Death Magic and my Stepfather's Cancer

[Lullaby For You]

Alrighty, so this post is going to be kinda weird. I'm not even certain if black magic is allowed to be talked of here.

I'm terrified. My stepfather has stage four thyroid cancer. He learned of it in October. Since than it has spread to his kidneys, lungs, and bones. Two years ago I still lived with him. In short, he was horribly abusive towards me physically and mentally. I ended up trying some cheesy death magic I found online. All it was was a chant with a few words I don't remember and what I wanted the cause of death to be. I wanted him to die of cancer and now he has it.

I'm afraid this is my fault, and that I have some terrible karma in my future or that I'll be sent to a bad place after I die. Discuss! Is it all in my head or am I ********?  

[too2sweet]

Something to keep in mind - there is nothing that prohibits causing harm to others (not even the Rede, if one happens to be following that). Anytime that we have carefully considered our actions, and are willing to accept the consequences of such - we are free to do whatever we feel is necessary.

You say that he was being mentally and physically abusive towards you, and while there were probably better ways of handling it, you did what you felt was necessary at the time to take care of the situation.

Within Neo-Pagan (Wicca-based) paths, the concept of the Three-fold Law (however you want to interpret that) doesn't relate to future justice, that sort of "going to hell" mentality is something that is primarily reserved for Abrahamic religions. The consequences (good or bad) of our actions will affect us within our current lives - that you are now feeling guilty is a consequence. That you are now realizing how important it is to carefully consider all magical workings before undertaking them is a consequence.

Did your step-dad somehow miraculously change his ways, and beg forgiveness for being abusive towards you? or was the situation not as bad as you thought it was at the time? If he's still a pretty horrible human being, then even if you did somehow bring about this illness, then won't the world be a better place without him? Not entirely sure why you'd be upset at his passing if he was a total s**t.

Of course cancer is really common, so it could just be that he got cancer - and this is just a lesson to you, to be careful what you wish for.  

[Lullaby For You]

My stepfather was really terrible to me. He's an old farmer man. I'd come home from school and work five hours on his farm. If I did something too slow he'd hit and yell at me. We fought constantly and I'd be beaten and choked by him at least a few times a week. I came out as transgendered when I was seventeen, started taking female hormones as well. He started groping my chest and crotch when no one was around.

I moved to a complete different end of the states. Him being a major reason on why I wanted to leave. Another, my fiance being from the state I currently reside in.

He was a terrible man. Though he calls me sometimes. Asks me how I am, offered to help me pay for my cosmetology classes I'll be attending shortly. I don't mind if he dies, I don't think I forgive him. But I don't want to be what killed him. I'm blaming myself for a chant that probably didn't have enough energy to do anything to him, I'm just really scared that if he dies it is on my hands.