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Posted: Sun Aug 19, 2012 9:11 pm
Battle of the Bands had been...interesting. Confusing was more like it, but it was past, which meant that some of the excitement from the events were past, which really meant that Yin had more time to contemplate things. He was agitated. It was hard to meditate, it had been hard since he had...returned...struggling to clear his mind. But today it was nigh on impossible. Alexander was...well it almost seemed like sometimes he disappeared. Yin could not track him down and it was not when he was scheduled to be at work. It was, perhaps, clingy and needy of him, but when Alexander was no where to be found his mind thought up the worst possible scenarios. And then reminded him that they could almost certainly be worse.
Finally he gave up, trying to distract himself with Princess Eva and the other minipets that seemed to be slowly taking over his room. Apparently Lady Terror and Fei had not understood that he wished for them to stop locating kittens and bringing them through the closet. It seemed like ages before the door finally opened and Yin was scrambling up to his feet, barely giving the zomboil time to enter the room before the anxious questioning began. "Where have you been? What were you doing?"
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Posted: Sun Aug 19, 2012 10:20 pm
Battle of the Bands had been a much needed break in the zomboils daily life. He felt stressed, and worn out which was saying a lot considering he didn't exactly need rest. Between work at his actual job, and work for the lair, schoolwork, training when he could, and spending every possible other free moment he could get with Yin, he was finding himself spread far too thin. There was not a single thing he felt like he could do about it, however. These activities were all necessary.
Still, the strain of juggling too many things was beginning to show. He was far more moody then he used to be, his patience sometimes non-existent. He had been able so far to keep that mostly under control around Yin, but now and again he still slipped up, and would immediately feel awful for it. The weremantis had been through enough without having to put up with his attitude to top it all off.
That particular evening he wasn't feeling too bad. Just drained, really. Another task for the lair completed he found himself cleaning up and changing before making his way to Yin's dorm room. He pushed his way inside without knocking as he always did, a smile ready on his face for when he greeted his boilfriend.
That smile faltered quite a bit when the first thing he was faced with was questions. Questions he couldn't even really answer. He had no idea how much he could even say about what he was doing without blacking out, and he was a little scared to find out. So far it hadn't even been an issue. But had he really expected that Yin would never start to ask questions? Not really. Still he found himself caught a little unawares, and he turned away to hide the guilty look in his eyes as he closed the door and struggled to come up with a response that wasn't completely lame and could explain his absence without having to answer more questions.
"I was out. Just...doing things."
Good grief. That was seriously the best he could come up with. All this stress was clearly making him slow.
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Posted: Sun Aug 19, 2012 10:25 pm
That answer was completely unsatisfying.
"Like what?" Yin asked, concerned, worried. He was scanning the zomboil for signs of injury, not trusting anything, slightly put on edge actually by the fact that the zomboil looked entirely too clean and tidy. Clean clothing in the evening? "Were you with someone? Is everything alright?"
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Posted: Sun Aug 19, 2012 10:35 pm
More questions, and he grimaced a little before he finally turned around. This was not how pleasant and quiet evenings with your boilfriend were supposed to start! One glance at Yin was all it took for him to want to just tell him everything. The other boil was clearly just worried about him. He seemed absolutely frantic, actually. This was...difficult. Really, extremely difficult. He knew even if he could tell Yin where he'd been and what he'd been doing, the other boil wouldn't approve.
"Ya like...I joined a club, sort of. But it's uhm...really exclusive and super secretive. I'm not exactly supposed to talk about it." Unconsciously he began to rub at the back of his right hand through the fingerless glove that he wore to hide the mark that was there. Yin knew about it, but so far hadn't pressed the issue of why he had it. Though so many of the students had the exact same marking.
"There are..other students in it. People you know like, Mort, and Mei, and Leo." And all the horsemen. Mustn't omit them.
....Except that he would.
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Posted: Sun Aug 19, 2012 10:42 pm
Even though Alexander was trying to explain it, really he was just making it worse. A look of hurt flashed across Yin's face. A super secret club that his bonded, friends, and acquaintances were part of and it was so special that Alexander would not even talk to him about it? Maybe if he had not added Miss Leo into the mixture he might have thought it was an Undead club, but that addition just made little sense to him.
His eyes followed the movement, staring down at Alexander's hand for a long moment as he tried to think before looking back up at him, trying to meet his eyes as he attempted to work through it all. "But you can talk to them about it? You can talk to them and not me?" His skin felt like it was crawling. If that was the case...there was one explanation that he could think of. "Is it because of what they did to me? I cannot know about your club because of it?"
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Posted: Sun Aug 19, 2012 10:56 pm
Oh dear jack that look! It wrenched at Alex's heart to see the hurt in Yin's eyes after he tried, and obviously failed miserably, to explain what he had been doing without actually explaining it in detail. How in the seven hell's had Mort done this with his ghoulfriend? He had said that they had fought about it, but in the end she accepted what he was doing, without even really knowing what that was. He didn't want to have a fight with Yin. He didn't want there to be secrets between the two of them. Maybe if he asked Medea she would make an exception and he could tell Yin..
..Except Medea hadn't been seen for quite some time. The horsemen seemed less then concerned about her sudden disappearance but the zomboil had to wonder if she was well and truly dead.
"Well, yes I can because..because they were initia--" and there it was, the telltale signs that he was taking things just a little bit too far in his telling. The same dizziness that he had experienced when he had almost mentioned the lair once before. The same light headedness that made him reach out for a wall to steady himself as he blinked and struggled to fight it off. The rest of what Yin had to say was hitting him just as his head began to clear, and his eyes widened, his mouth gaping open slightly at the implications.
"No no no! Of course not! I don't think Mei and Leo even know." But Mort did, though Alex trusted him not to spread the information around. He took a few steps forward, completely mortified now, reaching a hand out to grab Yin, intending on pulling him into a hug.
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Posted: Sun Aug 19, 2012 11:03 pm
Alexander was grating at his nerves a bit. He started to answer, but then it was like he just thought better of it and stopped. Thought better of explaining himself, explaining...whatever it was. But he had heard the first part. Heard that it was okay to tell the others. The implication that it was not okay to tell him was rather obvious.
Wait but...what was Alexander saying now? "Know what?" Why had he specified only the ghouls? What about Mort? "What does Mort know that the ghouls do not?" This was quickly just becoming far too many questions and far too few answers, which was just making this all worse than it would otherwise be. Answers. He needed answers.
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Posted: Sun Aug 19, 2012 11:24 pm
Alex let his hand drop as his shoulders hunched up a little. "They don't know about what the hunters did to you, isn't that what you meant?" He was confused now, and he felt like the questions were getting to be a little bit much. His own irritation was beginning to flare up. Why was Yin doing this now? He'd never been so pushy about it before! And why couldn't he just accept that Alex could not answer his questions? Literally. Could not. Not that he wouldn't answer. He couldn't answer. Yin had chosen to keep things from him in the past, things that Alex didn't press. He had learned not to press Yin for answers he didn't want to give. It just made things easier and they were both happier for it. Or at least Yin was happier for it. Alex got over it eventually.
And finally, a question he felt like he could answer. It was just a relief to be able to do so he didn't even realize that it was an answer that Yin probably would not be happy with. "Mort knows though. I--" Oh wait, s**t, no, it was actually dawning on him that this was another question that he should not have answered. Or at the very least, he could have lied about. Shitshitshit.
"I told him." He finally answered, after a small pause, hands shoving into his pockets, gaze suddenly diverting.
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Posted: Sun Aug 19, 2012 11:38 pm
Wait, why was Alexander talking about the hunters now? Did the hunters have to do with his secretive club? So it was true, he was to be kept in the dark because of what had happened to him.
Then Alexander kept talking, his mouth moving much more than was good for him. Mort knew? Mort knew...Mort knew. The jumbled pieces finally started clicking together when Alexander stated flat out that he had told him. Told Mort, who indeed was Yin's friend, but no one incredibly close to him, what Yin could barely bring himself to tell those closest to him.
For a long moment he simply stared at Alexander, trying to compute it, disappointment and pain evident in his eyes. "You told..." His barely whispered voice caught painfully. "You told him?" If Alexander had told Mort about...about that, something Yin desperately did not even want to know about himself, what else did he tell him. Who else might he have told? His mother? Mei did not know, but would he tell her? Who else?
There was a flash of anger, and while the disappointment and pain were still there they were quickly being reallocated to the back seat. "How could you? What were you thinking?" His voice was filled with accusation, words practically spat out as he tried and failed to cope with what he was processing. "Were you even thinking?"
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Posted: Sun Aug 19, 2012 11:57 pm
There were literally countless ways Alex could have reacted to this situation as it steadily began to decline towards catastrophe. But honesty...honesty over something that he could actually talk about and he could actually be honest about..that seemed like the most important thing right now. "Yes, I did. I mean...he's one of my best friends and I needed somebody to talk to---" Somebody who knew about technology. Somebody who he thought that he could work together with to try and come up with a solution. Somebody he was sure that he could trust. Alex didn't want everyone knowing about Yin's situation either. The thought terrified him. But he had felt like there was nothing he could possibly do on his own, and that maybe, just maybe, with the help of his friend there would be a chance to figure out how to fix things. He didn't want to just sit back and let the hunters control Yin forever! It was probably just the naive hope of a teenage boil to think that he could actually do something to help save the monster that he loved, but that was exactly his reason for doing it.
And now Yin was suddenly angry, and Alex's indignation towards his boilfriend's behavior flared. "Of course I was thinking! I was hoping I could find a way to help you." Obviously that had been wrong of him. "Look, I'm sorry I told him, okay? I won't tell anybody else. But Mort is our friend. We've all been through a lot together, and he knows a lot about technology. I swear to Jack, Yin, I was only trying to help."
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Posted: Mon Aug 20, 2012 12:13 am
All that Yin could really hear was that he was making excuses. Helping him, Alexander needed someone. His voice was not raised, but there was still anger in his voice. "So you need someone you can trust. Someone you can talk to. Which obviously is not me." That was what it came down to really, he was no longer trustworthy. Not even to someone who was supposed to care about him.
He looked down for a moment, thinking, trying to gather his thoughts. To put the mask back on that he did not care. "You could have informed me." His voice was quieter, but when he looked back up his expression was oddly cold, a flat look that seemed to see through Alexander rather actually looking at him. "I do not want your assistance. Go to Mort, or go to your special club if you wish to talk to someone. Do not come here. You may close your door on the way out." He could not deal with this anymore. Could not deal with not being able to trust any stranger that he came across, and could not cope with having the one person that should have been the closest to him refusing to answer questions. He was done.
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Posted: Mon Aug 20, 2012 12:51 am
"Of course I trust you. I trust you more then anybody! Why are you being like this?" Yin's voice might not have been raised, but Alex's certainly was. Were they seriously arguing over something so small? At that moment, he was getting a little bit tired of it himself. Always misunderstandings. Always finding problems where there weren't any. Things had been difficult with Yin before the hunters had taken him and stuck their stupid tracker inside of him. Now it seemed like sometimes things were impossible.
He closed his own eyes, taking a moment to try and calm down before he completely snapped. This was so ridiculous. His jaw was set, his teeth clenched as a growl threatened to escape his throat. He had chosen to come back. He had chosen to stay by Yin's side despite the other boil telling him it was dangerous.
"Yes. I could have. Would that have made it better?" Somehow, he doubted it.
And then the final blow. Telling him to leave. Oh great, so now Yin was going to push him away, again. The growl he had suppressed before he let loose now, a frustrated sound just before his fist came up to slam against the wall. "Are you jacking kidding me, Yin? You have no idea what I am going through, and what I am trying to do, for you. I mean, if I could tell you, I would, but I literally can not get the blasted words out of my mouth. You keep secrets from me, and apparently that's okay. But I'm not allowed to do the same? Ya, that really just makes all the sense, doesn't it!?"
He should have just left. He should have walked away when Yin told him to. But he was just so angry now. Nothing he ever did was good enough. Nothing he ever did was right. He was always the one screwing up, somehow, unintentionally.
"I shouldn't have come back." He muttered. "This." He gestured, "This was not worth coming back to." He backed up towards the door, shaking his had, perhaps in disbelief, perhaps just in anger.
"Fei!" He called out to the runic vaisel, who stood up, looked at Alex, looked at Yin, back to Alex, and then finally over to Lady Terror.
And then he sat back down. Alex's upper lip curled back from his teeth, a look that was far from happy. He reached behind him to open the door, his hand shaking, fumbling a little before he clutched at the doorknob tight enough to turn his knuckles white.
"Goodbye then, Yin." He let his steely pale grey gaze seek out the green eyes of the weremantis's one last time before he made his exit.
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Posted: Mon Aug 20, 2012 1:03 am
Would it have made things better? Would it have made it feel like Alexander had not broken his trust, had not spilled out his secrets without permission? Yes. Because Alexander would have trusted him to know what he was thinking. Would have cared enough to try to talk to him. Maybe what hurt the most was how many things that Alexander said that had truth to them. But he needed to know. Needed to know where Alexander was, if he was safe. Just the basics. Just enough so that he did not spend every waking moment worried about whether or not he had been captured.
But maybe it really just did not matter anymore. Maybe there was just too much that had changed between the pair. They had been friends, and maybe they had just rushed everything else. Alexander only confirmed it when he said he should not have come back.Yin managed not to wince but a muscle jumped in his cheek. This...this was really happening. It was not like every other time then they argued and tried to control themselves and then patched it back up later. This was much too real for that.
He watched the zomboil make his way to the door, turn, met his eyes. He said goodbye but Yin remained silent, having nothing more to add. Once he was gone...everything just seemed to drain away and he felt empty. He sat down on the bed, losing track of time. After a while he laid down, closing his eyes for rest. Getting up, going to sleep, it really did not matter what he did anymore.
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