Carolyn's Life&Ramblings ☆ ⋆ [[comments are welcomed]]

[Emo Pankakes]

╔═ ☆ ⋆══════════════════════════╗

Hello everyone! I'm Carolyn.
This is just going to be a bunch of posts about my life and ramblings or such.
You can feel free to comment or give advice, I always love that.
And support, because I can almost guarantee that most of the time I'll only remember to post after something bad happens in my life or I start getting depressed... sweatdrop

Okay, so here we go I guess!!

╚══════════════════════════ ☆ ⋆ ═╝

the following is a guide to people that I talk about:
(because I am starting to confuse even myself!)

A - One of my friends from highschool. We aren't super close, but yeah.
E - A guy I met through work. He is 5 years older than me, and I'm trying to get over him. He's my first kiss, and I think I might like him more than I've ever liked anyone ever.
K - My friend from camp summer 2012. He is 2 years younger than me, but that didn't stop me from having a crush on him prior to meeting E.
L - I have been friends with her since 5th grade. We go camping together almost every summer and have a very simple friendship!
M - I've known M since middle school, and we are very good friends. Our interests tend to evolve together. 10th grade would have been a lot harder without her.
N - This is the guy that asked for my number one day at work. He's attractive and had talked to me lots before, so we are friends now. but then when we were supposed to hang out he stood me up.
O - New(ish) friend. Don't really know what to say about him here yet.
T - I had a crush on this kid in 10th grade, which is reasonable since he went out of his way to talk to me everyday when I had no friends in our class.
Y - Another highschool friend. Much of my internal struggles from the winter involve Y, but I think that our friendship will survive hurricane E.
Z - She's the friend that's a bit crazy, but so awesome. She knows basically everyone and, although sometimes clingy, drags me on great adventures.

 

[Emo Pankakes]

╔═ ☆ ⋆ ══════════════════════════╗

I don't really know where I want to begin here, but I guess I'll give you some background on me, since not many people around here know me all that well...
My name is Carolyn (as previously stated) but you can call me Cara if you want to, and I will respond to various other things.
I'm 18 years old, and until recently I was planning on going to art school to get a degree in Graphic Design.
Art pretty much means everything to me. It gives me a reason. There are plenty of other things that I love as well, including music and my friends, but art was the thing I would make into my entire life. I was ready to eat, sleep, and breathe art.
At this point in my life I now just feel like a lost little puppy. I don't know what I am supposed to do or believe.
I try to be an optimistic person, and I'm not religious, but I do believe that there are things that are out of man's control and that everything happens for a reason.
I feel like this summer right now is the time for everything to unfold in my life, but everything is happening way too fast.
I'm not ready to just have everything happen so fast, and I'm not good at dealing with change like this, which creates many challenges in themselves...

Another thing I should add; I tend to keep everything bottled up and not tell people my problems or when I am depressed. So in the end I tend to have a very negative way of dealing with these things.
Hopefully this forum will give me a more positive outlet for dealing with things.

╚══════════════════════════ ☆ ⋆ ═╝

 

[Emo Pankakes]

╔═ ☆ ⋆ ══════════════════════════╗

Okay, so everything that seems to have been leading up till now will go in chronological order here:
April: I turned 18 and decided that if I got awarded the academic scholarship to the closer of the two schools I was torn between I was meant to go there, and would go. I'd been planning on going to art school since 8th grade.

May: I found out I won the scholarship and planning to go began. Which is a long process (I might add that it didn't happen til the end of the month).

June: Big, big, BIG month. Prom, finals, graduation. I couldn't can't believe that it all happened, but I really got going on applying for other scholarships (with no luck) and got lots sorted out.

July: Really this is now and there is so much that has happened in my life this month.
I tried, and tried to get private loans, but it's not something that can happen. I have to get the loans by August 1st, start paying three grand a month, or give up on my dream. There have been so many things I have had to come to terms with this month. And so many things that are both happy and sad. I really hate it soooo much.
But I can't bring myself to cry right now, because part of me refuses to believe any of it, while the rest of me is either terrified of the future now or just pretending I'm still a kid.

I really just want to go back in time two weeks and pause that week. Just continue in a universe where it is that week forever because that was honestly the happiest I have been in a very, very long time. Maybe as long as I can remember.

╚══════════════════════════ ☆ ⋆ ═╝

 

[Isis Sister Of Osiris]

I'm sorry emotion_hug I know how you feel. I wanted to be a therapist or school counselor, but my parents vetoed college. cat_burning_eyes

However... couldn't you apply for the next term?  

[Emo Pankakes]

Gigi Deveraux

I'm sorry emotion_hug I know how you feel. I wanted to be a therapist or school counselor, but my parents vetoed college. cat_burning_eyes

However... couldn't you apply for the next term?

╔═ ☆ ⋆ ══════════════════════════╗

This is always an option, but I will lose what scholarships I already have, and the people I have talked to, including my guidance councilor from high school (when I was still undecided on what to study) agree that if I take time off from school, I am the kind of person that will not go back.
I'd like to say I have more determination than that, but I really don't. I also don't think just one semester off, or even a year off would be enough time for myself and my family to get into the position where we can get approved for the necessary loans....

╚══════════════════════════ ☆ ⋆ ═╝

 

[Isis Sister Of Osiris]

Emo Pankakes

Gigi Deveraux

I'm sorry emotion_hug I know how you feel. I wanted to be a therapist or school counselor, but my parents vetoed college. cat_burning_eyes

However... couldn't you apply for the next term?

╔═ ☆ ⋆ ══════════════════════════╗

This is always an option, but I will lose what scholarships I already have, and the people I have talked to, including my guidance councilor from high school (when I was still undecided on what to study) agree that if I take time off from school, I am the kind of person that will not go back.
I'd like to say I have more determination than that, but I really don't. I also don't think just one semester off, or even a year off would be enough time for myself and my family to get into the position where we can get approved for the necessary loans....

╚══════════════════════════ ☆ ⋆ ═╝

Hm... what about taking only some of the courses? Or is part time not an option?  

[Emo Pankakes]

Gigi Deveraux

Hm... what about taking only some of the courses? Or is part time not an option?

unfortunately it's not because it's too far to commute and only full time students can live in school sponsored housing... sad

 

[Isis Sister Of Osiris]

Emo Pankakes

Gigi Deveraux

Hm... what about taking only some of the courses? Or is part time not an option?

unfortunately it's not because it's too far to commute and only full time students can live in school sponsored housing... sad

cat_crying Dammit! cat_crying  

[buckwolvhoosier]

Emo Pankakes

[

I will be starting my 3rd year of college in September, so I know a decent amount of how this whole things works. I have a question for you, what does your scholarship cover? How much were you awarded? Also, what college do you want to attend (you don't have to be specific, I really mean to ask what kind of college, community or a university). Having those questions answered would help me so that I can better advise you.

Did you fill out your FAFSA? That is REALLY important. I am thinking you did if you were awarded the scholarship; most scholarships require FASFA to be filed.

I do not know your financial situation, and you do not have to disclose anything that personal, but I have to assume that your family makes enough money. I say that because you never mentioned that you had financial aid through FASFA. My past two years of college have been paid only with scholarships and money I received through the Government because my family is really poor.

Though, I could have assumed wrong, which means maybe you could be eligible for Government financial aid. I just need to know if that is an option for you or not.

Also, do you have a job? What about payment plans? Many colleges offer plans to better help students. For me, Student Loans is the very last option because they can screw you fro life if you default on them. That's a federal offense and it's terrible to hear about students who are unable to pay and end up in disaster.

NEVR EVER GIVE UP ON YOUR DREAM!! Even if you cannot find a way to start college this Fall, YOUR DREAM IS NOT DEAD!

I will help you in any I can to lift up your spirits.

If you can answer my questions, I can do all I can to give you some advice.  

[Emo Pankakes]

buckwolvhoosier

I will be starting my 3rd year of college in September, so I know a decent amount of how this whole things works. I have a question for you, what does your scholarship cover? How much were you awarded? Also, what college do you want to attend (you don't have to be specific, I really mean to ask what kind of college, community or a university). Having those questions answered would help me so that I can better advise you.

Did you fill out your FAFSA? That is REALLY important. I am thinking you did if you were awarded the scholarship; most scholarships require FASFA to be filed.

I do not know your financial situation, and you do not have to disclose anything that personal, but I have to assume that your family makes enough money. I say that because you never mentioned that you had financial aid through FASFA. My past two years of college have been paid only with scholarships and money I received through the Government because my family is really poor.

Though, I could have assumed wrong, which means maybe you could be eligible for Government financial aid. I just need to know if that is an option for you or not.

Also, do you have a job? What about payment plans? Many colleges offer plans to better help students. For me, Student Loans is the very last option because they can screw you fro life if you default on them. That's a federal offense and it's terrible to hear about students who are unable to pay and end up in disaster.

NEVR EVER GIVE UP ON YOUR DREAM!! Even if you cannot find a way to start college this Fall, YOUR DREAM IS NOT DEAD!

I will help you in any I can to lift up your spirits.

If you can answer my questions, I can do all I can to give you some advice.

╔═ ☆ ⋆ ══════════════════════════╗

thanks for the support <3

The scholarship is from the school for $3,000. They take it off the first year's tuition.
It's an art school, so I guess it would fall under more of a University than a Community College, though aside from a few required credits in basic courses it's very focused on your major from day one.

Yes I did fill out the FAFSA. I'm getting pretty much max everything from it too. Including extra Stafford Loan because my parents don't qualify for the Parent Plus loan.

Unfortunately where it stands right now, the payments I would have to make on a payment plan are way to high. I don't have a job, and even if I did, I don't think I would be able to afford the payments....

╚══════════════════════════ ☆ ⋆ ═╝

 

[buckwolvhoosier]

Emo Pankakes

buckwolvhoosier

I will be starting my 3rd year of college in September, so I know a decent amount of how this whole things works. I have a question for you, what does your scholarship cover? How much were you awarded? Also, what college do you want to attend (you don't have to be specific, I really mean to ask what kind of college, community or a university). Having those questions answered would help me so that I can better advise you.

Did you fill out your FAFSA? That is REALLY important. I am thinking you did if you were awarded the scholarship; most scholarships require FASFA to be filed.

I do not know your financial situation, and you do not have to disclose anything that personal, but I have to assume that your family makes enough money. I say that because you never mentioned that you had financial aid through FASFA. My past two years of college have been paid only with scholarships and money I received through the Government because my family is really poor.

Though, I could have assumed wrong, which means maybe you could be eligible for Government financial aid. I just need to know if that is an option for you or not.

Also, do you have a job? What about payment plans? Many colleges offer plans to better help students. For me, Student Loans is the very last option because they can screw you fro life if you default on them. That's a federal offense and it's terrible to hear about students who are unable to pay and end up in disaster.

NEVR EVER GIVE UP ON YOUR DREAM!! Even if you cannot find a way to start college this Fall, YOUR DREAM IS NOT DEAD!

I will help you in any I can to lift up your spirits.

If you can answer my questions, I can do all I can to give you some advice.

╔═ ☆ ⋆ ══════════════════════════╗

thanks for the support <3

The scholarship is from the school for $3,000. They take it off the first year's tuition.
It's an art school, so I guess it would fall under more of a University than a Community College, though aside from a few required credits in basic courses it's very focused on your major from day one.

Yes I did fill out the FAFSA. I'm getting pretty much max everything from it too. Including extra Stafford Loan because my parents don't qualify for the Parent Plus loan.

Unfortunately where it stands right now, the payments I would have to make on a payment plan are way to high. I don't have a job, and even if I did, I don't think I would be able to afford the payments....

╚══════════════════════════ ☆ ⋆ ═╝

Ok, I understand a lot better now that you told me that. Even with your scholarship, Pell Grant, and Stafford loan, you are still having trouble paying for all the costs. This is what really sucks about our college system--even with loans and grants it is still really hard to pay for. I just go to a community college, so all my costs are covered by a full Pell Grant, but the school you chose is a lot more expensive.

What's even more of a bummer is that it's too late to enroll in another, cheaper college. Plus, that's not really fair for you--you should go to the school that YOU want. I support that 100% because I know I would hate to be told to go to another school because it's cheaper, though some people do not mind doing that.

Starting off at a community college is cheaper because a student can take all the core classes their and then take the classes more pertinent to their degree at a University later.That's what I am doing.

Anyways, I would consider getting a job; you could use all the money you can get. You know better than me, but it's a shame that they can't make the payments cheaper for the loans--college students are poor! Most only have minimum wage, part-time jobs. That's all I have.

From what you said, I sadly do not have much to tell you except for finding a job and save. Though, I would LOVE to have you enrolled this semester; you are trying so hard and it's seems that life is trying to ******** you over. Damn US for having college cost too much. It really is unfair.

Keep trying though. Keep talking to your financial aid adviser and the banks you hope to take out a loan from and see if you can't make this happen. I will pray for you. I thought I was going to have some better advice, but I cannot think of anything.

My brother knows a lot about finances, so let me ask him. Maybe he might have some advice. He want's to be an accountant after all.  

[Emo Pankakes]

╔═ ☆ ⋆══════════════════════════╗

woooo *insert sarcasm*
Unfortunately it's looking more and more like I'm not going to school... My mother is difficult to work with and she's telling me how she'll try to get me a temp position where she works.
That would mean I'd have to go live with her and that is the last thing I want with my life. I know our relationship could be a lot worse, and there are people that have greater things in their lives to endure, but my mother is the source of many of my problems.
She always complains about her job and employer and suddenly she thinks trying to get me a job there will make everything better. That really pisses me off. Living in her house would just be reliving my childhood, the early part of it anyway, and I really don't want to do that.
I mean, there is always next year like my mom tries to say, but I don't want to waste a year of my life on nothing, and tuition/interest rates/room&board those kinds of things just get more and more expensive.

All I feel like I can do is try and make the most out of the situation. I mean maybe waiting will turn out to be the right decision, although it will cost me more in the end...

╚══════════════════════════ ☆ ⋆ ═╝

 

[Isis Sister Of Osiris]

Emo Pankakes

emotion_hug  

[Emo Pankakes]

╔═ ☆ ⋆══════════════════════════╗

Surprisingly, considering the situation that I am in with where my life is going, I am honestly happy.
Maybe it's just because I tend to be an optimist, or maybe this is the way the cards where dealt.
It's also hard for me to remember times where I know that I felt happy like this. This is good, and I hope it can continue.

A week from Monday I leave to go camping, and when I get back I'm going to try and find a job.
yum_puddi

╚══════════════════════════ ☆ ⋆ ═╝

 

[Isis Sister Of Osiris]

Emo Pankakes

╔═ ☆ ⋆══════════════════════════╗

Surprisingly, considering the situation that I am in with where my life is going, I am honestly happy.
Maybe it's just because I tend to be an optimist, or maybe this is the way the cards where dealt.
It's also hard for me to remember times where I know that I felt happy like this. This is good, and I hope it can continue.

A week from Monday I leave to go camping, and when I get back I'm going to try and find a job.
yum_puddi

╚══════════════════════════ ☆ ⋆ ═╝

I think it's important to be an optimist, it's probably better for your health. Good luck with the job hunt! emotion_hug