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 Posted: Wed Aug 01, 2012 1:54 pm
Name: Fallen Ember Storm Nickname: Fallen or Ember Age: 15 Birthday: September 17 Sign: Virgo Gemstone: Azurite-Malchite Blood Type: AB+ Fav. Food: Pickles Hated Food: Twinkies School: St. Magdalena's Seminary Hobbies:- Music Connoisseur: Ember loves music, her father was what first interested her in the hobby. He was a pianist, and while Ember may dress, look and act like 'punk rock' she loves all music. She just won't normally admit to it. Her collection of music spans classic to rock and roll and everything in between... well expect most modern rap, she has a hard time understanding it, but that doesn't mean she doesn't give it a chance every now and then.
- Garage Band: Ember hasn't followed in her father's foot steps as a musician, though he never expected her to. Ember, however does play guitar in a punk rock inspired band in her father's garage (it had the better acoustics). She is also one of the band's singers -- though she mostly sings back up.
- Masseuse: While it's a hobby for now when Ember's able to get a job she really wants to be a Masseuse so she can help people relax and feel better. Ember has been studying the ways of the massage therapist online and sometimes takes the free online courses she finds. After all, she realizes the chances of becoming famous in a band is kind of slim to none.
Virtues:- Creative: When Ember is in a tight spot, she's learned that she needs to be creative about what she says and does. A lot of times she can pull herself out of trouble, perhaps some of the creativity runs into resourcefulness when she's in certain jams but she seems to be able to talk her way out of some things, or find some sort of leverage to help get her over that hurdle. She also uses her creativity in her musical work, it's helped get her band over a few hurdles especially when they needed a gig to play. This also helps when her impulses have thrown her into a bad situation, she use her creativity to carve her way out of the problem she created.
- Passionate: Ember has always been passionate about the things she's serious about. Despite her impulses her passion always runs deeper. It helps her in her musical goals to try and achieve fame in some sort of way, even if it ends up being city-wide and not world-wide. Her passion also helps her keep her focus and redirects her back to her main goals even when she strays from the path.
- Energetic: Ember is for lack of a better word, energetic! She's often going like the energizer bunny and doesn't stop until she's finished. This is often beneficial because if Ember didn't have energy she couldn't keep up with her band mates when they're practicing or playing. It also helps her when she's roped into looking after her uncle's kids or other such activities that require her to be on the move.
Flaws:- Runs with the wrong crowd: Growing up Ember often did as she was told and followed her parents rules. However, when she got to high school things turned for the worst. She started 'rebelling against' her parents, and following her peers more and more. This often led Ember into troublesome situations, ones which ended up with her being hurt more than once. Not only does she follow her friends into rebelling against her parents, she follows them almost everywhere which has gotten her into a good deal of trouble and earned her a place in St. Magdalena's. Sometimes Ember's habit of following crowds of peers can leave her other friends feeling blown off, embarrassed or even hurt by her habits. She might have made a really good friend and then after a while blow them off for some new and exciting crowd of people. It causes concern and often bad feelings between Ember and her old friends, even if Ember doesn't realize what she's done.
- Impulsive: Ember always was a child of impulse, doing things in the heat of the moment not planning them out. Sometimes these actions were pretty harmless. However, a lot of Embers impulses do tend to get her into some sort of troubled situation. See that half finished building over there? That's a shortcut to the next street! Ember will take that shortcut on impulse without thinking twice about the dangers that could be lurking. She often drags her friends through a lot of these impulses some aren't that dangerous for her friends and other impulses sometimes causes someone to get hurt, or at least scared half to death. Sometimes her friends don't mind and are easily lulled into following her laughing at the possible dangers and other times her friends try to talk her out of things and it can be flustering when she doesn't listen.
- Flirt: Ember often comes off as a big flirt, she loves attention and getting attention. However, Ember's flirting often leads to misunderstandings such as making someone uncomfortable or giving someone the wrong idea about her. Mixed with her impulsive behavior this often leads to a lot of hurt feelings that take some time to sort out; if they're sorted out. This also hinders and puts a strain her personal relationships with people (be it friends, acquaintances, or sometimes even family) because it's sometimes hard to understand what Ember is trying to accomplish.
PHYSICAL DESCRIPTION Eyes: Pink Hair: Red with black streaks - fun and punk rockerish Here have a Ref. (Hair style can be changed~) Face: Heart shaped, lip piercing maybe? Clothes: Punk rock styled - collar with a skull charm
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Posted: Wed Aug 01, 2012 1:55 pm
Senshi: Sailor Valentine, Corrupt Senshi of Absorption (When talking about Absorption, this methodology of it anyways, think of an energy vampire. This is where a person steals the energy of people that are around them, either consciously or subconsciously; just an FYI.) 447 Valentine((Based on the choices spy offered for these, I'd like to be able to find a cat to be present when Valentine is corrupted to identify the sailor name.)) Challenge: Let me Absorb your energy. Fuku Colour: Black, Blood Red, Purple, Pink(?) Fuku: Think vampire. Attacks: Sailor Scout Attack: Absorption Boost! This attack gives a temporary boost in energy to Valentine by absorbing energy from one living thing around her. Valentine drains energy for five seconds, at this level. This gives Valentine an energy boost for a time period of twenty seconds; if not used by the end of twenty seconds the boost is lost -- however if Valentine is using her energy to fight or take flight the boost is used up faster. This attack can only be used once per battle at this stage. The energy drained for the target at this level is like having over slept or not gotten enough sleep the night before. However, for Valentine it creates a battery recharge effect for that small time frame, giving her time to flee or have enough energy to last for backup to come.
As Valentine drains energy the energy becomes visible transferring from her target(s) to her. The energy seems to flow from her 'victim' as if she just took a deep breath in. This can be stopped by someone attacking her.
Pros:
Gives an energy boost.
It takes energy from anyone nearby, friend or foe and living creatures/plants.
Makes the target sluggish (if a plant it droops as not having enough water)
Cons:
This does not heal any wounds, only 'recharges' Valentine's batteries for a short while.
The energy taken from the opponent doesn't return until after they've managed to rest. (This is because Valentine is draining it and using it herself.)
Super Sailor Scout Attack: Super Absorption Boost! This attack gives a temporary boost in energy to Valentine by absorbing energy from one living thing around her. Valentine drains energy for five seconds, at this level. This gives Valentine an energy boost for a time period of twenty seconds; if not used by the end of twenty seconds the boost is lost -- however if Valentine is using her energy to fight or take flight the boost is used up faster. This attack can only be used once per battle as this stage (It's equivalent to two first stage attacks). The energy drained for the target at this level is like having sprinted a short distance. However, for Valentine it creates a battery recharge effect for that small time frame, giving her time to flee or have enough energy to last for backup to come.
As Valentine drains energy the energy becomes visible transferring from her target(s) to her. The energy seems to flow from her 'victim' as if she just took a deep breath in. This can be stopped by someone attacking her.
Pros:
Gives an energy boost.
It takes energy from anyone nearby, friend or foe and living creatures/plants.
Makes the target feel if they've just sprinted for a short while. (if a plant it droops as not having enough water)
Cons:
This does not heal any wounds, only 'recharges' Valentine's batteries for a short while.
The energy taken from the opponent doesn't return until after they've managed to rest. (This is because Valentine is draining it and using it herself.)
Eternal Sailor Scout Attack: Mega Absorption Boost! This attack gives a temporary boost in energy to Valentine by absorbing energy from a target she's selected around her. Valentine drains energy for five seconds, at this level. This gives Valentine an energy boost for a time period of forty seconds; if not used by the end of forty seconds the boost is lost -- however if Valentine is using her energy to fight or take flight the boost is used up faster. This attack can only be used once per battle. The energy drained for the target at this level is like being tired out after a long run. However, for Valentine it creates a battery recharge effect for that small time frame, giving her time to flee or have enough energy to last for backup to come.
As Valentine drains energy the energy becomes visible transferring from her target(s) to her. The energy seems to flow from her 'victim' as if she just took a deep breath in. This can be stopped by someone attacking her.
Pros:
Gives an energy boost.
It takes energy from anyone nearby, friend or foe and living creatures/plants.
Makes the target tired (if a plant it droops as not having enough water)
Target(s) are selectable
Cons:
This does not heal any wounds, only 'recharges' Valentine's batteries for a short while.
The energy taken from the opponent doesn't return until after they've managed to rest. (This is because Valentine is draining it and using it herself.)
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Posted: Wed Aug 01, 2012 2:14 pm
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Posted: Wed Aug 01, 2012 6:08 pm
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Posted: Mon Sep 03, 2012 6:52 pm
ON THE CIVILIAN SIDE --- “Independent” can be a great quality and while ways that it can be virtuous may seem obvious, the way it reads on the form seems to say that he “rejects help” more than he is independent – lending it to read more as a flaw. A small rewrite here to highlight the positives and downplay the negatives would be advised. His “Fast Learner” virtue discusses him asking for help from others – this undercuts his “Independent” virtue as currently written. He can still be a fast learner without relying on others – does he learn through Internet or looking things up? “Honest” has a bit of a contradiction within itself. If he feels that his parents lied to him about being adopted, why would he feel it to be telling a type of truth if he leaves something out of a story? It does undercut his honesty, as well as the implied motivations for his honesty. As for his flaws, to tackle them at once, they seem to become integrated together in his coping with his discovery that he is adopted. It is explained that he has authority issues and that since he found out, this and his short temper have worsened. His depression also seems to be related to this. However, because of this, they read less as flaws and more as a part of a plot. The issue is that plots have beginnings, middles, and ends – and if his flaws can have an end to them, they aren’t a flaw, they were just behaviors during a tough time. I’d revise the flaws to stray away from the adoption storyline and make it clear that his flaws have always been prominent, or perhaps add a fourth flaw that has nothing to do with his adoption. Furthermore, the adoption storyline and his family is mentioned throughout the form. The character you are questing for is a corrupt Senshi, so I assume that you are planning for him to keep all his memories and his identity? If not, please be clear on this. That leads me… ON THE POWERED SIDE --- For your question in the name, it depends! If the plan is that Jade has been Sailor Desdemona on the Order side and then corrupted, he’d be Corrupt Sailor Desdemona. This is the route that would have previously led to a civilian identity loss and a full memory swipe. Alternatively, he could have been corrupted in civilian form, awakening him simultaneously, turning him into Tokyoite. The route you choose is up to you. What do the Scout and Super attacks do, exactly? They absorb the energy of living things to do create a physical attack, but the physical attack is very vague in its description. Please be clear what it does! Furthermore, it says that it drains the energy of people around him to make them sluggish – how sluggish are they and for how long? This is listed as a con but is something that can be a big advantage for him. His Eternal attack reads fine, although there appears to be an incomplete sentence and the previous questions about the severity of draining energy from others. When you have read through the critique and have made your changes or have questions, you are welcome to quote me to call my attention back to the thread.
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Posted: Sun Nov 04, 2012 4:55 pm
Le Poke~ Soooo sorry about taking so long, I'd been muddling through some stuff and well, HAHA I decided to ditch Jade and use an existing character that I kinda sorta but not really.... forgot about. ^^; Hope that's okay! I did fix the attacks though I think. =3
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Posted: Sun Nov 11, 2012 3:12 pm
Hey LP! Sorry for the week delay on getting back to you! With the civilian side already existing, we'll just focus on powered side now. ON THE POWERED SIDE --- For name, either Desdemona or Tokyoite would be acceptable. The character can go one of three routes: 1. Alice may be awakened to Order Senshi Sailor Desdemona, then nearly immediately corrupted to Corrupt Sailor Desdemona so that she has no experience or memories from the Order side of things. Her entire Order identity will have been essentially handwaved. In this case, there would be some form of identity change (but not personality!) and possible memory loss (you may decide what memories are kept and lost). 2. Alice can be corrupted directly with the presence of a corrupt Guardian Cat involved in the corruption who would identify her star name before she is corrupted by a General-King/Queen. The character's memories and identity would remain the same. 3. Alice can be corrupted directly, having never woken as Sailor Desdemona, and corrupt to Tokyoite. The character's memories and identity would remain the same. Please choose one of these three options and be clear on what consequences to memory and identity, if applicable, would be in place. As for powers, my question is that they read to be extremely similar to draining energy, which is a common practice in the Negaverse. If she is a corrupt Senshi, what makes this so different than just draining or utilizing energy? I think the powers are mostly passable, but they seem redundant of what can be done already! As for the power strength, how much of a boost does she get? Is it to her physical strength? Please be as clear as possible on this, with examples if beneficial.
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Posted: Sun Nov 11, 2012 8:05 pm
Sooo I actually didn't know you could have a corrupt cat present to ID the senshi before they were corrupted, if they were civilians. =o That's actually rather appealing. (I mean I think I vivinite had the cat present but..... that was forever ago.) So two birds one stone here, after some chatting and looking back at the definition of Absorption. Basically what I was going for was a way to 'attack' the target in an offensive manner but not be quite.... as noticeable. I actually didn't realize it was quite as close to energy draining + starseed boost as what it was. I figured energy draining itself was just grab and give to the higher ups. XD; At least that's how I understood it to be. Though I was basically planning on that previously being at least a 1/3rd as powerful as what a starseed boost would've been. So, and after grabbing clarification on what you meant by saying the powers were redundant and based on an alternate suggestion (thank you), I decided to go with the converting the stolen energy to basically a recovery move. So she's energized after a battle, not healed but less tired/ something that's long enough she can dash away get somewhere safe to power down or something. IDK.
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Posted: Sun Nov 11, 2012 11:52 pm
...... oops someone just reminded me that Bela's tooo old to be a senshi. burning_eyes /should've remembered that age limit after the few times she's dealt with it.
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Posted: Sun Jun 09, 2013 3:37 pm
Hi LP! Let’s take a look at Ember and get her all approved! ON THE CIVILIAN SIDE:I think her civ side looks great! Everything’s well-balanced and I can see how her hobbies would be good for RP, and how her virtues and flaws affect her and the opinions of people around her. Good stuff! ON THE POWERED SIDE:Please make your uses more specific! As most battles last for about five minutes, an hour’s recharge time would generally mean one use per battle; it’s fair to just say that and not worry excessively aobut how long it takes to recharge beyond that! Generally I’d really just like to see her attacks made more “concrete.” You have a lot of “about”s and “maximum”s and such; clear, specific times are best! Please quote me with changes once you’ve made them <3 Thanks!
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Posted: Sun Jun 09, 2013 6:52 pm
Okay, so I altered the powers I think I might've left one about in each descriptions because the boost can be used up faster, and the time mentioned is the maximum amount of time the boost stays active -- if she doesn't use it in that time amount she does lose it; but if she uses it it's gone faster. I hope that's okay? If not I can fix it.
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Posted: Sun Jun 09, 2013 7:30 pm
I'd really like the times to be exact! Senshi magic usually lasts for a specific, concrete amount of time. So it should just last for 20 seconds no matter what. Also, something I missed the first time around - sorry! - how long does the draining effect on her opponent last? The same amount as the attack itself? (i.e. Desdemona drains them and they feel tired for a time, but once her boost is gone they get their energy back)?
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Posted: Sun Jun 09, 2013 8:06 pm
Okay -- the reason I did her attacks the way I have them was because I've gotten hugbell's attacks sort of like this as well. If hugbell's bear isn't hit/used he shrinks in a certain amount of time but if he's hit he shrinks before his time is up sort of like an airbag. So I've gotten rid of the about but I'd like to leave the if she's actively using energy especially quickly and aggressively it doesn't stay around the whole twenty seconds but there's a buffer if she needs a moment to think about her actions. Anyway to answer you other question(s), The draining effect lasts until her opponent can stop to get a rest. She's absorbing their energy and using it herself, they can't get that energy back because it's gone. I also have listed the time she absorbs the energy into herself is 5 seconds - the boost can be used within a 20 second time frame after that. I also added a way to stop the attack.
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Posted: Sun Jun 09, 2013 9:13 pm
Alright, edits you've made look good to me!  A GM will be by soon <3
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Posted: Thu Jun 13, 2013 8:57 am
Hi, LP! Just a little bit of elaboration on two of Ember's flaws and this should be good to go!
Runs with the wrong crowd: I can definitely see how this is not a good trait for her to have personally, as it could lead her into plenty of trouble, and I'm sure it's frustrating when adults are dealing with her as well! What about her peers, though? Most of the characters in the shop are going to be around her age, and if she follows them while rebelling against her parents it just seems like a majority of characters might not necessarily consider this a bad thing! So a little more about the consequences of this flaw, particularly in relation to her interactions with other people her age and their potential reactions to it, would help flesh this one out a bit more!
Impulsive: Same as above! Clearly this would have negative effects for her, but I'd like to see how it may effect other people, as well as what it is about this trait that could make people dislike her or disapprove of her behavior aside from the dangers it might pose to her!
Her powered side looks great, so that should be it!
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