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Posted: Wed Aug 01, 2012 2:17 pm
Name: Scott Erlea Nickname: “Scotty” or “Zippy” Age: 17 Birthday: July 1 Sign: Cancer Gemstone: Emerald Blood Type: AB Fav. Food: Peanut butter and Crispy Creme Donuts Hated Food: Pickles and mushrooms School: Meadowview High School Hobbies: Bug collecting -- Scott has always had a fascination with the tiny critters, more so than any young man SHOULD have with them. Sure, every boy got his jollies out of finding a huge beetle or even a cockroach and picking it up to show off to girls, but Scott never really seemed to grow out of that stage in his life. So, in his free time, he will capture and collect bugs of various colors and sizes, taking pictures or sketching a quick doodle in his spiral-bound notebook that he carries with him everywhere. The creepy crawlies hardly bother him, even if they bite or sting, though he has caused a few panicked shrieks when one of his little friends escape from his book sack during class. However, as much as he loves and is fascinated by bugs, he will not think twice about ending one’s existence should they sting or bite him. After all, there are a million more bugs out there for him to collect. When asked why he collects bugs (after the girls and some screamish boys stop panicking, that is), he always felt that they were keen for studying. How could there be so many different bugs and how they could outnumber humans so greatly, yet they weren't the ones ruling the world? Also because a lot of them look too cool to NOT put in a jar, even if only for a little while. At least there, they'd be safe... or you'd think, if people would stop trying to stomp on them. PE Junky -- PE as in Physical Education, which people would actually scoff at if they saw him in PE shorts. He may have a scrawny frame, but he’s lithe, flexible, and most of all, extremely fast on his feet and hard to hit. He may not do well in taking tackles at football, but once he has the ball, he runs with it. Fast. PE is his favorite class in school, probably due to the fact that he gets to be outside and close to bugs, but also because it gives him an outlet and a chance to feel useful in a group. Despite how thin he may appear, he’s usually the first one picked for any team, likely due to his enthusiasm and flexibility makes him extremely useful in avoiding hits in dodgeball or trying to tackle him to get the football. Not that he ever gets credit for winning the game, but so long as he feels useful, he’s as happy as can be. Outside of class, Scott can get a little stir crazy if he's not out jogging or exercising, so he'll often get to the gym or courtyard, or even run a few laps around the park, no matter what time of day it may be. It’s a B Movie Show -- When he’s not collecting bugs (and freaking girls out) or dodging a volley of balls in dodgeball, Scott has a third secret passion in his life, and that’s indulging himself in science fiction B movies. We’re not talking about the mainstream scifi movies, but the made-for-tv movies or straight to DVD sequels that clutter the stores in mass in the bargain bin. He knows that they’re terrible and cheaply made, but he can’t help but get all giddy at the sight of poorly CGI’d ants storming through the city. He would even dare say that some of the bad B sci fi movies were better than the mainstream movies they were based off, and he will likely pick a fight to defend that stance. That’s not to say he won’t go see the occasional mainstream sci fi movie, however... though he is sure to find at least three cheap, made for movie rip offs with a simple search of the internet. This indulgent, however, is one that he is most ashamed of, and this coming from a guy that openly collects bugs and takes light jogs in the hailing rain, and he will go to extreme lengths to prevent others from knowing this closet hobby... unless they're totally into that sort of thing, in which he might share his opinion on, though he'll likely pretend he's not really THAT into it. Virtues: Yes, My Queen! -- If there is one thing to be said about Scott is that once he has found a leader (or even a friend) to latch onto, he will be nothing but unimaginably loyal to that person or cause. He may not have many friends, but the ones he’s had are ones that will stick, and he will go out of his way to help them out, whether it be to do their homework or book report for them, swatting away a bee or wasp from them when they’re being chased, or even getting messed up in a fight to defend their honor. He would go anywhere, do anything for his friends or whomever he deems the leader. Diligent Worker -- From a young age, Scott was expected to remain busy and do his chores or any kind of work put before him without being told, and while he’s still working on the ‘without being told’ part, once he sets himself on a task, he will stick with it until it is done. No matter how much physical labor may be involved with the task or how stressful it will be and how much he’ll regret it later, he will stick with the task until it’s done. Whether it’s done right or not is not up for debate, but no one can deny the fact that he will get the task done. For the Glory of the Colony! -- Scott is a very sociable guy, even if he’s not the most popular outside of Physical Education, and maybe it was his upbringing with his five other brothers that’s helped to make him this way, but when it comes to working in a team, Scott will always get into the groove of teamwork, so long as he doesn’t take the leading role. Of course, he’ll likely do the bulk of the work and he’ll grumble about it (behind their backs), but so long as he’s part of a team and feels useful, then Scott can deal with it. He knows that while he may be taken advantage of by others, he’s valuable to the team, and that if he fails, then he will likely take everyone down with him. And so do they.Flaws: You Better Be Steppin’ Off! -- You’d never guess it with how sociable and outgoing he is, but Scott carries with him a short fuse, one that is likely to be lit unbeknownst to others and often blows up before anyone has the chance to talk their way out of it. What exactly is the trigger- stress? Tired of the constant abuse that has exposed a nerve? Or maybe he’s just needing a better outlet and has the urge to strike whoever crosses him and goes LOOKING for a reason to be confrontational, even if he has to make one up. He tries to get along with everyone he meets, but if you cross him or anger him, he will not think twice to return the favor with vigor. Most of the time his confrontational nature is verbal, but he will respond with force if need be. Defeatist with a Vendetta -- Though he is loyal and confrontational, he is usually going into a fight or situation with the fear of the inevitable failure. It doesn’t stop him from his task, but it will likely affect the outcome and he will always be the first to point out the flaws, before anyone has the chance to point them out themselves. When he’s feeling the pressure of a school project or task and he knows he’s being taken advantage of, he will take a more pessimistic approach and he will purposefully sabotage his own work, getting it done but not getting it as perfect as it would have been if he simply had a little help along the way. But, at least the others’ grades will suffer along with it. This defeatist mindset will often hold him back from doing his absolute best, especially if there is nothing in it for him. If things turn out better than expected, then Scott will get a good laugh out of how silly he looked (after drowning himself in a rigorous exercise routine to blow off some steam). If it goes to hell, then going in with the defeatist attitude usually dulls the sting, but he will still likely be kicking himself in the butt later on for not trying harder and letting his team down. Hive-mind Mentality -- Scott gets along well with others, so well that he hardly feels like he is an individual (well, until he’s stuck doing all the work! Then he has a NAME all of a sudden!). In fact, he almost feels as though he is nothing more than a drone, programmed to do certain tasks and never truly rising above the others. And for the most part, he’s content with that, but there are times where he’d like someone to call him just to talk about a really bad movie they watched and NOT to write an extra book report for them. He is so ridiculously loyal to others that he really doesn’t do well on his own, and he will likely either mimic another person’s actions or simply stand there and WAIT for someone to tell him what to do. If someone is not there to pull him along or tell him what to do, he lacks initiative, and while that makes him a great soldier/worker, it doesn’t help him feel like he’s something more. PHYSICAL DESCRIPTION Eyes: Bright green, almost neon. Hair: Blonde, exactly like this Link; also has a moustache that resembles Toki Wartooth’sFace: Round, almost babyface, except for a pointy chin. Clothes:Uniform, baby.
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Posted: Wed Aug 01, 2012 2:18 pm
Senshi: Sailor Vespa, Corrupt Menshi of Wasps Challenge: “My sting will shake you to the core!” Fuku Colour: Main Color: Yellow Secondary Color: dark green, almost black Fuku: Two aspects to keep in mind. 1) His ‘tiara’ is more or less a bug-eyed shades that cover his eyes, colored a iridescent violet with Emerald gemstone in center, 2) Black and yellow stripe gloves that resemble the abdomen of the yellow jacket. Anything else is artist's choice. Attacks: Sailor Scout Attack: Vesperian Scout Flight Sailor Vespa apparently has forgotten the difference between bees and wasps, but this attack will still sting quite a bit. He holds his gloved arms out, palms upright and from his palms comes a small cloud consisting of twenty wasp shaped yellow and black energy. It will swarm everyone within a four foot radius and when it makes contact with the flesh, the opponent will feel what can only be described as, well, wasp stings. Once the attack as hit either flesh, clothing or anything of resistance, however, it will ‘pop’ and disappear and if left not hitting anything, its duration lasts ten seconds before dissipating. Can use twice during a battle. + Will pop and leave a stinging sensation on the opponent; does not penetrate clothing (will dissipate upon contact) + If they don’t hit flesh, clothes or other forms of resistance, the stinging will last 10 seconds + Affects everyone (even teammates and himself) in a 4 foot radius around him; meaning that Vespa may point them in the direction they need to go, but attacks indiscriminately. Super Sailor Scout Attack: Vesperian Soldiers Deploy Sailor Vespa has learned the difference between bees and wasps, though his attack could still use some tuning. Like before, he sends a cloud consisting of 20 wasp-shaped yellow and black energy though now the radius has moved to 5 feet instead of four. Like before, the energy will leave a stinging sensation once it hits flesh, but like a wasp, they will linger on the opponent’s flesh and continue to sting for a duration of 15 seconds. If left unhindered, they will last 15 seconds before dissipating harmlessly in the air. Can use twice during a battle. + Will pop and leave a lasting stinging sensation with a duration of 15 seconds; does not penetrate clothing (will dissipate upon contact) + If they don’t hit flesh, clothes or other forms of resistance, lasts 15 seconds before dissipating + Affects everyone (even teammates and himself) in a 5 foot radius around him; no, poor Vespa STILL has no control over the attack, thus making everyone within a five foot radius susceptible. Eternal Sailor Attack: Vesperian Queen Swarm Sailor Vespa has finally mastered the art of the wasp swarm and while the radius has remained the same, his swarm 20 wasp-shaped energy of painful stinging leaves his victims with a NASTY and painful stinging sensation, though they are still unable to penetrate clothing. Like before, they will remain on the skin and continue to sting the victim for a duration of 30 seconds before finally dissipating. Those left without resistance will linger in the air for 30 seconds before dissipating. Can use twice during a battle. + Will pop and leave a lasting stinging sensation with a duration of 30 seconds; does not penetrate clothing. + If they don’t hit flesh, clothes or other forms of resistance, lasts 30 seconds before dissipating + Affects everyone (even teammates and himself) in a 5 foot radius around him; third time ISN'T the charm for poor Vespa, as he still has no control over where the swarm goes or who it attacks.
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Posted: Wed Aug 01, 2012 2:18 pm
And open for well needed crits!
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Posted: Wed Sep 05, 2012 4:19 am
Hey, Gingi!
First things first: Larxene+Toki=something I must see.
Hobbies:
Bug collecting -- This looks like a pretty solid hobby to me! My only question is when it comes to actually collecting bugs! Does he collect them for study/keep them in a collection/preserve them/ or just capture them, watch them for a bit, snap a picture/draw one up and then free them?
Both of the other hobbies look wonderful to me (he seems like a really interesting guy!), though something to keep in mind—how can these be social activities/draw other players to want to roleplay with him? So let me just toss a few questions at you to maybe open a few doors (or help me get a better picture of how you imagine him!)—what happens when he doesn't have PE? During long breaks is he likely to go to the park to look for a group to hang out with? Would he ever get involved with a sports group to stay active? And with his B-movies—is he the type to want to share these movies with others or is he determined to keep them a secret pastime?
Virtues:
I can't find anything to pick at! These all look good to me!
Flaws:
Defeatist with a Vendetta -- I think this is a really neat flaw, and whereas I was initially going to question if it might conflict with 'For the Glory of the Colony' or 'Diligent Worker', I think it fits pretty decently. One thing I would like to ask though, if he goes into something with a defeatist attitude, what happens if the project turns out all right? Or if his project does get a bad grade, how does it affect him? Does he regret not trying harder? Or 'failing the team'?
I like how Scott has all this potential but is his own worst enemy; I think this leaves a lot of room for him to grow and develop and I'm pretty excited to see how that plays out! I like how he's a hard worker, but doesn't seem to be in it for himself, and I think the idea of him playing the role of a support character is a really neat take on it—especially since he's happy as long as he's getting acknowledged for doing something. The dynamics of his civilian side really appeal to me and I think they are well-thought out and work well together!
For Sailor Vespa:
The first thing I notice is your notes on Fuku is the mention of 'military apparel' and I would be careful with this sort of style since the Negaverse's theme is 'military'. I would also check with an artist when you get him about his tiara and the shades since I'm not 100% on this [I know masks/things that cover the eyes aren't allowed, but as long as you can see the eyes, I don't think the shades should be a problem]
Attacks:
Vespa and I apparently share the fact that we have no idea the difference between wasps and bees—with the exception that he learns what I haven't! So just out of curiosity, which difference are you referring to in the first sentence of his attacks?
Sailor Scout Attack: Vesperian Scout Flight
Only a few quick questions for clarification here: The first; you say "a small cloud of wasp shaped…energy" but I'm curious to know how many 'wasps' you imagine for this? Just to give a better idea of how many wasps will be flying around in the four foot radius around Vespa [a loose count to help me visualize this better]
Second, how long will the attack last? And the stinging?
And do the wasps have a preferred target? IE; how do they know who to attack or do they literally just fly from Vespa and attack the first person they come into contact with?
Super Sailor Scout Attack: Vesperian Soldiers Deploy
Similarly to his previous attack, can you give me an estimate for how many 'wasps' will be present in a swarm?
Eternal Sailor Attack: Vesperian Queen Swarm
This looks all right for now, but I'll probably have more commentary when I know more about his other attacks so that it all flows well!
I know it's not my longest crit, but I know I've still left you with some stuff! If you have any questions or need me to clarify anything (or if you've made changes and want me to take a peek at them) feel free to quote me and I'll be back asap!
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Posted: Wed Oct 17, 2012 11:49 pm
A MILLION thanks for the critique, Kyu! Sorry it took so long to get it done, but here it is! Because I completely forgot to mention it in the first place, he's going in for Corrupt alignment, so if anything needs to change there, let me know. For clarification on the difference between bees and wasps is that most bees, like honey bees, die upon stinging their victim, whereas wasps will continue to sting, sometimes multiple times! Hence why in the first attack, once the energy stings the opponent, it'll disappear, whereas in the next attacks, the energy will remain on the flesh and continue to sting throughout the duration. Does that clarify things or do I need to find a way to word it better? I also put a specific number of wasp-shaped energy in the swarm. For the first two stages, it's 20, and in the eternal form, it's 30. I know that might seem like a lot, but they're really small. If I need to reduce or enlarge the number, let me know. As for his civilian details, I took into consideration what you've said and tweaked around those areas, so give them a look and let me know what would need to be tweaked further. Thank you again!
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Posted: Fri Oct 19, 2012 11:08 pm
It's been my pleasure, Gingi! [I like the character and he seems like a lot of fun, so I definitely don't mind checking him out! xD]
Corrupt is no issue! I think I had read somewhere in thread that you had wanted him to be corrupt, but thanks for reminding me and tacking that in there for me!
His civilian reads well to me, and for the most part, I'm very comfortable with his attacks! I did have a few things I wanted to note, though:
Sailor Scout Attack: Five seconds is a really short time period, and the 5->15 second jump between basic and super attacks is kinda big to me, so I think if you wanted to bump it up to 10 seconds per use, that would work! I think it could be a painful attack, and the fact that it only affects 4 feet around him and is ineffective when it hits clothing is a good buffer for making it OP.
Super Sailor Scout Attack: This attack seems pretty good to me! The only thing is that it has a lot of upgrades [and typically I think it's 2 points of the attack can upgrade, so like, time would be one point, and the radius would be another, but also an extra number of times to be used for attack is another]. The biggest thing that I'm iffy about is the three times use per battle; because it is an offensive attack, twenty seconds of stinging pain can be really debilitating in the midst of battle, and I feel that forty seconds is a good period of time, but a minute might be pushing it.
Eternal Scout Attack: For his eternal attack, there are also lot of upgrades—more wasps, longer duration and penetrates clothing. This is the one I'm gonna pick at most. Thirty seconds per use, with three uses per battle means that this attack can be mega distracting and mega painful. I would probably tone it down a bit, just because it does have so much going on. My personal opinion is that keeping it at two uses per battle is best, especially because there's still a minute per battle he can be stinging someone. The second thing I'd note is that the stinging through clothes is going to make this attack suck for him. I think in design features, you can rig it so that while his attack can hurt him, he could be mostly clothed to prevent getting hurt during his own attack. If the wasps can sting through clothing, he's got no protection and is smack dab in the middle of a bunch of bugs with no ability to distinguish friend from foe. I figure he's already going to be the prime target of his attack because he can't escape it, so stinging through clothes might be a massive liability on his behalf.
Other than that, I don't think there's much else left to tinker with! Again, if you've got any questions or want me to expand on anything, I'm a quote away and will be back as soon as you need me!
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Posted: Sat Oct 20, 2012 10:14 am
Alright, third time's a charm I hope! Editted the upgrades to parts of the attacks so he's more fair; I wasn't sure about bumping out the Super attack to 40 seconds, though, so I just left that the same. Everything else, such as the amount of times he can use it in a battle, duration in the basic and Eternal form, and the ability to penetrate clothing in the Eternal have been modified. Again, thanks a million!
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Posted: Sat Oct 20, 2012 12:01 pm
WHOOPS THAT WAS MY BAD; I meant forty seconds total for battle (two twenty second increments) so sorry for that if it was confusing!
THAT ASIDE, however; everything looks good to me and he seems like he's going to be a lot of fun! I thoroughly enjoyed going over his profile, so good luck getting him!
A GM will be around to give the final verdict, but for now:
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Posted: Mon Oct 22, 2012 6:28 am
This is ready to stamp other then one tiny edit that I think got looked over. heart In the first attack one section says it lasts 10 seconds and another says 5 seconds. As soon as you change that 5 to a 10 let me know and I'll stamp you right up!
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Posted: Mon Oct 22, 2012 9:33 am
Iris_virus This is ready to stamp other then one tiny edit that I think got looked over. heart In the first attack one section says it lasts 10 seconds and another says 5 seconds. As soon as you change that 5 to a 10 let me know and I'll stamp you right up! Whoops! Nice eye! Fixed it up! ^_^
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