|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 Posted: Wed Jul 25, 2012 4:50 pm
A really creative title, I know. This is a sonnet I had to write a few years ago in seventh grade and I thought I'd post it here to see what you guys think. A tiger, wonderful a creature grand
A hunter laying in the tall still grass
A teacher to cubs as soon as they stand
There is not one thing they can not surpass
Majestic, graceful as it moves around
It hides in tall grass in the light of day
It roams its territory without sound
So quiet, stealthy as it stalks its prey
It rules the jungle, power and grace
It kills for the meat and not just for thrill
The tiger, dignity upon its face
Apparent beauty as it sits so still
A powerful cat and a pretty face
It is a mix of beauty and grace Sorry for the lack of puncuation. I guess I could add it in later if it really bothers anyone.
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Jul 26, 2012 2:18 pm
First thought
CALVIN AND HOBBES!!!!!!
Second though, its really good
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Jul 26, 2012 2:29 pm
Snowblazer First thought CALVIN AND HOBBES!!!!!! Second though, its really good First thought: ???? Second thought: Thank you ^-^
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Jul 26, 2012 2:38 pm
Girl on Fire 12 Snowblazer First thought CALVIN AND HOBBES!!!!!! Second though, its really good First thought: ???? Second thought: Thank you ^-^ You dont know about calvin and hobbes????
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Jul 26, 2012 2:41 pm
Snowblazer You dont know about calvin and hobbes???? Not till a few seconds ago when I looked them up haha. According to wiki, the comic ended a year before my birth so... yeah, I have never heard of them before now.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Jul 26, 2012 2:43 pm
Girl on Fire 12 Snowblazer You dont know about calvin and hobbes???? Not till a few seconds ago when I looked them up haha. According to wiki, the comic ended a year before my birth so... yeah, I have never heard of them before now. Ahh, well...they are awesome.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Jul 31, 2012 5:39 pm
Snowblazer Girl on Fire 12 Snowblazer You dont know about calvin and hobbes???? Not till a few seconds ago when I looked them up haha. According to wiki, the comic ended a year before my birth so... yeah, I have never heard of them before now. Ahh, well...they are awesome. I'll take your word for it.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Aug 04, 2012 7:18 pm
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Aug 04, 2012 7:31 pm
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Aug 18, 2012 9:47 am
Snowblazer First thought CALVIN AND HOBBES!!!!!! Second though, its really good lol, Calvin and Hobbes... love it!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Sep 04, 2012 11:38 am
if I may,
personaly i dislike the abundance of -A-
a poem wil more like a enumeration,
you can do with less in the 1st three lines just one will do, the 1st one.
If the other two lines reading strange to you,
just change hunter and teacher to plural then these lines are the same
and i think better.
This because we can have more then one hunter and teacher, besides that it's less to one personality, if you understand, if not just ask smile
hope you can do something with my comment cool
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Sep 04, 2012 12:25 pm
I am having difficulty understanding your suggestions. Perhaps it is because my brain is moving rather slow, a result of a long day of school and lots of make up homework. If you could clearify, that would be wonderful. However, I must point out this poem was a school assignment. We had to use a certain paper that helped us get the proper... elements, I want to say, of a sonnet. Our teacher stressed on getting the right emphasis on the words which ment putting them in odd places in a sentence and getting the right rythme as well as syllables. It was a rather taxing process, I must say, and this sonnet it a result. The teacher helped us with these too, putting words in the right place or changing this around a bit. So, if it sounds a little odd, I am sorry. I simply did as instructed by my teacher. I personally enjoy it, though perhaps that is because I love tigers ^^ Thank you for your suggestions, however, if you could clearify a bit, that would be great. And thank you for being so kind about it. I hope I didn't sound mad or anything because apparently I can come across as such. I was just explaining why the poem might sound off.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Sep 04, 2012 1:09 pm
Girl on Fire 12 I am having difficulty understanding your suggestions. Perhaps it is because my brain is moving rather slow, a result of a long day of school and lots of make up homework. If you could clearify, that would be wonderful. However, I must point out this poem was a school assignment. We had to use a certain paper that helped us get the proper... elements, I want to say, of a sonnet. Our teacher stressed on getting the right emphasis on the words which ment putting them in odd places in a sentence and getting the right rythme as well as syllables. It was a rather taxing process, I must say, and this sonnet it a result. The teacher helped us with these too, putting words in the right place or changing this around a bit. So, if it sounds a little odd, I am sorry. I simply did as instructed by my teacher. I personally enjoy it, though perhaps that is because I love tigers ^^ Thank you for your suggestions, however, if you could clearify a bit, that would be great. And thank you for being so kind about it. I hope I didn't sound mad or anything because apparently I can come across as such. I was just explaining why the poem might sound off. what i ment was if you write lines with A as beginning then a line will be more an statement then a poetic line, afcourse in school there paying more attention on ritme rhym sillabels etc... so on that point is your poem more then correct. but it's more then only those rules. feeling is the most importent part of poettry is my opinion and when a line looks like a statement, this happens most when someone write more then one line beginning with a A or I like example: if you write A tiger A teacher A hunter these are three A's so then it becomes like a statement the same like the I I was I did I love etc... this you can do with less just one will do normaly, sometimes you can do it with more. this is about the feeling there must be a good reason to hold them, most of the time it must give the poem lots of power to de line where the A or I stands. sorry for my bad english, i'm dutch languaged so english isn't my strongest part however i trie to smile i hope it's more clear now to you, else i trie some more but it will take some longer to answer smile
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Sep 04, 2012 1:17 pm
Ah, I get it now. I see what you mean with the A's too and it bugs me as well but, to be honest, I'm too lazy to change it whee Maybe if I get some free time I will rewrite this poem or something, however I do not see that happening any time soon. As for your enlish, no need to apologize. I completely understand and you did an excellent job clearing things up for me. Thank you 4laugh
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Feb 07, 2013 3:41 pm
Really good. I enjoyed reading it.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
