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 Posted: Sat Aug 04, 2012 5:56 pm
I rant a lot, mostly to myself and when I rant to others some listen, others ignore and most tell me I'm being childish or dramatic, but I feel that the if it bothers me enough to talk about it with someone then it's a problem that either needs advice or simply just someone to listen.
I'm not asking for advice however, I just like to rant.
My name is 'Ausaka' however anyone who looks at my profile knows it's Ashley. I'm currently twenty-five years old, married and have two children and a dog.
My life hasn't been difficult, it's been . . . a roller coaster of sorts. I discovered that I was adopted at around seven or eight. Around nine or ten my two younger brothers decided that meant they weren't my brothers and told all their friends I was just a stranger living in their house. I fought with my parents, had my usual outbursts toward them because of the way I was treated at school. I was the kid who had the most koodies out of everyone else. Red hair, freckles, hand-me-down clothes and so on. I discovered that at around nine or ten that my body is rather . . . acidic and so showers were needed more often and soon deodorant came in a lot sooner then most.
One day I forgot to brush my teeth before going to school and my father and mother decided in front of my brothers to tell me I had 'dragon breath' and well that stuck. Most typical insult names toward me were 'freckled squid' (mostly from my brother) and 'white a**' because I was a pale individual and other reasons.
I was angry with the world and my parents and rather then giving me advice to help me through everything, rather then dealing with my brothers I was thrown into counselling and told that my brothers were just being brothers.
My relationship with my brothers hadn't changed. The teasing turned to fights and when they started to grow taller then me and started reaching the six feet stages of their life I no longer had the advantage and I was thrown around into furniture and so on. My parents never knew.
My youngest brother was an anti-social 'baby'. He never wanted to go out and me and my other brother were old enough to take care of him. He was not however old enough to be left alone. My brother got to go be with his friends . . . I did not. I understood that I was the oldest, I didn't understand why the sister had to take care of the brother when they had nothing in common and the brother could go out doing the exact same thing that brother number two wanted to do just inside his own home . . . Video Games.
At seven I learned about sex. I was sexually assaulted by an older boy in my school and because of both our ages no charges could be pressed against him. At ten I was assaulted by my babysitter who also happened to be my ministers second son. At fourteen I was assaulted by a twenty-seven year old who was my best friends neighbour and at twenty-four I was raped by my husbands best friend. No charges were filed against any of them. Not out of lack of trying . . . just the system. (No worries, I'm not one to think the system is ******** or anything) Unfortunate this lead me to believe that sex was all right and by the time I was fourteen I lost my virginity to the first guy who told me he loved me.
At fourteen I got arrested, details that I won't go into and I ran away from home. My parents left to move to Newfoundland. I lived in Ontario for a month with my aunt and uncle because I was in holding during my parents moving day and they wanted to tour the provinces between Ontario and Newfoundland so they went on without me. My uncle was fine. He dealt with worse with his first son. My aunt, well she's a b***h. She decided to go on some petty little rant about how she ran away from home and what not. Except the moral of her story was that no one would ever take me back like what happened to her. And yet this speech was told to me in her parents drive-way after she had visited with them for the past hour and a half laughing and drinking coffee . . . needless to say the moral of her story was lost on me.
I moved to Newfoundland. My parents were three hours late picking me up and I headed on to my new home, room school and friends. A tiny little town where arrogance is bliss and prejudice is a way of life. I came out bi-sexual and hell for the next eight six years was hell for me. I was pushed down stairs, spat on, pushed around and beaten by both men and women. The women I can understand . . . but the men in this town would have sold their precious rides for a threesome and yet at least a dozen times a week I was dodging those rides on the road.
Finally, I met my husband. Of course by this time I was moved out of my parents at the age of sixteen because neither of us could bother living with one another and they pretty much just gave up on me.
My husband was quite literally my saviour. A man who loved me for who I was a man who literally protected me from the men and women that came after me and a man who took me into his home so I was safe from the foster parents I was living with.
A year and a half later I gave birth to my first child Lexie-chan. Love of my life and I felt I was complete. I struggled through school to finish and finally I succeeded. I didn't get the honours but then again I never was good at school on account of being taken out for counselling and what not. Now . . . I'm a stay at home mother who can't go to work.
I married in 2009 to the father of my child and six months ago I have my second child. I now moved to a larger city. I still don't work, I'm still a stay at home mother. My brothers are now drug addicts who can't keep a job yet one of them lives with my parents and the other has been given more money then my husband makes in a month by my parents. and I still get lectures and told I'm being dramatic.
Unfortunately things have turned for the worse. My husband currently doesn't have a job because of the move and is looking at either work or school. Sadly he's done very little toward either. Our marriage has fallen apart a bit since the rape from his friend, and the move and the baby.
I am feeling a clock ticking away as I sit here with the kids. And I haven't figured out what I should be doing with my life and then there's your usual daily stresses here and there.
There . . . my rant is finished . . . for now.
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Posted: Sat Aug 04, 2012 6:13 pm
Damn, that's really rough. An understatement, I know, but still... I send hugs.
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Irako of the Desert Vice Captain
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Posted: Mon Aug 06, 2012 8:38 pm
I have no idea how to even begin to respond to this. You are one tough lady, ma'am, to have survived all that s**t.
Every person has the right to act childish or overdramatic once in a while. It only becomes a problem when that behavior stands in the way of doing what you need to do. In your case, stating the facts of your life should not be considered childish or overdramatic unless you're using them as an excuse of why you can't do something. The fact that you've got two children and a loving husband proves that you can get past that crap, so therefore you can do pretty much anything. You sound as if you have a strong, resilient spirit, and I can only hope that it will stay that way for the trials to come.
May your saddest day in the future be no worse than your happiest day in the past for as long as you live.
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Posted: Fri Oct 26, 2012 8:43 am
October. 26, 2012
Apparently "pass this on to # of your friends and something good will come your way" has reached texting now.
Yes, I believe in God and I believe he will do great things, I do not believe he will change two big things in my life because I received a text and decided to send them to my friends. What I do believe is that God will do great things for me because I am a good person, someone who deserves those great things and someone who has not sat around texting my friends rather then doing something to help change my 'bad luck'.
Have we really gone so far as to believe that we are changing the world by doing nothing? Has the world become so dependant on our technology that good old fashion action and dedication to the causes of this world no longer works? Don't get me wrong, I love that organizations and so on have reached out to the internet, that true, honest causes are getting plastered on the news, the internet, even in ads for various sites. I love that people are spreading the word through technology and even that we can donate via pay pal and so on. However, does clicking like really cure cancer? And are we just so in tuned with our internet devices, that clicking 'like' no longer means what it once did?
Now, we like comments when we have nothing to say, like posts when we want to be recognized. Millions of facebook pictures being liked simply because either they're posted or because we want the millions of dings on our phones each day just to know what people are doing, who's the non-mutual friends and who had the 'nerve' to post. Liking something will not cure cancer, save the boy who's dying of a failing heart or help the children starving in third world countries. The only thing I've seen Like do is make it easier to find out who I should send my game requests too.
No, 'Like', emails, tweets and now texts will not help those who need it and they certainly will not change your biggest issue in life (unless they're issues that you feel no one 'Likes' your photo)
Yes, food, money and clothing donations, sponsoring and marathons, awareness benefits WILL help those issues of life. And most of all, getting off your a** and dealing with the problem rather then waiting for a higher being or that text that speaks to you WILL change your biggest issue in life.
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Irako of the Desert Vice Captain
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Posted: Sun Oct 28, 2012 9:58 pm
You're absolutely right. That's part of the reason I deleted my Facebook account. The amount of useless drivel I got from my friend's updates was bothersome. And the games ate up a lot of time I should have spent working on school stuff.
There are some times when I look at all the problems around me and feel like I can't even begin to make a difference. There's the fight against audism, racism, sexism, classism, not to mention ignorance about the needs of disabled people of all kinds, North Korea's brinksmanship politics, Japan's struggle to deal with the after-effects of the tsunami, starvation all over the world, languages becoming extinct, rainforests being chopped down, and corporate colonization all over. You're stuck with the knowledge that you don't have enough energy to tackle every single worthy cause with your entire being. So I could see why people are more inclined to click "Like" on something rather than actually doing something. They are able to feel that they've contributed in some small way with little loss of effort.
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Posted: Mon Oct 29, 2012 3:43 am
iPod use blahhh
Random Acts Organization by Misha Collins (Castiel on Supernatural) is a wonderful organization that takes any donations and gives them to different causes each time. They could aid Japan with food and clothing, or homeless kids in the US.
Donating to the Cancer Association rather then trying to figure out which one, or every year at a certain time of the year ( I picked New Years ) choose about 5 causes and focus on them throughout the year. To be easier, pick something that will help more then one problem. Then next year pick five different causes.
I understand that it can be difficult with so many but if the amount of people who like each took a different cause I'm sure they'd make a difference.
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Posted: Fri Nov 16, 2012 5:37 am
November 16, 2012
If Gaia only allows 13 year olds and above to join Gaia then why does the content have to be PG-13?
Definition:
PG-13: A trademark used for a movie rating indicating that admission will be granted to persons of all ages but that parental guidance is suggested in the case of children under the age of 13.
I've done a bit of research and I looked into what movies are considered to be PG-13. Not only that but these are the highest grossing movies as well.
Avatar
The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1
Star Trek
Titanic
The Hunger Games
The Sixth Sense
Austin Powers in Goldmember
These are a few of the selected movies and all contain content regarding Violence, Course Language, Nudity, Sex, Alcohol Use the list goes on quite a bit actually.
So I ask again, why do we need to sensor the content of a 'PG-13' world when the rest of society doesn't? I mean, have you seen today's thirteen year olds? They're not exactly immune to the adult life that's out there and some of them are even embracing it sooner then we'd like.
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