He was laying on his bed, staring up at the ceiling. One of his rabbits was sitting on his chest, sleeping peacefully as he stroked its ears.

Grant had a lot to think about since witnessing the attack on Order. He knew he was doing what he was told to do, but to what end? He never saw the queen that often, and when he did she was doing something that normally he would not consider okay. His perceptions were changing, and it worried him, which was a feat in and of itself. Grant rarely worried about anything, because life always had a way of getting better.

But was getting better, for this court, actually getting worse?

He had seen terrible things. Saw from the outside what his own corruption must have looked like. Taking someone that once believed one thing and making them believe something else… that did not seem right, did it? Yet he believed it was. Was that because he wanted to believe it, was told to believe it, or because whatever magic had been used on him made him believe it?

Grant did not like being unsure.

Doubt was something he avoided. Like sadness and anger, it was an emotion that was just too negative. He just wanted to be happy and to make other people happy. To make the world a better place, with more smiles and laughter. It was something he was always taunted about, but he just brushed that teasing off by way of it making the teaser happy. It was easy, when he did not have any reason to doubt.

It was his first real, large battle. At least, on the chaos side of things. And it had shaken him. He had to do something to fix his brain, he was sure that was it. He needed to get himself back into the proper state of mind and be happy and thankful for what he had, what he was given. This magic and strength, his healing ability, were gifts that he treasured and he did want to do right by the people he had come to care about as his team.

It was just a matter of remembering it all the time, even when things got scary and overwhelming.

After all, he had been hurt. And while he was trying to help a White Moon senshi who was very upset to boot! That other senshi had acted just like the trash one. She attacked without waiting to see if she actually needed to. He was not causing any harm. He did not hold a grudge, but it did make him understand that nothing was black and white. Some senshi were nicer than others, just like some dark senshi were. They all had different methods for fighting this war.

So far, Grant hadn’t really been fighting. He needed to figure out a way to contribute. Maybe then, he thought, sitting up and causing Stink to slip from his chest and look up at him in wonder, he would be able to clear his head and be happy again.

Frowning and brooding weren’t really working for him.