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Listening Ear (and other poems) (What do you think?)

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OddArie

PostPosted: Tue Feb 28, 2006 9:20 pm


Listening Ear

What pain that comes
with the listening ear,
to hear their sorrows
to know their fear.
It rips my heart
to hear their cry,
and I not able
to answer why.
The want to hold them
to still their tears,
but i hold back
for my own fears.
Lost Heart tell me
all if you will,
I wish to stay the hand
of that that would kill.
You rip my heart
with those dark dark words.
Find me Lost Heart
and join me soaring as birds.
PostPosted: Tue Feb 28, 2006 9:27 pm


Dear Blood

Just say hi
as you pass by.
That's all I ask.
Take off your mask
it hides you smile.
For you I'd walk many a mile
because you're my friend
until the end.
Don't ignore me like that!
I'm not your mat.
It hurts when you leave me
alone in the dark, free,
with no connections to hold me down.
Why do you frown?
When I speak you ignore,
yet when you speak i listen more.
Dear Blood I care so much,
but to you I'm just a crutch.
Show me you care
thats all I ask.

OddArie


iluvwritin

PostPosted: Wed Mar 01, 2006 6:40 pm


OddArie
Listening Ear

What pain that comes
with the listening ear,
to hear their sorrows
to know their fear.
It rips my heart
to hear their cry,
and I not able
to answer why.
The want to hold them
to still their tears,
but i hold back
for my own fears.
Lost Heart tell me
all if you will,
I wish to stay the hand
of that that would kill.
You rip my heart
with those dark dark words.
Find me Lost Heart
and join me soaring as birds.


Very, very good. I wish I could write like this! 3nodding
PostPosted: Wed Mar 01, 2006 6:42 pm


OddArie
Dear Blood

Just say hi
as you pass by.
That's all I ask.
Take off your mask
it hides you smile.
For you I'd walk many a mile
because you're my friend
until the end.
Don't ignore me like that!
I'm not your mat.
It hurts when you leave me
alone in the dark, free,
with no connections to hold me down.
Why do you frown?
When I speak you ignore,
yet when you speak i listen more.
Dear Blood I care so much,
but to you I'm just a crutch.
Show me you care
thats all I ask.


I like this one a lot, I know how it feels to be invisible to the person you hang on every word to... But just one thing I didn't like -- your last two lines don't rhyme, and the rest do... It really throws off the flow, and it's at the end of the poem, so it leaves the reader hanging.

iluvwritin


Drakulya666

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PostPosted: Sun Mar 05, 2006 2:06 pm


I really like em and know how you feel
PostPosted: Sun Mar 05, 2006 10:07 pm


I know the last two lines don't rhyme... xp xd It drives me nuts...

The first one is because I have a friend who cuts her self.... crying

The second one is basically to my twin... cry

I got a couple more but they ain't as good. rolleyes

OddArie


iluvwritin

PostPosted: Mon Mar 06, 2006 7:11 pm


OddArie
I know the last two lines don't rhyme... xp xd It drives me nuts...

The first one is because I have a friend who cuts her self.... crying

The second one is basically to my twin... cry

I got a couple more but they ain't as good. rolleyes


Aww yeah i have a friend that cuts... because she used to be able to tell her b/f everything, and when they broke up, she used cutting to relieve herself since she had no one to share her feelings like that anymore... and of course i didn't know, but i saw her wrist one day and so now we talk... and i hope she stopped =
PostPosted: Mon Mar 06, 2006 7:36 pm


I wish her boy friend helped.... But he's just as depressed as she is.... It sucks.... My ether friend is depressed AND Suicidal... Her boy friend isn't much help either since he cuts himself too.... Boy I'm just into complaining today aren't I?

OddArie


iluvwritin

PostPosted: Tue Mar 07, 2006 5:50 pm


OddArie
I wish her boy friend helped.... But he's just as depressed as she is.... It sucks.... My ether friend is depressed AND Suicidal... Her boy friend isn't much help either since he cuts himself too.... Boy I'm just into complaining today aren't I?


No, you're not complaining. That's just you asking for help in a situation you can't figure out by yourself. and there is nothing wrong with that... and if your friends ever wanna talk to me, my instant messengers are on my profile thinger... i was suicidal once so yeah...and that feeling never goes away. you just think... what if i turned the wheel of this car? or what if i slipped under this water... it just doesn't go away, but you can push it aside..
PostPosted: Thu Mar 09, 2006 7:53 pm


smile Tanx... I don't usually complain or talk for that matter... Can I add you to my friends list? Oh and I was wondering.... eek Would you be my beta reader? stressed Or just give me your opinions on my stories? redface I don't mean to be pushy... I'm just curious...

OddArie


iluvwritin

PostPosted: Thu Mar 09, 2006 8:03 pm


OddArie
smile Tanx... I don't usually complain or talk for that matter... Can I add you to my friends list? Oh and I was wondering.... eek Would you be my beta reader? stressed Or just give me your opinions on my stories? redface I don't mean to be pushy... I'm just curious...


yeah sure i don't care lol sweatdrop
PostPosted: Mon Mar 13, 2006 8:37 pm


YES! Yur sweet heart.... Ummm... Yeah I think I'll post another poem though it ain't as good.

OddArie


OddArie

PostPosted: Wed Mar 15, 2006 9:00 pm


stressed (this one doesn't rhyme very well) sweatdrop

SHADOW ME

"Listen to me!" I cry to the dark,
they turn away I don't know why.
They talk so fast but they donn't hear
the little person cryng near.
Look around maybe you'll see,
that little person on the ground.
Do you see little me?
I'm down here, that little sound.
You see that shadow in the corner?
It's me you see, I still exhist.
Look closer, through the mist.
Come closer, just a bit.
Listen and watch and you will find,
that that shadow is a person
who is bright and kind.
So listen to the shadows
we have something to say.
We may be an asset someday.
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