and he was happy.
The leopon who had attacked him, his old mistress, was dead… Tendaji buried the walled off portion of his mind deeper and rested his head on Tujil-dasu’s back. They remained like that and a small purr escaped Tendaji’s throat. Let the world be full of nothing but these small, beautiful moments.
Word count: 1,217 words
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