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Posted: Thu Jul 26, 2012 12:00 am
After speaking with its friends, Malodore had given itself time to settle in. Time to think, to consider its feelings. To permit itself to feel, rather than filling its days with distractions... something that it wanted to do instinctively, to avoid the messy and illogical stink of emotions. But it had forced itself to do so.
And now it was returning to her side.
The Bogeyman formalities had already been tended to last time; it was permitted through with a minimum of fuss, somewhat surprisingly. While Riley's minders were as prickly as ever, it wasn't long before the plague doctor was padding down the hallway towards her, feeling a strange combination of dread and eagerness. Its Bogeyman escort leaned against the wall as it slowly approached her door. Mia cara? it called out, mentally. Are you awake?
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Posted: Thu Jul 26, 2012 12:17 am
Riley was wide awake. There had been a moment, she couldn't tell exactly when, where she'd simply known someone was coming. It was only moments later when she realized that it was Malodore. Such a feat was nothing new for her when she was home, but the inhibitions her schooling had initially forced onto her prohibited it. She knew better than to simply assume she was getting stronger. The way she could taste Malodore's specific flavor of thought before it had even reached the building was extraordinary. But it did not stir her until she felt its voice.
Oh, that sound.
Riley launched herself at the bars, grabbing holding of them as she craned to see the plague doctor approaching. But despite her obvious excitement, all she couldmanage was a simple, blunt answer to its question, which she immediately regretted.
Yes.
She had wanted nothing as much as she wanted to see it.. and all she could say was yes? She hated herself for that one, rare moment.
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Posted: Thu Jul 26, 2012 12:41 am
It paused, pressing its palms against the door, leaning forward so that its forehead rested on the smooth, cold surface for a moment. Every emotion that it had worked through threatened it, pulled to full fury again by just that single word - but no, no, it refused to allow them to snarl again. It would not permit it. It had made its decision and now it was going to abide by it, as best it could.
It straightened, then; the escort stepped forward and opened the door, letting it through. The sight of her was pain and joy all at once. "There you are," it said softly, without thinking; it then ducked its head, vaguely embarrassed, and walked into the room proper. The door pulled to behind it, but was not entirely shut - a pointed reminder.
Fine.
"Are you well? I see they have not improved your accommodations," it said, with a wry glance at the room they were in. She seemed well, though... and not terribly clothed. It wasn't sure how it felt about that.
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Posted: Thu Jul 26, 2012 9:08 pm
A sharp, painful breath sucked inwards from her tentacles when Malodore stepped through the door. Then she straightened, gathered herself sternly, and held out her hand. It was important not to frighten the poor thing with the overwhelming possessiveness that ran through her veins. It did not need to know how strongly her insecurities drove her emotions, right now.
The phrase sounded strange; it didn't fit the situation at hand. But it was certainly a better greeting than 'yes', she told herself tersely. But the answer bubbled up from somewhere she couldn't place, and easily she answered it with a confusing response of her own.
You found me.
Her fingers bent forward, asking for its hand.
I don't know how to answer that, she murmured quietly. I could never consider this 'well'. But I am getting stronger. That is enough.
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Posted: Thu Jul 26, 2012 9:49 pm
It reached out, obligingly, offering its hand in response to her gesture. "I am glad... I am sorry I did not come to you sooner," it murmured. "I had... many things to consider. Emotions are folly, did you know that? But a powerful folly... and one I wish to continue exploring. Particularly with you," it added, ducking its head.
"May I sit with you?"
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Posted: Thu Jul 26, 2012 10:20 pm
There was a brief moment where her basic instincts flared, and she prepared to lie. The answer was simple; no need to apologize. She understood. It was no trouble.
But the lie slid away from her as quickly as it came, and her fingers slid through its claws, closing around them. I have had some time to consider my emotions, as well; among other things. But I admit, I had wondered if I would ever see you again.
Her hand clenched, an automatic response to her words before she uttered them. Or if, perhaps, you too began to accept that Riley is dead.
It was a painful introduction to their conversation, filled with regret and loathing.
But it was the truth.
And that was a rare gift. She hoped Malodore deserved it.
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Posted: Thu Jul 26, 2012 10:30 pm
It gave her a startled look; in that moment, its unbeating heart tightened painfully. "I... you still, even now, you cut to the heart of my thoughts," it said, voice barely above a whisper. "I had... si. I had thought just such a thing. My... one of my very dear mentors, she told me that she once believed her lover to be dead; in the intervening time, they became very different people. They were fortunate that they were able to love one another anew when they came together once more..."
Malodore shook its head. "She did not know the story would be so relevant to me, I am certain. And yet, it seems that it is." It had not released her hand at all. "And it... though I and... and Riley, we grew together through many trials, it seems to me that... in you, I see her - you - as you were when I first..."
Its beak closed, then its eyes. It could not say the words, but they echoed in its mind, for her to hear. Wanted her. Fell in love with her. With you.
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Posted: Thu Jul 26, 2012 10:52 pm
Though Malodore would keep her hand in it's own, once it admitted that it had thought just as she'd suspected, her own hand pulled away. It was not a quick movement, but it was confident in its own way. She listened carefully to what the plague doctor was saying, but equally her own mind was fast working to shut down the pain that stabbed at her heart. It was then, and not with Amrita, that she truly forced herself to admit she would never be the person they had wanted her to be. Until that moment, there was still a part of her that hoped there was a chance she had survived.
She turned around, and her hands pulled up tightly around her own body. I am a poor substitute. She whispered, her voice sore as the emotion behind it bled into her thoughts. And I will never be enough.
The thought filled her with a sudden rage, an inescapable anger that somehow, despite her best efforts, she would never be enough. She was meant to be no less than everything to these people.. and now she was nothing.
In that moment, she hated no one as much as she hated herself.
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Posted: Thu Jul 26, 2012 11:00 pm
"I did not say that," Malodore said, firmly. "And I will not say it. You are not a substitute - how cruel, how cold! If anyone says such a thing to you in my hearing, they will find themselves perforated in many exciting and novel ways." Oh, it was flying now, its tangled emotions falling away into perfect clarity. Yes, yes - it had made the right choice. Calder had shown it the right way.
"You are as you were when you came to this school - when all the bonds you no longer remember had not yet set in place. And it was then that I began to love you..." It quieted, looking down for a moment. "I know it is not the same. That experience has been erased from your mind, and perhaps some of the shaping it performed will never return. But... I, too, have changed greatly. It might be that you as you were would not... be able to love the me that I am now..."
The thought made its throat tighten, strangling its voice for a moment. "I want... I want to start again. I want to learn again. I refuse to strain after paths that have passed us by. I want to forge new ways. I... hope, I must admit, that these paths will bring my heart and yours together again. Yours," it added, emphasizing the word. "Yours, as you are now. I have made my peace..." Aen'ryllis, it added, keeping the name between them. It would not give the Bogeymen any additional leverage.
Then it stood, mute, waiting for her answer. It felt emptied, as if it had poured out all of itself before her in offering.
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Posted: Thu Jul 26, 2012 11:19 pm
Admitting that she was not the same as the one who'd died left a cold emptiness inside of Riley that she did not quite understand. But it refused to stand for long; with each word Malodore fervently spoke, a flood filled the emptiness within her, warming it and consuming the void until she felt full enough to burst. Where she felt broken, Malodore was there to mend her. And where she'd been angry at her previous self before, now all she felt was an awful hope. Please, she begged herself. Please remain dead and buried within the subconscious. She wanted all of what Malodore promised - and she knew she could lose it all in the blink of an eye.
Nothing could ever make her feel so helpless.
She turned around, and in the same movement she took two steps forward, until she stood toe to toe with it. Her hands settled boldly against its hips, and her head bent down enough to press her face against its beak.
Love. Was love the overwhelming feeling of possessiveness that the plague doctor elicited from within her? Was this what she'd learned, what she'd gained? Or was it something more than this? She had no way of knowing - nothing to compare it with - and no information to draw from.
But she knew one thing.
I want you. Riley's voice was thick, and hungry. But I do not know what love means. And I want to learn. Her brows furrowed. I want to learn, with you.
Now, it was her that waited for acceptance.
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Posted: Thu Jul 26, 2012 11:32 pm
A small sigh of... wonder? contentment? escaped Malodore's beak, and it gently tilted its head downwards, the tip of its beak gently nuzzling against her cheek. "I want to learn, too - I am not your teacher," it said, softly. "I am not the one who knows, and you the one who does not. We are learning together, si? This is how it will be, from this day forward, you and I?"
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Posted: Thu Jul 26, 2012 11:44 pm
From this day forward.
Riley really liked the sound of that.
The crease of her furrowed brow smoothed out, and she let out a soft, relieved chuckle. Though it assured her she was not the student, the way her heart swelled at its words made it hard to believe that the plague doctor was not the master. Her arms slid around its body, and held it in a loose hug.
You and I. She whispered, echoing the sentiment. The world shifted, just slightly, and everything clicked into place. That sounds exactly right.
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Posted: Fri Jul 27, 2012 12:19 am
"Si... it does, indeed," it said, and then its knees gave way and it slid to the floor, laughing. "I was so... so worried, and then... ah, I am a fool, mia cara. I am so ill-equipped to deal with such emotional matters, and yet... I have grown, I think? Perhaps a small amount?"
It looked up at her from its place on the ground, then patted at the floor.
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Posted: Fri Jul 27, 2012 12:38 am
Riley's eyes widened in horror when Malodore fell to the ground, and she dropped with it, refusing to let it out of her grasp. But when she heard the laugh, her fear turned to confusion, and she ducked her head to stare at it for a moment. Then it took a seat beside the plague doctor, on the ground where it sat.
And still, she did not understand why it laughed. The confusion was clear on her face. It only verified that she had much to learn.
I am ill-equipped, as well. And.. a little lost. Her hands slid away from its body and her fingers worried at the edge of Malodore's sleeve. I wish..
She paused, and her thoughts changed direction, away from her previous thoughts. I wish we could be together outside of this cell, she admitted instead.
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Posted: Fri Jul 27, 2012 3:40 pm
"I am lost, too," it assured her, shaking its head, but the turmoil inside of it had finally cleared - at last, at last. "But at least I found you, and together we shall find our way..." It took a deep breath, for the calming effect, then closed its eyes.
"I wish this, too," it replied, its voice low. "Fervently so." Its fingers lightly touched her arm, tracing up the curve of one bicep. "You have been training yourself, I presume?" Only a guess, but it could tell she had undertaken the work of strengthening herself - by her own choice, or by order, though it was like her to do such a thing on her own, in defiance.
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